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Dudes! If you’re friends with a lady, “you’re a vagina,” explains Reddit lady expert

Dogzoned!
Dogzoned!

Fellas! Do you have any female friends? Do you hang out with them without having sex?

Well, apparently you’re doing it all wrong, at least according to the world-class relationship expert and Red Pill Redditor Throwaway244555. In a recent post on the Red Pill subreddit, he explained the fundamental rule of male-female friendships, which is that there should be no male-female friendships.

Woman are friends with woman, and they have sex with men. So if you’re her friend, you’re a vagina.

Remember, fellas, women are for sex, so if one of them wants to Netflix and chill without the chill part, tell her she’ll have to Netflix alone. By the way, “chill” in this context means sex. Like coffee, Netflix and chill means sex. And may not involve Netflix at all.

You ask this girl to be your gf, she rejects you but ask if we can still be friends. That’s a insult, she thinks less of you.

If a woman likes you, Mr. Throwaway244555 contends, she will let you put your penis in her. If she says she likes you yet is not interested in your penis she is insulting you to your very core. And if you actually do become friends with her, you are failing so utterly as a man that you might as well be a vagina.

A male and female aren’t suppose to be friends, they’re suppose to be love intrest. So basically you’re a vagina, because girls are suppose to be friends with girls, and fuck men. Also girls are horrible friends, all they do is leech off you, and cause drama.

So when a girl rejects you, and puts you in the friendzone, it’s a insult. Next time she says let’s just be friends, say no thank you.

DO NOT LET HER ROPE YOU IN WITH HER TALK OF “FRIENDSHIP.”

Or, I dunno, you could just go ahead and be friends with her, and look elsewhere for sex and/or romance?

I mean, sure, if you’re in love with a woman who isn’t in love with you, you’ll probably do the both of you a favor if you move on instead of taking her friendship as a “consolation prize,” which is really a shitty thing to consider a friendship to be.

Or if you decide to become “friends” with a woman because you hope to eventually manipulate her into having sex with you, well, that’s pretty shitty too. So stop it, and move on.

All this applies as well with the genders reversed, and in same-sex couples, and indeed in any gender variation possible.

But Jesus H. Christ, dudes, you can be friends with a woman if you want to. You can be friends with her if you don’t want to have sex with her. And you can be friends with her even if you sorta do.

I mean, seriously, dudes, you know that gay men are friends with other gay men that they never actually have sex with, right?

That said, if you’re a Red Pill dude, I would strongly suggest you not become friends with any women at all until you cease to be a Red Pill dude.

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Viscaria
Viscaria
4 years ago

@TheDreadVampy

Plus for my birthday I bought myself an indie anthology called A Graphic Cosmology, which is a collection of nine-page comics about the creation of the universe.

I tried to look it up and I found something called A Graphic Cosmogony, is that the same thing? It looks gorgeous O_O

TheDreadVampy
TheDreadVampy
4 years ago

Yeah, I typoed, I meant cosmogony x.x IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL the print quality is stunning and the paper stock is top notch, I saw it and was lost. Plus I’m friends with a couple of the illustrators featured and it’s always so cool to see people you like in print. I would super recommend pretty much all of Nobrow’s output, honestly, the quality of work and production is consistently fantastic.

Bina
4 years ago

And anyway I’m in the wrong forum; I’m actually in action to Troll the transgendered. You despise them too but won’t admit it; feel free to recommend a good url where I can go and wreak mayhem among the gender fraudsters.

Okay, sure.

Chandler
Chandler
4 years ago

@Gaebolga

My volumes of Yeats are not slim, I have both of the Richard J. Finneran editions of his collected poems (the paperback one put out by Scribner Press, which I use for general reading purposes, as well as the hardback edition published by Macmillan, which I use for special occasions). My volumes are not slim, I could slay a wildebeest with the hardback edition. What makes you think my volumes are slim? They’re not slim.

And no, I don’t care for the work of Ayn Rand; her work is merely an intellectually-bankrupt facsimile of Friedrich Nietzsche’s ethical egoism mixed with her Hebraicized mis-understanding of free-market economics.

You complain about Nietzsche’s work being too difficult for you all to understand (a sure indicator of your poor intellectual development), yet I’ve got the strangest feeling that many of you wouldn’t bat an eye if I quoted something from that long-winded, be-titted Jewish con-woman Judith Butler, or if I made like the lot of you and pretended to have even the faintest inkling of what the hell Derrida was going on about. If any of you have something on your bookshelves (or, if you happen to be a degenerate that reads while on the toilet, your bathrooms) that bears a title similar to “Queering the Boundaries; Transperformative Acts in Hegemaniacal Discourse” or if you have any of Edward Said’s garbage, raise your hand.

TheDreadVampy
TheDreadVampy
4 years ago

What makes you think my volumes are slim? They’re not slim.

Is it just me or did this tip anyone else over from ‘possibly an actual pseudo-intellectual idiot’ to ‘definitely deliberately trolling’? Also I want this on a T-shirt.

By the way, did anyone say they found Nietzsche difficult to understand? I certainly don’t find him hard to understand. I find him wrong. I disagree with almost all his conclusions and I get the impression based on his writing that he was a thoroughly loathsome person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get him. He thinks it does, apparently, because his main response to his critics as far as I can tell is ‘IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND MY GODLY INTELLECT’ but that doesn’t mean it’s actually the case, it means Friedrich Neitzsche was a self-absorbed whiny manchild who couldn’t imagine a world in which anyone had a reasonable reason to disagree with any of his (very disagreeable) opinions.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
4 years ago

You complain about Nietzsche’s work being too difficult for you all to understand

Literally nobody made that complaint, although you perhaps should. The only thing you’ve revealed so far about philosophy is that you don’t have sufficient knowledge on the topic to have an interesting opinion about it. You have yet to demonstrate even an undergraduate understanding of Nietzsche. All you’ve done is wank about your library and try to impress us with your mastery of the thesaurus function of Word.

Bina
4 years ago

You people can laugh all you like, it won’t change a damned thing. When the world has gone to chaos, and the governments that you have hijacked to suit your innate biological needs for protection have tanked and left us in a state of anarchy, your sense of humor will be all that you have left. I’ve seen the numbers, I’ve done the math; the lifestyles which you all currently enjoy in all of your collective blissful unawareness is but a mass illusion, unsustainable in the long run. Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.

And you’ll still be a pompous jackanapes, and moreover, Forever Alone.

And I’ll still be laughing.

Viscaria
Viscaria
4 years ago

I see we’ve reached the vicious anti-Semitism portion of our show.

My volumes of Yeats are not slim, I have both of the Richard J. Finneran editions of his collected poems (the paperback one put out by Scribner Press, which I use for general reading purposes, as well as the hardback edition published by Macmillan, which I use for special occasions). My volumes are not slim, I could slay a wildebeest with the hardback edition. What makes you think my volumes are slim? They’re not slim.

Do they smell of rich mahogany, though?

You complain about Nietzsche’s work being too difficult for you all to understand

Did we?

yet I’ve got the strangest feeling that many of you wouldn’t bat an eye if I quoted something from that long-winded, be-titted Jewish con-woman Judith Butler

I’ve actually seen* some very interesting discussions of Judith Butler and accessibility/ableism within feminist communities, but you know, what the fuck do you care, right?

*Haven’t participated, as I’ve never read her work.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
4 years ago

May God be praised for woman
That gives up all her mind,
A man may find in no man
A friendship of her kind
That covers all he has brought
As with her flesh and bone,
Nor quarrels with a thought
Because it is not her own.
Though pedantry denies,
It’s plain the Bible means
That Solomon grew wise
While talking with his queens.

– Yeats, endorsing being friends with and learning from women, especially highly-educated women. With bonus snark aimed at misogynists.

weirwoodtreehugger
4 years ago

I’m sorry. I didn’t understand that poem. I only have a lady brain.

Look, puppy!

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Tragedy of the Commas
Tragedy of the Commas
4 years ago

A pompous misogynist who loves Nietzsche? Hmm…

“But you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?”

“Apes don’t read philosophy.”

“Yes they do, Otto. They just don’t understand it.”

weirwoodtreehugger
4 years ago

I actually find it really hilarious when someone tries to troll by calling us stupid or ignorant. So many of the people here are really well read and very educated. This is about the last community I’d accuse of not being able to understand Nietzsche, or any other subject red pillers are wanking about in order to appear intellectual.

Good trolls will attack you where you’re weak. Chandler is not a good enough troll to figure out anyone’s weakness.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

@Viscaria

Do they smell of rich mahogany, though?

They’re bound in rich Corinthian leather.

Hebraicized mis-understanding of free-market economics.

“Hebraicized” misunderstanding? As in, Ayn Rand wasn’t just wrong, she was Jewishly wrong?

That is one hell of an awkward, gratuitous anti-Semitic dogwhistle. Chandler’s trying to be an elegant bigot – a classy bigot! – and failing miserably.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
4 years ago

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Gaebolga
Gaebolga
4 years ago

Chandler wrote:

My volumes of Yeats are not slim, I have both of the Richard J. Finneran editions of his collected poems (the paperback one put out by Scribner Press, which I use for general reading purposes, as well as the hardback edition published by Macmillan, which I use for special occasions). My volumes are not slim, I could slay a wildebeest with the hardback edition. What makes you think my volumes are slim? They’re not slim.

The lad doth protest too much, methinks (with all due apologies, of course…no, not to you, Chandler).

He’s also oblivious to backhanded insults. So let’s try another:

Chandler wrote:

You complain about Nietzsche’s work being too difficult for you all to understand….

Let me bring up Google maps so you show me where on God’s green earth I ever said such a thing. Hold on, let me just go through my previous statements… Ah, here we go!

“ ”

I didn’t say that, full stop.

No need for slippery linguistic claims like “I didn’t say women are bad at science; I said almost all women are bad at science” in this case.

(Yes, yes, I know. It’s called hyperbole. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?)

And we’ve all duly noted the way you avoid responding to anything that requires facts or documentation rather than unverifiable claims.

Look, dude, it takes a certain amount of skill to write overly florid prose without speaking beyond your vocabulary, but that’s all it is: a skill. The only relationship it has with intellect is that people who master it tend to vastly overestimate their own.

People who really know what they’re talking about can usually present things in fairly simple language, and when they do get tripped up, it’s usually because they revert to field-specific jargon. It is literally never because they’re far too impressed with their own hollow erudition.

The thing is, writing like that is a tell, and a pretty basic one at that.

(P.S. There’s this thing called a semicolon. It’s your friend; learn how to use it.)

TheDreadVampy
TheDreadVampy
4 years ago

@WWTH: that last fail gif just makes me wince like crazy. I don’t know why particularly that one but OUCH

weirwoodtreehugger
4 years ago

That was probably the least painful fail. It looks like that was a tarp pulled really taut or something like that. He wouldn’t have bounced on a hard surface.

throwaway
throwaway
4 years ago

weirwoodtreehugger: It was nearly solid ICE! if memory serves. Like, all my ice skating falls happening at one time is what that looks like.

Chandler:

My volumes are not slim, I could slay a wildebeest with the hardback edition.

Doubt it. That would require traveling to where wildebeest are. I’m afraid the furthest someone like you would get would be the local zoo. They don’t look too fondly on Yeats-wielding, be-fedora’d, Greco-Roman-rapist-adoring turds slaying anything, let alone wildebeests.

Chandler
Chandler
4 years ago

Feminism is a cancer. I hope that you all get beheaded by the refugees that you keep trying to cuckold the men of your own race with; it would serve you right, for trying to destroy the cultures that we have painstakingly built for your benefit. Your ravenous, whorish needs to breed with whatever subhuman creatures make your vaginas tingle will be the undoing of western civilization; only by a return to patriarchy will we be able to place checks and balances on your wanton desires for miscegenation, and in so doing, we shall prevent the downfall of the west. Keep laughing and posting your stupid “brain bleach” gifs; I know which side of history I’m on, and it’s definitely not the losing one. Make the White Race great again!

TheDreadVampy
TheDreadVampy
4 years ago

I think it’s the fact I’m pretty sure he landed on his tailbone. I’m just imagining how much flinging that part of your ass into a solid surface at full tilt with your weight behind it would jar up your spine. eurgh. (but then again I’m awful with clips like that, I’m way too good at imagining pain)

calmdown
calmdown
4 years ago

@WWTH: I also cringe pretty hard at ice bum gif, but I love tumbling corgi puppy gif sooo much 🙂

@Gaebolga

No need for slippery linguistic claims like “I didn’t say women are bad at science; I said almost all women are bad at science” in this case.

This. I HATE this! You said it much better than I could. This seems to be a favorite argument of MRAs and MRA leaning trolls. “Now, now, you hysterical feminists, I didn’t SAY feemales were ALL terrible whores! How dare you imply that! I just said that %95 of women are born as soul swallowing succubi, because science! Stop MISQUOTING ME!!” It’s similar to the Donald Drumpf “and some, I assume are good people” cop-out. It’s about as disingenuous as you can get.

throwaway
throwaway
4 years ago

Make the White Race great again!

Bore factor 11.
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weirwoodtreehugger
4 years ago

Awww. It looks like Chandler’s lulz trolling failed to phase us and he had to resort to wishing violent deaths on us.

I’d call him a weak, pathetic, insecure little maggot. But detritivores are actually very ecologically necessary and I don’t think the same can be said for Chandler.

TheDreadVampy
TheDreadVampy
4 years ago

Does Chandler have a checklist of Cliche Things Shitty People On The Internet Say? Because that last comment reads like it came from some manner of trollbot.

Kat
Kat
4 years ago

@Chandler

I know which side of history I’m on, and it’s definitely not the losing one. Make the White Race great again!

You are indeed on the losing side of history. The Nazis and the Fascists lost World War II. It was an ignominious total defeat.

And all those books you own? You did not write them. At best, you read them.

Kat
Kat
4 years ago

@Chandler

Feminism is a cancer.

Oooh, we’ve never heard that one before!

Actually, many feminists say that feminism allowed them to live their lives much more fully.

But you keep shoveling that shit.

Kat
Kat
4 years ago

@Chandler

I hope that you all get beheaded by the refugees that you keep trying to cuckold the men of your own race with.

Does your mom know you write this kind of stuff?

Also, does she know you’re up past your bedtime?

Chandler
Chandler
4 years ago

@Kat

After Charlie Hebdo happened, my mother and I were talking about it and she said “Well, they didn’t want to help us when we were in Iraq; that’s what they get.” Hell, my mom used to talk about dropping nukes all over the middle east when I was a kid, and when that Dylan Roof kid shot up that church in Charleston (my family is from SC, by the way), my mom expressed the opinion that that’s what blacks deserve for all the trouble they’ve been causing recently with all that “Black Lives Matter” crap. She’s pretty pro-capital punishment herself, and always rambles on about bringing the firing squad back. I don’t think something like “I hope that you all get beheaded by the refugees…” would bother her.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
4 years ago

Heh. Trolls always go full nuclear meltdown the moment I out-Yeats/Chaucer/Shakespeare them. Such a random thing to be so common…

Sorry, kid, you’ll have to do better than that. Hell, I heard worse from my uncle over Easter lunch today.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
4 years ago

Oh look! He’s not trying so damn hard to convince us he wears a monacle anymore!

Yay!

What happened to your yuuuuuuuge volumes of Yeats?

Don’t you want to ask us what rough beast, it’s hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Chandler
Chandler
4 years ago

@SFHC

What, did your unkey disregard posting protocols and call you a ‘nut’ or something? Did he refer to you as the sex you were designated as at birth instead of remembering the incredibly esoteric pronouns that you pull out your ass? Did he fail to give you a trigger warning 5 minutes in advance before letting out a fart? Just asking questions.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
4 years ago

Aww, does izzums have a sad because he got pwned by the big bad feminists?

Poor widdle izzums!

Chandler
Chandler
4 years ago

Yes, I live with my mother. I would be gainfully employed by now, but I literally lost a job that should have been mine because someone else with darker skin applied and got it. I went by the business later and noticed everyone talking about the ‘new guy’ and there he was. Fucking hell, he was such a buffoon; there was no way he could have actually got that job through merit alone – I am firmly convinced that there was some kind of quota that needed to be filled, he was like the only nonwhite there. Well, when some angry customer doesn’t get the quality of service that they deserve because people like you support policies which allow people who are plainly inferior to get things based solely on their identities, I guess that’ll be tough shit. This can’t go on forever, though; like I said, it’ll all come crashing down, and people who actually HAVE skills, like me, will be in high demand.

@Gaebolga

My volumes of Yeats are yuuuuge, and nothing so far has happened to them. I’d rather read to you, though, from one of my favorite poets of the 20th century, who, though he was known by many names, might now be referred to as Fernando Pessoa. It goes:

I go inside and shut the window.
The lamp is brought and I’m told good night.
And my voice contentedly says good night.
May this be my life, now and always:
The day bright with sunshine, or gentle with rain,
Or stormy as if the world were ending,
The evening gentle and my eyes attentive
To the people passing by my window,
With my last friendly gaze going to the peaceful trees,
And then, window shut and the lamp lit,
Without reading or sleeping and thinking of nothing,
To feel life flowing through me like a river between its banks,
And outside a great silence like a god who is sleeping.

(trans. by Richard Zenith). I’m afraid Pessoa didn’t really title the poem.

brooked
brooked
4 years ago

@dreadvampy

I would super recommend pretty much all of Nobrow’s output, honestly, the quality of work and production is consistently fantastic.

I second this, their eye-popping printing style and exquisite paper transforms their books into art objects.

@Chandler

What, did your unkey disregard posting protocols and call you a ‘nut’ or something? Did he refer to you as the sex you were designated as at birth instead of remembering the incredibly esoteric pronouns that you pull out your ass? Did he fail to give you a trigger warning 5 minutes in advance before letting out a fart? Just asking questions.

No, you’re arguing with phantoms in your head and randomly blathering on.

weirwoodtreehugger
4 years ago

I bet Chandler pronounces it like “Yeets” instead of like “Yates.”

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
4 years ago

Someone’s touchy about his living arrangements.

Funny how no one else brought it up.

You know, you really shouldn’t highlight the fault lines of your psyche; unscrupulous people will use that against you.

Kind of like you thought you were doing with Scented Fucking Hard Chairs. You do realize that you basically admitted SFHC drank your milkshake, right?

You’re kind of terrible at this, dude.

GenJones
GenJones
4 years ago

Well Chandler, our ancestors weren’t too worried about racial purity when they were getting it on with the Neanderthals. You are literally the result of interspecies breeding, so I highly doubt that society is so fragile that it will topple if mixed-race babies are born, which has been happening as long as groups have been migrating. The less genetic diversity you have, the weaker and more prone to harmful recessives your gene pool is. White Europeans have more genetic diseases for the same reason we have such a high population with blonde hair, blue eyes, straight hair and other recessive traits. So actually, if white separatists like you had their way and disallowed all infusions of genetic diversity it would only do damage to your gene pool and eventually dry it up into a puddle like those sickly purebred dogs. Fortunately, progress stands still for no one. And that is why love will always win.
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katz
4 years ago

And anyway I’m in the wrong forum; I’m actually in action to Troll the transgendered. You despise them too but won’t admit it; feel free to recommend a good url where I can go and wreak mayhem among the gender fraudsters.

Okay, sure.

Another good option.

Skiriki
Skiriki
4 years ago

Okay, this Chandler has to be some sort of offshoot of that Tay AI bot which had to be taken offline because Microsoft’s people who made it were so convinced that nothing bad would happen and then it went Hitler-loving racist in 24 hours after exposure to the internet.

Chandler
Chandler
4 years ago

The Scented Fucking Hard Chair
Does not in its inanimate gloom
Distill so rank a rotten stench
As Futrelle farting in the drawing room.

And even unwashed leftist scum
Vacate the building for fear of harm
But Futrelle keeps the windows closed
And lights a match to keep his apartment warm.

Mrs. B
Mrs. B
4 years ago

Is Chandler cutting and pasting posts from other websites and posting them here as his own?

His shit sounds strangely familiar…or is there some sort of manual all trolls use?

I’m getting such a strange sense of deja vu, here.

ETA: A fart based poetry slam? Eyeroll.

Grow the fuck up.

katz
4 years ago

Alas, we have to ban him because he made death threats. Too bad. This was the first troll we’ve had that makes up doggerel about the locals.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
4 years ago

And even your doggerel is pathetic.

Have you no sense of meter, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of meter?

Damn, SFHC, you really messed him up. I’m betting he’ll be fuming over this for at least a week.

Chandler
Chandler
4 years ago

@weirwoodtreehugger

I’ll bet you say NAH-bo-kov instead of Nah-BO-koff.

Chandler
Chandler
4 years ago

That person with the lion avatar will know what my doggerel was about. They’ll catch the reference. I like him/her/them. They really get me, you know?

You’ve all convinced me; I’m joining your coalition. What’s the plan, my fellow radical leftist feminist cohorts? How shall we proceed in our plan to destroy capitalism and make the men wear aprons? Would you all like some vegan frozen-yogurt? It’s fetus-flavored, and the workers that produced were paid the full value of their product.

LindsayIrene
4 years ago

@calmdown

The great thing about Felicia Day is that she herself has social anxiety issues and a tendency to awkwardness, so, y’know, she understands our kind because she’s one of us. (When offered the opportunity to Skype with the person I fanblog about, I almost barfed. For real.)

@ everyone else

Did anyone else notice Chandler calling Judith Butler ‘be-titted’?

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Gaebolga
Gaebolga
4 years ago

It’s always interesting when authoritarians try their hand at satire. They’re both comically inept at it and aggressively blind to that fact.

Chandler
Chandler
4 years ago

Manb00bz, I’ve given you all, and now I’m nothing…
Manb00bz, 2 dollars and 27 cents, March 25, 2016.
I can’t stand my own mind.
Manb00bz, when will people stop ninja’ing our posts?
Go fuck yourself in a scented hard chair.
I don’t feel good, don’t bother me.
I don’t have to be in my right mind to write my poems, what the fuck are you, ableist?

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
4 years ago

You do realize that you basically admitted SFHC drank your milkshake, right?

And lo, the troll sheds bitter tears,
Yet they doth sweeten in the glass
‘Pon which I etch misandr’ic jeers:
“Impotent rage of brain-dead ass.”