I just discovered this amazing example of clickbaitery from Metro.co.uk.
The crappily photoshopped picture is a nice touch as well, by which I mean creepy as all get out. Where is this woman supposed to be, anyway, and why is she (apparently) fully clothed?
The article itself, just a few short paragraphs, raises the specter of “hackers taking over our dildoes and wreaking havoc on our genitals” — I’m not quite sure how — before dismissing the danger as trivial.
No, the real danger, according to the Trend Micro spokesman they talked to, is that the dildo-hackers could get access to your credit card number and other personal details.
Trend Micro spokesman Raimund Genes said, ‘If I hack a vibrator it’s just fun. But if I can get to the back-end, I can blackmail the manufacturer.’
Access to the back-end, huh?
Trend Micro spokesman Raimund Genes might want to rephrase that the next time he talks to the press about dildo hackery.
Metro.co.uk also has a poll:
I voted “no.” So far, each of the three options has gotten about a third of the votes. I’m just glad they didn’t include “Donald Trump” as one of the answers.
Is that what they call it nowadays?
Doesn’t everyone?
Oh my God, I didn’t even know I had a dildo! This truly is shocking!
It’s good to see that the Metro is upholding its status as the Daily Mail’s less reputable younger sibling. That’s a difficult niche to aim for but I think they nailed it.
Let me get this right. MGTOWs have this fantasy where women are only after the man’s money, property and sperm. These imaginary women do things like blackmail MGTOWs by accusing them of stuff, like abuse, that MGTOWs believe they are entitled to do. To escape this imaginary scenario MGTOWs want sex dolls – because using their hands is icky and the lotion stains clothing. So …
1) MGTOW buys that robot sex doll that will “solve his problems”
2) Nasty Hacker Bro hacks it
3) Nasty Hacker Bro demands money and half the property of the MGTOW before sending the release code
4) The video ends up on You Tube anyway.
5) The MGTOW has not even been able to reproduce
6) and what about the “RoboGeisha” (Google it, just not at work) scenario? Will it involve fried shrimp?
My dildo stole my identity, my credit cards and my self respect.
Hell, I should have stuck to dating MRAs.
“Robo-dildos”… “I’ll be back”…
http://i.imgur.com/zJonf71.jpg
GODDAMNIT, BRAIN.
Really? I thought that the Daily Express was the Mail’s less reputable younger sibling, and the Metro was the incestuous offspring of the two. I think I need to brush up my knowledge of the newspaper family tree.
@SFHC
*sparfs loudly*
Okay, that’s a good way to end the day.
There is an article on return of kings right now about how music sucks that has an actual Nazi in the comments section. As if we needed any more proof of the kind of people that website attract….
@ sunnysombrera
As true today as it was 30 years ago…
http://youtu.be/DGscoaUWW2M
@Alan
Haha! This is also as true now as it was 8 years ago. As true as it’s always been, really.
@ sunny sombrera
Ha 🙂 Again, so so true!
For my sins I used to be the night lawyer for the Sun and the News of the World. To amuse ourselves the subs and I would have competitions coming up with headlines for other newspapers. I remember the winner once was a Daily Mail headline:
“Bible Code proves asylum seeker link to breast cancer”
“Bible Code proves asylum seeker link to breast cancer: could house prices rise?”
@ EJ
Ha yes! It was also a running joke that when emulating DM stories the subs would always add a reference to the price of the the subject’s house (and their age).
There were some subtle jokes that made it into the paper. When reporting on the case where Cheryl Tweedy was accused of racially aggravated assault, the picture eds flipped a photo of Girls Aloud just so they could use the caption:
“Cheryl Tweedy (far right)”
Zing!
My paternal grandparents were journalists by trade, who met when they were working as subeditors. I remember visits to their house as being filled with constant puns: I think you need a certain low sense of humour to be a sub.
Do I smell an attack of the killer tomatoes spinoff?
Tomatos vs Dildos vs Vibrators in the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny?
Many if not the majority of current Internet of Things devices have terrifyingly bad security and there’s no reason to suspect that sex toys will be any different. One of the main problems is that many IoT products get rushed to market often with security as an afterthought, where it’s a thought at all.
Hacked sex toys are inevitable, even if sex toy manufacturers are for some reason more diligent than average about security. There really isn’t the slightest doubt that people will find their internet-connected toys being controlled by non-authorised people.
The …er… back-end shenanigans mentioned in the article could also be a genuine threat. Presumably users will have an online profile, probably in a cloud somewhere, which will expose their devices’ functions to remote users. If this is a service users are paying for, a poorly designed solution could well leave payment details vulnerable.
The most likely threat scenario, however, is that these devices will certainly be recording details of when (and maybe where) toys are used, for how long, how often and which functions and and features are used. They’ll be recording who connects remotely to our toys and what they do. They might take a look at the bluetooth and wifi devices around them while in use (or while not in use) and report all this data to Big Vibrator (see what I did there?)
This is potentially very sensitive information and its security should be taken seriously. The companies will use this data to sell you creepily preference-specific things. They’ll also sell the data to other companies, who will aggregate it with other stuff they think they know about you. And those companies will sell that aggregated date to still others doing more or less the same thing…
But sooner or later, hackers will get at that data and will find creative ways to use it.
I can think of a few ways internet-connected sex toys might be fun. For example, maybe you want to sync their activities with what music you’re playing. It’s certainly more promising than an internet-connected kettle (http://www.amazon.co.uk/iKettle-Wi-Fi-Electric-Kettle-2400W/dp/B00BHXAWX4).
I am now imagining a horror movie where all the Fleshlights in MGTOW-land have been hacked. So to speak.
@ vikki p
Thats very much something I can imagine David Cronenberg would do brilliantly.
@ Alan
Excellent choice of director. Much better than, say, Eli Roth. *shudder*
@VP
Hell, the Termibrator up there would be a better director than Eli Roth.
At least one legit use of these things that I’ve heard of: Couples in a long-distance relationship or temporarily separated by business/educational trips, etc., can have a more interactive telepresence encounter. (And yes, I’ve heard of linked fleshlight/dildo pairs that theoretically serve to help foster the illusion of actually being physically together.) In most ways, these are way, way less creepy than RealDolls or the like–at least there’s an attempt at interacting with a live human being.
Hacked vibrators? Now there’s some criminally orgasmic energy for you!
Right. I’ll show myself out.
The headline:
https://youtu.be/us1BH3dIxIo
Would the problems with such a compromised device be neutralized or doubled with the use of a killer condom (“Kondom des Grauens”)?