“So what’s the deal with the ladies, I mean, what the hell,” Sigmund Freud once famously asked. (I’m paraphrasing.)
Well, let’s say 97 years after he asked that question we men have finally been provided an answer, in the form of a comment in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit.
The topic at hand is “branch swinging,” which is Red Pill lingo for the notion that women generally prefer better boyfriends or husbands to worse boyfriends or husbands, causing them to sometimes swing to a higher branch, as it were, like the evil sexy monkeys they are.
Let’s watch Red Pill veteran oldredder lay down the Truth About Ladies:
Boom goes the dynamite. All your questions about women are now answered.
But to make sure you’ve got it, let me translate what Mr. oldredder is saying from Red Pillian into normal English:
Women are sometimes attracted to more than one dude at once, and so they’ll make sure to look all cute and stuff in the presence of these dudes so they can, you know, prepare these dudes to like them too. And if it turns out the coolest or best looking dude thinks she’s totally cute, SCORE! She grabs hold of his branch, as it were, and SWINGS herself up.
Oh, I forgot to mention the resources. Ladies are totally into guys with resources. Like coal. Ladies love coal. Seriously, guys, you can’t go wrong with coal.
You should probably start carrying a big bag of coal with you wherever you go, preferably with the word “COAL” written on the outside to make sure the ladies know that your bag is full of coal and not something that ladies hate like, you know, worms, or the complete discography of the band Rush, or guys that get advice from Red Pill Redditors?
My first thought upon reading this title was “Huh. Only 72 words? They’re getting better.”
I love Rush.
With all that talk about resources, I was wondering if they’re actually playing Settlers of Catan.
At least, that would make one word of that pile make sense.
@Cthulhu’s Intern ROFLMAO!!! 🙂
Hey man, there are plenty of ladies who really like Rush. Or, I mean, at least my wife.
@Karalora
Yes!
And once he’s seized his victim, he should be able to grab as many other women as he wants and hold them captive too.
And none of those women had better complain. They’d better be compliant. And they’d better stay young and beautiful always. They’d better incite envy of him in any man who meets them, but neither the other guys nor the women should get any bright ideas about the women leaving him! Oh yes, and these women had better have loads of money that they give to him.
Anything short of that would kill his dream. Can’t have that!
@ej
There’s no room in the manosphere for integrity.
Just like there’s no room for social justice.
Wait, so you’re saying that after you break up with a woman, she might move on and go on to date other men instead of shrivelling up and dying like she’s supposed to? How can this be?
It’s taken me a while to figure just why this one pissed me off so much, and then I got it. When my boyfriend and I broke up and I left him (because we’d just moved to CA together and I didn’t have a job yet, and I’d been living off of him and going home back east made the most sense) he was making more money than he ever had before. Working in software pays really well, and moving out to CA with his skills, well he was making a plenty. We were also fighting all the time. I left him because we were fighting all of the time. We adored each other, we’d been friends since college, we’d cheated on our HS ltrs with each other, he put me through grad school, where we each had our own place, but we slept together most nights, we fought *all* of the time once we moved in together. It was so unexpected, we were both floored by it. So I left, even though he made tons of money and I loved him. Married a guy who made less than I did (which, as it turns out, really pissed him off, and we’re divorced now, because he was bizarrely surprised that I didn’t turn into a little wifey-poo who made him dinner every night and thought that since I paid 75% of the bills he should make dinner sometimes.) Or maybe he should let me take him out to dinner, because I could afford it. But he got embarrassed when I was paying our check also. But he’s totally a single little stud grasshopper now. Hope he’s loving it! I still actually married the guy I traded down to, though. Didn’t marry the rich one. 😛
Yeah, like that PUA-ish ex-boyfriend of mine, who decided to ring me up again out of the blue, two years after ghosting on me. He was not happy to learn that I had moved on. I was too happy to care. Apparently, going from flower to flower is only for teh menz.
Ha, ha!
I just realized that I have a story that totally bears out what oldredder says.
Dated a guy. Moved in with said guy, who immediately turned on me, i.e., revealed his true nature.
Called domestic violence hotlines, who clued me into what was going on. Thanks, women and men who staff those hotlines!
Left.
Saw the same guy (and his teenage daughter) for the first time in six months at a peace rally(!). He said hello. Then he noticed that I was holding another guy’s hand.
It’s been years. I’m still with the other guy, the actually nice guy who always keeps a good supply of coal in the cupboard.
Yes, RedPillers, I am heartless and fickle. Such is the nature of woman.
Someone else in that thread points out that men branch swing, too. Oldredder replies with:
How is it that their heads just don’t explode from the hypocrisy?
I’m confused. Which is the man-metaphor du jour? Are men a ‘cock carousel’ that women ride or are they the branches of a tree that monkey-ladies swing from?
Olive: Let’s try both.
Is it the monkey carousel, on which women jump from ride to ride, while the branches of the carousel swing around in a circle?
Or perhaps the cock-tree, that’s swinging the women around in a slow circle while they leap from cock to cock?
Sounds dizzying either way.
No wonder their reasoning is incoherent.
http://leonardodavinci.stanford.edu/submissions/clabaugh/images/vm/leonardo.jpg
Us men have multiple arms which we can use to hold these multiple branches.
I’d think men can be smarter about picking and more efficient; and we don’t need to pick just ONE, don’t forget that. Can have several on the go at a time. No branch-jumping required, we can hold many branches at the same time.
Oldredder decoded:
Bold = We’re better.
Italics = Different rules apply to us.
In summary, different rules apply to men because they’re better than women.
Why can’t women understand this?!
@James:
Ah, of course. I had forgotten that I have those four extra limbs which I can use for climbing.
And my spinnerets, of course.
Wait. I’m thinking of spiders rather than men, aren’t I?
Compare that with the original:
OK
“Can have several on the go at a time. No branch-jumping required, we can hold many branches at the same time.”
“Then jump to each or several at a time at any time without warning.”
So women can also hold many branches at the same time? So how are these two different? I’m beginning to question how much oldredder has thought this through (as well as his grasp (heh) on human anatomy). I may just have to unsubscribe from his newsletter.
@Tessa
I don’t think they think their horrible analogies through at all. Explains why they’re always so laughable.
@Tessa
Ooh, excellent catch!
As a feeeeemale, I always keep an eye on the resources of the men near me, so I know when to play a monopoly card against them. >:)
(Couldn’t pass up the Catan bandwagon)
After reading some of the comments about past relationships, I’m starting to think that it’s not only complete assholes like oldredder. Even guys who aren’t abusive or nasty people sometimes have this entitled attitude.
An ex of mine was really great for the first month and a half of the relationship. Then he stopped paying any attention to me, the whole thing was pretty much a friends with benefits situation, nothing more, though he claimed we were actually in a relationship. We broke up, because I told him he was being a jerk, he got angry and broke up with me. A couple months later, I was dating someone new and when he found out he looked like someone had kicked him.
Even if it doesn’t manifest itself in the aggressive way of ”women are sluts”, it’s still weird how this guy could act hurt that I was dating someone new. You broke up with me, you didn’t care much about what I was doing when we were together, but somehow I was the mean person in the situation?
Sorry, needed to vent, 6 day work week….
It’s true. All women have the innate ability to scan our genetic code and are ready to move on when they find a genetically superior specimen.
I remember the day I met my wife. The first thing she did was stare through me for 3 minutes, then said, “You’ll do. For now.”
I thought I was going to find an ideal selection of branches at the HR department at work. Sadly I’d misunderstood the term “human resources” because my feeble ladybrain let me down again.
@ Carr
It’s a fair point. A man doesn’t need to be an MRA to be a guy who reproduces attitudes of entitlement and, well, something that appears like a sense of ownership (based on what you describe). Those attitudes are prevalent throughout society, MRAs turn it into a particularly nasty ideology and identity.
I remember a discussion thread I read on an official game developer’s forum. On the one hand, the posters in that thread were against goobergoblins. They thought of them as idiotic and their rants a waste of space. On the other hand, they clamored in support of a user who said that PC culture was ruining video games and, as proof, said that BioWare deliberately made their heterosexual romance options ugly in Dragon Age Inquisition in order to appeal to SJWs. So, anti-gg but still reproducing similar arguments. Also, gaming culture, y’all!