“So what’s the deal with the ladies, I mean, what the hell,” Sigmund Freud once famously asked. (I’m paraphrasing.)
Well, let’s say 97 years after he asked that question we men have finally been provided an answer, in the form of a comment in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit.
The topic at hand is “branch swinging,” which is Red Pill lingo for the notion that women generally prefer better boyfriends or husbands to worse boyfriends or husbands, causing them to sometimes swing to a higher branch, as it were, like the evil sexy monkeys they are.
Let’s watch Red Pill veteran oldredder lay down the Truth About Ladies:
Boom goes the dynamite. All your questions about women are now answered.
But to make sure you’ve got it, let me translate what Mr. oldredder is saying from Red Pillian into normal English:
Women are sometimes attracted to more than one dude at once, and so they’ll make sure to look all cute and stuff in the presence of these dudes so they can, you know, prepare these dudes to like them too. And if it turns out the coolest or best looking dude thinks she’s totally cute, SCORE! She grabs hold of his branch, as it were, and SWINGS herself up.
Oh, I forgot to mention the resources. Ladies are totally into guys with resources. Like coal. Ladies love coal. Seriously, guys, you can’t go wrong with coal.
You should probably start carrying a big bag of coal with you wherever you go, preferably with the word “COAL” written on the outside to make sure the ladies know that your bag is full of coal and not something that ladies hate like, you know, worms, or the complete discography of the band Rush, or guys that get advice from Red Pill Redditors?
LL Cool Holmium would be a great rap name.
What’s the difference between brqnch swinging and hypergamy? Why invent more terminology when we already have perfectly fine invented terminology for this imaginary phenomenon.
OT: Woo hoo! Puerto Rico wifi actually works, for the first time ever.
I’ve got two whole bars of iridium and I’m not even done with my first fall yet… will that impress the ladies?
Right, because the Red Pill assholes certainly don’t leave their partner for another. That is totally not a thing that happens!
/s
Only a group that literally doesn’t view women as people would have a problem with women doing the exact same thing that they’re doing.
Apparently saying “women have interest in men” is just giving women too much damn agency. They can only ever imagine women as passive receivers instead of active doers.
@IP
They won’t stop until every aspect of the normal courtship process is replaced with stupid acronyms. Because you see, only they are smart enough to see these secret human behaviors like ‘pursuing people we’re attracted to’ unlike the rest of us mindless sheeple!
Excuse me, I prefer renewable resources! Men covered in solar panels are just dreamy… *swoon*
Oh oh, what about a sheep-wheat-ore combination? Then you can trade it in for a development card. 🙂
@ej
Oh, you beat me to it!
I used to try and use empirical facts to argue with MRAs to prove that their ideology didn’t square with the real world, but it’s easier and more efficient to just point out that their worldview doesn’t even square with itself.
Aaaaand that’s when I realized I got ninja’d by ej!
It’s funny how if a woman changes her partners, they’re not normal human beings and are pretty much tree swinging monkeys.
When these lovely gents changer their partners, that’s completely normal, I mean, how can we expect them to have a single partner in their lives. And when they want to ”trade up”, it’s completely normal. If we do it, we’re monkeys.
By funny, I mean it pisses me off.
COAL!
DAMMIT!
I’ve been mackin’ on the ladies with my Vespene Gas! THAT’s my problem.
@Moocow
Looks like my rainbow hair has given me ninja powers. Excellent.
AW: You can’t get girls because you must construct additional pylons.
Form an orderly queue ladies….
http://youtu.be/h5FSFbYf6mA
(Russian speaking Mamotheers will find this even funnier because they’ll know what the bloke is actually talking about)
@katz
Either that or breed more Overlords. 🙂
I’m going to put in a request for men bearing gifts of octiron.
@Victorious Parasol
Excellent Discworld reference. 🙂 Millennium Hand and Shrimp!
I’m fresh out of octiron, but will this orichalcum do?
@ Monzach It’s a day to say his name – GNU Sir Pterry
Orichalcum? Hmpf. Sorry, it’s octiron or nothing here.
Oh, not again. I hate it when the Women Rules change on me out of the blue like that! Now I have to pretend that I don’t have the full discography of Rush on my phone. One day someone’s gonna ask to use it to make a call, and I’ll say sure, and they’ll have it in their hand and THEN I’ll remember my shameful secret but it will already be too late! THEY’LL KNOW! They’ll know I like Geddy Lee and then no one will ever believe I’m a lady again!
Although if it keeps people who genuinely believe that “branch swinging” junk away from me, it’s probably worth it. Blech.
Karalora:
That reminds me of that scene in the movie The Hidden, where the alien, having seen another man do it, rides up on two women and points his finger at them to get in the shiny new car he just stole.
Naturally, the two women sneer at him, before giving him the cold shoulder and walking away. The alien, completely put out by their rejection, fumbles for his gun, so he can teach them a lesson, because gob forbid these creatures not just cooperate, and get in the damn car.
Buttercup:
LL Cool Holmium, huh?
Okay, thas enuff outta you! Go to your room right now!??
I recently got a diamond pick and am looking for obsidian. My girlfriend is dead chuffed.
Wait, does carrying around a large sack of coal work for us feeemales who are also seeking feeemales?
Or do us pansexual ladies just not exist again, and are a figment of Liburl Imaginations?
OR, am I just going to be condemned as Impersonating a Real Peeple, and will I be sent to Red Pill Jail for my crimes against huMANity?
These men are so self hating.
First I’m laughing. Then I feel sort of bad for them.
If a woman is attracted to them, it is not for their personalities, ever. (Self fulfilling prophecy much)
If she isn’t its because he isn’t good enough or doesn’t have enough, not that she’s into the guy down the block because he is funny and smart and fun in bed instead of a bitter rival who thinks he always has to be proving he’s the manliest man who ever manned.
Not only can she never win in this imaginary scenario, he can’t either. He cannot feel secure or appreciated in a sexual relationship unless he believes he is the best and he will never believe that.
All that macho posturing for other men online, needing white, straight, cis, maleness to be special and all the fear that touching men forever taints women just ties right into this same self hate.
They are so grim.
…wait…
It’s funny again.
Ladies Love Coal, Jocks.
I’ve been wondering why things have gone a bit quiet dates-wise, and clearly it’s because there are no working pits left in the UK and hence *no patriotic coal to be had*.
That’ll be it.
As opposed to, what? Men? Don’t we all prefer a good or a “better” partner for ourselves? Especially compared to “worse” or bad options?
Oh, right, the idea is that women will be unfaithful to men they so obviously don’t appreciate. Those tricky women refusing to bend a knee before men who hate them! Of course, that True Alphas(TM) do the same thing (look for “better”) is not a double standard at all. Oh no, no, no.
Speaking of resources, I recently found this Tweet and had to share it:
Hooray, Discworld sneaks in again!!! Smiles for my Sunday morning 🙂
I was thinking the same as a few people above: isn’t branch-swinging the same as hypergamy? Is the difference simply that one is pre-marriage? Does anyone actually care?
Then I went and read this again (sort of OT but not really) to cheer myself up:
http://www.sbs.com.au/comedy/article/2016/03/11/women-are-not-wallets-here-how-tell-if-woman-your-possession
It’s hilarious, and also contains this sensible advice: “take your understanding that men are autonomous humans, and then you apply that thought to people who are not men.”