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True nature of woman explained in 72-word Red Pill Reddit comment

After years of study, women have now been figured out
After years of study, women have now been figured out

“So what’s the deal with the ladies, I mean, what the hell,” Sigmund Freud once famously asked. (I’m paraphrasing.)

Well, let’s say 97 years after he asked that question we men have finally been provided an answer, in the form of a comment in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit.

The topic at hand is “branch swinging,” which is Red Pill lingo for the notion that women generally prefer better boyfriends or husbands to worse boyfriends or husbands, causing them to sometimes swing to a higher branch, as it were, like the evil sexy monkeys they are.

Let’s watch Red Pill veteran oldredder lay down the Truth About Ladies:

oldredder 9 points 2 days ago  Women prepare multiple men to have interest in them and choose the ones who have the most resources and/or the fittest genes, are most attractive. Then jump to each or several at a time at any time without warning.  Like how do you do when you know she wants to branch swing ?  ALWAYS.

Boom goes the dynamite. All your questions about women are now answered.

But to make sure you’ve got it, let me translate what Mr. oldredder is saying from Red Pillian into normal English:

Women are sometimes attracted to more than one dude at once, and so they’ll make sure to look all cute and stuff in the presence of these dudes so they can, you know, prepare these dudes to like them too. And if it turns out the coolest or best looking dude thinks she’s totally cute, SCORE! She grabs hold of his branch, as it were, and SWINGS herself up.

Oh, I forgot to mention the resources. Ladies are totally into guys with resources.  Like coal. Ladies love coal. Seriously, guys, you can’t go wrong with coal.

You should probably start carrying a big bag of coal with you wherever you go, preferably with the word “COAL” written on the outside to make sure the ladies know that your bag is full of coal and not something that ladies hate like, you know, worms, or the complete discography of the band Rush, or guys that get advice from Red Pill Redditors?

 

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Monzach
Monzach
4 years ago

Here I was, gathering all the wood, sheep and stone that I could, and all this time I should have been stockpiling on COAL? 🙁 “Settlers of Catan”, how could you lie to me about resource management?!? Oh well, at least I’ll be able to build several towns and those victory points will surely count for something…

Why yes, yes I am a boardgame geek, why do you ask? 😀

Tulse
Tulse
4 years ago

Boy, the MRAs really love their made-up vocabulary, don’t they? I guess it’s part of how they tell who is in their club.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

I’m staring at the illustration wondering if it’s a normal-sized woman being held captive by a giant, or a miniature woman being held captive by a normal-sized man.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
4 years ago

So when a lady leaves one of these asswipes for a partner who treats her like something other than shit, she isn’t acting like a rational human being who, like every other human being, would rather be in a good situation than a bad one.

Nope, she is just acting like a tree-swinging monkey.

Those grapes were super-sour, dudes. Take it from me.

Jamesworkshop
Jamesworkshop
4 years ago

Oh, I forgot to mention the resources. Ladies are totally into guys with resources. Like coal. Ladies love coal. Seriously, guys, you can’t go wrong with coal.

Rare earth prices have skyrocketed over the last few months, better try those too.

Holmium, Ladies love holmium.

LindsayIrene
4 years ago

Women just want resources so they can open up trade with other civilizations. At least, that’s what Sid Meier taught me.

Dr Hoveiny
Dr Hoveiny
4 years ago

I love that phrase “Boom goes the dynamite,” and had forgotten about it 😀

HoosierMike
HoosierMike
4 years ago

AS the husband to a wife and the father of a daughter, I just want to dick-punch these losers so hard that I make sure they never get to influence a child. Day-Yum, is all I can say.

Bina
4 years ago

Well, now I know what to do if ever I find myself being Red Pillocked by a man. I’ll just swing to another branch, namely one occupied by a better man — alias a Blue Pill guy. Problem solved! Thanks again, Pillocks!

weirwoodtreehugger
4 years ago

These guys have to describe the most normal and simple things in such a big, dramatic, jargon filled way, don’t they?

Sometimes you date someone and it doesn’t work out. So the relationship ends. Both parties typically move on and eventually find someone else to date.

It’s really not that big of a deal. It doesn’t need a special term. Nor is it something only women do. If women date multiple men over the course of a lifetime, obviously men must be dating multiple women over the course of their lifetimes.

Social Justice Atheist
Social Justice Atheist
4 years ago

Well, I’d gladly swing on as many branches as needed to get away from them. Hell, I would climb an 100-foot-tall tree with the ricketiest branches in the world if it meant I could avoid even a 20-second interaction with a Pillock.

Iseult The Idle
Iseult The Idle
4 years ago

Holmium, Ladies love holmium.

Dude. Please. Iridium or GTFO.

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
4 years ago

The title of the post alone reminds me of conversations I’ve gotten into online where someone tries to “prove” me wrong by…showing a tweet by some rando.

It’s, like, why don’t you make your own argument instead of just pointing at someone else’s? Oh, right, I forgot – they’re incapable of having original thoughts…

Anne
Anne
4 years ago

Guys should have their paycheck printed on their T-shirts. Or a pic of their house in Monaco. Or their car. Then the ladies would know that they have bought the redpillar BS, and we would be able to run as far away from them as we could….

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
4 years ago

It’s almost like some weird version of a fairy tale romance. You’re supposed to know the one person that you’ll be with, without dating around to see who you’re more compatible with; you can’t take money into account, no matter how much of a deadbeat he is; and once you’re in a relationship, you should never leave the guy, no matter how bad things get.

If you based your view of relationships entirely on fairy tale tropes, you might come up with something like this. If you have even a little bit of experience with the real world, you know it doesn’t work like that.

Karalora
Karalora
4 years ago

@Lukas Xavier,

I think it’s more that these guys don’t think women should have any criteria for mate selection, because the choice of who pairs up with whom should be entirely in the hands of men. Ideally misogynistic men such as them, because nothing pisses off MRAs more than seeing women happy. They think a man should be able to point at a single woman and say “You. You’re mine” and she should have no choice but to go along with it.

Rosie*sings*
Rosie*sings*
4 years ago

Idk, some deranged billionaire named John told me that it was all about Beryllium. Maybe all those intrepid redditors should try it!

weirwoodtreehugger
4 years ago

Off topic, but I just went out to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and CNN was playing in the living room. I heard a Trump supporter compare liberals pointing out that his violent rhetoric has encouraged his supporters to behave violently at rallies to people blaming rape victims for wearing a short skirt.

comment image

ej
ej
4 years ago

Oh look, more hypocrisy from the Red Pill. Women are horrible for “branch swinging”, but men are totally alpha for “spinning plates.”

In other news, I upped my manosphere repellent last night. I inadvertently rainbowed my hair. I was going for a blue dip dye, but my hair (even after being bleached) would not take up the blue. I still have a little bit of the red from the last time I dyed it, so in now goes from brown to red to blonde to slightly green at the ends. It was a happy accident and I love it!

Tulse
Tulse
4 years ago

Guys should have their paycheck printed on their T-shirts. Or a pic of their house in Monaco. Or their car. Then the ladies would know that they have bought the redpillar BS

I get the sense that neither the paychecks, houses, or cars of most redpillars would be all that impressive…

Ladies love holmium.

And I never fail to be impressed with the generativity of language, as I am certain that sentence had never been written before.

Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
4 years ago

Women “prepare multiple men to have interest in them”? So in order not to be guilty of this, women should strive to look ugly and act horrible toward all men except one? That seems like an awful lot of work, switching back and forth like that, and what if no one’s informed us which one is The One?

weirwoodtreehugger
4 years ago

Women “prepare multiple men to have interest in them”? So in order not to be guilty of this, women should strive to look ugly and act horrible toward all men except one?

No. Women who aren’t young, skinny but with large yet perky breasts, long haired, tattoo free, and femininely dressed are bad too because they make their boners sad.

There is no way for women to do womaning correctly.

hugseverycat
hugseverycat
4 years ago

New rule: breakups are not allowed, as this is a sign of degenerate “looking for something better” behavior also known as “branch swinging”.

Eschen
Eschen
4 years ago

If every woman you’ve ever been in a relationship with seems to want to leave you for someone else I don’t think it’s women who are the problem.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

Personally, I look for unobtanium. That, and the longest road or the largest army.

I really dislike that term, “branch swinging”. It’s another bullshit variation on Briffault’s law. It piles heavy moral disapproval on women – and only women – for engaging in trivial behavior that men also do. Who doesn’t want the best deal from a relationship? Who wants to associate with a person who makes them feel bad?

But no, “branch swinging” is a unique and profound insight into the True Nature of Women. Feeemales! They’ll betray you! You objectify them, treat them with contempt, compare them to children, whinge non-stop about having to buy them dinner and Valentine’s Day flowers…then they reward you by running off with another guy who treats them better. Obviously they have no loyalty, the fickle creatures.

You can make any natural behavior sound bad. Cats? Always licking their hindquarters, the selfish, vain things. Birds? Attention whores. Fish? You make a tiny little splash, and they swim off someplace better. Jerks.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

Ladies love holmium.

And I never fail to be impressed with the generativity of language, as I am certain that sentence had never been written before.

LL Cool Holmium would be a great rap name.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
4 years ago

What’s the difference between brqnch swinging and hypergamy? Why invent more terminology when we already have perfectly fine invented terminology for this imaginary phenomenon.

OT: Woo hoo! Puerto Rico wifi actually works, for the first time ever.

brian
brian
4 years ago

I’ve got two whole bars of iridium and I’m not even done with my first fall yet… will that impress the ladies?

Moocow
4 years ago

Right, because the Red Pill assholes certainly don’t leave their partner for another. That is totally not a thing that happens!

/s

Only a group that literally doesn’t view women as people would have a problem with women doing the exact same thing that they’re doing.

Women “prepare multiple men to have interest in them”

Apparently saying “women have interest in men” is just giving women too much damn agency. They can only ever imagine women as passive receivers instead of active doers.

@IP

They won’t stop until every aspect of the normal courtship process is replaced with stupid acronyms. Because you see, only they are smart enough to see these secret human behaviors like ‘pursuing people we’re attracted to’ unlike the rest of us mindless sheeple!

epitome of incomprehensibility

Oh, I forgot to mention the resources. Ladies are totally into guys with resources. Like coal. Ladies love coal. Seriously, guys, you can’t go wrong with coal.

Excuse me, I prefer renewable resources! Men covered in solar panels are just dreamy… *swoon*

That, and the longest road or the largest army.

Oh oh, what about a sheep-wheat-ore combination? Then you can trade it in for a development card. 🙂

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
4 years ago

@ej

Oh look, more hypocrisy from the Red Pill. Women are horrible for “branch swinging”, but men are totally alpha for “spinning plates.”

Oh, you beat me to it!

I used to try and use empirical facts to argue with MRAs to prove that their ideology didn’t square with the real world, but it’s easier and more efficient to just point out that their worldview doesn’t even square with itself.

Moocow
4 years ago

Aaaaand that’s when I realized I got ninja’d by ej!

Carr
Carr
4 years ago

It’s funny how if a woman changes her partners, they’re not normal human beings and are pretty much tree swinging monkeys.
When these lovely gents changer their partners, that’s completely normal, I mean, how can we expect them to have a single partner in their lives. And when they want to ”trade up”, it’s completely normal. If we do it, we’re monkeys.

By funny, I mean it pisses me off.

AW
AW
4 years ago

COAL!

DAMMIT!

I’ve been mackin’ on the ladies with my Vespene Gas! THAT’s my problem.

ej
ej
4 years ago

@Moocow

Looks like my rainbow hair has given me ninja powers. Excellent.

katz
4 years ago

AW: You can’t get girls because you must construct additional pylons.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

Form an orderly queue ladies….

http://youtu.be/h5FSFbYf6mA

(Russian speaking Mamotheers will find this even funnier because they’ll know what the bloke is actually talking about)

Monzach
Monzach
4 years ago

@katz

Either that or breed more Overlords. 🙂

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

I’m going to put in a request for men bearing gifts of octiron.

Monzach
Monzach
4 years ago

@Victorious Parasol

Excellent Discworld reference. 🙂 Millennium Hand and Shrimp!

I’m fresh out of octiron, but will this orichalcum do?

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

@ Monzach It’s a day to say his name – GNU Sir Pterry

Orichalcum? Hmpf. Sorry, it’s octiron or nothing here.

DMW
DMW
4 years ago

Oh, not again. I hate it when the Women Rules change on me out of the blue like that! Now I have to pretend that I don’t have the full discography of Rush on my phone. One day someone’s gonna ask to use it to make a call, and I’ll say sure, and they’ll have it in their hand and THEN I’ll remember my shameful secret but it will already be too late! THEY’LL KNOW! They’ll know I like Geddy Lee and then no one will ever believe I’m a lady again!

Although if it keeps people who genuinely believe that “branch swinging” junk away from me, it’s probably worth it. Blech.

lkeke35
lkeke35
4 years ago

Karalora:
That reminds me of that scene in the movie The Hidden, where the alien, having seen another man do it, rides up on two women and points his finger at them to get in the shiny new car he just stole.
Naturally, the two women sneer at him, before giving him the cold shoulder and walking away. The alien, completely put out by their rejection, fumbles for his gun, so he can teach them a lesson, because gob forbid these creatures not just cooperate, and get in the damn car.

lkeke35
lkeke35
4 years ago

Buttercup:

LL Cool Holmium, huh?

Okay, thas enuff outta you! Go to your room right now!😜😊

EJ (The Other One)
4 years ago

I recently got a diamond pick and am looking for obsidian. My girlfriend is dead chuffed.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Wait, does carrying around a large sack of coal work for us feeemales who are also seeking feeemales?

Or do us pansexual ladies just not exist again, and are a figment of Liburl Imaginations?

OR, am I just going to be condemned as Impersonating a Real Peeple, and will I be sent to Red Pill Jail for my crimes against huMANity?

Lea
Lea
4 years ago

These men are so self hating.
First I’m laughing. Then I feel sort of bad for them.

If a woman is attracted to them, it is not for their personalities, ever. (Self fulfilling prophecy much)
If she isn’t its because he isn’t good enough or doesn’t have enough, not that she’s into the guy down the block because he is funny and smart and fun in bed instead of a bitter rival who thinks he always has to be proving he’s the manliest man who ever manned.

Not only can she never win in this imaginary scenario, he can’t either. He cannot feel secure or appreciated in a sexual relationship unless he believes he is the best and he will never believe that.

All that macho posturing for other men online, needing white, straight, cis, maleness to be special and all the fear that touching men forever taints women just ties right into this same self hate.

They are so grim.

…wait…
It’s funny again.

UncleEmmet
UncleEmmet
4 years ago

Ladies Love Coal, Jocks.

I’ve been wondering why things have gone a bit quiet dates-wise, and clearly it’s because there are no working pits left in the UK and hence *no patriotic coal to be had*.

That’ll be it.

Tragedy of the Commas
Tragedy of the Commas
4 years ago

The topic at hand is “branch swinging,” which is Red Pill lingo for the notion that women generally prefer better boyfriends or husbands to worse boyfriends or husbands…

As opposed to, what? Men? Don’t we all prefer a good or a “better” partner for ourselves? Especially compared to “worse” or bad options?

Oh, right, the idea is that women will be unfaithful to men they so obviously don’t appreciate. Those tricky women refusing to bend a knee before men who hate them! Of course, that True Alphas(TM) do the same thing (look for “better”) is not a double standard at all. Oh no, no, no.

Speaking of resources, I recently found this Tweet and had to share it:

Where do men’s rights activists get their water?

From a well, actually.

Mish
Mish
4 years ago

Hooray, Discworld sneaks in again!!! Smiles for my Sunday morning 🙂

I was thinking the same as a few people above: isn’t branch-swinging the same as hypergamy? Is the difference simply that one is pre-marriage? Does anyone actually care?
Then I went and read this again (sort of OT but not really) to cheer myself up:
http://www.sbs.com.au/comedy/article/2016/03/11/women-are-not-wallets-here-how-tell-if-woman-your-possession
It’s hilarious, and also contains this sensible advice: “take your understanding that men are autonomous humans, and then you apply that thought to people who are not men.”