So I girded my loins, caffeined myself up, put on some really peppy music and waded back into the swamp that is #TheTriggering — the Twitter hashtag designed to give the internet’s biggest jerks an excuse to be even more jerky than usual.
Having spent a few hours slogging through the hashtag earlier today, I expected to find an endless number of wholly unoriginal, and wholly uninteresting Tweets posted by jerky jerks trying so hard to be offensive it was almost painful to watch. Almost painful, definitely boring.
Ah, but something about the hashtag had changed since I last looked in on it!
The tweets have gotten much less predictable, and a good deal stranger, so much so that the “serious” $TheTriggering Tweets are becoming harder and harder to tell from the deliberately surreal Tweets from puckish SJWs trolling the hashtag.
As far as I can figure it, the “serious” would-be triggerers have, after more than 20 hours of non-stop would-be triggering, simply run out of offensive things to say.
Seriously, how many times can you post “there are only two genders” before everyone gets thoroughly bored by this bit of edginess. Well, ok, a LOT, but never mind that for now, because my point is that the serious would-be triggerers have had to come up with brand-new things to offend people with.
And, well, they’re pretty hilariously bad at it.
https://twitter.com/fwra1234/status/707749386877415424
https://twitter.com/james141980/status/707746965207920640
https://twitter.com/Shmexonaught/status/707748147217338372
Blue is not your colour.#TheTriggering
— SKELTER🇬🇧 (@SKELTER1SKELTER) March 10, 2016
Glaciers are not sexist you retards.#TheTriggering
— PewpSchute (@ThePewpschute) March 10, 2016
Meanwhile, others in the hashtag are descending into incoherence.
https://twitter.com/BothBoat403/status/707747919407898624
https://twitter.com/suainthesack/status/707754729871380480
This guy kind of has a point, though.
https://twitter.com/LIVE_In_Reverse/status/707748022235631616
And this guy is pretty good at parodying #TheTriggering Tweets.
Blind people just need to try harder. #TheTriggering
— Whatever Forever (@Scotch_Sailor) March 10, 2016
I just think we should be able to say "breasticles" at work, ok? #TheTriggering
— Whatever Forever (@Scotch_Sailor) March 10, 2016
Hey, he even made the same Trump steaks joke I made a few days ago:
@Ncoleycole @NatalieLanovill Are they made of real trump?
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) March 4, 2016
Trump steaks are made from genuine Trump, right?
— Whatever Forever (@Scotch_Sailor) March 5, 2016
Oh, sure, there are still some #TheTriggering Tweets that actually are kind of alarming.
https://twitter.com/HreAmngthDed33/status/707746850045104129
https://twitter.com/ArchHighLord/status/707746700115447809
And lots of standard-issue white supremacist crap.
https://twitter.com/OnlyCincinnatus/status/707746782038523904
https://twitter.com/TrumpHat/status/707749420989882368
https://twitter.com/AHitler88NSDAP/status/707748904016568320
But at this point the serious Tweets are giving way to Tweets that are just surreal. (And no, these aren’t all from SJWs trolling the hashtag.)
https://twitter.com/AngryComicist/status/707747638641168385
https://twitter.com/AngryComicist/status/707753688937332736
#thetriggering pic.twitter.com/usIXyTY0Hl
— Le SJW xD (@waifuscotland) March 10, 2016
https://twitter.com/blakebelladonna/status/707775628083388417
Honestly, that’s the most terrifying thing I’ve seen so far in #TheTriggering.
As someone who’s phobic of dogs but not of spiders, I would be totally down for having guard-spiders.