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#TheTriggering grows ever more surreal as internet jerkwads run out of jerky things to say

Dude, you've got an apple in front of your face, like right there
Dude, you’ve got an apple in front of your face, like right there

So I girded my loins, caffeined myself up, put on some really peppy music and waded back into the swamp that is #TheTriggering — the Twitter hashtag designed to give the internet’s biggest jerks an excuse to be even more jerky than usual.

Having spent a few hours slogging through the hashtag earlier today, I expected to find an endless number of wholly unoriginal, and wholly uninteresting Tweets posted by jerky jerks trying so hard to be offensive it was almost painful to watch. Almost painful, definitely boring.

Ah, but something about the hashtag had changed since I last looked in on it!

The tweets have gotten much less predictable, and a good deal stranger, so much so that the “serious” $TheTriggering Tweets are becoming harder and harder to tell from the deliberately surreal Tweets from puckish SJWs trolling the hashtag.

As far as I can figure it, the “serious” would-be triggerers have, after more than 20 hours of non-stop would-be triggering, simply run out of offensive things to say.

Seriously, how many times can you post “there are only two genders” before everyone gets thoroughly bored by this bit of edginess. Well, ok, a LOT, but never mind that for now, because my point is that the serious would-be triggerers have had to come up with brand-new things to offend people with.

And, well, they’re pretty hilariously bad at it.

https://twitter.com/fwra1234/status/707749386877415424

https://twitter.com/james141980/status/707746965207920640

https://twitter.com/Shmexonaught/status/707748147217338372

Meanwhile, others in the hashtag are descending into incoherence.

https://twitter.com/BothBoat403/status/707747919407898624

This guy kind of has a point, though.

https://twitter.com/LIVE_In_Reverse/status/707748022235631616

And this guy is pretty good at parodying #TheTriggering Tweets.

Hey, he even made the same Trump steaks joke I made a few days ago:

Oh, sure, there are still some #TheTriggering Tweets that actually are kind of alarming.

https://twitter.com/HreAmngthDed33/status/707746850045104129

https://twitter.com/ArchHighLord/status/707746700115447809

And lots of standard-issue white supremacist crap.

https://twitter.com/OnlyCincinnatus/status/707746782038523904

https://twitter.com/TrumpHat/status/707749420989882368

https://twitter.com/AHitler88NSDAP/status/707748904016568320

 

But at this point the serious Tweets are giving way to Tweets that are just surreal. (And no, these aren’t all from SJWs trolling the hashtag.)

https://twitter.com/AngryComicist/status/707747638641168385

https://twitter.com/AngryComicist/status/707753688937332736

Honestly, that’s the most terrifying thing I’ve seen so far in #TheTriggering.

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EJ (The Other One)
4 years ago

As someone who’s phobic of dogs but not of spiders, I would be totally down for having guard-spiders.