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The mysterious yet also disgusting enigma of that …THING on Ted Cruz’s lip

Trust me, you don’t want to see what’s under that black dot.

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This is a bit off-topic, I know, but I can’t help myself. Like everyone else who pays even the slightest attention to American politics, or at least that last Republican debate, I am both mystified and disgusted by that … thing … that appeared on Ted Cruz’s upper lip, then transferred itself to his lower lip, and ultimately into his mouth.

I grossed myself out a little just writing that sentence.

I have no great insight into what exactly was going on there, but we can take heart in the fact that the media is on the case:

Did Ted Cruz Eat a Booger On Live TV

Oh, and there’s plenty more where those come from.

I eagerly await the conspiracy theories that will inevitably arise to explain this incident. Hell, for all I know a whole new movement could arise from it — the Ted Cruz Booger Truther movement.

And I’m not even going to get into the whole teeth issue. I mean, I think we can all agree that the teeth in that screenshot above are not human teeth.

I’ll leave it to the Ted Cruz Booger Tooth Truther movement to figure out the details.

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Marionette
Marionette
4 years ago

I’d just like to say Ew.

sarah_kay_gee
sarah_kay_gee
4 years ago

I’ll take “tonsil stone” for $800, Alex. He must have terrible breath.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
4 years ago

Judging by those teeth, Cruz is either a plesiosaur or a Regenerator.

Catherine
Catherine
4 years ago

This seriously needed a trigger warning. Seriously. I’m squeamish as it is and will never be able to look at that man again.😢

bluecat
bluecat
4 years ago

That was … horrible.

But – yeah, those teeth!

I realise it’s entirely out of order for a Brit to be critical of a (wealthy) American’s dental endowments, but he seriously looks as if the head is about to split in half, starting at the lips, and the mutant komodo dragon within to step outside.

I always thought his skin looked too tight and shiny to be real.

So that’s what that thing on his lips was – komodo dragon poisonous slaver.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

Ugh. I’m so tired of this discussion. Why can’t we ever just talk about politics during these debates? It’s always about stupid shit like this. I don’t give a damn.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

It’s not a booger. It’s freedom phlegm.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
4 years ago

@kupo

I would normally agree, but the GOP primaries are literally only about this sort of thing. There’s nothing else to discuss.

estraven
estraven
4 years ago

I literally, actually, got the dry heaves even glancing at the news story headlines. I am still recovering.

Bina
4 years ago

And in other news, Ted Cruz committed autocannibalism.

Literally.

Sweaty Examination Goblin
Sweaty Examination Goblin
4 years ago

Definitive proof that he’s not only a lizard man, but also the zodiac killer.

Leftwingfox
Leftwingfox
4 years ago

Probably his soul trying to escape. Would explain why it looks so disgusting.

Moggie
Moggie
4 years ago

That booger was the least disgusting part of Ted Cruz. And now it’s gone.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
4 years ago

Gross.

GiJoel
GiJoel
4 years ago

David Icke was right! Conspiracy!!11!!! REPTILOIDS!!!!11!1! Eleventy11!!1!

Jo
Jo
4 years ago

@Kupo: I’m with you – trivial. Plus every story like this is another excuse for horrible misogynistic comments to be made about Clinton’s appearance, because ‘people did it about Ted Cruz too, so it’s not sexist’.

(Note – this is nothing to do with liking Clinton, it’s about judging women politicians on their words.)

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
4 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

It’s not a booger. It’s freedom phlegm.

I beg your acceptance of this elegant internet.

@Leftwingfox

Probably his soul trying to escape.

*giggle snort*

Would explain why it looks so disgusting

And tiny.

@Moggie

That booger was the least disgusting part of Ted Cruz. And now it’s gone.

Ya’ll are on a roll today. 😀

Snork Maiden
4 years ago

When will the candidates finally be settled upon? I don’t remember it being this much of a saga last time.

Miss Andry
4 years ago

Oh god, Dave, I can still see the rest of his face though! 😀

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@David
To clarify, I’m not frustrated with your coverage, as this is a site for mocking things. I’m frustrated with the US media and how every damn election they find some really stupid thing to focus on like the candidate who got all excited and yelled (Kerry?) or what Palin’s kids are up to or Michelle Obama planting an organic garden.

Alpine, RN
Alpine, RN
4 years ago

@Kupo you actually mean Howard Dean, MD 😉 even his wife agreed that, in retrospect, the scream was REALLY silly 🙂

epitome of incomprehensibility

There must be some part of human nature that’s drawn to gross, silly things. I was looking at that list of eleven (eleven!) news stories about Ted Cruz’s Great and Exciting Booger and feeling conteptuous… and then I realized that a couple of weeks ago I spent an hour reading the Amazon review page of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummy Bears* which someone had linked to here. So… yeah. Not so above it all.

*These have a sugar substitute that give many people explosive gas and diarrhea, and there’s a bunch of gross and oddly epic stories in the Amazon reviews – I guess it became somewhat of a meme.

Mrs. B
Mrs. B
4 years ago

I have honestly never heard of a tonsil stone before this. And now I never want to contemplate one ever again.

Alpine, RN
Alpine, RN
4 years ago

@Mrs. B- they’re also called tonsoliths…just to give you something else to avoid…

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
4 years ago

I have honestly never heard of a tonsil stone before this. And now I never want to contemplate one ever again.

I second that.

LindsayIrene
4 years ago

HOW DO I SEE MY TONSILS I NEED TO KNOW IF I HAVE TONSOLITHS

Mrs. B
Mrs. B
4 years ago

@Mrs. B- they’re also called tonsoliths…just to give you something else to avoid…

Thank you for that warning!

Skiriki
Skiriki
4 years ago

epitome of incomprehensibility: Ooo, that was me, that was me. 😀 I recall the weirdest stuff. 😀

Another thing nobody should ever get, but there you go, human bodies are weird and sometimes gross: saliva gland stones.

You really don’t want to hear my personal experience regarding that.

Sarah
Sarah
4 years ago

This is why mirrors are a thing. This is also why the famous and powerful pay lots of bucks for personal assistants who will attend to details like this. I haven’t spent that much time paying attention to the nitty gritty regarding Ted Cruz, but my understanding is that he’s extremely unlikable on a personal level, to the point where even his fellow senators – many of whom also come off as unlikable, at least to me, through the filters of social media and the mainstream media – don’t like him. Maybe he can’t find a competent assistant to do this kind of work for any level of pay, or maybe the assistant he does have thinks he’s such an ass that it’s worth getting fired just to take revenge for all the shit they’ve had to tolerate from Cruz.

proudfootz
proudfootz
4 years ago

I did my best to avoid this story even though it was all over Facebook for days on end.

I’m actually surprised we don’t see more of our thought leaders foaming at the mouth.

Saffron
Saffron
4 years ago

I had a tonsillectomy at age 36 to stop getting tonsil stones. The recovery was 2 weeks of drugged-up agony (seriously, c-sections are easier) but it was totally worth it.

Leftwingfox
Leftwingfox
4 years ago

Huh, I’d never heard of tonsil stones before, but now I realize I’ve had them on occasion. Learn something new every day.

Mrs. B
Mrs. B
4 years ago

I mean, wouldn’t a dentist or a doctor be able to see that stuff right away? I don’t know how long they take to form, and I’m just too squeamish to look it up. I saw a slo-mo of a close up of it, and I nearly zuked.

I’m not looking any further. Yuck.

banned@4chan.org
banned@4chan.org
4 years ago

This is also why the famous and powerful pay lots of bucks for personal assistants who will attend to details like this.

Wait. Is there any personal assistant who would check the back of their employer’s mouth for tonsoliths?

jaygee
jaygee
4 years ago

I also get weirdly fascinated by some gross things, and I get tonsil stones. As far as gross things go, I don’t think they’re that gross, but I’ve never done what Ted Cruz did. Maybe it’s the act of eating tonsil stones that’s so gross.

If people are concerned they might have it, I think it’s not too hard to tell (but it’s not a big deal in my opinion). If you look in your mouth and see your tonsils make a crevice, that is a pocket where stuff collects to make tonsiliths. (I think this is a physiological problem; if there are no crevices, then no tonsiliths will form.) For me, I usually feel pressure around my tonsils and the taste of morning breath lingers longer at the back of my throat (tonsiliths can cause bad breath, but it’s never really been a problem for me).

I’ve asked my doctor if there’s anything I can do about it, and she said I’d just periodically cough it out like cats do with hairballs. If it gets really bad I can get my tonsils removed.

(Sorry if I’m necroing a thread. I didn’t get a chance to read this earlier in the week.)

SS
SS
4 years ago

I used to suffer from Tonsil stones for decades till my spouse bought Arm and Hammer tooth paste. I stopped having tonsil stones. I switched to my regular toothpaste had tonsil stones again.

Then I tried Colgate Optic White, no more tonsil stones. I went to look for a connection and the toothpastes that stopped my tonsil stones all had hydrogen peroxide, so I figured it sanitized my mouth and stopped the build up.
Im so happy now and my breath is different. Tonsil stones are a thing of the past now when I used to suffer from them quite frequently.