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Pickup guru to Donald Trump: “When panties are in view don’t ask ‘Should I slow down?'”

Hey voters!
Hey voters!

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Trouble in paradise? Odious racist pickup guru Heartiste is growing concerned about Donald Trump, his hero and the Great Orange White Hope of the internet’s Nazis, of both the ironic and non-ironic varieties.

Even though Trump has been boasting about his allegedly yuuuge penis, and picking on “little Marco” (Rubio) like a grade-school bully, Heartiste frets that Trump’s opportunistic flip-flops on immigration and his half-assed disavowal of former KKK Super Grand Whatchamacallit David Duke are making him look a little bit, gulp, BETA.

If Trump is beginning to play defense, at this early stage, he risks losing his lead. …

Any feints Trump makes towards the Nation-Wrecking Alliance, such as support (however tepid) for H-1Bs, or constant disavowals of some internet backwater weirdo because media cucks harass him about it every minute, will simply embolden his foes to strike at him twice as hard and four times as often.

The only way to reinflate Trump’s deflating alphatude? By using the MAD SKILLZ of the internet’s alleged pickup masters:

So my Game advice to Trump is this: Politics is pickup without the bodily fluids.

I will give you a moment to cringe before continuing.

The master seducer doesn’t backtrack at the bedroom door.

And another cringe moment. Seriously, take all the cringing time you need as you make it through the rest of Heartiste’s advice.

Keep up the Zero Fucks Given nationalist populism charm assault, and don’t disappoint the swooning voters at the electoral door. Carry them across the threshold. They want you to take them.

Does Heartiste want Trump to date rape the electorate?

Sure, whisper a few sweetly romantic nothings in their ears, show a little of your beta softie side, but when panties are in view don’t sit up and ask “Should I slow down?”. Slip a finger under the waistband. The seduction isn’t over until the Trump voter sighs.

The Heartiste quote isn’t done until the reader throws up a little in their mouth — a point I think most of us probably got to even before the Trump voter panties made their appearance in Heartiste’s creepy metaphor.

Enjoy the rest of your Saturday!

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sbel
sbel
4 years ago

Eww! Ew ew ew eww…

Huge&Classy
Huge&Classy
4 years ago

Definitely want to stick up for those “backwater intent weirdos”

Msexceptiontotherule
Msexceptiontotherule
4 years ago

And for a brief moment I thought I’d seen the worst from a trump fan…I was wrong. Sooooooo very wrong

Zatar
Zatar
4 years ago

weirwoodtreehugger:
Hah! that’s perfect.

Makroth
Makroth
4 years ago

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Tragedy of the Commas
Tragedy of the Commas
4 years ago

President Domald Loch Ness Tromp Pounds America’s Butt, a book by Chuck Tingle, author of such classics as Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt, Gay T-Rex Law Firm: Executive Boner, and Oppressed In The Butt By My Inclusive Holiday Coffee Cups.