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antifeminism douchebaggery evil fat fatties evil SJWs hamstering men who should not ever be with women ever post contains sarcasm PUA red pill return of kings rhymes with roosh

Return of Kings: Fight SJWs by giving feminists dirty looks, writing letters in seekrit code

Ebiil, qefp fp ald
Ebiil. Vbp qefp fp ald

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Fat feminist ladies! If you’re walking down the street one day, and some bitter douchebag gives you a dirty look, he may be more than just a bitter douchebag giving you a dirty look while you walk down the street.

He may be a brave cultural warrior engaging in a guerilla struggle against the Social Justice Warriors and their evil “cultural narrative.”

Over on Roosh V’s Return of Kings, alleged martial artist and regular RoK contributor Jean-Batave Poqueliche is offering wannabe reactionary culture warriors concrete suggestions on how to “hit the cultural narrative where it hurts.”

One of his recommended strategies: be kind of a dick.

“Launch counterattacks, even small, every day,” he urges.

Don’t call back the empowered slut after the bang and don’t tell her why. Give the disgusted look at that feminist tub of lard when she walks down the street. Ask a girl with a nose ring if you can hang your keys on it while you go get yourself a beer.

Take THAT cultural narrative!

Destroy their arguments, make the hamster wheel explode, and go chase some real skirt with as much patriarchy as possible.

Did someone say exploding hamster?

Poqueliche has a number of other equally brilliant suggestions for reactionary dolts hoping to win the culture war. Among them: stop using Facebook, stop using Google, record all your conversations, and go to Lithuania, where hot blonde twenty-year-olds are apparently lining up to tell bitter western dudes how much they hate feminism. No, really:

Nothing can describe what it is like to hear a Lithuanian 20 year-old girl with long, blond hair, high heels, and a dress telling you “I hate feminists.”

But my favorite suggestion seems to have come directly from The Hardy Boys Book of Super-Seekrit Spying for Little Douchebags: Send letters to your friends in super-seekrit code!

[W]ritten mail is the safest way to communicate in our day and age. …

The internet is (relatively) easy to monitor via keywords, but Barack has only two hands and cannot open or read all the letters that the United States Postal Service receives every day. Still not convinced? Use a code that you create, keep it within your community, and update it regularly.

Here’s one code he suggests you could use:

Caesar_cipher_left_shift_of_3.svg_

Yeah, that looks totally uncrackable, dude!

Alas, The Hardy Boys Book of Super-Seekrit Spying for Little Douchebags is not a real book. (There is a Hardy Boys Detective Handbook, which I was a proud owner of as a kid.)

But if you’re a culture warrior who truly wants to learn how to be a super-seekrit spy, here are some more suggestions you might find useful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdA_j-oaHEs

You’re welcome, Roosh boys!

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Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
8 years ago

So those arseholes commenting on my looks on the street since I was a teenage girls are actually spies.

Do they think women who don’t match their wank material are evil super villains or what? Do we have a lair? I kind of think that calls for a lair.

Dodom
Dodom
8 years ago

Nose rings: If someone asked me that keys thing, I’d say yes, let him hang the keys in, and as soon as he’s out of sight, remove them and use them to move his car just a few streets further so he has to look for it. He’ll never suspect me, too: MRAs know women can’t parallel park!

girlscientist
girlscientist
8 years ago

His name is Jean-Batave Poqueliche? That’s very close to Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, the real name of Molière, one of France’s greatest playwrights/comedian. Is his other username Wallace Shakesbeer? Is he trolling RoK? Inquiring minds want to know…

Jayne
Jayne
8 years ago

I don’t even know what to say about the code thing. If they thing that code is difficult to crack then I have only one thing to say:
Ouyay unchbay foway uckingfay diotsiway.

Tessa
Tessa
8 years ago

1)Don’t call back the empowered slut after the bang and don’t tell her why. 2)Give the disgusted look at that feminist tub of lard when she walks down the street. 3)Ask a girl with a nose ring if you can hang your keys on it while you go get yourself a beer.

1) Good idea! If you consider her liking sex a character flaw, she’s better off no longer being in contact with you!
2) Good idea! Now you’ll publicly be an asshole rather than hiding it. Let the world see!
3) Another good idea! Do that on the first date so she’ll save herself from a second!

Destroy their arguments, make the hamster wheel explode, and go chase some real skirt with as much patriarchy as possible.

I notice a complete lack of how to destroy their arguments. I hope it’s better than the stuff you’re saying here.

Saphira
Saphira
8 years ago

. . . . record all your conversations . . . .

How long should the average PUA keep those recorded conversations? Is seven years good enough or should he be storing those on his backup drive until the day he dies? And what’s meant by “all conversations?” Even ones with other men, just in case they’re closet feminists out to try to convert the PUA? How about ones with fellow PUAs. I’d think those should be less suspect. Or would they be more? If you record conversations with fellow PUAs at least you’d have material if you ever decide to turn against them.

Messy breakups seem to be the norm in the manosphere (most recently proven by the whole former Honey Badger v. current Honey badger war), maybe having some ammo against a potential enemy wouldn’t be a bad thing.

dreemr
dreemr
8 years ago

I couldn’t help it, David’s assessment was already so funny that when I got to the nose-ring-keys thing, I busted out laughing.

Oh, these guys. So brave.

bekabot
bekabot
8 years ago

Yeah, that looks totally uncrackable, dude!

You could just abandon human language entirely and start speaking in Rot13. That’ll show ’em all, especially once Cthulhu rises from the deep.

How long should the average PUA keep those recorded conversations?

Forever. It’s proof, should proof ever be needed, that at one time you actually knew how to talk, and to people, no less.

LostInLindsey
LostInLindsey
8 years ago

They get sillier by the day. It’d be comic if it wasn’t so tragic.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

Jayne wins the thread.

Lea
Lea
8 years ago

Literally desperate for us to notice them. Lulz.

So alpha.

Swales
Swales
8 years ago

Dodom is the hero Gotham needs AND the hero Gotham deserves.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
8 years ago

When I was a young teen, I briefly had this idea that when I disliked someone, or was upset with them for some reason, I could just give them weird looks and they would know exactly what I was doing and why I was upset with them.

Then I grew the fuck up.

Dr. NicolaLuna
Dr. NicolaLuna
8 years ago

Ooh, how very edgy. Nobody has ever commented on my piercings before, like ever.

Oh wait, they have. All the time. And my tattoos. In fact, since getting a full sleeve I have noticed just how many people feel entitled to negatively comment on a woman’s body.

“I don’t like sleeves on women.”
“Getting a big tattoo is like purposely giving yourself a disability.”
“That’s not very feminine. Not many men will want you now.”

It’s hilarious that they think being a jerk is going to make “SJWs” stop being fat/pierced/feminist. People like them are literally the entire fucking reason that there is a body-positive movement, not a reason to stop.

Lea
Lea
8 years ago

They can’t claim microaggressions don’t exist if they are openly using them as a tactic.

xthetenth
xthetenth
8 years ago

Man and here I was hoping more advanced cryptography. Perhaps third grade level.

Sarah
Sarah
8 years ago

That’s a cipher, which is a very specific type of code, and yes, it is crackable, and more so than many other types of code, in fact. I used to have a YA novel from ~30 years ago about a boy genius who got off on playing super spy and cracking codes, and it included a long discussion of ciphers. I wish I could remember what it was called.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

make the hamster wheel explode

It’s bad enough that they hate women but why are they picking on poor hamsters! They’re so cute; what have they ever done to MRAs?

Idlediletante
Idlediletante
8 years ago

Go chase some real skirt with as much patriarchy as possible

I wonder if this guy’s hamster wheel would explode if Somebody told him that it’s mostly feminism which makes his skirt chasing possible.

After all, In maximum patriarchy land, the only skirt you’ll be chasing is the one you marry for a hefty dowry. You dig? Girls on the pill, fucking before marriage, NSA relationships – for better or worse, we wouldn’t have these things without feminism; which is something PUAs always seem to forget.

Did I just shatter his narrative?

katz
8 years ago

If it keeps people on message boards from accidentally seeing movie spoilers, it’ll keep the CIA from reading your mail, right?

Also, the Voynich Manuscript is music.

WeirwoodTreeHugger
WeirwoodTreeHugger
8 years ago

I probably wouldn’t even notice if a PUA glared at me. I often don’t wear my contacts and I try to avoid eye contact with strange men because they so often take that as an invitation to talk to me.

The notion of them wasting their energy on trying to intimidate me and having it be completely ineffectual brings me so much joy.

Skitty
Skitty
8 years ago

A shift cipher? Really? And here I was thinking these dudes were supposed to be STEM geniuses.

(Though that’s missing the point, I suppose, considering the whole “Obama the SJW will personally open my mail and send me to prison for complaining about how women have cooties” bit)

Nequam
Nequam
8 years ago

@Dodom: You could park the car in front of a fire hydrant and then lose the keys down a storm drain.

But that would be wrong.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
8 years ago

Don’t worry, everyone! I’ve already intercepted and decoded one of their sooper sekrit communiques, by rubbing it vigorously with a hardcover Dan Brown novel:

“B-E-S-U-R-E-T-O-D-R-I-N-K-Y-O-U-R-O-V-A-L-T-I-N-E”

[W]ritten mail is the safest way to communicate in our day and age. …

Oh, my stars. I can hardly contain my laughter, trying to imagine the entire Roosh V forum switching to snail mail. At least it would slow down the torrent of horrible garbage ideas.

Nothing can describe what it is like to hear a Lithuanian 20 year-old girl with long, blond hair, high heels, and a dress telling you “I hate feminists.”

Nothing can describe it, because it never happened.

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