Congratulations, LG! ^_^ I feel the same about makeup.
My room mate hates me because I don’t clean up after myself and I keep trying to explain to them it’s because of my ADHD (and probably autism). I have a shitty working memory and executive dysfunction because of it, so I can’t perform simple tasks unless I try really hard. And lately, I’ve BEEN trying really hard! Like, i wanted to be better and I think I have been better. Sometimes I don’t have the energy or I want to put my energy into my homework. Homework always comes first.
People rarely get to try to know me IRL. And what upsets me the most is that they used to be nice to me. I thought we could be friends.
I don’t understand disliking people “because they’re annoying”.
The whole fucking thing caused a meltdown and shutdown. Things like this keep happening to me and I’m sick of it.
Anyway, I just drew a sketch for my next project and I need someone who knows about art to look it over because I’m unsure of it. I’ll post it tomorrow.
Social Justice Atheist
8 years ago
@masque d’etoiles
*accepts virtual hugs*
I really needed those, thank you. 🙂
There is a counselor at my school, but in the past I have been afraid to go to her because some of my friends who also suffer with things such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders have been to see her and told me that she basically tends to brush things off and dismiss things like they are the sufferer’s fault. For example, one of my good friends who suffers from severe depression and self-harm went to talk to her once and told me that the depression was her not trying hard enough, and telling her that her harming herself was selfish and she needed to think of others who have it way worse off and are homeless, etc. Basically guilt-tripping and shaming her.
However, I am afraid that if I don’t talk to someone soon, my problems could only get worse. So maybe I will have to set up a time to talk with her. If it doesn’t work out, then I could just never come back. At least I have my friends to talk to, which helps a lot when things get rough. I’m also reading the book Brain over Binge, which I’ve heard has helped a lot of people with bulimia and binge eating disorders.
As for my grades, I am working with a tutor after school but I still struggle. My tutor comes over to my house on weekends to help me also, and I have improved in my writing a lot but still struggle very much in math. I am trying the best that I can, though. It just gets frustrating sometimes when other kids your age seem far above where you are education-wise and it seems so easy for them. I’m honestly surprised I made it to twelth grade, but here I am and I’m going to try my best not to give up. It is very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and some days I feel like I can’t make it, but I have to do my best. That’s all I can do.
It doesn’t help in the situation with my dad that he is a very judgmental conservative MRA type. He doesn’t want me to get a job, he wants me to marry some guy that I don’t even know from his part-time job because he feels like he could be a “good provider” and women’s place is in the home. I only met the guy once, and we have nothing in common at all. He seems like the douchebro-y MRA type as well, which is probably why my dad likes him so much. I have heard this guy say some pretty disturbing racist and misogynistic things.
The worst thing though is how bad I feel for my mom, I know she is depressed as well and she is working as hard as she can to help support us in addition to my dad working (which I am very grateful for) but she has a lot of health problems and finds it hard to work at her job which requires her to stand nearly all day and deal with rowdy and oftentimes rude kids. (She’s a teacher.)
Anyways, sorry this is so long. I don’t want to clog up this thread. Thanks for listening though and replying.
Anyway, I just drew a sketch for my next project and I need someone who knows about art to look it over because I’m unsure of it.
I’m usually worthless at personal stuff but there, at least, I can help you.
Orion
8 years ago
Welcome Eonid. Best wishes to everyone recovering from illness. My condolces to Fruitloopsie.
Kat, That’s awful. I might have cried too. Sounds like you are making a difference.
PI, Losing control of your sleep is hell. The worst/best part is that no matter how much you know it sucks, it’s still fucking with you in a thousand ways you don’t even notice. When I got my life back I was shocked at how many of my problems traced back to the same source. If you can, please try to forgive yourself for any other flaws or disappointments you see. If you want advice on getting it sorted, I’m on Steam and I’m here.
LG, welcome out. Also and more importantly: I could have been buying women’s vests the whole time? I rock the vest, no blazer look when I can but pickings on the men’s side are pretty slim, especially for a man who ispretty slim.
guest
8 years ago
PI this may sound like too much ‘woo’ for you but I’m going to toss it out there in case it might be of any help. I recently moved into a new house which is MUCH quieter than my old house, and is much less stressful for me because I don’t have to lie in bed every night wondering whether my neighbours on the other side of the wall are going to decide to blast the stereo or throw a party at 2am…and yet I sleep worse here. I mentioned this to a friend, and she said ‘move your bed’. I think it does make a difference how your bed is oriented, and what light you get in the bedroom (recommendation is to ‘sleep to the east’–with an east or south-east facing window in your bedroom)–this may not be of interest to you, or be of any practical use (I do have a south-east facing bedroom, but I can’t really move the orientation of the bed), but I thought I’d throw it out there just in case there’s any way it might help you get a sounder and longer sleep.
Orion
8 years ago
@SJA CC:Masque,
Content Note: Eating Disorders
I’ve helped a few close friends get ED treatment. I definitely have seen nutritionists put patients on diets that were psychologically bad for them. Sometimes it’s because they have so little time to spend on thoughts and feelings. A nutritionist appoint is the same length as a therapy session, but they have to decide whether you should diet *and* explain how to do it. SJA, if you want to see a nutritionist I think you should go in prepared for the idea that your nutritionist will recommend a diet. It’s not their choice to make. If you have the resources to push back, you could still get a lot out of the visit.
Therapy is always a catch-22. If have enough hope to set goals, enough confidence to assert your boundaries, enough time to rehearse in advance, and enough information to recognize bad advice, you’ll get the most benefit. But if you need therapy you probably don’t have all that.
A good nutritionist will back off if you assert clearly that you will not diet. You’ll be able to get advice for avoiding and coping with binges. You may also be able to get advice about when and what to eat that you can use without the stress or obessions you had with formal diets, although what’s safe to adjust depends on what exactly gave you trouble last time. A bad nutritionist may insist on giving you a diet handout, which you can throw away immediately (if you have the resources to do so).
Social Justice Atheist
8 years ago
@Orion
**TW for detailed ED talk**
I am open to seeing a therapist/nutritionist, because I know if I don’t the problem could and probably will get much worse. The only thing I’m worried about is, even if they don’t put me on a diet but recommend what and when to eat, I could potentially get obsessed. For me, my eating has always been about extremes. Either I starve myself and exercise until I pass out, binge and purge, or just binge. It is very, very, very, very hard for me to eat moderately or normally. God knows I’ve tried. I haven’t eaten normally since I was around seven years old, so it will definitely be hard even with a nutritionist to help me along the way.
The alternative to not seeing someone will probably be much worse, so I know I should and I have decided I am going to look around for one after I graduate school and get a job. I will have to save up and work for a while until I can afford it, but it will probably be worth it. I know that rationally it will help me, but part of my brain is still scared for some reason. I know it isn’t reasonable, but it’s just hard getting help and not knowing what to expect because this messed-up way of eating is all I’ve known for a long time. In a sick way, it has become comfortable even though it is hell. I have gotten used to misery, so I am comfortable with it and happiness is hard to picture. Being normal is hard to picture.
I know that ultimately, in the end, it will be for the best and I will have a better life because of it. I’ve decided to immediately start looking for jobs after I graduate so I can save up and hopefully afford to go to therapy/see a nutritionist like I know I should. It’s a hard step to take, and it definitely won’t be easy for me. That’s certain. I just have to try and apply the information I’m given in ways that will best benefit me, and ignore things that could potentially trigger me. I will try my best. Hopefully then I can start living my life. Actually living, not just existing.
Thanks to everyone who listened and answered. I am feeling a little better now. Sorry for dumping all this on everyone, I don’t want to bring anyone down. It’s just hard.
Banananana daky
8 years ago
@Bonelady
Only three weeks? You’re still healing. I had a supracervical abdominal hysterectomy (kept ovaries) five years ago in my late thirties, and I was out of work for two months due to my job involving a lot of standing and being fairly physically intensive. I still got the shit kicked out of me for several weeks because I’d just had organs removed and a seven inch bikini incision into my abdomen, not just due to anesthetics. I don’t know how much surgical trauma a vaginal hysterectomy causes but for the love of Pete, it’s only been three weeks. Your body is still going ‘what the fuck just happened’? Be gentle to yourself and don’t overstrain yourself, because it can cause adhesions and those suuuuck.
On the subject of ovaries, the damn things love to play merry hell with me. I still get PMS without the bleeding part. Right now I’m dealing with the anxiety attacks from hell. I feel like my psyche has swallowed broken glass and is going on the self hate and imminent doom tour. Part of that is due to worry about my finances after having to get a new Mac and adding an iPad onto that due to getting credit back from turning my old machine in. My income is rather limited and this put me into significant credit debt. I had good reasons for both purchases and we should be getting a decent return back, but that’s not helping me much. I’m feeling shame and self hatred for indulging myself and being irresponsible and I should have shown more restraint or not gotten anything at all, even with the old Mac showing definite signs of going tits up. There’s also the shame and worry of knowing I indulged myself knowing there are people out there with far less privilege and security and shit like my father’s voice in my head saying I shouldn’t have done it because reasons. Never mind *he’s* shown himself to be perfectly capable of splurging as long as he himself is involved. (My feelings towards him are… complex for various reasons. Not least his role in my parents’ divorce and his being clergy, the passive aggressive mindfuckery and both parents trying to make us take sides in different ways, and the legal shit he put my mom through. Suffice to say there’s a healthy dose of unresolved bitterness and anger involved even after twenty years along with the love.)
I’m sorry, I’m rambling. But right now, I’m seriously out of balance and I’m hurting. I’ll get perspective back later. Just thank you for bearing with me.
All my support, Social Justice Atheist. Eating disorders are shitty.
guest
8 years ago
@SJA You’ve made a huge step just knowing what you need and where you want to go, and that’s something to be proud of.
Social Justice Atheist
8 years ago
@ EJ (The Other One)
Thank you, EJ. They most definitely are. Eating disorders can take the longest walk off the shortest pier.
@guest
I appreciate that, that really means a lot to me considering how difficult I know the road ahead is going to be. But it’s a start, and that’s something.
*yawns* It’s nearly 5:00 in the morning where I live, and I need to get some sleep sometime. Damn insomnia.
Goodnight all (or good morning, depending on your location)
Thanks again to everyone who offered advice and support. I appreciate it more than you all know.
Chiomara
8 years ago
Check out the little shoes I did for my upcoming niece!
I never did crochet in my life, but I just learned from YouTube. They don’t look too perfect, but I am proud of myself and smile every time I imagine baby feet inside them :3 Damn, it’s almost like I am pregnant too.
I also did a diaper changing bed, a wall diaper holder, some tiny little clothes and a trash can with a cupcake knob. That little poopy butt is lucky to be so pampered even before her birth ^^ me and my family don’t have much, especially with a surprise baby, but with just a bit of crafting and hard work she has the prettiest baby room and clothes I ever seen. Btw, if you need crafting ideas, just tell me what and I help you. I love these stuff and I love helping :3
@SJA oh, God, dear. I am out and in of the same terrible place you are and with problems… Slightly different, but very alike.
I don’t know how it works where you are. But here there are free therapists, either paid by the government or students who need some practice. Maybe you should search for a program like that, if you haven’t already? Trust me, therapy saves lives, and if your therapist is worth half their salt they will treat the reason why you have eating disorders, not shaming an ex anorexic into dieting. Once again, believe me, I have been there. If there’s really no way to get a therapist, there are support groups. Don’t give up, search for help. Things get better. I know sometimes it’s difficult to see a way out, but trust me, one way or another, it gets better.
If you feel lonely and want to talk I can give you my e-mail. 🙂 You are not alone, ok? And not lazy either. You just have to find your strength.
Leda Atomica
8 years ago
@Chiomara
Oh my, I think my uterus just skipped a beat! Those are precious! You’re good with your hands.
I also knit and crochet but I do it for my selfish self. 😛
I’m in a state of confusion, I’ve fallen in love for the first time in my life and it’s mutual. I had a point during my long depression where I thought I would never be worth this, but now it’s actually happened! I’m so incredibly happy, this is the best gift ever and he is so very intelligent, funny and lovely.
Sorry, had to spill that out somewhere.
Orion
8 years ago
CONTENT NOTE — EATING DISORDERS
“It is very, very, very, very hard for me to eat moderately or normally. God knows I’ve tried.”
That’s what they’ll teach you and it’s the most important reason to go. You might be able to control the extreme behaviors with techniques learned from a book or with help from a generic therapist, but learning a moderate way to eat is difficult without guidance. There are a bunch of ways to learn with different benefits and challenges. Hopefully your nutritionist will recommend one that’s good for you but if it feels like a bad idea you can ask for another option. If you want some idea what to expect, you can read on:
There’s at least three common ways. There’s counting calories. You get really precise information on what to do, but the rules and numbers can be overwhelming. There’s intuitive eating or natural eating. You learn how to notice feelings in your body that mean “more food” and “enough food” and then just follow them. No numbers, but it’s hard at first because your body’s signals might be weak and mixed up until it heals. Third way is by tweaking which foods you choose and where, where, and on what plate you eat them.
“The only thing I’m worried about is, even if they don’t put me on a diet but recommend what and when to eat, I could potentially get obsessed.”
It’s good that you’re alert, because I’ve seen it happen a few times. It’s an obstacle but it’s not failure. One way to break an obsession is switching systems. 2 friends of mine* started counting and learned a lot; then the counting took control of them. Then they stopped counting and learned to listen to their body. Then they learned that their bodies wanted a tiny bit too much food. Then they started counting again. It looked like a circle, but it was a spiral with every step carrying them to health.
*They weren’t in treatment together, I just saw two different people go through the same sequence.
Congratulations, Leda! Mr Atomica sounds like an amazing person.
Orion
8 years ago
Congratulations, indeed
ej
8 years ago
Things are going pretty well for me right now, but February is a stressful month. I had to give my third year PhD talk on Friday (a 45-minute seminar). It went really well, but preparing for it kept me out of the lab last week, so I feel like I’m behind again and I’m losing another couple of days in the lab next week too. I didn’t want to brag too much, but my university won the Queen’s Anniversary Prize for our research and I’m going to the awards ceremony next week. It makes me anxious because I have very little control. Since I didn’t make any of the bookings (train and hotel), I feel like I don’t have a backup plan if something goes wrong, even though I’m traveling with a group and it’s not that difficult to get to London. I’m honored that my supervisor chose me to go, but it is making my anxieties come out. I think I’m more nervous about this than I was about my talk on Friday (yes, I know that seems backwards).
@PI
I’m sorry you’re having trouble sleeping. I know how frustrating it is when you want to sleep, but just can’t. You mentioned playing games in bed, but I have heard that the light from screens can mess with circadian rhythms. I wonder if that might be a contributing factor for you. I’m sure some people would tell you to try to avoid screens before bed, but I know that’s not always possible. There is an app called f.lux that will adjust your screen brightness throughout the day so that it’s similar to the natural changes of sunlight. I’ve not used it personally, but I have heard really good things about it. https://justgetflux.com/
@Chiomara
Those baby shoes are adorable! Well done teaching yourself to crochet. That’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m currently working on a cathedral windows quilt. I don’t have any good photos, but I’m really happy with how it is turning out. I do have a deadline to finish it, so I should probably get some sewing done this afternoon!
Nequam
8 years ago
@Chiomara: I don’t think I could do so well on my first crocheting project. Nice job! I’m impressed.
winter_sky
8 years ago
Hi i’m sorry i don’t have the energy to reply individually to those commenters doing it tough but my thoughts are with you all and i hope life gets awesome. and for those with cool stuff going on congratulations and giant smiley face.
this is going to sound selfish and self-pitying because i know there are people way worse off than me but i don’t have anyone else to say this to and sometimes you just need to feel like i dunno someone’s heard you. i mean i have no one i can turn to in my life and haven’t for most of my life (and i’m old) and i know i deserve it because i have nothing to offer the world and i am a piece of human garbage that should never have been born. the only reason i haven’t killed myself is because i’m afraid i’ll fail and end up worse off you know with organ damage or something also my options for doing so are limited and i’m paralysed by the inertia of hopelessness. i wished it was snowing so i could walk out into the cold and just go to sleep and never wake up or better still never to have been born.
if life is only, has only ever been and will only ever be misery, fear, torment, despair, sadness, loneliness then why can’t i sign some form and be peacefully put to sleep?
i know i’m pathetic and whiny and i’m sorry sorry sorry for taking up your time, i’m not asking for answers or even sympathy really i just it just hurts so much you know and i am so tired of it all. and you guys here are good people. thanks for listening, good luck in life to you all.
Social Justice Atheist
8 years ago
@Chiomara
That is definitely something I’ll try and look into, I wasn’t aware there was free therapy available. I live in the US, specifically in SC so I’m not sure if they have it over here but I’ll definitely look into it and see! It is something I need for sure. Thanks for the suggestion, and I’m sorry you are going through/have been through struggles as well. It’s nice to have someone that understands. 🙂
@Orion
I think that when I go and see a nutritionist, (I have already decided that I am going to do whatever it takes so I can get well, even if I have to pay for it myself if there’s no other option) we can hopefully work together and try different things to see what works for me. If I start to feel triggered by a certain plan or way of eating, I can let them know and we could try something else. I’m willing to do what it takes because I know that I’m never going to get better just letting my ED go like this. No matter how hard it may be.
I like the idea of switching systems, like you mentioned. That way if something is not working or is triggering, I can just switch and try something different until I find that right combination. A lot of people I have talked to in the past about my ED (just friends, not professionals) have suggested that there is only one “right” way to recover. I think it’s different for everyone though, and everyone needs to find what works for them. I just need to find what works for my specific circumstances.
I’m starting to feel that maybe there is hope after all. Talking about it and planning to take action to do something about it has made me feel more hopeful than I have in years. Why haven’t I done this sooner?
Leda Atomica
8 years ago
@EJ @Orion
Thank you! I don’t have many people to talk to about these things, so it felt good to share. 🙂
@Chiomara
I am still admiring your creations, I really adore the wee boot and the pearly details, I actually wish *I* could wear those!
Social Justice Atheist
8 years ago
Another note: I think counting calories could potentially slip into the danger zone. Numbers are a huge trigger for me. Intuitive eating sounds like it could be a good option, with guidance. I will just have to make sure to let the nutritionist know of my issue with numbers and all of my triggers beforehand.
Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
8 years ago
Hi everyone.
I have a message from Otter, and I’m cross-posting this from the old memeday open thread just to be sure. I’m also reposting the link to the questionnaire since it was requested by one commenter. More info about the research project can be found on page 1 in the comment section to the memeday thread. Here’s the link again:
Hi, and thank you all so much for helping me out! I really appreciate it :). If anyone else would like to participate, that would be great!
Everyone who responded to the questionnaire should have received an email from me at this point. Unfortunately, Google forms recorded timestamps for two respondents but no other information, including an email address. I’m not sure how or why that happened. If any of you responded to the questionnaire but did not receive an email from me, that might explain why. If you think that might have happened to you, feel free to take the questionnaire again if you like, but be sure to input the same email address you submitted the first time, so I can make sure I’m not counting someone twice.
Again, I really appreciate everyone’s help! I offer thee a “thank you” with your name on it, here you go! *hands you a thank you, hopes you like it*
winter sky, there’s no need to apologize for posting. I am very sorry you are feeling as bad as you do, but I’m heartened by the fact that you reached out to us here. I’ve had my own struggles with depression and so have many of the other people here, so there are a lot of people here who can relate at least in a rough sense to what you’re going through.
Things can get better for you. Your depression may be trying to convince you otherwise, but there is hope, and I think the fact that you posted here is a good sign that there’s part of you that believes that. Please post again and let us know how you’re doing.
Is there a hotline you can call? A local hotline will have more information on local resources you can turn to.
(oh, and don’t think the people replying after your post and before this one are ignoring you. They didnt’ see your comment, as I only just checked the moderation queue and let your comment through.)
We Hunted The Mammoth
Congratulations, LG! ^_^ I feel the same about makeup.
My room mate hates me because I don’t clean up after myself and I keep trying to explain to them it’s because of my ADHD (and probably autism). I have a shitty working memory and executive dysfunction because of it, so I can’t perform simple tasks unless I try really hard. And lately, I’ve BEEN trying really hard! Like, i wanted to be better and I think I have been better. Sometimes I don’t have the energy or I want to put my energy into my homework. Homework always comes first.
People rarely get to try to know me IRL. And what upsets me the most is that they used to be nice to me. I thought we could be friends.
I don’t understand disliking people “because they’re annoying”.
The whole fucking thing caused a meltdown and shutdown. Things like this keep happening to me and I’m sick of it.
Anyway, I just drew a sketch for my next project and I need someone who knows about art to look it over because I’m unsure of it. I’ll post it tomorrow.
@masque d’etoiles
*accepts virtual hugs*
I really needed those, thank you. 🙂
There is a counselor at my school, but in the past I have been afraid to go to her because some of my friends who also suffer with things such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders have been to see her and told me that she basically tends to brush things off and dismiss things like they are the sufferer’s fault. For example, one of my good friends who suffers from severe depression and self-harm went to talk to her once and told me that the depression was her not trying hard enough, and telling her that her harming herself was selfish and she needed to think of others who have it way worse off and are homeless, etc. Basically guilt-tripping and shaming her.
However, I am afraid that if I don’t talk to someone soon, my problems could only get worse. So maybe I will have to set up a time to talk with her. If it doesn’t work out, then I could just never come back. At least I have my friends to talk to, which helps a lot when things get rough. I’m also reading the book Brain over Binge, which I’ve heard has helped a lot of people with bulimia and binge eating disorders.
As for my grades, I am working with a tutor after school but I still struggle. My tutor comes over to my house on weekends to help me also, and I have improved in my writing a lot but still struggle very much in math. I am trying the best that I can, though. It just gets frustrating sometimes when other kids your age seem far above where you are education-wise and it seems so easy for them. I’m honestly surprised I made it to twelth grade, but here I am and I’m going to try my best not to give up. It is very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and some days I feel like I can’t make it, but I have to do my best. That’s all I can do.
It doesn’t help in the situation with my dad that he is a very judgmental conservative MRA type. He doesn’t want me to get a job, he wants me to marry some guy that I don’t even know from his part-time job because he feels like he could be a “good provider” and women’s place is in the home. I only met the guy once, and we have nothing in common at all. He seems like the douchebro-y MRA type as well, which is probably why my dad likes him so much. I have heard this guy say some pretty disturbing racist and misogynistic things.
The worst thing though is how bad I feel for my mom, I know she is depressed as well and she is working as hard as she can to help support us in addition to my dad working (which I am very grateful for) but she has a lot of health problems and finds it hard to work at her job which requires her to stand nearly all day and deal with rowdy and oftentimes rude kids. (She’s a teacher.)
Anyways, sorry this is so long. I don’t want to clog up this thread. Thanks for listening though and replying.
I’m usually worthless at personal stuff but there, at least, I can help you.
Welcome Eonid. Best wishes to everyone recovering from illness. My condolces to Fruitloopsie.
Kat, That’s awful. I might have cried too. Sounds like you are making a difference.
PI, Losing control of your sleep is hell. The worst/best part is that no matter how much you know it sucks, it’s still fucking with you in a thousand ways you don’t even notice. When I got my life back I was shocked at how many of my problems traced back to the same source. If you can, please try to forgive yourself for any other flaws or disappointments you see. If you want advice on getting it sorted, I’m on Steam and I’m here.
LG, welcome out. Also and more importantly: I could have been buying women’s vests the whole time? I rock the vest, no blazer look when I can but pickings on the men’s side are pretty slim, especially for a man who ispretty slim.
PI this may sound like too much ‘woo’ for you but I’m going to toss it out there in case it might be of any help. I recently moved into a new house which is MUCH quieter than my old house, and is much less stressful for me because I don’t have to lie in bed every night wondering whether my neighbours on the other side of the wall are going to decide to blast the stereo or throw a party at 2am…and yet I sleep worse here. I mentioned this to a friend, and she said ‘move your bed’. I think it does make a difference how your bed is oriented, and what light you get in the bedroom (recommendation is to ‘sleep to the east’–with an east or south-east facing window in your bedroom)–this may not be of interest to you, or be of any practical use (I do have a south-east facing bedroom, but I can’t really move the orientation of the bed), but I thought I’d throw it out there just in case there’s any way it might help you get a sounder and longer sleep.
@SJA CC:Masque,
Content Note: Eating Disorders
I’ve helped a few close friends get ED treatment. I definitely have seen nutritionists put patients on diets that were psychologically bad for them. Sometimes it’s because they have so little time to spend on thoughts and feelings. A nutritionist appoint is the same length as a therapy session, but they have to decide whether you should diet *and* explain how to do it. SJA, if you want to see a nutritionist I think you should go in prepared for the idea that your nutritionist will recommend a diet. It’s not their choice to make. If you have the resources to push back, you could still get a lot out of the visit.
Therapy is always a catch-22. If have enough hope to set goals, enough confidence to assert your boundaries, enough time to rehearse in advance, and enough information to recognize bad advice, you’ll get the most benefit. But if you need therapy you probably don’t have all that.
A good nutritionist will back off if you assert clearly that you will not diet. You’ll be able to get advice for avoiding and coping with binges. You may also be able to get advice about when and what to eat that you can use without the stress or obessions you had with formal diets, although what’s safe to adjust depends on what exactly gave you trouble last time. A bad nutritionist may insist on giving you a diet handout, which you can throw away immediately (if you have the resources to do so).
@Orion
**TW for detailed ED talk**
I am open to seeing a therapist/nutritionist, because I know if I don’t the problem could and probably will get much worse. The only thing I’m worried about is, even if they don’t put me on a diet but recommend what and when to eat, I could potentially get obsessed. For me, my eating has always been about extremes. Either I starve myself and exercise until I pass out, binge and purge, or just binge. It is very, very, very, very hard for me to eat moderately or normally. God knows I’ve tried. I haven’t eaten normally since I was around seven years old, so it will definitely be hard even with a nutritionist to help me along the way.
The alternative to not seeing someone will probably be much worse, so I know I should and I have decided I am going to look around for one after I graduate school and get a job. I will have to save up and work for a while until I can afford it, but it will probably be worth it. I know that rationally it will help me, but part of my brain is still scared for some reason. I know it isn’t reasonable, but it’s just hard getting help and not knowing what to expect because this messed-up way of eating is all I’ve known for a long time. In a sick way, it has become comfortable even though it is hell. I have gotten used to misery, so I am comfortable with it and happiness is hard to picture. Being normal is hard to picture.
I know that ultimately, in the end, it will be for the best and I will have a better life because of it. I’ve decided to immediately start looking for jobs after I graduate so I can save up and hopefully afford to go to therapy/see a nutritionist like I know I should. It’s a hard step to take, and it definitely won’t be easy for me. That’s certain. I just have to try and apply the information I’m given in ways that will best benefit me, and ignore things that could potentially trigger me. I will try my best. Hopefully then I can start living my life. Actually living, not just existing.
Thanks to everyone who listened and answered. I am feeling a little better now. Sorry for dumping all this on everyone, I don’t want to bring anyone down. It’s just hard.
@Bonelady
Only three weeks? You’re still healing. I had a supracervical abdominal hysterectomy (kept ovaries) five years ago in my late thirties, and I was out of work for two months due to my job involving a lot of standing and being fairly physically intensive. I still got the shit kicked out of me for several weeks because I’d just had organs removed and a seven inch bikini incision into my abdomen, not just due to anesthetics. I don’t know how much surgical trauma a vaginal hysterectomy causes but for the love of Pete, it’s only been three weeks. Your body is still going ‘what the fuck just happened’? Be gentle to yourself and don’t overstrain yourself, because it can cause adhesions and those suuuuck.
On the subject of ovaries, the damn things love to play merry hell with me. I still get PMS without the bleeding part. Right now I’m dealing with the anxiety attacks from hell. I feel like my psyche has swallowed broken glass and is going on the self hate and imminent doom tour. Part of that is due to worry about my finances after having to get a new Mac and adding an iPad onto that due to getting credit back from turning my old machine in. My income is rather limited and this put me into significant credit debt. I had good reasons for both purchases and we should be getting a decent return back, but that’s not helping me much. I’m feeling shame and self hatred for indulging myself and being irresponsible and I should have shown more restraint or not gotten anything at all, even with the old Mac showing definite signs of going tits up. There’s also the shame and worry of knowing I indulged myself knowing there are people out there with far less privilege and security and shit like my father’s voice in my head saying I shouldn’t have done it because reasons. Never mind *he’s* shown himself to be perfectly capable of splurging as long as he himself is involved. (My feelings towards him are… complex for various reasons. Not least his role in my parents’ divorce and his being clergy, the passive aggressive mindfuckery and both parents trying to make us take sides in different ways, and the legal shit he put my mom through. Suffice to say there’s a healthy dose of unresolved bitterness and anger involved even after twenty years along with the love.)
I’m sorry, I’m rambling. But right now, I’m seriously out of balance and I’m hurting. I’ll get perspective back later. Just thank you for bearing with me.
All my support, Social Justice Atheist. Eating disorders are shitty.
@SJA You’ve made a huge step just knowing what you need and where you want to go, and that’s something to be proud of.
@ EJ (The Other One)
Thank you, EJ. They most definitely are. Eating disorders can take the longest walk off the shortest pier.
@guest
I appreciate that, that really means a lot to me considering how difficult I know the road ahead is going to be. But it’s a start, and that’s something.
*yawns* It’s nearly 5:00 in the morning where I live, and I need to get some sleep sometime. Damn insomnia.
Goodnight all (or good morning, depending on your location)
Thanks again to everyone who offered advice and support. I appreciate it more than you all know.
Check out the little shoes I did for my upcoming niece!
I never did crochet in my life, but I just learned from YouTube. They don’t look too perfect, but I am proud of myself and smile every time I imagine baby feet inside them :3 Damn, it’s almost like I am pregnant too.
I also did a diaper changing bed, a wall diaper holder, some tiny little clothes and a trash can with a cupcake knob. That little poopy butt is lucky to be so pampered even before her birth ^^ me and my family don’t have much, especially with a surprise baby, but with just a bit of crafting and hard work she has the prettiest baby room and clothes I ever seen. Btw, if you need crafting ideas, just tell me what and I help you. I love these stuff and I love helping :3
http://i.imgur.com/PUDTVMMl.jpg
@SJA oh, God, dear. I am out and in of the same terrible place you are and with problems… Slightly different, but very alike.
I don’t know how it works where you are. But here there are free therapists, either paid by the government or students who need some practice. Maybe you should search for a program like that, if you haven’t already? Trust me, therapy saves lives, and if your therapist is worth half their salt they will treat the reason why you have eating disorders, not shaming an ex anorexic into dieting. Once again, believe me, I have been there. If there’s really no way to get a therapist, there are support groups. Don’t give up, search for help. Things get better. I know sometimes it’s difficult to see a way out, but trust me, one way or another, it gets better.
If you feel lonely and want to talk I can give you my e-mail. 🙂 You are not alone, ok? And not lazy either. You just have to find your strength.
@Chiomara
Oh my, I think my uterus just skipped a beat! Those are precious! You’re good with your hands.
I also knit and crochet but I do it for my selfish self. 😛
I’m in a state of confusion, I’ve fallen in love for the first time in my life and it’s mutual. I had a point during my long depression where I thought I would never be worth this, but now it’s actually happened! I’m so incredibly happy, this is the best gift ever and he is so very intelligent, funny and lovely.
Sorry, had to spill that out somewhere.
CONTENT NOTE — EATING DISORDERS
“It is very, very, very, very hard for me to eat moderately or normally. God knows I’ve tried.”
That’s what they’ll teach you and it’s the most important reason to go. You might be able to control the extreme behaviors with techniques learned from a book or with help from a generic therapist, but learning a moderate way to eat is difficult without guidance. There are a bunch of ways to learn with different benefits and challenges. Hopefully your nutritionist will recommend one that’s good for you but if it feels like a bad idea you can ask for another option. If you want some idea what to expect, you can read on:
There’s at least three common ways. There’s counting calories. You get really precise information on what to do, but the rules and numbers can be overwhelming. There’s intuitive eating or natural eating. You learn how to notice feelings in your body that mean “more food” and “enough food” and then just follow them. No numbers, but it’s hard at first because your body’s signals might be weak and mixed up until it heals. Third way is by tweaking which foods you choose and where, where, and on what plate you eat them.
“The only thing I’m worried about is, even if they don’t put me on a diet but recommend what and when to eat, I could potentially get obsessed.”
It’s good that you’re alert, because I’ve seen it happen a few times. It’s an obstacle but it’s not failure. One way to break an obsession is switching systems. 2 friends of mine* started counting and learned a lot; then the counting took control of them. Then they stopped counting and learned to listen to their body. Then they learned that their bodies wanted a tiny bit too much food. Then they started counting again. It looked like a circle, but it was a spiral with every step carrying them to health.
*They weren’t in treatment together, I just saw two different people go through the same sequence.
Congratulations, Leda! Mr Atomica sounds like an amazing person.
Congratulations, indeed
Things are going pretty well for me right now, but February is a stressful month. I had to give my third year PhD talk on Friday (a 45-minute seminar). It went really well, but preparing for it kept me out of the lab last week, so I feel like I’m behind again and I’m losing another couple of days in the lab next week too. I didn’t want to brag too much, but my university won the Queen’s Anniversary Prize for our research and I’m going to the awards ceremony next week. It makes me anxious because I have very little control. Since I didn’t make any of the bookings (train and hotel), I feel like I don’t have a backup plan if something goes wrong, even though I’m traveling with a group and it’s not that difficult to get to London. I’m honored that my supervisor chose me to go, but it is making my anxieties come out. I think I’m more nervous about this than I was about my talk on Friday (yes, I know that seems backwards).
@PI
I’m sorry you’re having trouble sleeping. I know how frustrating it is when you want to sleep, but just can’t. You mentioned playing games in bed, but I have heard that the light from screens can mess with circadian rhythms. I wonder if that might be a contributing factor for you. I’m sure some people would tell you to try to avoid screens before bed, but I know that’s not always possible. There is an app called f.lux that will adjust your screen brightness throughout the day so that it’s similar to the natural changes of sunlight. I’ve not used it personally, but I have heard really good things about it.
https://justgetflux.com/
@Chiomara
Those baby shoes are adorable! Well done teaching yourself to crochet. That’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m currently working on a cathedral windows quilt. I don’t have any good photos, but I’m really happy with how it is turning out. I do have a deadline to finish it, so I should probably get some sewing done this afternoon!
@Chiomara: I don’t think I could do so well on my first crocheting project. Nice job! I’m impressed.
Hi i’m sorry i don’t have the energy to reply individually to those commenters doing it tough but my thoughts are with you all and i hope life gets awesome. and for those with cool stuff going on congratulations and giant smiley face.
this is going to sound selfish and self-pitying because i know there are people way worse off than me but i don’t have anyone else to say this to and sometimes you just need to feel like i dunno someone’s heard you. i mean i have no one i can turn to in my life and haven’t for most of my life (and i’m old) and i know i deserve it because i have nothing to offer the world and i am a piece of human garbage that should never have been born. the only reason i haven’t killed myself is because i’m afraid i’ll fail and end up worse off you know with organ damage or something also my options for doing so are limited and i’m paralysed by the inertia of hopelessness. i wished it was snowing so i could walk out into the cold and just go to sleep and never wake up or better still never to have been born.
if life is only, has only ever been and will only ever be misery, fear, torment, despair, sadness, loneliness then why can’t i sign some form and be peacefully put to sleep?
i know i’m pathetic and whiny and i’m sorry sorry sorry for taking up your time, i’m not asking for answers or even sympathy really i just it just hurts so much you know and i am so tired of it all. and you guys here are good people. thanks for listening, good luck in life to you all.
@Chiomara
That is definitely something I’ll try and look into, I wasn’t aware there was free therapy available. I live in the US, specifically in SC so I’m not sure if they have it over here but I’ll definitely look into it and see! It is something I need for sure. Thanks for the suggestion, and I’m sorry you are going through/have been through struggles as well. It’s nice to have someone that understands. 🙂
@Orion
I think that when I go and see a nutritionist, (I have already decided that I am going to do whatever it takes so I can get well, even if I have to pay for it myself if there’s no other option) we can hopefully work together and try different things to see what works for me. If I start to feel triggered by a certain plan or way of eating, I can let them know and we could try something else. I’m willing to do what it takes because I know that I’m never going to get better just letting my ED go like this. No matter how hard it may be.
I like the idea of switching systems, like you mentioned. That way if something is not working or is triggering, I can just switch and try something different until I find that right combination. A lot of people I have talked to in the past about my ED (just friends, not professionals) have suggested that there is only one “right” way to recover. I think it’s different for everyone though, and everyone needs to find what works for them. I just need to find what works for my specific circumstances.
I’m starting to feel that maybe there is hope after all. Talking about it and planning to take action to do something about it has made me feel more hopeful than I have in years. Why haven’t I done this sooner?
@EJ @Orion
Thank you! I don’t have many people to talk to about these things, so it felt good to share. 🙂
@Chiomara
I am still admiring your creations, I really adore the wee boot and the pearly details, I actually wish *I* could wear those!
Another note: I think counting calories could potentially slip into the danger zone. Numbers are a huge trigger for me. Intuitive eating sounds like it could be a good option, with guidance. I will just have to make sure to let the nutritionist know of my issue with numbers and all of my triggers beforehand.
Hi everyone.
I have a message from Otter, and I’m cross-posting this from the old memeday open thread just to be sure. I’m also reposting the link to the questionnaire since it was requested by one commenter. More info about the research project can be found on page 1 in the comment section to the memeday thread. Here’s the link again:
http://goo.gl/forms/bdjU6q1XWc
Message from Otter:
Hi, and thank you all so much for helping me out! I really appreciate it :). If anyone else would like to participate, that would be great!
Everyone who responded to the questionnaire should have received an email from me at this point. Unfortunately, Google forms recorded timestamps for two respondents but no other information, including an email address. I’m not sure how or why that happened. If any of you responded to the questionnaire but did not receive an email from me, that might explain why. If you think that might have happened to you, feel free to take the questionnaire again if you like, but be sure to input the same email address you submitted the first time, so I can make sure I’m not counting someone twice.
Again, I really appreciate everyone’s help! I offer thee a “thank you” with your name on it, here you go! *hands you a thank you, hopes you like it*
winter sky, there’s no need to apologize for posting. I am very sorry you are feeling as bad as you do, but I’m heartened by the fact that you reached out to us here. I’ve had my own struggles with depression and so have many of the other people here, so there are a lot of people here who can relate at least in a rough sense to what you’re going through.
Things can get better for you. Your depression may be trying to convince you otherwise, but there is hope, and I think the fact that you posted here is a good sign that there’s part of you that believes that. Please post again and let us know how you’re doing.
Is there a hotline you can call? A local hotline will have more information on local resources you can turn to.
(oh, and don’t think the people replying after your post and before this one are ignoring you. They didnt’ see your comment, as I only just checked the moderation queue and let your comment through.)