Over on the Red Pill subreddit — where alpha dogs discuss their alphahood and trade fake stories about their alleged sexual conquests with other alpha dogs — one of the subreddit’s top “endorsed” commenters is worried that some of his comrades in lady-manipulation think too highly of the slutty sluts they say they’re banging.
In a post with 267 upvotes, at last count, CisWhiteMaelstrom warns fellow Red Pillers to be careful lest their Red Pill knowledge inadvertently “sexually empower women.” Indeed, he reports with a certain horror, these Red Pill dudes
project fantasies onto these women of having endless amounts of only the best sex and of having endless amounts of servants and power. … he’s elevated [sluts] to such a status that he could never attain it himself, even if he doesn’t actually want the chick because she’s just too slutty.
And then Mr. Maelstrom puts forward the most, well, delicious Red Pill metaphor I’ve seen for some time.
The truth is that slutty women are like bad cheeseburgers. Nobody actually wants a Big Mac, but it’s right there, it’s ready now, and it doesn’t cost much.
I beg to differ. Sometimes I really want a Big Mac.
Nobody finds Amy Scheumer [sic] attractive, but the reproductive cost for men is just low enough that he’ll get it up when she’s broadcasting her immediate availability.
How exactly does one go about determining the “reproductive cost” of having sex with Amy Schumer, or any other woman that these guys like to pretend they “wouldn’t bang” in the unlikely event that they were given the chance? What exactly is “the reproductive cost” for men,” anyway? Their sperm?
Is all that just that a fancy way of saying that dudes don’t worry about using up their sperm on some lady who isn’t a 10 because they know they can always just make more sperm? And why are we talking about sperm in a discussion about cheeseburgers anyway?
Nobody respects the Cheeseburger Sluts and no woman wants to be a Cheeseburger Slut. They don’t sit there planning how to use Cheeseburger appeal to leverage the best genes, they just make desperate impulsive decisions.
What sort of “desperate impulsive” cheeseburger decisions are these Cheeseburger Sluts making? Putting two slices of cheese on their heads instead of one? Slathering themselves in mayo in addition to the standard ketchup and mustard? Adding bacon to themselves for an additional 85 cents?
Crap, I’m making myself hungry.
From what I see, the cheeseburger life isn’t even much of a party. They fuck one or two guys per year and feel bad about it.
Those Cheeseburger Sluts are definitely sour!
What’s even worse is that these Cheeseburger Sluts aren’t even thinking rationally about who they’re having sex with.
Part of the reason women give such bad dating advice is because they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness. They aren’t rational enough to think logically about who’s a good choice to fuck or even what they like to look at.
Damn, ladies, don’t you even STEM?
They go for men who other women go for because they need to be told who they’re attracted to. They go for men who treat them like shit because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent, even if she can’t figure out how.
Luckily, the Red Pillers understand the ladies even better than the ladies understand themselves.
The system’s got an internal logic to it and TRP basically figured it out. If you play the game right then it’s pretty easy to exploit, but a lot of guys don’t do it.
That’s right. Instead, some of these dudes forget the Red Pill basics and actually try to win over women with … resources!
I call these guys “The Red Blue Pillers”. They think to themselves: “I’m worth X and she might theoretically get more than that, so I’ll close the gap by throwing some time or resources in.” He’s screwing himself by thinking that she’s more rational than she actually is… .
Wouldn’t this depend on what resources the guy uses to get the girls? I mean, say, coal is a classic old school resource, but most women don’t have coal-burning stoves these days. Uranium is super powerful, but it might turn her babies into mutants if she doesn’t have the proper containment system set up. It’s pretty complicated!
When he spends those resources, he’s not sweetening the deal like he thinks he is. He’s making her second guess him. She’s not thinking that he’s now worth “X plus time and resources”. She’s wondering what he’s compensating for and his effort actually lowers his value.
So in conclusion, go Red Pill! Boo Red Blue Pill!
Mr. Maelstrom’s post has gotten nearly 90 comments so far. I would read through them all but frankly all I can think about right now is cheeseburgers.
@newt I always thought besides animal cruelty the main drive behind vegan and vegetarian was to be sustainable and protect the environment. I’m not either though so I can’t really comment. I was just wondering. My friend who is vegan says she doesn’t eat soy for that reason and takes almond milk and so on instead. Apparently you can make cheese from almonds. O_o
Is it possible to get injured from irony overload?
Oh god, where do I even begin.
Someone must have fucked a lot of sandwiches.
His idea of a three way: Sticking his cock in a double cheeseburger.
He makes his own special sauce.
He told his fellow red pillers that he had foreign sex. He got caught making tacos which is why he was fired from Taco Bell.
He banged a HB10, although fellow red pillers say that she’s an HB8 because thumbs aren’t fingers, they’re digits.
Man, I haven’t seen Cheeseburger Sluts since they played CBGBs. I heard they kind of lost their edge after rehab.
Most (75%-85%, according to quickly-googled sources) of the world’s soy is being used in meat production. Humans eating soy instead of meat (that the soy went into) are not the cause of all that soy-based deforestation.
http://www.soyatech.com/soy_facts.htm
Any vegans here that know of actual nice vegan cheese? I love cheese so much and it’s the only thing I miss from when I was just vegetarian.
All the vegan cheese I’ve tried so far tastes awful and the texture makes me gag. It’s like something that’s been scraped from under toenails.
FYI, almond farming is an ecological catastrophy in making, and as a result of that, I’ve cut down my fave nuts to nom on to an occasional treat. So swapping from soy milk to almond milk is not going to save the environment… 🙁
@Imaginary Petal: Quorn! I miss it so. Used to get it all the time when I lived in London. I particularly liked their Scotch Eggs!
Personal favorite burger recipe: 1/2 sirloin, 1/2 chuck, salt, pepper, and worcester sauce. Grind in a food processor for 8 pulses, (or in a meat grinder if you have one), measure out into 5.5 oz meatballs, then flatten.
Serve medium well on kaiser or pretzel buns with provolone, a thin layer of mayo, dijon, and field mix lettuces.
I have to go with sliced cheese because every burger I’ve ever made is a precarious skyscraper that sheds half its ingredients on its way to your mouth. Grated cheese would never survive.
katz:
Ha! Your puny burgers are as nothing compared to creative Japanese gluttony! Try this!
@Skiriki
REINDEER?! Nooooooooooo! We can’t kill Rudolph and the rest of the sleigh-pullers!!
But seriously, what is this thing called a “tall ring mould”? (Both you *and* PI said…shrinkage…**dissolves into giggles**)
@Dr. NicolaLuna
I’ve made a vegan cheese that worked out pretty nicely. The only commercial one I can find around here is Daiyon, and it’s so sickly sweet, I can’t even.
Can’t find the recipe I used, but there are tonnes on Yummly.
http://www.yummly.com/recipes?q=vegan+cheese
Just finished comments page one.
Victorious Parasol
I guess the Cheeseburger Sluts are a country band?
I can do easy percussion (tambourine, etc.) and sing backup (15 yrs. in choir, I’m very good; don’t even need to stick my finger in my ear to block out the melody) but I get too nervous to sing lead! /Off Topic
On Topic: I have always known very well who I do and do not like to look at/fuck. These guys live in terror that this is the truth so they write screeds like this as if they were magical incantations.
In order to feel like worthy humans, they have to turn cis/het women into an inferior species in their minds (alas, doing so does not make it true.) It comes close enough (for them) because they exclude non-hot, non-cis, and non-het women from their calculations and this allows them to lean on the “ditzy blonde gold-digger” trope most heavily. This is not to say that ditzy gold-diggers don’t exist, but they’re pretty rare in reality.
@Valentine
Speaking for myself, I have a very difficult time trying to feel immediate concern for the environment. I understand that protecting the environment is important but I can’t genuinely feel it on a personal level. I’m a vegetarian because I love animals, and eating them grosses me out.
@NicolaLuna
I have given up on trying to find good vegan cheese. Several times I’ve seen people recommend a vegan cheese with the motivation that it’s not gross like all other vegan cheese, but it’s never true. It’s always gross!
Lettuce discuss this cheesy metaphor. It seems they think there mayo be something to it, but I’m left thinking, “Where’s the beef?”
So what I got from this is that of I have lots of sex, I get lots of cheesburgers as a result. Has the place this guy from, have a cheeseburger based economy? If so what can I trade them in for? God! I could live like a QUEEN!!!
(The first one i get, I’m going to eat though. That guy is fantastic at subliminal advertising!)
@newt
Well the more you know! But then that is also a good reason to stop eating meat
@skiriki
That’s a shame. Nuts are so important for when you’re vegan. :/ but then maybe now soy is okay
@NicolaLuna– speaking as a non-vegetarian who’s tried various vegetarian/vegan things, I thought the Chao “cheese” made by Field Roast wasn’t bad. (Their sausages are excellent, and I recommended some to friends of mine who aren’t vegetarians, but keep kosher and might want to liven up a veggie lasagna from time to time.)
In general, the only vegan cheese-type foods I thought were good were nut-based analogues of really soft cheeses like Brie, and nutritional yeast as a Parmigiano substitute. Attempts to do merely firm cheeses like cheddar have been, alas, generally a wash.
@AW
Ooh I hadn’t thought of making my own, thanks for that.
@Imaginary Petal
I’m going to try vegan mozzarella and also vegan cream cheese. I’m hoping the texture will be better on those. If not I’ll begin my quest to make the perfect vegan cheese.
Finished comments page 2.
LindsayIrene: I had to sing that, it was glorious!
Mortarius
I have found this to be true as well!
Pony’s Labia – Have you commented here before under another user name? Just curious. I used to be Twincats, btw.
Maybe you didn’t melt it enough? I try to put a pan lid over my burgers if I have to use shredded cheese (or if I want shredded mozzarella or something), and that way it melts super quickly without me having to worry about the bottom of my burger burning.
@imaginary petal
I’m not vegetarian but I’m trying to be (when I’m home at least it’s difficult to keep up on a ship unless you wanr to spend your life eating only boiled rice and salad :/) but although I agree on the animal cruelty front it was then environment aspect that also inspired me a lot. After I signed off once in port klang and saw how for miles upon miles as far as you could see the rainforest had been cut down and replaced with palm trees for their oil thats when I really started thinking about it. Every summer the malacca straits are covered by smoke from forest fires in kalimantan and johor when the palms catch fire. So I thought I would also cut out things like palm oil based foods and soy based food. Now looks like almonds too X(
It’s just so hard to resist me when I’m so delicious.
http://cdn77.sadanduseless.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/stuck9.jpg
katz
Agreed. This is also why I disapprove of shredded lettuce on burgers (lookin’ at you Habit and Del Taco) and also side-eye sauteed mushrooms, guacamole, chili, and other sloppy burger add-ons. FTR, I don’t like bacon on burgers or even sandwiches, either.
Didn’t Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s have a burger with pastrami on it at one time?
Edited to add: that’s FTR as in for the record, not for that reason!