Over on the Red Pill subreddit — where alpha dogs discuss their alphahood and trade fake stories about their alleged sexual conquests with other alpha dogs — one of the subreddit’s top “endorsed” commenters is worried that some of his comrades in lady-manipulation think too highly of the slutty sluts they say they’re banging.
In a post with 267 upvotes, at last count, CisWhiteMaelstrom warns fellow Red Pillers to be careful lest their Red Pill knowledge inadvertently “sexually empower women.” Indeed, he reports with a certain horror, these Red Pill dudes
project fantasies onto these women of having endless amounts of only the best sex and of having endless amounts of servants and power. … he’s elevated [sluts] to such a status that he could never attain it himself, even if he doesn’t actually want the chick because she’s just too slutty.
And then Mr. Maelstrom puts forward the most, well, delicious Red Pill metaphor I’ve seen for some time.
The truth is that slutty women are like bad cheeseburgers. Nobody actually wants a Big Mac, but it’s right there, it’s ready now, and it doesn’t cost much.
I beg to differ. Sometimes I really want a Big Mac.
Nobody finds Amy Scheumer [sic] attractive, but the reproductive cost for men is just low enough that he’ll get it up when she’s broadcasting her immediate availability.
How exactly does one go about determining the “reproductive cost” of having sex with Amy Schumer, or any other woman that these guys like to pretend they “wouldn’t bang” in the unlikely event that they were given the chance? What exactly is “the reproductive cost” for men,” anyway? Their sperm?
Is all that just that a fancy way of saying that dudes don’t worry about using up their sperm on some lady who isn’t a 10 because they know they can always just make more sperm? And why are we talking about sperm in a discussion about cheeseburgers anyway?
Nobody respects the Cheeseburger Sluts and no woman wants to be a Cheeseburger Slut. They don’t sit there planning how to use Cheeseburger appeal to leverage the best genes, they just make desperate impulsive decisions.
What sort of “desperate impulsive” cheeseburger decisions are these Cheeseburger Sluts making? Putting two slices of cheese on their heads instead of one? Slathering themselves in mayo in addition to the standard ketchup and mustard? Adding bacon to themselves for an additional 85 cents?
Crap, I’m making myself hungry.
From what I see, the cheeseburger life isn’t even much of a party. They fuck one or two guys per year and feel bad about it.
Those Cheeseburger Sluts are definitely sour!
What’s even worse is that these Cheeseburger Sluts aren’t even thinking rationally about who they’re having sex with.
Part of the reason women give such bad dating advice is because they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness. They aren’t rational enough to think logically about who’s a good choice to fuck or even what they like to look at.
Damn, ladies, don’t you even STEM?
They go for men who other women go for because they need to be told who they’re attracted to. They go for men who treat them like shit because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent, even if she can’t figure out how.
Luckily, the Red Pillers understand the ladies even better than the ladies understand themselves.
The system’s got an internal logic to it and TRP basically figured it out. If you play the game right then it’s pretty easy to exploit, but a lot of guys don’t do it.
That’s right. Instead, some of these dudes forget the Red Pill basics and actually try to win over women with … resources!
I call these guys “The Red Blue Pillers”. They think to themselves: “I’m worth X and she might theoretically get more than that, so I’ll close the gap by throwing some time or resources in.” He’s screwing himself by thinking that she’s more rational than she actually is… .
Wouldn’t this depend on what resources the guy uses to get the girls? I mean, say, coal is a classic old school resource, but most women don’t have coal-burning stoves these days. Uranium is super powerful, but it might turn her babies into mutants if she doesn’t have the proper containment system set up. It’s pretty complicated!
When he spends those resources, he’s not sweetening the deal like he thinks he is. He’s making her second guess him. She’s not thinking that he’s now worth “X plus time and resources”. She’s wondering what he’s compensating for and his effort actually lowers his value.
So in conclusion, go Red Pill! Boo Red Blue Pill!
Mr. Maelstrom’s post has gotten nearly 90 comments so far. I would read through them all but frankly all I can think about right now is cheeseburgers.
For the vegetarians I can recommend beetroot patties.
For every pound of beetroot, use approximately 2-3 potatoes. Boil the beets for 1 hour (skip if using pre-boiled), and the potatoes for 15 minutes. Finely grate beets and potatoes, and mix thoroughly. Add 1 onion, finely chopped, 1 egg, salt/pepper, other seasoning (I suggest thyme), and as much breadcrumbs as you think you’ll need. Form patties and fry in a pan using a tiny bit of butter. Flip after 5-ish minutes.
Don’t forget to put pickles and goat cheese on that burger. It’s sofisticated.
This made me laugh so much. I accept the title!
For vegetarian fare: start with stuff you’d use for falafel, but make patties instead. Instant deliciousness.
I have found with my foray into the veggie lifestyle that I’m missing certain textures when it comes to meat, and home made burgers is definitely one of them!
@Alan
Try jackfruit based meat substitutes.
@ IP
Just had a Google. That definitely fills some gaps in my new diet pallette!
I’ll have to track some down. Ironically, in Cornwall, the best place is going to be a posh food mall that also does my favourite salt beef! I’m probably going to have to do some Clockwork Orange type thing with a butcher’s advertisement and some electrodes.
@Alan
All movie references are lost on me. Sorry. :p
My favorite meat substitute products are Quorn brand, which is fungus based and made specifically to mimic the texture of meat products. Their burgers are the best fake burgers I’ve had so far. They’re headquartered in England and you should be able to find their products. I can highly recommend the chicken fillets and meatballs of the same brand.
@ Alan
Will you be shouting, “Free my glazzies!” as you go?
Quorn is widely known in the UK. I tend not to use much faux meat myself, but I do rather like their “chicken and mushroom” pies, when I’m lazy.
I’m lactose intolerant, so cheeseburgers have never done it for me. However, I’ve recently discovered an extremely nice Welsh sheep’s cheese which might work.
Also, I’ll second beetroot on burgers. It’s truly decadent. A real New Zealand style burger made with pineapple, beetroot, watercress, a fried egg and a hamburger patty (or vegetarian analogue) is one of the finest things ever.
@ IP
I recommend Clockwork Orange to anyone interested in penal policy. It should be compulsory viewing for all Home Secretaries.
I’ve been using a lot of the Quorn stuff. Over here it’s advertised by Mo Farrah and I like him (this from the guy who claims advertising doesn’t affect him)
It’s great for cooked stuff like curries and even stir fry. The cold meat substitutes perhaps not so much. Ham sandwich smothered in proper mustard fine, with salads not so much. Still, it’s early days yet. 🙂
@ vikki p
Of course. Proper Droog me! 🙂
Fried cheese skirt?
WANT.
In my area, the juicy Lucy is popular. You put the cheese between two thin patties so that it’s in the middle of the burger instead of on top. It keeps the meat moist and the cheese in the middle gets all melty and spurty when you bite into it.
Note to all lurking MRAs: I am eating a cheeseburger right now. Cower before my greasy but delicious misandry!
(Okay, it’s McDonald’s, but I can’t cook for shit and don’t like beetroot or goat cheese anyway.)
Alan: For fake-meat burgers in the UK, you could do a lot worse than Tesco Meat-Free (soya) burgers. They’re normally on offer (2 boxes of 8 for £3), and they’re ready after a minute in the microwave. Sainsburys used to do similar, but they seem to have been discontinued in favour of breadcrumb-covered bean/vegetable burgers.
I only go to Quorn for their chicken-style pieces. I prefer “Meet The Alternative” for mince, though I haven’t tried squishing it into burgers.
@ newt
You had me at “on offer”! 🙂
Ohhhh now after reading all the comments I’m really, really hungry (it is also almost lunchtime, so there’s that).
I think I’ll head for McDonald’s, and instead of having the occasional CBO I enjoy so much, it’ll be a Quarter Pounder… no, a double Quarter Pounder!!
You people have stood in my way long enough: I’m going to have a damn cheeseburger!!
All I can say is if slutty women are like bad cheeseburgers then sluttymen must be like bad hot dogs.
@EJ (The Other One): Also lactose intolerant, so gooey cheese doesn’t like me, but aged cheese like older cheddar is fine. One of the chemistry tutors at my workplace explained that the aging process has enzymes that break down the lactose.
And I just realized I haven’t had a burger of any sort for weeks.
Livin’ la vida hamburguesa con queso…
Since when has attraction ever been logical or rational? Are people supposed to be doing a cost-benefit analysis and flowcharts every time rutting season approaches?
So close to self-awareness, and yet still so far away…
Is there like some kind of reproductive exchange rate that we can look at to determine the ‘reproductive cost’ before we go on a night out? It would be such a shame to get short changed if the market isn’t good. -_-
On a side note I thought soy was consider non vegetarian/vegan because of the environmental cost? Cutting down the rainforest to grow it etc.
For a decadent vegetarian burger I recommend a taking a patty-sized portabello mushroom, stuffing it with finely chopped eggplant and zucchini fried with bread crumbs, topping with caramelized onion and melting swiss or gruyere cheese to form a cohesive bond to help hold it together. Toast your bun to counterbalance the wet, because it can get pretty juicy. Great with a side of baked sweet potato and carrot fries.
My cooking skillz are too bomb to waste on a non-feminist man.
@Valentine:
Soy might not be sustainable/ethical/responsible. However, that’s not what “vegetarian” or “vegan” means.
Certain Quorn products are known to not be vegan – though I think they’ve finally stopped using battery eggs.