Over on the Red Pill subreddit — where alpha dogs discuss their alphahood and trade fake stories about their alleged sexual conquests with other alpha dogs — one of the subreddit’s top “endorsed” commenters is worried that some of his comrades in lady-manipulation think too highly of the slutty sluts they say they’re banging.
In a post with 267 upvotes, at last count, CisWhiteMaelstrom warns fellow Red Pillers to be careful lest their Red Pill knowledge inadvertently “sexually empower women.” Indeed, he reports with a certain horror, these Red Pill dudes
project fantasies onto these women of having endless amounts of only the best sex and of having endless amounts of servants and power. … he’s elevated [sluts] to such a status that he could never attain it himself, even if he doesn’t actually want the chick because she’s just too slutty.
And then Mr. Maelstrom puts forward the most, well, delicious Red Pill metaphor I’ve seen for some time.
The truth is that slutty women are like bad cheeseburgers. Nobody actually wants a Big Mac, but it’s right there, it’s ready now, and it doesn’t cost much.
I beg to differ. Sometimes I really want a Big Mac.
Nobody finds Amy Scheumer [sic] attractive, but the reproductive cost for men is just low enough that he’ll get it up when she’s broadcasting her immediate availability.
How exactly does one go about determining the “reproductive cost” of having sex with Amy Schumer, or any other woman that these guys like to pretend they “wouldn’t bang” in the unlikely event that they were given the chance? What exactly is “the reproductive cost” for men,” anyway? Their sperm?
Is all that just that a fancy way of saying that dudes don’t worry about using up their sperm on some lady who isn’t a 10 because they know they can always just make more sperm? And why are we talking about sperm in a discussion about cheeseburgers anyway?
Nobody respects the Cheeseburger Sluts and no woman wants to be a Cheeseburger Slut. They don’t sit there planning how to use Cheeseburger appeal to leverage the best genes, they just make desperate impulsive decisions.
What sort of “desperate impulsive” cheeseburger decisions are these Cheeseburger Sluts making? Putting two slices of cheese on their heads instead of one? Slathering themselves in mayo in addition to the standard ketchup and mustard? Adding bacon to themselves for an additional 85 cents?
Crap, I’m making myself hungry.
From what I see, the cheeseburger life isn’t even much of a party. They fuck one or two guys per year and feel bad about it.
Those Cheeseburger Sluts are definitely sour!
What’s even worse is that these Cheeseburger Sluts aren’t even thinking rationally about who they’re having sex with.
Part of the reason women give such bad dating advice is because they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness. They aren’t rational enough to think logically about who’s a good choice to fuck or even what they like to look at.
Damn, ladies, don’t you even STEM?
They go for men who other women go for because they need to be told who they’re attracted to. They go for men who treat them like shit because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent, even if she can’t figure out how.
Luckily, the Red Pillers understand the ladies even better than the ladies understand themselves.
The system’s got an internal logic to it and TRP basically figured it out. If you play the game right then it’s pretty easy to exploit, but a lot of guys don’t do it.
That’s right. Instead, some of these dudes forget the Red Pill basics and actually try to win over women with … resources!
I call these guys “The Red Blue Pillers”. They think to themselves: “I’m worth X and she might theoretically get more than that, so I’ll close the gap by throwing some time or resources in.” He’s screwing himself by thinking that she’s more rational than she actually is… .
Wouldn’t this depend on what resources the guy uses to get the girls? I mean, say, coal is a classic old school resource, but most women don’t have coal-burning stoves these days. Uranium is super powerful, but it might turn her babies into mutants if she doesn’t have the proper containment system set up. It’s pretty complicated!
When he spends those resources, he’s not sweetening the deal like he thinks he is. He’s making her second guess him. She’s not thinking that he’s now worth “X plus time and resources”. She’s wondering what he’s compensating for and his effort actually lowers his value.
So in conclusion, go Red Pill! Boo Red Blue Pill!
Mr. Maelstrom’s post has gotten nearly 90 comments so far. I would read through them all but frankly all I can think about right now is cheeseburgers.
I love* how all TRP posts are either about how they have figured out teh femaaalez or lamenting that teh femaaalez are not behaving as they should but it never occurs to them that they could be wrong.
*For values of “love” equal to “hate”
I don’t have them that often because I’m not much of a meat-eater, but I call hamburgers “beefburgers”. And “hamburgers” refers to ones I make with ground pork. Also sometimes I shape the patties into rectangles so they’ll fit in a sandwich roll.
You’re probably wondering whether “cheeseburger” means with a patty made from cheese, and the answer is no. I still use it as a shorthand for beefburger with cheese, mostly because I don’t really make burgers with cheese anyway. Instead, I put cheese in my BCLT. 😉
Ever since David willingly and maliciously linked to the Purple Pill subreddit, where Red Pillers and decent human beings try vainly to find common ground, I’ve been obsessed with it. The Red Pill guys’ efforts at understanding women all follow this kind of “assuming a perfectly spherical woman” logic.
It’s a Red Pill tenet that you should never listen to anything a woman says, either because we’re so stupid or because we’re so clever and tricksy, and they don’t trust other men either. So it turns into a tiny group of cootie-scared dudebros spinning bizarre theories about what women might be like, then getting confused and angry when no one in the real world behaves that way.
If you’ve ever read Carol Emshwiller’s story “Abominable,” it’s a lot like that.
http://johnesimpson.com/blog/2013/05/story-up-my-sleeve-17-abominable-by-carol-emshwiller/
Speaking as somebody who had a cheap, yet delicious hamburger this very night and is thoroughly unrepentant…
You keep doin’ you, hamburger sluts.
P.S. If I used the phrase “assuming a perfectly spherical woman” on the Purple Pill, half a dozen guys would start yelling about how much they hate fatties.
Ooh I think that I’ve found myself a cheeseburger,
She is always right there when I need her…
I dunno, I don’t agree with the idea that attractiveness, or anything else based on subjective experience, can’t be deconstructed, analyzed, and generalized. If you couldn’t, there wouldn’t be predictable patterns. I mean, I’m a psychologist, studying attitudes and feelings across people is what I do.
But from that perspective, it makes guys like this even MORE bizarre. There is no Pure Attractiveness that exists. Attractive men are men that people find attractive, period. All you can do is observe it. And like, if lots of people want to have sex with a woman… then she’s sexually attractive. That’s what that means. Saying “oh, people don’t really like that” is just denying the evidence of your own eyes.
Where does this COME from? Is it mostly just that these are all fallen, heel-turned Nice Guys, still holding onto the idea that if there was justice, they’d be constantly getting everything they want?
So… Slutty women don’t exist?
Since everybody knows by now that alpha dogs of the RedPill-o-sphere are, shall we say, not always 100% honest, I feel that it’s particularly ironic that the OP uses “maelstrom” in his username. The maelstrom being the quite real but heavily exaggerated whirlpool located between two islands in the southern part of the Lofoten islands in northern Norway. The maelstrom was made famous by both Edgar Allan Poe and Jules Verne, but they both vastly exaggerated the strength of the whirlpool. For one thing, it only appears during the changing of the tide and isn’t really strong enough to sink any sort of vessel beyond the flimsiest of rowboats, never mind an ocean-going vessel!
I’d also like to include my application for a position in the Cheeseburger Slut band. I know I’m the wrong sex and gender, and I’m also not technically a slut since I haven’t, y’know, had sex in over a decade. I hope I can be a background dancer or something, or if not I’ll be your first groupie. 😀
Like I said earlier, it does depend on the size and thickness of the finished burger, but I usually go for a little bigger than a golf ball, but no where near tennis ball sized, if that makes sense. You might need to experiment to see exactly how large you want your burger (and be sure to account for shrinkage *snicker*).
And you’re very welcome. :3
Though, I have a question for everyone: What kind of cheese do you like on your burgers? And I’m not just talking variety, but I also mean sliced, grated, crumbled, ect.
I know a place around here called the Squeeze Inn (It was on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives) where they put on a handful of shredded cheese, then they toss a few ice cubes on the grill to make it super steamy, then put a lid over it, and it ends up making this delicious and super not good for you fried cheese skirt that easily sticks out a good inch or so from the burger.
I’ve had it a few times, and holy shit is it hard to eat more than a few bites of it because it’s just so damn heavy on your stomach. The burgers are pretty good though, and it’s good to eat with the fried cheese. I usually try half a bite of cheese and half a bite of burger or fries.
Joel:
Who doesn’t love a burger king?
http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/177/608/burgerking-theking_snuggle.jpg
But he’s so, so very right about this! I mean, already I have decided, without thinking much about it at all, that he’s definitely not a good choice, and I don’t even care whether I’d like to look at him or not. Utterly irrational.
Oh! There will be cheeseburgers for dinner tonight. Specifically, Jarlsberg and sautéed mushrooms on beef burgers, with ketchup, on toasted Kaiser rolls. And homemade oven fries with e.v. olive oil and rosemary.
I just saw the most amazing comment on an Ask The Red Pill thread:
I can literally only pull girls 18-21. Women 22+ don’t take me seriously and basically realize I’m just a douchebag. . .
“Ooh I think that I’ve found myself a cheeseburger,
She is always right there when I need her…”
Katz!!!!! Darn it – that has now been running through my head for 30 minutes – and have even sung it out loud.
I’m gonna have to listen to some country music to get rid of that.
….and like everyone else here – burgers shall definitely cooked tonight.
Oh, dammit. It’s nearly 1 AM my time and now I want a burger. Preferably one that won’t throw my digestive system hideously fast-forward. Stupid IBS.
Guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow and get some kickin’ beef kalbi or omelettes instead. Nom nom nom.
I’d say something more on topic but all my brain can come out with in reaction is incoherent sputtering and then “OH YOU HAVE GOTTA BE FUCKIN’ KIDDIN’ ME” followed by smashing my head into a wall. Because it’s either that or trying to smash a redpiller’s head into a wall, and I heard that violence is bad.
I’m also baffled by the fact that one or two partners a year makes you a slut. Seriously? One??
In that case I’d like to apply to PI to be part of this cheeseburger sluts group. There are 49 men on my resumè and a few women. Do I qualify? Or am I excluded because I don’t feel bad about a single one of them? Does the fact that I’m vegan impact on anything?
@Shaenon
Thanks for the report on the Purple Pill. You’re braver than I am!
@Orion
That’s hysterical. And I suppose that he’s not trying to make any positive changes in his life–why would he!
If you interpret “1 or 2 partners per year” as “1 or two new partners per year”, and you assume that someone is active from ages 18 to 70, then it averages out as… 78 total lifetime partners. Not one of which is the OP. Misandry!
@NicolaLuna
Congratulations. 🙂
On a side note: I’ll bet a lot of folks here have something valuable to say about this: http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/feb/18/tell-us-about-the-first-time-you-were-targeted-by-online-abuse
@Mrs. B
Hello and welcome! 🙂
Dr. NicolaLuna, I think you more than qualify. You sound like a slutty beanburger with fries!
I’m so glad I made plans with my best friend to go to our favourite BBQ restaurant today. After all this seduction I’ll get their biggest, cheesiest burger!
Victorious Parasol:
OMG, I gotta test that one. I also need to get some hoisin sauce, thanks for reminding me.
And how I make my burger patties:
1) Mix ground beef/pork/chicken/buffalo/moose/reindeer (your choice, really) with spices of your choice (mine are usually paprika, a dash of yellow curry powder — makes flavors pop up, salt, black pepper, powdered onion).
2) Take a bit of baking paper, and put it over a cutting board. Put a tall ring mould over it, and start pressing in meat, using a spoon. PACK IT TIGHT, until you reach the desired height; there will be some shrinkage, so pack in some more. Seriously, as tight as it can go.
3) Fry on a pan to desired level of scorchedness.
I think I shall persuade Significant Otter that we should make burgers this weekend…