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“Slutty women are like bad cheeseburgers,” Red Pill dude explains

Hey , girl, will you lettuce buy you a drink?
Hey , girl, will you lettuce buy you a drink?

Over on the Red Pill subreddit — where alpha dogs discuss their alphahood and trade fake stories about their alleged sexual conquests with other alpha dogs — one of the subreddit’s top “endorsed” commenters is worried that some of his comrades in lady-manipulation think too highly of the slutty sluts they say they’re banging.

In a post with 267 upvotes, at last count, CisWhiteMaelstrom warns fellow Red Pillers to be careful lest their Red Pill knowledge inadvertently “sexually empower women.” Indeed, he reports with a certain horror, these Red Pill dudes

project fantasies onto these women of having endless amounts of only the best sex and of having endless amounts of servants and power. … he’s elevated [sluts] to such a status that he could never attain it himself, even if he doesn’t actually want the chick because she’s just too slutty.

And then Mr. Maelstrom puts forward the most, well, delicious Red Pill metaphor I’ve seen for some time.

The truth is that slutty women are like bad cheeseburgers. Nobody actually wants a Big Mac, but it’s right there, it’s ready now, and it doesn’t cost much.

I beg to differ. Sometimes I really want a Big Mac.

Nobody finds Amy Scheumer [sic] attractive, but the reproductive cost for men is just low enough that he’ll get it up when she’s broadcasting her immediate availability.

How exactly does one go about determining the “reproductive cost” of having sex with Amy Schumer, or any other woman that these guys like to pretend they “wouldn’t bang” in the unlikely event that they were given the chance? What exactly is “the reproductive cost” for men,” anyway? Their sperm?

Is all that just that a fancy way of saying that dudes don’t worry about using up their sperm on some lady who isn’t a 10 because they know they can always just make more sperm? And why are we talking about sperm in a discussion about cheeseburgers anyway?

Nobody respects the Cheeseburger Sluts and no woman wants to be a Cheeseburger Slut. They don’t sit there planning how to use Cheeseburger appeal to leverage the best genes, they just make desperate impulsive decisions.

What sort of “desperate impulsive” cheeseburger decisions are these Cheeseburger Sluts making? Putting two slices of cheese on their heads instead of one? Slathering themselves in mayo in addition to the standard ketchup and mustard? Adding bacon to themselves for an additional 85 cents?

Crap, I’m making myself hungry.

From what I see, the cheeseburger life isn’t even much of a party. They fuck one or two guys per year and feel bad about it. 

Those Cheeseburger Sluts are definitely sour!

What’s even worse is that these Cheeseburger Sluts aren’t even thinking rationally about who they’re having sex with.

Part of the reason women give such bad dating advice is because they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness. They aren’t rational enough to think logically about who’s a good choice to fuck or even what they like to look at.

Damn, ladies, don’t you even STEM?

They go for men who other women go for because they need to be told who they’re attracted to. They go for men who treat them like shit because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent, even if she can’t figure out how.

Luckily, the Red Pillers understand the ladies even better than the ladies understand themselves.

The system’s got an internal logic to it and TRP basically figured it out. If you play the game right then it’s pretty easy to exploit, but a lot of guys don’t do it.

That’s right. Instead, some of these dudes forget the Red Pill basics and actually try to win over women with … resources! 

I call these guys “The Red Blue Pillers”. They think to themselves: “I’m worth X and she might theoretically get more than that, so I’ll close the gap by throwing some time or resources in.” He’s screwing himself by thinking that she’s more rational than she actually is… .

Wouldn’t this depend on what resources the guy uses to get the girls? I mean, say, coal is a classic old school resource, but most women don’t have coal-burning stoves these days. Uranium is super powerful, but it might turn her babies into mutants if she doesn’t have the proper containment system set up. It’s pretty complicated!

When he spends those resources, he’s not sweetening the deal like he thinks he is. He’s making her second guess him. She’s not thinking that he’s now worth “X plus time and resources”. She’s wondering what he’s compensating for and his effort actually lowers his value.

So in conclusion, go Red Pill! Boo Red Blue Pill!

Mr. Maelstrom’s post has gotten nearly 90 comments so far. I would read through them all but frankly all I can think about right now is cheeseburgers.

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Kylo Ronin
Kylo Ronin
5 years ago

What the hell is wrong with a Big Mac? Also, who is “Amy Scheumer?” I’ve never heard of this “Amy Scheumer.”

dontgiveahoot
5 years ago

I call these guys “The Red Blue Pillers”. They think to themselves: “I’m worth X and she might theoretically get more than that, so I’ll close the gap by throwing some time or resources in.” He’s screwing himself by thinking that she’s more rational than she actually is… .

This just in, putting any effort whatsoever into a relationship with a woman, acting as though she isn’t simply supposed to swoon and surrender the moment you enter her life, means you’re just as illogical as the lay-deez!

Gosh, and here I was thinking that logic meant that all parties in a healthy relationship put a certain amount of time and effort into said relationship.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

They have a lot of time to theorize about this stuff.

Because they can’t attract any women at all.

Razwick
Razwick
5 years ago

From what I see, the cheeseburger life isn’t even much of a party. They fuck one or two guys per year and feel bad about it.

One or two guys a year is enough to qualify as a slut now?
I suppose I’m forgetting that non-sluts save themselves for marriage but also have the Good at Sex gene.

Taos
Taos
5 years ago

I love how these guys have endless theories and explanations on how women act and think – like women are all the same mindless hoard (and not individual PEOPLE who think and feel and act all differently).

I wonder if some of these Red Pill’rs have never actually talked to female human?

Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
5 years ago

I find Amy Schumer highly attractive but I’m a vegetarian. Now what?

Zero
Zero
5 years ago

What the hell is wrong with a Big Mac? Also, who is “Amy Scheumer?” I’ve never heard of this “Amy Scheumer.”

Nothing is wrong with Big Mac’s but I guess they are just too much to swallow for those poor red pillers :’D And Amy Scheumer is a comedian, one who treats man in the same fashion all those macho guys treat woman. She makes lot’s of sex jokes and more. I think she is funny and red pillers hate her because she isn’t a woman who behaves like she is from the 50’s…

Rosie*sings*
Rosie*sings*
5 years ago

Oh! OH!! I wanna be a bacon cheeseburger!! And I’d be one of those with the extra patty because I’m awesome that way 😀

… you’re telling me I need to have sex in order to be a cheeseburger? Say what now? I can’t just dress up like one, like some sort of food fetished furry?

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I don’t know how to play an instrument, nor am I a good singer but I really, really want to start a girl band and call it The Cheeseburger Sluts.

I don’t follow celebrity gossip super closely so I don’t know for sure, but I believe I’ve read that Amy Schumer has dated some pro athletes. You know, the types of guys that have high “SMV” and could probably date 21 year models if they wanted to. So I don’t think it’s true that no one is actually attracted to Amy Schumer.

Isn’t it so hard to be a man? There’s actually a woman slightly larger than a size 2 on TV. And she talks about her sex life. Oh the horror! Oh, the Big Mac feeemales!

Supermeerkat
Supermeerkat
5 years ago

I’m no geneticist, but I understand that the female “good at sex gene” is activated by an alpha male’s dingus. I read that in a Richard Dawkins book, or I might have dreamt it.

Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
5 years ago

I love the part where he complains that women don’t even know what they like to look at. Sounds like he was turned down by someone, like 2 minutes before he ragetyped this. :p

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I found a sexy cheeseburger costume.

Because of course
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbjmuwOJxC1qavtp2.jpg

throwaway
throwaway
5 years ago

Man… The second I hear these people yapping it’s like
http://i.giphy.com/xT0BKCmm4MU6InoccU.gif

bluecat
bluecat
5 years ago

In my footloose and fancy free days, the very last thing I wanted was to “leverage” any kind of genes from my partners, thank you all the same.Those things can get you pregnant if you get them mixed up with your own.

@ Razwick – yes, I thought that too – one or two guys a year = slutty? Oops, call me Messalina.

I think, deep down, it’s ANY other guy, ever, before the guy that’s thinking this. Or the appearance of any other guy, or maybe just thinking about another guy once before she knew him, or having some guy’s poster on the wall.

@ WWTH – I’m really amazed there isn’t already a girl band called the Cheeseburger Sluts. There definitely should be. Hey, no probs if you can’t play – punk aesthetic! Learn while doing it.

katz
5 years ago

These grapes, they are definitely sour.

Zero
Zero
5 years ago

I will never get that 2 man in one year is slutty now?
And not doing them is being a bitch?
And having sex with them is being a whore?
I kinda get confused by their logic. Must be the reason why I don’t work in STEM.

Terrabeau
Terrabeau
5 years ago

Nobody finds Amy Scheumer [sic] attractive, but the reproductive cost for men is just low enough that he’ll get it up when she’s broadcasting her immediate availability.

I find it so telling for Red Pillers that they apparently don’t even need to find women sexually attractive to get aroused by them. For all their talk of women failing to meet their high standards, they don’t actually seem to care about any other quality beyond sexual availability.

ms_xeno
ms_xeno
5 years ago

weirdwoodtreehugger:

That’s actually an adorable outfit, but I don’t think it really succeeds as a cheeseburger.

LindsayIrene
5 years ago

Huh. So all the posts I’ve seen on Tumblr drooling over men ranging from Benedict Cumberbatch to K-pop stars weren’t posted by women, I guess, since women are incapable of knowing what they’re attracted to.

Chaos-Engineer
Chaos-Engineer
5 years ago

About this bit:

They think to themselves: “I’m worth X and she might theoretically get more than that, so I’ll close the gap by throwing some time or resources in.” He’s screwing himself by thinking that she’s more rational than she actually is…

When he spends those resources, he’s not sweetening the deal like he thinks he is. He’s making her second guess him. She’s not thinking that he’s now worth “X plus time and resources”. She’s wondering what he’s compensating for and his effort actually lowers his value.

I think I’d paraphrase this as: “There’s no well-defined universal standard that all people use to choose sexual partners. There are a few minimum basic standards that most people share, but a lot of it comes down to individual taste. Parts of it aren’t even rational; they’re completely emotional. If you’re sure that you’re meeting all the basic standards, then you shouldn’t waste a lot of additional time and energy pretending to be something you’re not; it just makes you less desirable.”

That actually makes sense! Do you suppose that someone told him this once, and he wrote it down without understanding it?

Kylo Ronin
Kylo Ronin
5 years ago

@Zero Oh I knew who Amy Schumer was. I was just poking fun at the typos. Hence the air quotes! 🙂

Zero
Zero
5 years ago

@Kylo Ronin Oh ok sorry :’D

Zero
Zero
5 years ago

Huh. So all the posts I’ve seen on Tumblr drooling over men ranging from Benedict Cumberbatch to K-pop stars weren’t posted by women, I guess, since women are incapable of knowing what they’re attracted to.

And if we do, we are shallow whores who only want to have man with good looks who is an asshole and not such Nice Guys™ like them.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

Hey, I can count enough guys to make 3 cheeseburgers so far this year.

Or would that be a triple cheeseburger?

Also, two of the guys were women, does that count as a vegan soyburguer?

I’m so tired of all this thinking, can’t some dude come over to throw time and resources at me?

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I’m guessing women not knowing who we should fuck or who like to look at roughly translates to “I’m a good choice to fuck and women should be attracted to me, but they’re not, therefore they must be irrational!”

It might also be mind bending to him that some people find a variety of things attractive. To use celebrity examples, I like Barack Obama. Alexander Skarsgaard, Lee Byung-hun, Adam Scott, Hal Sparks and Idris Elba. Also the dreaded Brad Pitt. Different body types and different races. How could that be!?

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

He has no idea what its like to get with those women he is so jealous of. Not one.

Zeb Berryman
Zeb Berryman
5 years ago

“Part of the reason women give such bad dating advice is because they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness. They aren’t rational enough to think logically about who’s a good choice to fuck or even what they like to look at.”

But…sexual attraction isn’t dictated by logic. And I think women notice when they’re turned on dude.

Dr Hoveiny
Dr Hoveiny
5 years ago

From what I see, the cheeseburger life isn’t even much of a party. They fuck one or two guys per year and feel bad about it.

But but but, you’re forgetting about the cock carousel! A cock carousel with 2 cocks on it is just a seesaw! Or a shitty, innominate carnival ride.

brooked
brooked
5 years ago

Part of the reason women give such bad dating advice is because they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness…

They go for men who other women go for because they need to be told who they’re attracted to.

Unlike the chuclefucks who believe their 1-10 hb ratings are universally true for all men and who are always obsessing and/or second guessing every single thing they do in relation to women.

The whole TeRPer reddit board is full of guys desperately pleading for social acceptance and approval while trying to feign rugged individualism. Get a grip dudes.

Skiriki
Skiriki
5 years ago

They go for men who treat them like shit because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent, even if she can’t figure out how.

What, he thinks that women go for redpillers — seeing how we’re talking about men who treat women like shit? I thought treating women like shit is redpiller raison d’être?

Anyway, yeah, cheeseburger… I want bacon, double cheese and extra chopped red onion, and with ketchup and mayo over onion chop, please. That’ll keep me fed for a day.

There needs to be a “construct a virtual burger site”… oh hey there is! https://buildyourburger.mcdonalds.com.au/

BritterSweet
5 years ago

“Hey girl, will you lettuce buy you a drink?”

Ugh, really David? But then again, cheesy puns like those are rarely ever well done.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Nobody respects the Cheeseburger Sluts and no woman wants to be a Cheeseburger Slut.

On the contrary, I am taking this term for myself and I highly respect myself. Or, at least, I respect myself not to sleep with a Red Piller. (But of course, I’m not good enough because I’m fat/over-the-wall/a feminist/don’t wear (enough) makeup/Don’t want to devote my entire being to them and their cocks and the pleasing thereof.)

I hereby dub myself the Resident Cheeseburger Slut of WHTM. It’s official. I’m filling out the paperwork as we speak.

Razwick | February 17, 2016 at 6:20 pm

From what I see, the cheeseburger life isn’t even much of a party. They fuck one or two guys per year and feel bad about it.

One or two guys a year is enough to qualify as a slut now?
I suppose I’m forgetting that non-sluts save themselves for marriage but also have the Good at Sex gene.

But even then they’re sluts because they have sex with their spouses.

Remember: You can only not be a slut/whore if you don’t have sex, but you have to have sex with MEEEEE because I’m a Nice Guy™, otherwise you’re a stuck up bitch, and then you’re still a slut/whore because I figure you’re off fucking Chad instead of fucking MEEEEEE, because I’m a Nice Guy™, and all women want bad boys like Chad, and that’s why I can’t get laid, because I’m so nice and women are all sluts/whores/bitches.

It’s easy, really. [/heavy sarcasm]

BritterSweet
5 years ago

While we’re talking about burgers, I used to work at a place called Teddy’s Bigger Burgers and they have some really good creations. Next time I get hungry I might get a Western burger from them (cheese, bacon, onion rings and spicy barbecue sauce).

the_real_Nick
the_real_Nick
5 years ago

Amy Schumer isn’t a ten?

For shame, David.

Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

Apropos of little, I like those odd cheeseburgers– you know, the kind that have blue cheese and maybe a balsamic-based sauce and greens that aren’t iceberg lettuce. Mmm.

Mrs. B
Mrs. B
5 years ago

(Lurker coming out of hiding. Hi!)

This just sounds to me like he wants “Cheeseburger Sluts” to be a new meme.

And yes, I’m hungry now, too.

Taffer
Taffer
5 years ago

One of my favorite lets players/streamers is a cheeseburger slut. So from Voidburger’s example what I can tell the the cheeseburger life is mostly about Silent Hill, feminism, Spyro the Dragon, and laughing at satanic illuminati circumcision conspiracy theories.

http://i.imgur.com/488ZKp3.png

reymohammed
5 years ago

Actually, now I’m hankering for a double Whopper, no mayo.

Mish
Mish
5 years ago

“They go for men who other women go for because they need to be told who they’re attracted to.”

But, but, who told the ‘other women’ who to go for in the first place?? How did they find out, so that the rest of us can copy them? Is there a selection process? Do you get something in the mail?

“They go for men who treat them like shit because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent, even if she can’t figure out how.”

Everyone, *this* is what ‘rational’ looks like, right here. Just look at that beautiful, rational sentence in all its glory.

In other news, Cheeseburger slut is the best term ever & I snorted when I saw Paradoxical Intention’s brand new name. Also, I don’t even eat burgers but am now starving like everyone else here XD.

Saphira
Saphira
5 years ago

Part of the reason women give such bad dating advice is because they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness.

*headdesk* Let me guess here . . . “bad dating advice” is telling your friends about about the Red Piller douchebag who creepily hit on you so they can avoid that guy, right?

They aren’t rational enough to think logically about who’s a good choice to fuck or even what they like to look at.

Yet I was rational and logical enough to graduate law school, be on law review and have my student note published. It’s too bad all that logic and rationality doesn’t spill over into other areas of my life, isn’t it?

They go for men who other women go for because they need to be told who they’re attracted to. They go for men who treat them like shit because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent, even if she can’t figure out how.

Ok, let me get this straight. Women give bad dating advice. They also have no idea what they want in a man. But they go for the man other women go for. Because they need someone telling them who to be attracted to. But they’re taking this advice from other women who are attracted to this particular man. So all these women are actually attracted to men they shouldn’t be attracted to because they rely on other women to tell them who to be attracted to and women don’t know what they want in a guy.

So THAT’S why all teh wimmenz out there go for the a-holes rather than all those poor little suffering “Nice Guy.” It has absolutely nothing to do with your piss poor attitude towards the half of the population you want to date. It all makes sense now! /s

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

I like mine with lettuce and tomato
Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes
Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer
Well, good god a-mighty, which way do I steer?

… it had to be sung.

Bina
5 years ago

I feel like trying some Pillock-to-English translations tonight. Here goes:

Nobody finds Amy Scheumer [sic] attractive, but the reproductive cost for men is just low enough that he’ll get it up when she’s broadcasting her immediate availability.

Translation: I really badly want to boink Amy Schumer, but she laughed at me for wearing a trilby with a Hawaiian shirt, and for spelling her name wrong. Boner sadz!

Nobody respects the Cheeseburger Sluts and no woman wants to be a Cheeseburger Slut. They don’t sit there planning how to use Cheeseburger appeal to leverage the best genes, they just make desperate impulsive decisions.

Translation: I really badly want to be one of their “desperate impulsive decisions”, but those evil sluts won’t give me the time of day. How dare they not be so desperate as to fuck me, me, ME???

From what I see, the cheeseburger life isn’t even much of a party. They fuck one or two guys per year and feel bad about it.

Translation: And neither of those guys is me. I’d give them something to feel bad about! Why not meeeeee?

Part of the reason women give such bad dating advice is because they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness. They aren’t rational enough to think logically about who’s a good choice to fuck or even what they like to look at.

Translation: Crap, women are totally onto us now. They’re warning each other against guys like us. They’re judging us and finding us lacking. They’re thinking logically about who’s a good choice to fuck, and it isn’t us. They even laugh at what we look like. I thought wearing a trilby was supposed to class up any damn thing I threw on, and now they just give it one quick look, and laugh at meeeeeee!

They go for men who other women go for because they need to be told who they’re attracted to. They go for men who treat them like shit because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent, even if she can’t figure out how.

Translation: I treat them like shit because other guys told me that’s what women like, and it’s backfiring. Instead of flocking to me, they’re flocking to that handsome, smart guy over there who treats them with courtesy and respect, instead of walking all over them like he’s supposed to! How could such a foolproof strategy fail me, me, MEEEEEE?

The system’s got an internal logic to it and TRP basically figured it out. If you play the game right then it’s pretty easy to exploit, but a lot of guys don’t do it.

Translation: I’m just winging it at this point, because I’ve already tried this strategy and it’s a flat failure, but I don’t want to tell you so because I want you all to fuck up your odds, too. Leaves more desperate women for me, me, MEEEEEEEE! (I hope, I hope, I hope…)

I call these guys “The Red Blue Pillers”. They think to themselves: “I’m worth X and she might theoretically get more than that, so I’ll close the gap by throwing some time or resources in.” He’s screwing himself by thinking that she’s more rational than she actually is… .

Translation: I flunked Econ 101, but shhhhhh, you don’t need to know that. Just look at me tap-dancing while I spout gibberish! Wheeeee, meeeeeeee!

When he spends those resources, he’s not sweetening the deal like he thinks he is. He’s making her second guess him. She’s not thinking that he’s now worth “X plus time and resources”. She’s wondering what he’s compensating for and his effort actually lowers his value.

Translation: I’m retaking Econ 101. It’s not going well.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

Oddly enough, I actually did have a (homemade) cheeseburger a couple hours prior to reading this. Only I decided to be different with the condiments, so instead of ketchup and mustard, I tried hoisin sauce. Very tasty, and worked better with the cheddar than I thought it would.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

PI,
Since you’re the resident cheeseburger slut, I guess that means you are in the band. Do you want to be lead singer? I’ll try and learn to drum.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I like cheeseburgers with pepper jack, avocado, onion, and cayenne pepper.

Another good combo is cheddar, mayo, and sriracha.

Bina
5 years ago

over-the-wall

I like this phrasing. It means one is over the whole concept of there being a “wall” you hit at age 25 (or whatever other arbitrary number). And that once you climb it and look out over the top, you see that what’s on the other side is better, because it’s not all littered with Pillocks. Yay, wall!

Bina
5 years ago

Also, I had seafood Alfredo for supper, so I’m not sure what kind of food slut that makes me. An Italian one, maybe?

Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
5 years ago

I can haz cheezburger sluttiness?

SCH
SCH
5 years ago

“…they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness.”

In other words, “I don’t realize I’m a fugly bridge troll inside and out and it’s women’s fault for not be attracted to me”

No, you flaming omega, I know exactly what I like and that’s why sorts like you are mad, because it’s not you.

“…because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent”

Excellent people do not treat others badly. No one ever “earns” any right to treat anyone that way. People like that – like you – simply prey on women who are for some reason or another weak enough on the inside (probably from past abuse) that they are willing to put up with it. You fail to even see that smart, logical, rational minded women exist who know exactly what we want because you don’t WANT us to exist. (Although really, if you can’t see us then you’ll leave us alone, which is fine. But you still need to just stfu.)

Pony's Labia
Pony's Labia
5 years ago

I don’t get how a girl can have sex 50 times with one penis and her vagina is OK but having sex 50 times with 50 different penises somehow wrecks the vagina. So. Dumb.

My user name is subject to change, so now it’s Pony’s Labia. Probably for lyfe.

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