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“Slutty women are like bad cheeseburgers,” Red Pill dude explains

Hey , girl, will you lettuce buy you a drink?
Hey , girl, will you lettuce buy you a drink?

Over on the Red Pill subreddit — where alpha dogs discuss their alphahood and trade fake stories about their alleged sexual conquests with other alpha dogs — one of the subreddit’s top “endorsed” commenters is worried that some of his comrades in lady-manipulation think too highly of the slutty sluts they say they’re banging.

In a post with 267 upvotes, at last count, CisWhiteMaelstrom warns fellow Red Pillers to be careful lest their Red Pill knowledge inadvertently “sexually empower women.” Indeed, he reports with a certain horror, these Red Pill dudes

project fantasies onto these women of having endless amounts of only the best sex and of having endless amounts of servants and power. … he’s elevated [sluts] to such a status that he could never attain it himself, even if he doesn’t actually want the chick because she’s just too slutty.

And then Mr. Maelstrom puts forward the most, well, delicious Red Pill metaphor I’ve seen for some time.

The truth is that slutty women are like bad cheeseburgers. Nobody actually wants a Big Mac, but it’s right there, it’s ready now, and it doesn’t cost much.

I beg to differ. Sometimes I really want a Big Mac.

Nobody finds Amy Scheumer [sic] attractive, but the reproductive cost for men is just low enough that he’ll get it up when she’s broadcasting her immediate availability.

How exactly does one go about determining the “reproductive cost” of having sex with Amy Schumer, or any other woman that these guys like to pretend they “wouldn’t bang” in the unlikely event that they were given the chance? What exactly is “the reproductive cost” for men,” anyway? Their sperm?

Is all that just that a fancy way of saying that dudes don’t worry about using up their sperm on some lady who isn’t a 10 because they know they can always just make more sperm? And why are we talking about sperm in a discussion about cheeseburgers anyway?

Nobody respects the Cheeseburger Sluts and no woman wants to be a Cheeseburger Slut. They don’t sit there planning how to use Cheeseburger appeal to leverage the best genes, they just make desperate impulsive decisions.

What sort of “desperate impulsive” cheeseburger decisions are these Cheeseburger Sluts making? Putting two slices of cheese on their heads instead of one? Slathering themselves in mayo in addition to the standard ketchup and mustard? Adding bacon to themselves for an additional 85 cents?

Crap, I’m making myself hungry.

From what I see, the cheeseburger life isn’t even much of a party. They fuck one or two guys per year and feel bad about it. 

Those Cheeseburger Sluts are definitely sour!

What’s even worse is that these Cheeseburger Sluts aren’t even thinking rationally about who they’re having sex with.

Part of the reason women give such bad dating advice is because they genuinely do not know what they like or how to judge a man’s attractiveness. They aren’t rational enough to think logically about who’s a good choice to fuck or even what they like to look at.

Damn, ladies, don’t you even STEM?

They go for men who other women go for because they need to be told who they’re attracted to. They go for men who treat them like shit because they assume he’s earned the right by being so excellent, even if she can’t figure out how.

Luckily, the Red Pillers understand the ladies even better than the ladies understand themselves.

The system’s got an internal logic to it and TRP basically figured it out. If you play the game right then it’s pretty easy to exploit, but a lot of guys don’t do it.

That’s right. Instead, some of these dudes forget the Red Pill basics and actually try to win over women with … resources! 

I call these guys “The Red Blue Pillers”. They think to themselves: “I’m worth X and she might theoretically get more than that, so I’ll close the gap by throwing some time or resources in.” He’s screwing himself by thinking that she’s more rational than she actually is… .

Wouldn’t this depend on what resources the guy uses to get the girls? I mean, say, coal is a classic old school resource, but most women don’t have coal-burning stoves these days. Uranium is super powerful, but it might turn her babies into mutants if she doesn’t have the proper containment system set up. It’s pretty complicated!

When he spends those resources, he’s not sweetening the deal like he thinks he is. He’s making her second guess him. She’s not thinking that he’s now worth “X plus time and resources”. She’s wondering what he’s compensating for and his effort actually lowers his value.

So in conclusion, go Red Pill! Boo Red Blue Pill!

Mr. Maelstrom’s post has gotten nearly 90 comments so far. I would read through them all but frankly all I can think about right now is cheeseburgers.

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Unlucky Blackjack
Unlucky Blackjack
4 years ago

This is why you don’t ever use food metaphors: it only makes your opponents hungry. And unless you’re in a fasting contest (they have those, right?), it doesn’t help your case. But I won’t get distracted by the prospect of a delicious, mouth-watering burger made with 100% American sirloin beef on two perfect sesame-seed buns with only the freshest lettuce and tomatoes, and topped with perfectly melted cheddar cheese and crisp bacon. I… I’m sorry, what were we talking about? Never mind, I’m going on a food run.

Bina
4 years ago

Is it possible to get injured from irony overload?

If you fell off your chair laughing, yes, it most certainly is!

Also, for some odd reason (probably the mention of a fasting contest), that dorky old Seinfeld “master of my domain” episode just popped into my head. Could someone please help me pop it out again?

Integral
Integral
4 years ago
Integral
Integral
4 years ago

Curse you, html.

katz
4 years ago

I’m not vegetarian but I’m trying to be (when I’m home at least it’s difficult to keep up on a ship unless you wanr to spend your life eating only boiled rice and salad :/) but although I agree on the animal cruelty front it was then environment aspect that also inspired me a lot. After I signed off once in port klang and saw how for miles upon miles as far as you could see the rainforest had been cut down and replaced with palm trees for their oil thats when I really started thinking about it. Every summer the malacca straits are covered by smoke from forest fires in kalimantan and johor when the palms catch fire. So I thought I would also cut out things like palm oil based foods and soy based food. Now looks like almonds too X(

I personally won’t touch palm oil because it’s right at the intersection of “horrible for the environment” and “horrible for you,” but at some point you do have to accept that you’re part of a global food economy and everything you eat has an impact. Eg, where I am you have to choose between foods grown locally (which deplete our water supply) or foods grown a long ways away (which require transportation). So at some point you’ve just got to accept that you can’t live a zero-impact life.

EJ (The Other One)
4 years ago

at some point you do have to accept that you’re part of a global food economy and everything you eat has an impact.

This is very true. Despite not being a vegetarian, I’ve given up eating beef and fish for the same reason. (Beef is sort of cheating because I don’t do milk anyway, so I may as well cut cattle out completely.)

I knew about palm oil, but I did not know about almond milk. Thanks very much, skiriki. I learned something today!

Valentine
Valentine
4 years ago

@katz
Yeah of course you can’t live zero impact but I want to do as much as I can to offset for the things I can’t cut out.
@Ej line caught tuna might soon be recognised as fully sustainable.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@Dr. Luna
I sometimes use almond cheese in breakfast burritos. I haven’t tried it for anything else. It melts well and the pepper jack style has a good flavor. I have not tried the other flavors. The texture is somewhere between mozzarella and kraft singles.

Skiriki
Skiriki
4 years ago

msexceptiontotherule:

REINDEER?! Nooooooooooo! We can’t kill Rudolph and the rest of the sleigh-pullers!!

No worries, Finland ain’t gonna run out of reindeer. 😉

But seriously, what is this thing called a “tall ring mould”? (Both you *and* PI said…shrinkage…**dissolves into giggles**)

It is a ring mould you’d use for making carpaccio and like, not a shallow one you’d use for making neat fried eggs.

Like these, I got a two-inch tall one.

Faradn
Faradn
4 years ago

I’ve been following this stuff for a long time and I have a pretty good sense of the mindset, but I can’t make sense of most of what this guy is saying, especially that first paragraph.

tyro
tyro
4 years ago

I just kind of want to drop a link to Throbbing Gristle’s “Hamburger Lady” into that Reddit thread and scar them all for life.

occasional reader
occasional reader
4 years ago

Hello.

“Will slut for burger” ?

Anyway, is it possible to trade burger for pizzas or sushis ? Even slutty ones ! Damn, it is soon noon here, hurry hurry, Time !

Well, HB is good. B is a bit too soft, and H tends to make the lead too easily breakable (not to say that if you do not control your hand enough, you are almost carving the paper with the lead…). But like anything else, judging HB is always a matter of personal state, not of “universal” (white cis male) rules.

Have a nice day (and meal, yum).

GardenGallivant
GardenGallivant
4 years ago

What about us salmon or shrimp burger sluts? Do we not rate a mention?

Skiriki
Skiriki
4 years ago

GardenGallivant: I hear that seafood/fish burger sluts gather at their own exclusive clubs and have all kinds of interesting and kinky parties there. The entrance fee can be pretty steep in those places, but there are cheaper underground clubs with haddock instead of salmon…

A Land Whale
A Land Whale
4 years ago

I’m sure many of you came to this conclusion, like, long ago but I’m kind of just figuring it out… I’ve always been asking myself, “Why are MRAs so obsessed with comparing women to random objects and animals? Plates, dogs, horses, hamburgers…. It’s like they’ll do anything to avoid seeing women as women…wtf?”

Well, I finally figured it out. Women can’t be women or they’d be people and then MRAs might have to concede that women are HUMAN too. They HAVE TO turn us into objects precisely so they won’t feel bad about treating us like toilet paper. They all know individual women they don’t hate….and those women are people. Then there’s the rest of us. So it’s no biggie to hate us. We aren’t humans with individual thoughts, feelings, personalities, and values. Nope! We’re all McSluts.

I know many of you will say, “Duh!” But it’s kind of a new and interesting idea for me.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@A Land Whale
I think there’s a lot of layers to it. Justification for the way they want to treat us is probably part of it. I think part of it has to do with the way the media portrays us as another species, practically. We’re these emotionally unstable, illogical, irrational beings that can’t possibly be understood by rational, logical men. We’re the other, and it’s okay to be a horrible person to the other because they don’t count. Unless she’s your mom in which case she’s not an other, she’s part of your clan and thus it’s different for her.