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Catch Your Man With Donuts: A Roosh-Free Open Thread

There's a BOFA joke here somewhere.
There’s a BOFA joke here somewhere.

It’s quittin’ time here at We Hunted the Mammoth. So let’s start off the weekend with a Roosh-Free open thread. Feel free to talk about anything and everything that is not Roosh. Like, for example, that weird old ad above. No trolls, no MRAs allowed.

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Hired Goon
Hired Goon
5 years ago

The goat sneezes at midnight!

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

Mm, donuts. Alas, I have no donuts. Though in a few minutes here I will be cooking a nice batch of chicken paprikash.

Tony! The Queer Shoop
5 years ago

I wonder what she would do if she caught a gay man with donuts. I mean I’m gay as they come and I *love* donuts. If presented with a plate of donuts-provided they weren’t filled or had sprinkles and stuff on them-I’d be hard pressed to turn them down.

Dreadnought
Dreadnought
5 years ago

@Victorious

Oooh, that would go well with the goulash I’m cooking up.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

@Dreadnought

Nothing like a little comfort food when it’s cold outside, is there?

eyesopen
eyesopen
5 years ago

I’ve just googled BOFA – wish I hadn’t.

Donuts !!- I’m getting weighed at Slimming World in 9 hours – you cruel cruel man David. I can taste them now. Night night.

Sara
Sara
5 years ago

This is hilariously typical. The old comparison between a wife and a ball-and-chain. Bizarre when you consider it’s much more often women (or young girls) that are forced into marriage.
Honestly, I’m starting to wonder if the whole cultural narrative isn’t a trap. Starting from when a girl learns to talk, teach her that getting married should be her first priority, and will be the single best day of her life. But, if she actively pursues someone she’s interested in, she’s needy or desperate.
So, girls are taught they should be passive, and open to male interest. They’re taught to be empathetic and place others’ needs ahead of their own. All of this is then called “feminine nature”. Can’t imagine a more ideal set-up for straight men to get the better end of the deal.

Dreadnought
Dreadnought
5 years ago

@Victorious

My gout says no, but my stomach says yes. Don’t forget plenty of sour cream.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

@Dreadnought

Yes, plenty of sour cream.

On a non-food topic, if anyone needs to top off their faith in humanity, there are over 600 people who’ve volunteered to help clean up the damage to the Malheur Refuge.

Epsilon
Epsilon
5 years ago

@ Tony

Obviously, those doughnuts are a trap. You see, those doughnuts have truth serum baked into the dough. One bite, and you’ll be telling her all your Deepest, Darkest Secrets, including your bank account numbers.

Tony! The Queer Shoop
5 years ago

Epsilon:
Lucky for me, I don’t remember my bank account numbers. But that truth serum is still worrisome. I’d hate to succumb to it and reveal the secret of how we gays cause destructive meterological phenomenon.

peaches
peaches
5 years ago

I don’t think I’m cooking tonight. I just had the last chicken thigh in a low-carb wrap, with baby spinach and peanut sauce. Now I’m having low-fat vanilla ice cream with strawberries. It’s a nice no-cook dinner.

Dreadnought
Dreadnought
5 years ago

@Victorious

I just hope something can be done to repair the damage done to Native American relations when the occupiers were filmed rummaging through aboriginal artefacts. Perhaps it’s time to return them?

Epsilon
Epsilon
5 years ago

@ Tony

But, I want to know how gays cause destructive meteorological phenomenon, too! Inquiring minds want to know!

*gives you doughnuts*

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
5 years ago

I get the doughnuts part of the ad, but… I’m not the only one really curious about the leap-year girls, am I?

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

@Dreadnought

I hope the Paiutes get whatever they’re asking for once the dust settles.

Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
5 years ago

Now I’m never googling BOFA. I’m still traumatized from googling that weird phobia a few months ago. Shudder.

Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

I hope this doesn’t bring things down too much, but… last Saturday my dad had to go into the hospital. What we thought had been a speech impediment due to a microstroke turned out to be a mass in his throat. The reason he was hospitalized was that it started bleeding– and given he was on blood thinners under the belief that he had had a stroke, this turned out very scary indeed. (Think that scene from Downton Abbey.)

He’s been sedated pretty much all week while they got the bleeding under control and made sure any meds like the blood thinner or anything that could cause side effects are out of his system.

Today they are starting to bring him out of it. And… it’s cancer. I am very worried for him.

reymohammed
5 years ago

Nequam, my last ex told me he has stage four lung cancer, the same thing that killed my mother. Both were hard core smokers most of their lives. I can relate.

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
5 years ago

I wonder what she would do if she caught a gay man with donuts.

Same as you’d do if you caught a straight man with donuts, I suppose. Unless you’re willing to pay the pet fees in your building you’re going to have to let him go back to the wild eventually. They’re so much happier when they’re free. 🙂

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

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This was all I could think of.

Also, I have some bad news: I got a voice acting gig (For a NSFW game, but money’s money), and then I almost immediately got a sore throat.

I’ve sent the people I’m working with an email explaining the situation, and hopefully they can give me a few days to recover and not just say “Well, too bad, we need you now!”. They seemed to like my audition, so there’s that as well.

Nequam | February 5, 2016 at 6:48 pm
Today they are starting to bring him out of it. And… it’s cancer. I am very worried for him.

I’ll be sending good vibes you and your family’s way, Nequam.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

@ Nequam

I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope your dad gets whatever treatment he needs, and has a swift and uneventful recovery.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

Well whadaya know. I had no idea that doughnuts are a more effective man catchin’ tool when used on a leap year.

Tovius
Tovius
5 years ago

I would also like to know what leap years have to do with donuts.

MissEB47
MissEB47
5 years ago

Hhmmmmmmm………. DONUTS!!
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MissEB47
MissEB47
5 years ago

Hang on! You can catch men with donuts now? Amazing!
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Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
5 years ago

I can be caught with raspberry cheesecake if anybody’s taking notes.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ tovius

Traditionally, women can propose marriage in leap years (is it only on 29 Feb though?)

MissEB47
MissEB47
5 years ago

Imaginary Petal- I can be caught with chocolate mud cake! *drools*

PS

I love the name change. Imaginary Petal is awesome!

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

@MissEB47

Thanks! It’s my Minecraft name. 🙂

EDIT: FFS. I forgot to change my name on my laptop. :p

Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
5 years ago

OK, fixed it.

AsAboveSoBelow
AsAboveSoBelow
5 years ago

Anyone else excited that it’s paczki season?

Nequam: I’m sorry your father is so ill, and I hope he is in remission soon.

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

Now I want doughnuts. But since I have Celiac disease it’s either crappy frozen doughnuts or I make good ones myself and have a ton of leftovers, and I still have a ton of cinnamon rolls in the freezer from when I went to the mall and walked past the Cinnabon.

Oh well. At least I have wine to soothe me after an awful week at work. I don’t want to go into why my week sucked, but it was bad enough that I’m starting to look around at job postings. I’m curious about a position working on defibrillators, but at the same time am not sure I could handle it if I wrote a bug that caused someone to die, so we’ll see. I’m giving my employer a couple of months to fix things, so I’m sure I’ll find other interesting postings during that time.

@Nequam
I’m sorry. I hope the doctors take good care of your dad.

Ellesar
Ellesar
5 years ago

Oh the fucking irony – both my grandmothers – young women in the time of that advert both married verbally abusive men, both were wonderful cooks, completely loyal wives, but treated like shit until they were much older. The ball and chain was definitely wielded by my grandfathers – they had the money, the power in society and in the home, over their children blah blah blah. One of my grandmothers tried to leave in the 50s, but had no resources to make it on her own with 4 children.

Ellesar
Ellesar
5 years ago

Years ago I was in new Zealand and found a book called How To Catch Your Man. I sent it to a hetero friend of mine in Italy, who was absolutely delighted and said she now knew where she had been going wrong – she didn’t have a hostess trolley.

Within a year she was married!

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

Presumably, when it comes to catching men, Canadian Mammotheers take their advice from the RCMP.

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
5 years ago

A hostess trolley? Is the idea to run around chasing them with it until they get tired and give up? I don’t get it. Why not a nice tiered tray?

Ellesar
Ellesar
5 years ago

Jarnsaxa – I think the idea was that women are so weak that we would be unable to carry in a tray with suitably feminine grace.

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
5 years ago

But… but waitresses. Women are the boss at tray-carrying!

Dreadnought
Dreadnought
5 years ago

@Paradoxical

That’s awesome – your job, not the sore throat. I think you’d make an amazing voice actor!

@Nequam

I’m sorry to hear that you and your family are going through hardship. I wish your father a rapid recovery.

Dreadnought
Dreadnought
5 years ago

@Jarnsaxa

I think the point is to have an assortment of beer, beef jerky, and other manly food on the trolly which you then use to lure in men. You know what they say: the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Har har har…

Valentine
Valentine
5 years ago

@nequam
Hi I’m new here but I thought I’d say my thoughts are with you and your dad and your family. My best friend is currently undergoing chemotherapy for a brain tumour. Cancer is a terrible disease but there is always hope. I hope you can keep your strength and positivity going for him and help him through this.

Tovius
Tovius
5 years ago

Traditionally, women can propose marriage in leap years (is it only on 29 Feb though?)

Thanks, Alan! I knew there was some context I was missing.

Now that I think about it, wasn’t there a movie with that as a premise not too long ago?

katz
5 years ago

I think the point is to have an assortment of beer, beef jerky, and other manly food on the trolly which you then use to lure in men. You know what they say: the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Har har har…

I tried that but the man just took my cakes 🙁

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Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

@Tovius and Alan: Ah yes, I remember that movie now. She had to like travel to Ireland and some shit and be there on the 29th to propose to her boyfriend, since he so rudely wouldn’t do it himself, and she couldn’t talk about their clearly different desires for their relationship because Talking About Feelings Isn’t Romantic. Every time I saw the ads I yelled at the screen “just propose to him at home! GOD.” I haven’t seen it but I’m guessing she ends up hooking up with some Irish guy instead.

Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
5 years ago

In Finland we celebrate the birthday of the finnish poet Johan Ludvig Runeberg on February 5th. He has a special pastry named after him that you can only get around this time of the year. And… I think I caught a man with it. No, seriously.

My friend was visiting me for the first time IRL (we’ve known eachother online for many years) from his home country and he asked what special food we had that is only Finnish. I took him to buy Runeberg’s pastries and on this same visit we soon realised we were more than just a little bit attracted to eachother. He went back to his own country but we’re messaging and planning our next meeting.

My head’s in a spin, it has been the strangest week of my life.

Here, girls, this is the pastry you want:

http://i11.aijaa.com/b/00301/14093243.jpg

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

Although really, the women-can-propose thing still doesn’t make it all that much clearer why you should feed dudes doughnuts in this particular year, since, in theory, the men should still be able to refuse to marry you. It would make much more sense if there was some sort of Our Mrs Reynolds situation where the consuming of doughnuts in a leap year is secretly part of a marriage ceremony. So I’m just going to go ahead and assume that’s the case.

Edit: Aww Leda that is so great! Good luck with your new caught man, ensnared in your web of pastry.

Ekaterin
Ekaterin
5 years ago

I made mini donuts this morning, brought them to the office, and caught a *lot* of men. And women. Then I chained them to my desk until they coughed up a bunch of paperwork that was technically due at the end of last year. This tactic works, and not in the “It Works!” saran wrap Ponzi scheme sense.

Mostly delurking to say this blog is a public service–thank you. I discovered it on Monday and have been catching up all week. (Wonder if the guy who hogged the plate of maple-glazed went home to blog, a la pancake guy, about how my nefarious feminine wiles destroyed his fitness plan.)

katz
5 years ago

Leda, that’s a great story. I hope you guys have many more pastries in your future.

Snowberry
Snowberry
5 years ago

Random thing I’ve been feeling like posting somewhere recently, and this is a good site as any:

Over the years I’ve seen a lot of people who hardly ever get anything their way. They’re generally unhappy and believe that the world is conspiring against them. And the sad thing is, they’re probably sort of right. Just not for the reasons they’d expect.

Most of them are “nice people”. Some are that in the genuinely kindly and generous sense, others are so in the passive-agressive and manipulative sense. Either way, this has nothing to do with the reasons why society blocks them at every turn. It’s because if they always got their way, they’d leave behind a trail of ruined lives, destroyed property, and the occasional corpse or three. It would always be “someone else’s fault” because there’s “no way” that anything they did could possibly have caused that. And even then, they’d still be mostly unhappy, because getting their way would usually not accomplish whatever they were really trying to do.

What I’ve noticed that these people all have in common: They don’t understand how much of anything works. Some of them refuse to believe anyone who tries to explain how something works. It’s like everything they know is a guess based on a poorly-understood observation, and once they “know” something they strongly resist any idea which doesn’t conform to it. Others take the attitude of “I don’t need to know how it works, I only need it to work how I want it to.” It’s like they’ve always got more “important” things to be concerned with than to figure out how to make things happen the way they want/need/have to, even when it’s literally their job to do so. Both are forms of “magical thinking” combined with intellectual laziness.

Also, their inability to understand things makes them unable to understand that their problem with everything is their inability to understand things. It’s Dunning-Kruger on steroids. So they blame all their problems on something superficially related to their biggest gripes, or just society in general. Sometimes (not always) they become rabid bigots and/or conspiracy theorists.

I mention this because quite a lot of manospherians seem to be the kind of people who are stuck in this mental cage. Their biggest gripes are things along the lines of not having enough sex, or being unable to take on a traditionally masculine role (a concept which they probably don’t entirely understand anyway), or the breakdown of black-and-white social categories, or wanting to control others when they can barely control themselves. So their choice of blame is women, for being desirable but seemingly unobtainable. Or what they see as “feminism”, which is a concept they definitely don’t understand. Or occasionally Jews, because argleblargle.

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