Open Thread for Personal Stuff: January 2016 Prairie Dog Hug Edition

@ThatHobbitGuy, I really don’t think that there’s evidence enough to believe that you will never experience romantic and sexual love again in your life. You’ve already had a marriage. Doesn’t that show that romantic love can happen for you? I’m not trying to belittle your feelings and I’m sorry if that’s what I’ve succeeded in doing.

This bit:

If EVERYONE misunderstands everything I post than how the f#ck are they going to understand my fiction.

I’m not a writer myself, but my understanding is that there are always 2 people involved in creating art: artist, and audience. People have been interpreting and re-interpreting Charles Dickens for generations. You can take entire classes in analysing his work. I don’t think anyone is likely to say that makes him a poor writer of fiction, and it’s impossible to say that he wasn’t a successful one.

I’d just like to take the opportunity in this thread to say a big thank you to all Mammotheers.

I’ve been tied up on a work thing for the last few months that’s meant no sleep, working over weekends and holidays and generally not having any real free time whatsoever.

Dipping into Mammoth and enjoying our discussions has been the perfect diversionary behaviour when I needed to take a short break. You’re all such wonderful people.

But finally the tricky stage is completed . There’s more to come of of course but today I was able to leave the alarm off and didn’t wake up til 3pm. My sleep deficit is fully repaid and I feel great. I can also spend the weekend engaging in some actual human contact with real world friends (they’re almost as nice as the people here 🙂 )

Even my poorly back is getting better (I “lift Bro” but apparently not very well 🙂 )

I have that procrastination thing, too! Right now, it’s standing in the way of my contacting my dad’s insurance company. I had the same thing with contacting his pension plan. I also had to ask husbeast to help me get the ball rolling (as in he had to call the lawyer) to start the probate process. Ack!

I know part of it is that I’m averse to hearing people say “sorry for your loss” and I DO appreciate the sentiment but right now, it’s just a reminder that my dad is gone. That only lasts for a little while and really isn’t that big a deal.

The other part is that whatever I decide to do, it seems wrong. For instance, whether to contact the home office of the insurance company, or to contact the insurance agent instead. Every time I decide to do one, I second-guess myself that the other thing is the better choice (maybe) and then end up doing nothing. This sort of thing is a pattern with me.

Believe me, it’s NOT that I don’t know that the simple solution is just to knuckle down and do one or the other (hobbitguy, I’m lookin’ at you here), it’s just hard to overcome the self-doubt and ensuing emotional turmoil that this simple, stupid little thing causes.

On another note, I really feel for everyone with problems. Especially those with difficult fathers. I have been so fortunate to have had my dad through thick and thin. He was wonderful. I wish everyone could have that in their lives. Maybe if we can eliminate patriarchy, more people will.

Virtual hugs to all that want/need ’em.

I just started my Junior classes at art school and I’m making a comic for Junior Studio. I designed a female knight protagonist and she has proper armor that is historically accurate. I went to the art museum, sat in front of the display case, and drew my favorite suit of armor. Who wants to see it?

I don’t know how to put images into my posts here yet. :U

[img]http://i.imgur.com/ur8f4aZ.jpg[/img]

Fuck boobplate armor. If I had more time, I would’ve done a whole turn sheet and everything else, but we’re being thrown into doing our semester-long projects RIGHT NOW. I have to finish a whole page by Wednesday. @_@ I never really drew a comic on a professional level before, but my teacher liked my thumbnail.

authorialAlchemy:

Love the armor sketch. Boobplate is so silly; didn’t women who (very very seldom) wore armor just bind up the boobage to minimize bounce? I can’t see how having armor that “matches” boob contours would be at all comfortable or supportive unless the fit was painstakingly superb. How awkward would that scenario between woman and armorer be?

Paradoxy:

I’ll be watching out for the stores. I’m also toying with the idea of having you do an avatar for me. I love the stuff you do for your youtube channel.

I can design stuff (knit/crochet patterns and jewelry) but can’t draw to save my life. I’d love a hambeast mascot someday!

@Paradoxical Intention

Helping others kinda feels good though. 🙂

Anon and RJMacReady,

I don’t have anything particularly insightful and useful to add. I just wanted to say welcome. It took awhile for your posts to come out of moderation so I don’t think people have seen them and I just didn’t want you to go unacknowledged.

I wish you both the best and we’re here if you need to vent. Anon, I wish your brother the best well. That’s a hell of a thing to go through and I can’t believe that anyone in this day and age thought a little talk therapy is sufficient for hallucinations and sleep deprivation. I’m glad things are going better now.

Since we’ve had some stories about shitty dads, can I maybe add some stuff about great dads? Just to prove this blog isn’t misandry all the way down. 😉

My dad worked all his life with the same company. He started in manufacturing, and then learned how to do IT support in the late 80s and got an office job at the same location. He was a folk musician in the 1960s and a blues musician from the 70s until this day. He loves whisky but never gets drunk. He’s never not been supportive. He always came up with new dinner ideas and inspired me to learn how to cook, even though he never directly taught me anything. He retired in his mid 60s and got his first cat the same year. Now he talks about cats every time I call.

My dad’s dad was a construction worker, one of those jobs MRAs fantasize about. He retired when his body was worn out, just in time to take care of my older brother when my parents were both busy with work. He led by example and taught me to always look out for other people, never be mean, and always work to make things easier for those around you. He said the worst moment of his life was when he feared he would be forced to shoot at people in WW2. He never lost his patience taking care of my grandmother after her stroke, when she had a difficult time communicating for over a decade. At her funeral, he put a rose on her coffin and said “thank you for all those beautiful years”. He’s the reason why I always put my middle initial when given the option. And if I ever become a parent, I’m passing that initial on. He died at age 89, with my dad by his side.

Welcome to all the new posters!

In other news, it’s my 31st birthday (here in the future). I’m off to get stoned off my gourd and watch Mad fucking Max flaunt my misandristically post-wall age celebrate in a completely respectable adult way. ^_^

Love the armor sketch. Boobplate is so silly; didn’t women who (very very seldom) wore armor just bind up the boobage to minimize bounce? I can’t see how having armor that “matches” boob contours would be at all comfortable or supportive unless the fit was painstakingly superb. How awkward would that scenario between woman and armorer be?

I never really thought of how uncomfortable boob plate would be. And it’s even stupider because you have to wear padding under armor, which would hide any boobs even if they weren’t bound. All boobplate would do is direct blows to your heart. :/

I understand that some character designers created boobplate because it’s hard to tell what gender your character is while wearing armor, especially with a helmet, but there are other ways of feminising an outfit. Hell, the armor I based this design on looked feminine, and that’s why I picked it. I’m not the only person who thinks so, because as I was drawing, someone walked by and remarked “That armor looks like it was made for a woman.” It was this exact piece:

http://images.metmuseum.org/CRDImages/aa/web-large/sfma29.154.1_156870.jpg

There’s something about the hips and legs. It even has little heart shapes on the little peephole area a knight would see through. If my knight was jousting, I would’ve kept the helmet and swoopy part.

It’s awful how some artists prioritize sexyness over practicality. It can interfere with storytelling. Like, if I put my knight in sexy armor, she wouldn’t read as a knight immediately and it would make my story kind of confusing. The fact that she is a knight would be more like an informed attribute rather than an implied/shown one.

Oh, also, should any future art posts in the future go in the non-personal threads? I wasn’t sure which thread to put this in.

@ThatHobbitGuy

Sorry, it’s just people reply to what I post & say and it leads my to deduce they have completely misunderstood me because their reply was wrong. There can only be one correct reply if they understand me

Well, this might be presumptuous of me, but I think I understand what you’re getting at here. I had a roommate who once told me he felt incredibly depressed and lonely, because he had come to the conclusion that no one was ever going to love him the way he wanted to be loved. He was super attractive and went out with different people every week, but he felt empty and unable to really connect with anybody. Everything they said felt off somehow, even when they meant well. No one seemed able to find the key to unlock him.

We all yearn for someone who “gets” us. It’s terrifying to realize that other people might, at best, only partially ever get you, that the best you can ever hope for might be 45% of a soul mate.

The thing about love, though, is that it’s not a math problem with just one right answer. It’s an essay question. Everyone has their own way of showing love to others, all equally valid. For some people it’s kisses and hugs and compliments, for others it’s sitting and listening, for others it’s keeping the lawn mowed and the furnace going. Accepting love in whatever form it takes, learning to appreciate a person for who they truly are, is hard. It sounds easy, but it’s not.

In your case, you’re a fixer and problem-solver, and you’ve likely found yourself with women who just want you to sit and listen. Neither style is wrong, it’s just hard to mesh them together. Your friend may think your quick solutions dismiss her feelings and short-circuit her need to process events on their own timetable. It could be that emotional tension makes you uncomfortable. For your part, you probably get impatient with women who dismiss your perfectly rational advice, and can’t understand why they won’t admit you’re right.

Both approaches are equally valid. If you’re feeling misunderstood and like you’re making all the effort, would it help to open up about that? You said you have a lot of private thoughts that you don’t usually share with others.

Maybe also rethink whether a rigid “right and wrong” framing of interactions might be contributing to your feeling lonely and unfulfilled. After all, how fun can it be if someone is always losing? Disagreement isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If it helps you grow, then that’s a form of love, too. Ask yourself whether you’ve got unwritten rules/needs for relationships that either aren’t very realistic, or aren’t being articulated effectively.

I sympathize with you – it sucks being misunderstood, and it takes work not to be misunderstood. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and don’t blow someone off if you don’t feel an instant connection to them. Soulmates aren’t born. They’re made.