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no trolls allowed open thread

Open Thread for Personal Stuff: January 2016 Prairie Dog Hug Edition

I love you, dog!
I got you, dawg!

An open thread for personal stuff. As usual, this thread is a NO TROLLS/NO MRAS zone.

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kupo
kupo
5 years ago

How come no one agrees with me when I know for a f#cking fact I am right?

Sorry to say it, but it sounds like you might not be right.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

@ThatHobbitGuy, I really don’t think that there’s evidence enough to believe that you will never experience romantic and sexual love again in your life. You’ve already had a marriage. Doesn’t that show that romantic love can happen for you? I’m not trying to belittle your feelings and I’m sorry if that’s what I’ve succeeded in doing.

This bit:

If EVERYONE misunderstands everything I post than how the f#ck are they going to understand my fiction.

I’m not a writer myself, but my understanding is that there are always 2 people involved in creating art: artist, and audience. People have been interpreting and re-interpreting Charles Dickens for generations. You can take entire classes in analysing his work. I don’t think anyone is likely to say that makes him a poor writer of fiction, and it’s impossible to say that he wasn’t a successful one.

WeirwoodTreeHugger
WeirwoodTreeHugger
5 years ago

Hobbitguy,
Echoing Dhag. When you’ve already tried simple solutions or various simple solutions aren’t viable, it can be frustrating and feel insulting to have people tell you over what you already know. For example, I’ve been dealing with insomnia lately and a lot of advice is useless. Going to bed at the same time every night is ridiculously unrealistic. Turning out the lights and lying down early just makes me more awake. Avoiding caffeine has been tried many times, it doesn’t work. I’ve had issues sleeping my whole life, I’ve thought of these things. If an easy solution worked, I would have used it.

It’s a similar issue if you’re coming from a place of privilege and instructing someone on how to deal with the problems associated with being in a marginalized group. Like telling poor people to just eat lentils instead of fast food and then they’ll be thin and healthy. Telling women to be as assertive as men in the workplace and it’ll fix the wage gap. Telling a black person who is afraid an interaction with police will turn fatal that they should just be polite and compliant and they’ll be fine.

There’s also the inconvenient fact that emotional support is a part of both romantic relationships and friendships. Sometimes people talk about their problems to vent or seek support and don’t want advice. If you really want a partner, this is something you’re going to have to be able to provide. Unless you can find a woman with your same mindset. You seem to be a wee bit entitled here. You’re wondering why people aren’t meeting your needs. You’re not understanding that people have needs too.

Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

I’d just like to take the opportunity in this thread to say a big thank you to all Mammotheers.

I’ve been tied up on a work thing for the last few months that’s meant no sleep, working over weekends and holidays and generally not having any real free time whatsoever.

Dipping into Mammoth and enjoying our discussions has been the perfect diversionary behaviour when I needed to take a short break. You’re all such wonderful people.

But finally the tricky stage is completed . There’s more to come of of course but today I was able to leave the alarm off and didn’t wake up til 3pm. My sleep deficit is fully repaid and I feel great. I can also spend the weekend engaging in some actual human contact with real world friends (they’re almost as nice as the people here 🙂 )

Even my poorly back is getting better (I “lift Bro” but apparently not very well 🙂 )

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

More good news.

Daughter number two is getting married in April. Now I have an excuse for going online to look for stuff to buy. Come to think of it, I’ve already been doing a fair bit of that for the new granddaughter – other daughter’s daughter.

This time it’s for me, I , myself.

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
5 years ago

I have that procrastination thing, too! Right now, it’s standing in the way of my contacting my dad’s insurance company. I had the same thing with contacting his pension plan. I also had to ask husbeast to help me get the ball rolling (as in he had to call the lawyer) to start the probate process. Ack!

I know part of it is that I’m averse to hearing people say “sorry for your loss” and I DO appreciate the sentiment but right now, it’s just a reminder that my dad is gone. That only lasts for a little while and really isn’t that big a deal.

The other part is that whatever I decide to do, it seems wrong. For instance, whether to contact the home office of the insurance company, or to contact the insurance agent instead. Every time I decide to do one, I second-guess myself that the other thing is the better choice (maybe) and then end up doing nothing. This sort of thing is a pattern with me.

Believe me, it’s NOT that I don’t know that the simple solution is just to knuckle down and do one or the other (hobbitguy, I’m lookin’ at you here), it’s just hard to overcome the self-doubt and ensuing emotional turmoil that this simple, stupid little thing causes.

On another note, I really feel for everyone with problems. Especially those with difficult fathers. I have been so fortunate to have had my dad through thick and thin. He was wonderful. I wish everyone could have that in their lives. Maybe if we can eliminate patriarchy, more people will.

Virtual hugs to all that want/need ’em.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

I also understand the difficulty handling a supposedly “minor” task that turns into A Whole Thing after a while. I have to go to H&R Block to handle the taxes that I haven’t filed in a couple of years (for no good reason – it would have taken like half an hour to do it with free tax software). I planned to do it on Sunday, but the whole thing was so shameful and overwhelming that instead I broke down and sobbed in bed all day. Low point: went down to get the pasta that my boyfriend made us for dinner, realized that I would need to get a fork AND a bowl AND dish food into that bowl, panicked at the sheer number of tasks and instead cried on the floor.

(Boyfriend helped me to get food)

authorialAlchemy
authorialAlchemy
5 years ago

I just started my Junior classes at art school and I’m making a comic for Junior Studio. I designed a female knight protagonist and she has proper armor that is historically accurate. I went to the art museum, sat in front of the display case, and drew my favorite suit of armor. Who wants to see it?

I don’t know how to put images into my posts here yet. :U

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
5 years ago

authorialAlchemy:

Me! I wanna see! My only wish is that it’s not linked to photobucket; I can’t seem to open anything there. 🙁

authorialAlchemy
authorialAlchemy
5 years ago

[img]http://i.imgur.com/ur8f4aZ.jpg[/img]

Fuck boobplate armor. If I had more time, I would’ve done a whole turn sheet and everything else, but we’re being thrown into doing our semester-long projects RIGHT NOW. I have to finish a whole page by Wednesday. @_@ I never really drew a comic on a professional level before, but my teacher liked my thumbnail.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

dhag85 | January 22, 2016 at 4:05 am
@Paradoxical Intention

I recognize your situation, sort of. I’m also one of those people whose job applications are apparently invisible. I’ve applied for hundreds and hundreds of jobs in my life, only ever got called to interview once, and then I never heard from them again. The only way I ever found work is by applying to places who weren’t actually hiring.

I really hope this move works out for you, and I’d also like to say there’s no reason to feel bad about setting up a gofundme page or whatever. If you need help, you need help. Even if there are others who have it worse.

Yeah, but it’ll still eat at me because I’ll feel like I’m asking for something for nothing. I at least want to offer people SOMETHING for helping me out.

But, yeah, I’m hoping to get the word out sometime this weekend, after I fix up my commissions stuff to better suit what I want to show off, and after I get the etsy store set up, and then I’m going to spam that shit everywhere, and encourage others to do the same. :U

If this thread is still up, I’ll be sure to spam it here too in case anyone wants to offer their assistance in exchange for stuff.

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
5 years ago

authorialAlchemy:

Love the armor sketch. Boobplate is so silly; didn’t women who (very very seldom) wore armor just bind up the boobage to minimize bounce? I can’t see how having armor that “matches” boob contours would be at all comfortable or supportive unless the fit was painstakingly superb. How awkward would that scenario between woman and armorer be?

Paradoxy:

I’ll be watching out for the stores. I’m also toying with the idea of having you do an avatar for me. I love the stuff you do for your youtube channel.

I can design stuff (knit/crochet patterns and jewelry) but can’t draw to save my life. I’d love a hambeast mascot someday!

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Viscaria
Been there. Floor crying is typically when I hit the low point, then it starts to go up from there. Maybe you can have someone you trust go with you? I know that’s not easy, either, but sometimes it can make it better if it’s the right person.

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

@Paradoxical Intention

Helping others kinda feels good though. 🙂

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie | January 22, 2016 at 5:10 pm
Paradoxy:

I’ll be watching out for the stores. I’m also toying with the idea of having you do an avatar for me. I love the stuff you do for your youtube channel.

I can design stuff (knit/crochet patterns and jewelry) but can’t draw to save my life. I’d love a hambeast mascot someday!

I’d love to! I’ll be sure to let you know when the post goes up so you can see my rates and the like for yourself. :3

And you could totes do good on etsy with digital downloads for crochet patterns. I see so many of those on there, and they’re usually pretty cheap (like two bucks a pop).

dhag85 | January 22, 2016 at 5:57 pm
@Paradoxical Intention

Helping others kinda feels good though. 🙂

Oh no, I agree, it’s just a bit of my pride getting in the way, I suppose. : P

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Anon and RJMacReady,

I don’t have anything particularly insightful and useful to add. I just wanted to say welcome. It took awhile for your posts to come out of moderation so I don’t think people have seen them and I just didn’t want you to go unacknowledged.

I wish you both the best and we’re here if you need to vent. Anon, I wish your brother the best well. That’s a hell of a thing to go through and I can’t believe that anyone in this day and age thought a little talk therapy is sufficient for hallucinations and sleep deprivation. I’m glad things are going better now.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

More hugs to everyone who wants one. Everyone’s comments touch my heart.

@anon
You’ve been through a lot! I’m glad you’ve been able to be there for your brother. Best wishes.

@Kootiepatra
Yeah, not dying is pretty terrific. I’m glad you’re on the mend!

@kylagb
You’ve got a really good attitude about the challenges you’ve faced.

@sunnysombrera
That’s great about your finances and your vacation!
I’m sorry to hear about your cold and your work issues. I hope they’re both of brief duration.

@RJMacReady
Welcome! Good luck with the new medication.

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

Since we’ve had some stories about shitty dads, can I maybe add some stuff about great dads? Just to prove this blog isn’t misandry all the way down. 😉

My dad worked all his life with the same company. He started in manufacturing, and then learned how to do IT support in the late 80s and got an office job at the same location. He was a folk musician in the 1960s and a blues musician from the 70s until this day. He loves whisky but never gets drunk. He’s never not been supportive. He always came up with new dinner ideas and inspired me to learn how to cook, even though he never directly taught me anything. He retired in his mid 60s and got his first cat the same year. Now he talks about cats every time I call.

My dad’s dad was a construction worker, one of those jobs MRAs fantasize about. He retired when his body was worn out, just in time to take care of my older brother when my parents were both busy with work. He led by example and taught me to always look out for other people, never be mean, and always work to make things easier for those around you. He said the worst moment of his life was when he feared he would be forced to shoot at people in WW2. He never lost his patience taking care of my grandmother after her stroke, when she had a difficult time communicating for over a decade. At her funeral, he put a rose on her coffin and said “thank you for all those beautiful years”. He’s the reason why I always put my middle initial when given the option. And if I ever become a parent, I’m passing that initial on. He died at age 89, with my dad by his side.

Ellesar
Ellesar
5 years ago

Hey peeps! I think I must have failed as a feminist mother! My son has just received a conditional offer for a Civil Engineering degree from a good university. Somehow I have been unable to sufficiently dominate him and crush his spirit so that he can only go for a career suitable for a mangina.

Still winning with younger son though – Performing Arts (and one of the best in his class despite being the youngest by up to 20 years), suitably feminised and beta-ish!

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

Welcome to all the new posters!

In other news, it’s my 31st birthday (here in the future). I’m off to get stoned off my gourd and watch Mad fucking Max flaunt my misandristically post-wall age celebrate in a completely respectable adult way. ^_^

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

@SFHC

Congrats! I had my 31st two weeks ago. 🙂 Those secret birthday plans sound great.

authorialAlchemy
authorialAlchemy
5 years ago

Love the armor sketch. Boobplate is so silly; didn’t women who (very very seldom) wore armor just bind up the boobage to minimize bounce? I can’t see how having armor that “matches” boob contours would be at all comfortable or supportive unless the fit was painstakingly superb. How awkward would that scenario between woman and armorer be?

I never really thought of how uncomfortable boob plate would be. And it’s even stupider because you have to wear padding under armor, which would hide any boobs even if they weren’t bound. All boobplate would do is direct blows to your heart. :/

I understand that some character designers created boobplate because it’s hard to tell what gender your character is while wearing armor, especially with a helmet, but there are other ways of feminising an outfit. Hell, the armor I based this design on looked feminine, and that’s why I picked it. I’m not the only person who thinks so, because as I was drawing, someone walked by and remarked “That armor looks like it was made for a woman.” It was this exact piece:

http://images.metmuseum.org/CRDImages/aa/web-large/sfma29.154.1_156870.jpg

There’s something about the hips and legs. It even has little heart shapes on the little peephole area a knight would see through. If my knight was jousting, I would’ve kept the helmet and swoopy part.

It’s awful how some artists prioritize sexyness over practicality. It can interfere with storytelling. Like, if I put my knight in sexy armor, she wouldn’t read as a knight immediately and it would make my story kind of confusing. The fact that she is a knight would be more like an informed attribute rather than an implied/shown one.

Oh, also, should any future art posts in the future go in the non-personal threads? I wasn’t sure which thread to put this in.

Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

I hadn’t realized there was a second open thread or I’d’ve posted my vacation comment there instead of in the MLK one.

I consider myself very lucky when it comes to my parents– they are kind and funny people, so the visit was a good one. I also enjoyed seeing my in-laws, though sadly it is harder for them to travel (my husband and I are old enough that our parents are well into senior citizenhood, but my husband’s parents are the older pair and in particular my father-in-law got whacked with childhood polio, and his already limited mobility– he can walk with crutches– is getting more so as his rotator cuffs just plain wear out from decades of use).

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

@ThatHobbitGuy

Sorry, it’s just people reply to what I post & say and it leads my to deduce they have completely misunderstood me because their reply was wrong. There can only be one correct reply if they understand me

Well, this might be presumptuous of me, but I think I understand what you’re getting at here. I had a roommate who once told me he felt incredibly depressed and lonely, because he had come to the conclusion that no one was ever going to love him the way he wanted to be loved. He was super attractive and went out with different people every week, but he felt empty and unable to really connect with anybody. Everything they said felt off somehow, even when they meant well. No one seemed able to find the key to unlock him.

We all yearn for someone who “gets” us. It’s terrifying to realize that other people might, at best, only partially ever get you, that the best you can ever hope for might be 45% of a soul mate.

The thing about love, though, is that it’s not a math problem with just one right answer. It’s an essay question. Everyone has their own way of showing love to others, all equally valid. For some people it’s kisses and hugs and compliments, for others it’s sitting and listening, for others it’s keeping the lawn mowed and the furnace going. Accepting love in whatever form it takes, learning to appreciate a person for who they truly are, is hard. It sounds easy, but it’s not.

In your case, you’re a fixer and problem-solver, and you’ve likely found yourself with women who just want you to sit and listen. Neither style is wrong, it’s just hard to mesh them together. Your friend may think your quick solutions dismiss her feelings and short-circuit her need to process events on their own timetable. It could be that emotional tension makes you uncomfortable. For your part, you probably get impatient with women who dismiss your perfectly rational advice, and can’t understand why they won’t admit you’re right.

Both approaches are equally valid. If you’re feeling misunderstood and like you’re making all the effort, would it help to open up about that? You said you have a lot of private thoughts that you don’t usually share with others.

Maybe also rethink whether a rigid “right and wrong” framing of interactions might be contributing to your feeling lonely and unfulfilled. After all, how fun can it be if someone is always losing? Disagreement isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If it helps you grow, then that’s a form of love, too. Ask yourself whether you’ve got unwritten rules/needs for relationships that either aren’t very realistic, or aren’t being articulated effectively.

I sympathize with you – it sucks being misunderstood, and it takes work not to be misunderstood. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and don’t blow someone off if you don’t feel an instant connection to them. Soulmates aren’t born. They’re made.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

Congrats! I had my 31st two weeks ago.

Oh shit, I must’ve missed that thread. Belated happy birthday! =P

(Is it just me, or were a full half of us born in January?)

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

@SFHC

I’m not sure if I mentioned it at that time. 🙂 When we talked about birthdays a while back I remember EJ’s was also in January, and there were probably a few more?

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

@SFHC
Happy birthday!

I envy your ability to live in the future. I hope that we’ve resolved all environmental issues, we’ve eliminated war, and that the MRM has re-formed into an organic gardening group.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Happy birthday dhag85 and M! Enjoy your completely adult celebrations.

People whose birthdays are far from Christmas are weird. Do they have separate celebrations or something? /s

proudfootz
proudfootz
5 years ago

What ThatHobbitGuy wrote resonated with me – or maybe I just paid attention to the bits I felt I ‘got’ and missed a lot more.

When I was with the person I married I wanted very much to be able to solve or resolve our problems and move on. I thought this was possible, or at least desirable. We’re both intelligent people who care about one another. We should be able to do this. But it became clear that we couldn’t. Neither of us really had the tools or the relative objectivity to work things out.

Many of the problems that I thought were soluble were actually symptoms of deeper issues. So even though we might spend all night arguing/discussing why I said “X” the other day, that same incident would still be an issue a month later – six months later – years later. Whatever fear that made “X” ominous was not always unearthed.

Both of us were insecure in our own ways, and the combination was complementary in a way that helped these respective habits of mind worse. I could be less demonstrative out of fear of rejection, and that would be interpreted by my partner as rejection. It was a kind of dance – when one retreated out of self-protection the other advanced trying to reassure.

I have a fear of anger, as that was one of the few emotions that was freely expressed in my childhood home. I fear it in others and I fear it in myself. So in personal relationships I tend to want to avoid conflict, and that avoidance disrupts communication. Acting in ways to prevent anger in another or oneself ultimately become inauthentic, which is itself frightening for anyone who feels unlovable.

In the end the marriage was not saved. Which may or may not be a good thing. Neither our individual counseling nor counseling as a couple were able to reverse the trend. It would have been great had we been able to build on the good parts that made us happy, but somehow in the end we made each other unhappy.

I’m not sure if there will be romantic love in my future. But being alone is preferable to that experience of seeing yourself hurt someone you care about, and the frustration of its inevitability.

Tovius
Tovius
5 years ago

@EJ (The Other One)
I always wondered about the opposite. If you’re birthday fall’s near Christmas, do you get twice the presents? (Being a kid at the time, that was of course what I focused on)

Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ SFHC

Does seem that way. January 9 for me.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Not me. I’m May 22nd.

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
5 years ago

Paradoxy 😀 I’ll be keeping an eye out!

authorialAlchemy

I understand that some character designers created boobplate because it’s hard to tell what gender your character is while wearing armor, especially with a helmet, but there are other ways of feminising an outfit.

Not to mention that the characters can appear out of armor! Makes for a nice surprise. I agree that set of armor is quite feminine, even the helm has lovely lines!

Dhag: To add to the good dad list, my dad was a gentle giant; not that he was super huge (6′ and somewhere over 200 lbs his whole adult life) but he wore a buzz cut most of the time and looked “mean” as he would say. He also said this kept him off of a lot of jury panels! Actually, he was very patient, alsways allowing small me to follow him doggedly whenever he was home and answering endless questions. He never told his only daughter that she couldn’t do any given thing because she was a girl and was proud when I went into the US Air Force. After I became an adult, I also figured out that he was also quite shy; possibly because working on farm equipment in his youth left him hard of hearing.

Mom and dad had their fights, but always made up. They were married until my mom died of lymphoma in 1981. After that, dad learned to cook more than just waffles and cinnamon toast, grew many of his own fruits and vegetables, and generally got along very well until about 7 years ago when he had a car accident on his way to visit me. I guess it was driving cars for the rental agency he worked for for 30 years because he decided then and there he wasn’t going to drive anymore. I was very privileged to be able to help him stay in his home until he died last October. I very much doubt any manurospherian would have had the guts to call him a mangina to his face!

Dalillama
Dalillama
5 years ago

@erica, ascendant
You’re not the first person I’ve encountered with that complaint around here. If I had the spoons and was any good at it, I’d try to organize such a thing.

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

D&D online isn’t a thing?

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

@Hambeast

Sounds like an awesome dad. 🙂

Dalillama
Dalillama
5 years ago

dhag85:
It is, but is has its own issues, among which is that it’s not meatspace (although it has advantages too). My last several games have been online, but you’ve got the same problem you find in pretty much all geek spaces, which is a large number of jackwagons like erica described in the OP.

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

@Dalillama

Of course. I just meant it might be easier to get together a group of non-jackwagons from all over the world than from one particular city.

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

Speaking of good dads, mine was a bit different. He was a very quiet, completely undemonstrative man. He was also like this socially. Though mum says that, somehow, she never worked it out, when they met a group of new people – say on one of those holiday bus tours – she’d find that they were attached, within a few hours, to the rowdiest bunch of good-time folks. He seemed to be attracted to and congenial with people as unlike himself as could possibly be. And he loved ballroom dancing.

He was also one of those _reliable_ people. I can’t remember a time when he wasn’t secretary or treasurer or some other office holder of a social or church or sports club committee. Apparently he was much the same there as at home. Everyone else – but not him – would discuss a proposal endlessly and, when they’d all run out of ideas or things to say, he’d then summarise where they’d got to and they’d suddenly find themselves with a solution or a definite proposal.

One thing stands out. He wasn’t huggy or kissy or verbally effusive with any of us. When I said he was quiet, I meant it. He never told us this particular conversation happened. He never told mum. One of the people at church told mum a week or so later.

After church one evening when my sister and I were in our teens, dad was in the usual men’s huddle outside having a smoke and one of them said My word, Norm, you’ve got a beautiful daughter. (Only one of us was at church obviously.) Without a pause, without getting all excited, no big deal, quite calm, he sort of grunted-growled (don’t know better words, but that’s what he often did) “I’ve got two beautiful daughters.”

Never once in the almost 60 years I had him did he say he loved me or tell me I was beautiful. But, somehow or another, in all that time I felt secure, loved, worthy of him and in tune with him.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

All these wonderful dads! You’ve all made me cry now. In a good way–thanks!

@EJ (The Other One)
I think that you just had a birthday. I hope that you had a swell time!

@Alan Robertshaw
You had a birthday–I know that for sure. I hope it was fabulous!

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

Never once in the almost 60 years I had him did he say he loved me or tell me I was beautiful. But, somehow or another, in all that time I felt secure, loved, worthy of him and in tune with him.

I recognize this. Neither of my parents have ever said “I love you” to me or my brother. When I realized other people’s parents sometimes do this, I was very surprised and confused. As an adult I find those words (in Swedish) very difficult/awkward to say to my wife, but in English I have no problem with it.

And my grandparents never said it either, but it wasn’t necessary. Even though I can’t understand a single word of what my mom says, she’s always been supportive and all that.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

I’m not a D&D player, but I’m genuinely surprised that the number of them collected in this community haven’t made something happen yet.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

I’ve never played D&D but I’ve always wanted to. It’s just never quite worked out. If someone more talented than myself were to put an online Mammotheer group together, I would love to join, if that wasn’t a problem.

Orion
Orion
5 years ago

I have a deep mistrust of online formats for roleplaying. Meeting in person ensures things move along at a decent clip, and adds that festive social energy. Plus, I grew up with the old school D&D crowd and love sliding minis around a hex map when I get the chance.

Still, it has been a long time since I had a game. Disability, plus mounting disgust with gamer culture, will do that. I’d be happy to run D&D in an agreed-upon format.

New folks welcome.

——————————————————–

I had a roommate who . . . was super attractive and went out with different people every week, but he felt empty and unable to really connect with anybody.

I’m sure that feeling unwanted must get very lonely, but there’s also a kind of loneliness that sets in when most people you meet are more attracted to you than you are to them.

I’m sure some facial alphas (to borrow a legendary troll’s name for the conventionally-attractive) date lots of people because they enjoy it and because they can, but I feel forced into it. I go out with lots of people with whom I have very little in common, either because they misrepresented themselves to get my attention, or because my looks induced them to try to overlook things about me that actually bother them. I also have to shut down a lot of romances before they get off the ground, because people come on way too strong. It sucks to be cautiously intrigued but still making up my mind about someone when they declare their love.

LG
LG
5 years ago

NEW RANT:

So, a new vegan “butcher” shop just opened up here in Minneapolis. I had been looking forward to it for many weeks. But now, it looks like there’ll be no tasty vegan faux meats for us; they decided to celebrate their grand opening by booking the PETA “Lettuce Ladies” to stand around in 19 degree weather outside wearing lettuce-shaped bikinis serving samples to people in line. 19 fucking degrees.

I let them know what I thought of that, and of PETA, on their FB event page and subsequently got massively and personally harassed. Of course, I’m CLEARLY anti-vegan and anti-sex, and “morally bankrupt” for bullying a poor, defenseless small business.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I’ve never played D&D but I’ve always wanted to. It’s just never quite worked out. If someone more talented than myself were to put an online Mammotheer group together, I would love to join, if that wasn’t a problem.

I tried it out when I was about 11 or 12 but never got too into it because I was insecure and didn’t want to be considered an even bigger dork than I already was. I’d be into giving it another go if there was an online Mammotheer group though.

I’m sure that feeling unwanted must get very lonely, but there’s also a kind of loneliness that sets in when most people you meet are more attracted to you than you are to them.

I’m about average looks wise generally, so contrary to what Nice Guys think about all women, including average looking ones having tons of suitors, I’ve never really had this problem. But, I do have really huge boobs. I’ve worried that every time a guy has ever wanted to date me, it’s solely because of my boobs. As much as I’ve often wanted to be thinner, prettier, and have nicer hair, I’ve always considered the downsides to that too. If I’m so paranoid about the one sought after body part I have, what would it be like if I were an “HB10?” I don’t know if conventionally attractive men experience this quite as much or not, but conventionally attractive women so often seem to be treated as prey objects by men. If they’re not meat, they’re pedastalized and then the objects of rage when men discover they aren’t actually perfect, they’re human beings. There are times I’m actually quite glad I’m just a regular Jane.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

LG,
That sucks. PETA: protesting meat by treating women like meat since, I dunno, whenever they started.

I’ll have to let people know about this if they talk about shopping there in my earshot.

Dalillama
Dalillama
5 years ago

@ Orion:

I have a deep mistrust of online formats for roleplaying. Meeting in person ensures things move along at a decent clip, and adds that festive social energy. Plus, I grew up with the old school D&D crowd and love sliding minis around a hex map when I get the chance.

I’ve been having good luck with Roll20 on that front; it’s a virtual tabletop that supports maps & tokens, you can play by text or voice chat, has rollers built in, etc. I personally can’t be having with these new versions of D&D, I play mostly GURPS nowadays, but the principle’s the same.

dhag85
dhag85
5 years ago

I’ve never played D&D but I did some tabletop roleplaying in my teens, mainly Swedish games like this one:

http://www.kaptenkrok.se/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/500×500/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/r/o/rollspel-eon-011.jpg

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

I had some success running an online Ars Magica game on a forum called The Gaming Den a while back. The game ended when #GG became a thing and suddenly I became aware that the Den wasn’t just full of charismatically sarcastic people but full of genuine assholes, and I had no desire to associate with them any further.