This is the horrifying image that faces you if you take a look at “Paul’s Corner” on A Voice for Men today.
There’s a bit of backstory here. Elam, you see, recently spent an hour chatting with PUA-sleazebucket-turned-wannabe-patriarch Roosh Valizadeh on YouTube, and during this chat Mr. Valizadeh noted that Mr. Elam wasn’t offering a lot of advice to young men on how to score with the ladies.
If Elam were in fact the real “men’s human rights activist” he likes to pretend he is, he would have simply said, that’s not really my job, you never saw, say, Martin Luther King giving speeches on how to charm the ladies into having the sex.
But apparently Mr Elam was so taken aback by the merest suggestion that he doesn’t know how to charm the ladies into having the sex that he decided he needed to make a whole new set of videos on how to charm the ladies into having the sex, of which the video he put up today is merely the appetizer. Happy Martin Luther King day, everyone!
This isn’t the first time Elam has done something like this. After facing criticism for running a giant two-part fawning interview with Roosh on AVFM early last year, Elam put up a post intended to remind everyone that sure as shootin he don’t need none of that newfangled PUA crap to get his dick wet because Ladies Love Cool Paul.
This was the graphic I came up with for my post on the subject. You have to admit it’s pretty good.
Ok, I’m just stalling now. I should probably stop blabbing and force myself to watch Elam’s latest the damn video. Here goes.
Well, ok, that wasn’t quite as horrendous as I was expecting. Elam’s most basic advice, while hardly original, is in itself not terribly objectionable: he points out that guys — and here he’s talking only about straight guys — who have more genuine interests in life beyond getting laid will end up being a lot more interesting to women than guys who spend their life learning the latest “negs” and so on.
But Elam can’t really do anything without being a dick about it, so he accompanied his unobjectionable platitudes with an assortment of nasty, if faintly ridiculous, little Elam-isms, delivered with a sneer.
Still smarting from Jeff Sharlet’s devastating expose of his little empire last year in GQ magazine, Elam suggests to would be Lotharios that “dressing nice doesn’t hurt but I don’t suggest looking like you’re a GQ reader either.”
He follows this up, for some weird psychological reason we cannot fully fathom, with gratuitous swipes at fat dudes.”Morbid obesity is a non-starter,” he announces.
And besides, if you’re morbidly obese you should probably be talking to a doctor before you attempt sex, possibly even with your hand. … Man-tits trying to bust through a t-shirt and a belt-line that looks like a seizmic fault circling your body gives you a Pillsbury Dough Boy look that doesn’t work.
Man-tits? Subtle, dude. I guess he’s still mad about that plagiarism thing.
Just FYI, Paul, more than 2/3 of American adults are classified as overweight or obese, with more than a third in the latter category. Roughly 6 percent of American adults are classified as morbidly obese. And guess what, Paul? These people have sex all the fucking time (and some are quite good at it).
Elam goes on to accuse the PUAs of trying to feign indifference towards women in order to lend themselves the air of aloof mystery that women are said to adore. Elam’s indifference towards women, he assures us, is real. (Yeah, that’s why he spends so much of his life yelling about women online.)
“Making pussy the sole focus of your existence is the ultimate drain to personal power,” Elam explains earnestly, sounding a little bit like General Jack T. Ripper worrying about his precious bodily fluids.
But the weirdest and most off-putting fluid-based metaphor comes a few moments later.
“Available sex is gravy,” he announces.
Not the meat. Get your head around that, motherfuckers. YOU are the meat. Treat yourself like it, and so will others.
Wait, what?
I’m not even going to try to make sense of that, because I’m pretty sure that if I spend even one more second of my life contemplating the fact that Paul Elam apparently sees himself as some sort of tasty sex steak, I will have to take up vegetarianism and everyone knows how inconvenient that is.
Happy Martin Luther King day, everyone!
H/T –@TakedownMRAs
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Something for the meat to lay on top of and cover in gravy?
Yes, the gross ass metaphor holds up!
There will be no lady-meat-plate-mattresses being covered with gravy on this here blog! I forbid it! *stomps size 6 foot in high heeled shoe with ferocity*
That shit goes against every commandment of Katie in the book! And a few that aren’t in the book too!
That metaphor is evolving in a way that is most unsettling, and it’s making me feel like I did in Las Vegas for my 21st birthday roughly 5 minutes before I vomited on a large potted palm in my hotel lobby.
It really shows how emotionally immature MRAs and their kin are, that their go-to insults are mocking someone’s weight and their appearance. Other than just being childish – it also shows how insipid their ideology is, as well.
Like, in the past, I’ve had these odd conversations with right-wingers who’s use female hosts from FOX News shows as “evidence” their ideology was somehow correct. Other than proving they’re sexist pieces of shit – pointing out several attractive women agreeing with those politics doesn’t actually mean anything. Their ideology is still completely backwards, xenophobic, and borderline despotic despite using the word “freedom” as frequently as possible.
I suppose it is helpful, in that you know not to waste your time with such people when they use an argument like that. Rather than, y’know, explaining the actual merits of their ideology in comparison to others. “We got hot chicks” only indicates there is only little to nothing there…
Paul Elam has some nerve critiquing other people’s bodies.
I also think he has a crush on Roosh.
Oh great, now I’ve got that KFC craving again.
@Katz and Buttercup
A GQ Reader is essentially a metrosexual, a guy who goes beyond just a shave and a haircut in order to look good. They actually want to look good, have good clothes, have a good look, and well, aren’t afraid of showing of their good looks.
They’re also against everything the #REALLYMANLYMEN are all about… You know, actually not smelling bad and not having a disgusting looking beard.
I think that of all the observations about Mr. Elam, the one that will get under his skin the most is, as @cincin said, very matter-of-factly:
I think being thought of as old, as past his prime and irrelevant, is exactly the kind of observation that really stings ol’ Paulie.
http://i.imgur.com/Bxos2Ew.jpg
I think pointing out someone is irrelevant is perfectly legitimate.
I’m not as sure about old and past their prime though. That’s just something that will happen to all of us one day.
Admittedly, men aren’t dismissed based on age as much as women, but I still think it’s perhaps a criticism to be avoided.
(Not having a dig there, he’s certainly an odious chap)
I always find myself pleasantly surprised when these guys have an ounce of self-awareness and something actually useful to say on this front, but then they just drown it in misogyny like drowning your potatoes (or biscuits or fries/chips) in really shitty, salty, thin gravy and I just shake my head again.
It is a good piece of advice (to everyone, not just men) that you should view yourself outside of your relationship, which is why I’ve never really liked the whole “find your other half” kind of rhetoric. You are already a whole person, you don’t need someone to “complete” you. I’ve always been kinda leery of it because it smacks of codependency to me, which has a huge potential for abuse.
Not that your datemate/housespouse/significant other can’t make you want to be a better person, or bring out the best in you, but I don’t think they “complete” you.
Apologies if this comes off the wrong way, but it’s never really sat right with me, I mean no disrespect to people who do view their relationships this way. And apologies for the tottering ramble I just went on.
@ paradoxy
I get what you mean about viewing a relationship as providing something that’s ‘lacking’ rather than bringing something even more to an already fulfilled life.
I see relationships the other way. You start off with two already complete people and you end up with something that’s “(even) more than the sum of its parts”
Like I live my own life at 100% but my relationships allow two of us to jointly live at 200%
Get my drift; I am still pretty spacey at present?
Freedom of speech is such an awesome thing….Lame Paul & Co. talk themselves further and further away from any kind of influence.
*Facepalm*
That’s kind of what I wanted to get at. I think I typed something to that effect before deleting it because I couldn’t give it the rightful words.
I guess this just goes to show that a broken, angry, exploitative, misogynistic, racist, fatphobic, hypocritical, all-around-full-of-shit clock is still… wait where was I going with this again?
@P.I.
No apologies needed – what you stated is entirely sensible.
The notion that you need to be in a relationship to be “complete” is one of those old-fashioned attitudes that aren’t really relevant anymore, but are kept around due to force of habit. People (especially women) who forgo things like courtship or marriage are still seen as somehow “broken” by their 30’s – even though no one, in this day and age, needs to be in a relationship to be functional. Pushing people into a relationship they do not want to be in causes more misery than it does happiness.
There’s around seven billion people on the planet, human beings are living longer than before, and having children is a task better suited for those who are willing to do it than because they feel obligated to.
He’s teaching younger men on how to bang a woman. I’m sorry but I don’t see women beating down his door. MRAs remind me of the guys who spent their time in high school complaining that they couldn’t get a girlfriend.I think the only woman he’ll see is rosey palms and her 5 friends.
Probably because he IS on the brink of a homicidal meltdown.
A lot of guys, myself included (at one point), seem more concerned about being in a relationship – even if they’ll only complain about it – than most women do. The male ego is fragile and not having a girlfriend (or at least some kind of “fuck-buddy”), even one whose presence annoys them, is seen as a personality flaw.
Of course, the reality is that most guys who obsess about getting laid or having an attractive partner they can show off to their buddies are also some of the most dull, uninteresting people on the planet. They lack appreciation for Art and culture, usually hesitant to indulge in anything that might be more intellectually or spiritually enlightening, and often enamored by physical traits – which might explain why many PUAs make such a big deal about fitness and their workout routine. Well, that and insistence of fat-shaming anyone who isn’t built like an Adonis (though they probably aren’t either).
Count me in as one of the people squicked out when people say things like “my other half” or “you complete me.” Maybe that explains why I’m still single? Being joined at the hip with someone holds zero appeal to me. I’d rather be my own person and be with someone who is also his person. I’d rather want and be wanted than need and be needed. Most people seem to crave other halves though. Including men, despite what pop culture claims.
Every time I see a quote here of Paul Elam saying something god-awful, the picture of him that accompanies it looks gleeful. It kind of reminds me of the title of that Westboro Baptist Church biography, “Addicted to Hate.” It makes me think he enjoys having an excuse to be angry.
Basically sausage. That is all.
@WWTH:
Yeah, me too. The best relationships I’ve been in and seen other people have are the ones where two completely independent (and awesome) people are busy doing their independent (and awesome) things, and part of those things include cuddling one another. It not only allows each partner to flourish, but it also demonstrates immense trust.
This is, I think, why a lot of people are afraid of it.
If your partner needs you then you don’t have to trust them, and if you need your partner then you don’t have to trust yourself. Codependence is a way of avoiding the pressures of living as an adult who gets to make their own choices, and a lot of people are socialised into being afraid of making their own choices. It’s as true for men as it is for women, in my experience.
Ktoryx-“Why does that man look like he’s on the brink of a homicidal meltdown in EVERY. SINGLE. PHOTOGRAPH?”
I know, right?! He is an angry and hateful man and that expression is his hate showing through. That is why I find photos of him so unsettling that I can’t look at them. He makes my skin crawl. 0_0
I just threw up in my mouth a little, and I am (allegedly) his ideal market (straight, white, socially awkward and isolated). Makes me wonder why he never had ths ‘I should really get over my bullshit’ moment all the formerly pissed off at women as teenagers types seem to experience.
Or is hoping for self awarebess from him asking too much?
Can we do without the ageism, kthanx.