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Beware the Pancake-Eating Girlfriends of Doom, Red Pill Dude Warns

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Pancakes: Tool of the devil

On the This is Trouble blog, the Red Pill Lothario and former Return of Kings contributor known only as Kyle has issued a dire warning to contemporary men: women will “drag you towards mediocrity” if you let them.

The worst offenders? Pancake-eating women.

I mean, let’s just say you’re a super cool dude who’s maybe three months into a relationship with some hot pre-wall broad. Obviously, Kyle notes, she’s totally into you due to “various measures: your health, your wealth, and your overall drive motivation, etc.”

That’s cool. But then she starts doing crap that interferes with your ability to have, like, the best health, wealth and drive motivation. Like, the stuff that made her into you in the first place!

Instead of  “encourag[ing] you to wake up at 6am on a Saturday to hit the gym” and work your side-hustle selling juice or writing ebooks on how to get hot babes, or whatever, she JUST WANTS TO SLEEP IN.

[G]irls flat-out self sabotage the very thing they’re attracted to by trying to keep you in bed with them all day, sleeping in and just being a lazy slob in general.

Come back to bed, honey, these torpid Sirens cry.

They will literally hold you back in moving forward because women have no sense of needing to move forward, EVER.

And that’s where the pancakes come in.

Even the ones that are in shitty positions in life (no career, no skills, no goals) have this self entitlement complex that a man is going to save them – SOMEDAY. It’s why they sit around in the mornings and eat pancakes rather than get up and be productive.

The pancakes! The horror!

Now, if this thing about pancakes seems like a weirdly specific complaint about contemporary women, well, that’s because it’s really a complaint about one particular woman, that woman being Kyle’s current girlfriend, an admitted pancake eater who, on one recent occasion actually delayed his Saturday morning trip to the gym by an hour. 

You see, Kyle has got important shit to do. Not like you women.

Most girls simply go home from their 9-5 hellhole and turn on the TV, killing their brain cells and souls by watching shit involving the Kardashians. The smart girls go to the gym, and spend time preparing their own meals to better themselves in that sense. However, I’ve yet to meet a girl who does the gym, meal prep, and everything else I do on a day-to-day basis to keep moving forward on the self improvement and freedom path.

Preach it, brother!

That usually involves the 9-5 gig, a minimum of 2-3 hours a work on side work (10+ a day on weekends), an hour workout, and I still make time for friends, dates, etc. The trick is that I know how to get by on little sleep, I minimize my commute and I don’t waste any time.

Most women just cannot handle what I do on a day-to-day basis.

Hell, just hearing about all this makes me tired. No, not tired. What’s that other word that’s sort of like tired? Bored.

So anyway, Kyle was just going along living his impeccable life. And then came The Morning of the Pancakes.

Kyle recounts this terrible ordeal in graphic detail.

He and his girlfriend of one month are lying in bed on a Saturday afternoon.

I had wanted to go the gym at roughly 8am, and she said she wanted to join me. So of course we didn’t get there until about 9am.

I believe this is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. It should be, anyway.

At the gym, as I worked through a brutal superset workout…what did she do?

Walked on the treadmill.

Damn treadmill-walking lazy-ass woman!

Oh, and she did two whole sets of planks with me at the end.

Correction: Damn treadmill-walking, two-plank-set-doing lazy-ass woman!

Brace yourself, dear reader, because it gets worse.

After we got back from the gym, she really wanted to go and get pancakes.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!1!!

And steak and eggs sounded like a good post-workout meal to me. I relented and went, and in Los Angeles, $30 is about the minimum you can spend on any meal for two.

Somehow I’m guessing that Kyle here is not much of a tipper.

Finally, another hour and a half and $32.67 later, we were full and headed home.

Yeah, he’s definitely not a good tipper. I mean, given that he’s holding onto his resentment that the meal for two cost $2.67 more than the arbitrary amount he expected the meal to cost.

But she didn’t have work until 2pm – so of course she dicked around my apartment (of course, didn’t make herself useful and clean up my apartment or anything) until 1:15pm…and ended up being late to work anyway.

By the time she was gone and I settled into a working groove, it was 2pm and half the day was gone.

A moment of silence, please, for the half of Kyle’s Saturday so cruelly murdered by his girlfriend.

Rest in Peace, Half of Kyle’s Saturday. Rest in Peace.

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Moocow
8 years ago

If you’re really Kyle, where’s your blue checkmark?

0/10
Troll harder

dhag85
8 years ago

Good thing Kyle can determine who’s a “decent female” based solely on their internet screen name. You didn’t even ask if they like pancakes, you fucking weirdo. 🙂

Paradoxical Intention
8 years ago

Oh good, a chance to tell off this wanker to his face!

Kyle [ThisIsTrouble.com] | January 12, 2016 at 7:51 pm
I notice a lack of any decent females in this comments section who are all criticizing me.

I rest my case.

> Assumes we’re all “females”
> Doesn’t know what any of us look like or who any of us are
> Assumes because we think he’s a piece of shit that we’re not “decent”
> Didn’t make a point
> No one can parse his “grammar”

What is this word salad? Kyle, maybe if you got a bit more sleep you’d be coherent.

Kyle [ThisIsTrouble.com] | January 13, 2016 at 12:38 am
I see no one wants to reply to remark about the lack of decent looking girls here. Proves m

Sounds like someone didn’t finish his sentence, but I imagine he’d say something along the lines of “Proves me right” because he’s a bit thick like that.

And no, we don’t care to reply or remark about the “lack” of decent looking girls here, because, while I can’t speak for everyone here, I think girls are all already pretty damn good looking, regardless of any flaw you find with them!

Don’t want to date fat girls (or girls that eat)? Good. More pancakes and Saturday morning cuddles for me, Crankypants. Go take a fucking nap.

Typical anti male self-improvement/feminists.

“How dare you not help me and my boner! You just want to drag me into your lazy pit of sleeping in on a Saturday and eating pancakes instead of cracking the whip on me to get my ebook hustle on because you’re not willing to hate yourselves enough for me!”

Dude, this is the best shit I’ve ever read. I’m rolling on the floor laughing right now. He’s literally accusing of us being “anti male self-improvement” because we don’t think all girls aren’t “good looking” enough and refuse to comment on it. We’re not tearing down other women for their looks and he’s like “UGH, you’re not helping me! You’re anti-male self improvement!”

I also love how he put a slash between anti-male self-improvement and feminists, like some of us here actually give a shit about his “male self-improvement” B.S.

Enjoy your stroke at forty from your “self improvement/no sleep/no pancakes lifestyle” bruh. The rest of us are going to fucking enjoy our lives because YOLO.

Moocow
8 years ago

@Paradoxical Intention

Well, as much as we don’t give a shit, we have been helping him on his quest for self-improvement by giving him the best possible advice:

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BritterSweet
8 years ago

That’s the best he can come up with? “Well, you don’t please my boner?” Haha!

Paradoxical Intention
8 years ago

@Moocow: And in case Kyle still doesn’t get it, here’s the advice straight from Samuel L. Jackson.

Kat
Kat
8 years ago

@Kyle

I see no one wants to reply to remark about the lack of decent looking girls here. Proves m

Typical anti male self-improvement/feminists.

Nice of you to drop by!

If you want to improve yourself, I suggest you start by improving your writing, spelling, grammar, and proofreading. Because

Proves m

and

reply to remark

are sooo beta.

And as far as what we look like, your faith in your own psychic powers is much too great.

Finally, Kyle, go the f[Picture a full moon here]k to sleep.

Kyle [ThisIsTrouble.com]

Ahh, much better guys. Not sure what happened on that last comment with the typo, I was typing that as a girl (not my girlfriend, oops) was riding me, so grammar wasn’t really my priority.

Anything else you’d like to pile on? My fragile ego can’t really handle it. Let me go cry tears into my pillow.

Hey go check out my book on misogyny too: http://crackingokcupid.com

And my travel blog where I talk about using misogyny to sleep with foreign girls: http://bachelortravels.com

Time to go cry.

Lagoon
Lagoon
8 years ago

So did you look up this post specifically to jerk off to the idea that someone somewhere is talking about you or do you actually care that people disagree with your shitty perspective?
Also, you must tell us, are you a waffle man or a French toast man? We already know you’re a “get her drunk because Doosh told me it wasn’t rape” kind of guy so there’s only a few important questions left!
Edit: shouldn’t you be off working out and complaining that your girlfriend only does cardio? I thought you were a busy man?

Paradoxical Intention
8 years ago

Kyle [ThisIsTrouble.com] | January 13, 2016 at 1:42 am
Ahh, much better guys. Not sure what happened on that last comment with the typo, I was typing that as a girl (not my girlfriend, oops) was riding me, so grammar wasn’t really my priority.

Does Kyle’s mistress live in Canada too?

I don’t know what’s sadder, the fact that you’ve felt the need to come up with an “excuse” to cover your shitty grammar along the lines of “Well, I’m getting laid! ;)” (Which by the way, none of us actually give a shit about, you do you), or the fact that you expect us to believe that you’re having cheatsey sex while you respond to us, OR the fact that you’re the special kind of douchebag who would be doing shit on the internet while he’s got a lady on his dick who’s also not his girlfriend.

Wow, slow clap it out.

If that’s the case, I’ve got Deadpool between my legs right now, and I still am managing to type properly, what’s your fucking excuse Kyle?

Anything else you’d like to pile on? My fragile ego can’t really handle it. Let me go cry tears into my pillow.

Hmm, let’s see…

The fact that you can’t seem to clean up after your own nasty self and expect your girlfriend to do it for you is sad as fuck and I feel sorry for any woman who comes into contact with you because you’re so helpless you can’t pick up your own fucking apartment and you throw grown-ass tantrums over your girlfriend eating pancakes, or any food for that matter because apparently she, like all other human beings on this planet, you included, have the potential to get fat.

It’s also sad that one day you’re going to look back on your life while you’re sitting in a hospital bed after your stroke from lack of proper sleep and wonder what life would have been like if you had just spent all this time whining about how women are people on something more worthwhile, like eating pancakes and being a good boyfriend to your girlfriend.

And it’s triple sad that your girlfriend’s going through this right now, and I sincerely hope she finds your blog and sees what you really think of her, and it inspires her to not waste any more of her precious, singular life on such a sad, sad, little man who is so insecure about everything that he tells strangers on the internet that he’s texting while he’s cheating on her.

BritterSweet
8 years ago

Oh. Now I see. He’s just seeking attention. Negative attention from women he says are not even decent looking. While trying to play it off like he’s not living a sad existence.

Okay.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
8 years ago

Not sure what happened on that last comment with the typo, I was typing that as a girl (not my girlfriend, oops) was riding me, so grammar wasn’t really my priority.

I believe that because I’m pretty sure your girlfriend is now your ex considering you couldn’t even spend an hour snuggling with her. And I’m sure the woman riding you didn’t mind you being distracted so she can get off and leave ASAP.

Kyle [ThisIsTrouble.com]

There’s this crazy thing called site stats that tells you where your traffic is coming from.

To answer your second question: French toast. Seriously, this post would never have been written if my damn girlfriend has just ASKED ME TO GO FOR FRENCH TOAST AND NOT PANCAKES.

dhag85
8 years ago

Haha, oh Kyle. That is just the saddest thing I’ve ever read.

Also, all great lovers know the way to please a woman is by typing up internet comments on your phone during sex.

This literally made me laugh out loud, and I’m at the airport right now. You strange little man.

katz
8 years ago

HE’S FOUND US! TAKE COVER!

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Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
8 years ago

To answer your second question: French toast. Seriously, this post would never have been written if my damn girlfriend has just ASKED ME TO GO FOR FRENCH TOAST AND NOT PANCAKES.

Hope that schtick isn’t cutting too much into your exercise time, kiddo.

There’s this crazy thing called site stats that tells you where your traffic is coming from.

Yeah, that’s how little we care if you come here or not., how very little we care if you know. Although I guess the only reason you know is because of your twice-daily traffic check, huh?

Paradoxical Intention
8 years ago

Kyle [ThisIsTrouble.com] | January 13, 2016 at 2:00 am
There’s this crazy thing called site stats that tells you where your traffic is coming from.

So you came here to neg us? Aw, how cute (and also very, very sad).

To answer your second question: French toast. Seriously, this post would never have been written if my damn girlfriend has just ASKED ME TO GO FOR FRENCH TOAST AND NOT PANCAKES.

So you were mad your girlfriend wanted pancakes and not French Toast, and while it’s conceivable that this place might have also had French Toast as well (most places that serve breakfast carry both), you got steak instead and typed up a passive-aggressive post about how awful women are for not liking the same foods as you (or the fact that they eat at all in front of you) and how much money you spent, and how she didn’t immediately become your mother and pick up after you and how she didn’t do exercises you approved of and how she wanted to cuddle in bed on a Saturday morning.

Holy shit, I thought this couldn’t get any more pathetic. You’re contradicting what you wrote in the post that brought us here in the first place.

And steak and eggs sounded like a good post-workout meal to me. I relented and went, and in Los Angeles, $30 is about the minimum you can spend on any meal for two.

What happened to steak, Kyle? I thought MAYUNLY MEN ate steak, not some beta French Toast!

Good lord, he must have assumed we can’t read, or we have a worse attention span than his!

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BritterSweet
8 years ago

Getting bored. Looking up more pictures of foooood. You know, that stuff that can make females faaaaaat.
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katz
8 years ago

I made this lemon cake that was sort of a meringue folded into a custard, and when you bake it it starts to separate so there’s this fluffy meringue with a crisp crust on the top and a gooey lemon custard on the bottom. It was delicious both hot and cold but the texture when it was cold was really perfect. (Downside: There is no way to get the thing neatly out of the damn pan.)

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

I see no one wants to reply to remark about the lack of decent looking girls here. Proves m

Typical anti male self-improvement/feminists.

You wrote this whilst having sex. Surely at such a time you should have been looking at the decent-looking girl in your bed, instead of whining on the internet? If the people you’re having sex with are so bad at it that you end up pulling out your phone and checking your site stats, then maybe you should have a little dignity and raise your standards about whom you put your cock into.

You’re letting the gender down. I may sleep with a lot of people, I’m guilty of that too, but at least I’ve made sure to only sleep with the ones who interest me more than my goddamn website diagnostics page does.

EDIT:
Also, you came here to defend yourself and decided to shill your book? For fuck’s sake, dude. Have you no dignity at all? Are you really as much of a loser as to decide to be your own human spambot? What a fucking alpha you are.

katz
8 years ago

Also, you came here to defend yourself and decided to shill your book? For fuck’s sake, dude. Have you no dignity at all? Are you really as much of a loser as to decide to be your own human spambot? What a fucking alpha you are.

No no, you see, as long as he drops spam links to his book, it counts as five hours of work.

Paradoxical Intention
8 years ago

Kyle [ThisIsTrouble.com]
January 13, 2016 at 1:42 am

Hey go check out my book on misogyny too: [link redacted]

And my travel blog where I talk about using misogyny to sleep with foreign girls: [link redacted]

Time to go cry.

Wow, this idjit actually thinks we’re going to go check out his fucking rapey books like he’s Roosh Lite or some shit.

I guess that “eBook Hustle” isn’t working out so great for him if he thinks advertising to US is a good idea.

Someone get Kyle a gift certificate for a Marketing 101 class, stat! First lesson “Know Your Audience”. Second lesson: “Market Over-Saturation and Product Quality: Why Your Shit Isn’t Selling”

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

Also:
As a male commentor who’s been around the internet for a while and has seen a few things, I’d like to point out that saying “this website suffers from a lack of decent looking girls” is the sleaziest, cheapest pickup in the book. You’re angling for people to send you selfies to prove that you’re wrong, as if your judgement on the matter is important. Really? Are you hoping that a website full of awesome, inspiring feminist women is going to drop everything for the chance to try to win your affections?

Let me tell you how to flirt, fucker, since you seem to need lessons. Last night I was flirting with a very pretty woman. She told me about her Star Wars miniatures and then we discussed whether John Kenneth Gailbraith was indeed the rightful heir to John Maynard Keynes, whilst shovelling pasta and sauce into our mouths and watching our friends play Necromunda. She’d recently started reading David Graeber’s “Debt: The First 5000 Years” and so was full of interesting insights that she wanted to bounce off people, and I grew up the child of mathematicians who were into economics so I was really interested in listening to what she was saying.

In other words, I wasn’t trying to run any weakass game or work from a tired playbook I cribbed from someone else: I actually had a human being who was interested in me. Not interested in me for having a cock, or for having stone-hard abs or a big wallet or whatever, but for being a unique individual who in that moment was more interesting than any other. Of all the men in the world, the one who she was playing with her hair and giggling at was me.

If you can’t rise to at least that level, then I posit that for all your talk of male self-improvement, you have no class, no standards and no self-respect. You’re not only a bottom feeder, but you’re a lazy goddamn bottom feeder. Fuck you, and fuck off out of my gender. We don’t need scum like you in it.

Oh, and take your spambot bullshit with you.

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