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Beware the Pancake-Eating Girlfriends of Doom, Red Pill Dude Warns

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Pancakes: Tool of the devil

On the This is Trouble blog, the Red Pill Lothario and former Return of Kings contributor known only as Kyle has issued a dire warning to contemporary men: women will “drag you towards mediocrity” if you let them.

The worst offenders? Pancake-eating women.

I mean, let’s just say you’re a super cool dude who’s maybe three months into a relationship with some hot pre-wall broad. Obviously, Kyle notes, she’s totally into you due to “various measures: your health, your wealth, and your overall drive motivation, etc.”

That’s cool. But then she starts doing crap that interferes with your ability to have, like, the best health, wealth and drive motivation. Like, the stuff that made her into you in the first place!

Instead of  “encourag[ing] you to wake up at 6am on a Saturday to hit the gym” and work your side-hustle selling juice or writing ebooks on how to get hot babes, or whatever, she JUST WANTS TO SLEEP IN.

[G]irls flat-out self sabotage the very thing they’re attracted to by trying to keep you in bed with them all day, sleeping in and just being a lazy slob in general.

Come back to bed, honey, these torpid Sirens cry.

They will literally hold you back in moving forward because women have no sense of needing to move forward, EVER.

And that’s where the pancakes come in.

Even the ones that are in shitty positions in life (no career, no skills, no goals) have this self entitlement complex that a man is going to save them – SOMEDAY. It’s why they sit around in the mornings and eat pancakes rather than get up and be productive.

The pancakes! The horror!

Now, if this thing about pancakes seems like a weirdly specific complaint about contemporary women, well, that’s because it’s really a complaint about one particular woman, that woman being Kyle’s current girlfriend, an admitted pancake eater who, on one recent occasion actually delayed his Saturday morning trip to the gym by an hour. 

You see, Kyle has got important shit to do. Not like you women.

Most girls simply go home from their 9-5 hellhole and turn on the TV, killing their brain cells and souls by watching shit involving the Kardashians. The smart girls go to the gym, and spend time preparing their own meals to better themselves in that sense. However, I’ve yet to meet a girl who does the gym, meal prep, and everything else I do on a day-to-day basis to keep moving forward on the self improvement and freedom path.

Preach it, brother!

That usually involves the 9-5 gig, a minimum of 2-3 hours a work on side work (10+ a day on weekends), an hour workout, and I still make time for friends, dates, etc. The trick is that I know how to get by on little sleep, I minimize my commute and I don’t waste any time.

Most women just cannot handle what I do on a day-to-day basis.

Hell, just hearing about all this makes me tired. No, not tired. What’s that other word that’s sort of like tired? Bored.

So anyway, Kyle was just going along living his impeccable life. And then came The Morning of the Pancakes.

Kyle recounts this terrible ordeal in graphic detail.

He and his girlfriend of one month are lying in bed on a Saturday afternoon.

I had wanted to go the gym at roughly 8am, and she said she wanted to join me. So of course we didn’t get there until about 9am.

I believe this is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. It should be, anyway.

At the gym, as I worked through a brutal superset workout…what did she do?

Walked on the treadmill.

Damn treadmill-walking lazy-ass woman!

Oh, and she did two whole sets of planks with me at the end.

Correction: Damn treadmill-walking, two-plank-set-doing lazy-ass woman!

Brace yourself, dear reader, because it gets worse.

After we got back from the gym, she really wanted to go and get pancakes.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!1!!

And steak and eggs sounded like a good post-workout meal to me. I relented and went, and in Los Angeles, $30 is about the minimum you can spend on any meal for two.

Somehow I’m guessing that Kyle here is not much of a tipper.

Finally, another hour and a half and $32.67 later, we were full and headed home.

Yeah, he’s definitely not a good tipper. I mean, given that he’s holding onto his resentment that the meal for two cost $2.67 more than the arbitrary amount he expected the meal to cost.

But she didn’t have work until 2pm – so of course she dicked around my apartment (of course, didn’t make herself useful and clean up my apartment or anything) until 1:15pm…and ended up being late to work anyway.

By the time she was gone and I settled into a working groove, it was 2pm and half the day was gone.

A moment of silence, please, for the half of Kyle’s Saturday so cruelly murdered by his girlfriend.

Rest in Peace, Half of Kyle’s Saturday. Rest in Peace.

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Patricia Kayden
Patricia Kayden
8 years ago

This was an hilarious read. Not a pancake fan either but MRAs really know how to blow simple things out of proportion.

Flora
Flora
8 years ago

This guy has a myopic perspective on self improvement. Deadlifting and bank accounts don’t make much of a fulfilling life. I should work out more – I’ve taken 3 months off because my work schedule has been 60+ hours a week – but I exercise for enjoyment, not to fill time until I die. I also do a ton of other projects in my spare time that provide absolutely zero benefit to me personally, but have (I hope) impact on the world around me. But this guy would probably call me stagnant because why do anything if not for self improvement? Improving the world around you clearly shows my feeeeemale lack of ambition.

Also, let me just echo how bad sleep deprivation is for you from a medical perspective. It actually is a fantastic way to induce all the symptoms of a major depressive episode, which is totally not relevant to the fact that so many medical students and residents attempt suicide. ?

weirwoodtreehugger
8 years ago

I wish I could get 7-8 hours of sleep every night. I get 5-6, not because I’m a totally busy important alpha, but because the winter screws up my body and makes my body not know what time it is. I’m wide awake at night, tired during the day. The tiredness makes me want to eat more unhealthy food too. Why would anyone want to do that to themselves?

Tessa
Tessa
8 years ago
zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
8 years ago

He complains about her just doing the treadmill, but if she was powerlifting, that’d probably be “unfeminine” and emasculating. The same for most of his other complaints–if she acted like he apparently wants her to act, she’d wouldn’t be passive and “feminine” enough. This sort of problem is not unique to “Kyle”; TRP folks’ desires often seem to involve logically contradictory states. They can’t ever be happy, and the women in their lives can never be what they want.

Also, fuck the gym. I climb mountains in the snow with my ladyfriend for exercise.

BritterSweet
BritterSweet
8 years ago

Before reading the article, I assumed from the title that it was going to be someone ranting about women eating pancakes in general. Like, it would involve fat-shaming or something.

So I went and consulted Google Images for pancake gifs.
comment image
comment image
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http://static.socialitelife.com/uploads/2013/09/26/national-pancake-day-gifs-09262013-06.gif

You’re welcome.

BritterSweet
BritterSweet
8 years ago

Okay, one more. Ran out of time to edit the last comment.
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Bina
8 years ago

Most girls simply go home from their 9-5 hellhole and turn on the TV, killing their brain cells and souls by watching shit involving the Kardashians. The smart girls go to the gym, and spend time preparing their own meals to better themselves in that sense. However, I’ve yet to meet a girl who does the gym, meal prep, and everything else I do on a day-to-day basis to keep moving forward on the self improvement and freedom path.

Who the hell ARE these “most girls”, anyway? I kouldn’t kare a krap for the fucking Kardashians, and studiously avoid anything to do with them.

I also hate gyms (boooooring, not to mention awful grade-school memories about always being the last kid picked for everything, and the first to be picked on, on account of my scrawny little frame and my big ol’ glasses).

I prepare my own meals, yes…but not for calorie-counting, mentally exhausting “self-improvement”, it’s because I’m a good cook and I like to EAT.

And I even grow my own veggies. Which is actually a lot more work than putzing around in a gym, acting like I lift. Try heaving some of my heavy clay soil some time, bro, and then kvetch to me about your hard workouts. I keep at it for many hours more than you spend in a stinkin’ gym trying to look like hot shit.

As for your “freedom path”, I piss on it. You’re not free. You’re in the mental prison of the Red Pillock, and your suffering is the only thing you’ve actually gone and earned. You’re a shit boyfriend and no fun to be with, and if she dumps you, it’s not because she’s fickle and feeeemale, it’s because you suck ass, dude. Case in point:

That usually involves the 9-5 gig, a minimum of 2-3 hours a work on side work (10+ a day on weekends), an hour workout, and I still make time for friends, dates, etc. The trick is that I know how to get by on little sleep, I minimize my commute and I don’t waste any time.

Most women just cannot handle what I do on a day-to-day basis.

Yeah, and who’d want to? You sound like a trainwreck waiting to happen. All work (at nothing any reasonable person would want to buy off you anyway) and no sleep makes you a cranky kvetcher. And all body and no brain? Ugh, hard pass.

I don’t care what this dude looks like, he’s ugly from within. And by the sounds of things, already an emotional abuser.

Bryce
Bryce
8 years ago

Bootstrap values (most likely manifest as a scam or attempt to sell people more crap they don’t need with early retirement the ultimate goal), a meathead body obsession, and no other interests to speak of.

Kyle, you need to spare your girlfriend any more of this, seriously for both your sakes.

Cerulean (Miss A)
Cerulean (Miss A)
8 years ago

This guy is a royal jackass. Just like any Red Pill following asshole is.

A close friend of mine struggles with both insomnia and sleep apnea, so fuck this dude for his boasting about sleep. This friend? Also sometimes works 10-12 hour days, five days per week because of cutbacks at his job. So fuck this dude all over again.

Also, that gym regimen? Give me a break. I wouldn’t want to date a guy who looks down on me for not being in 150% perfect shape, or wanting to snuggle in bed for an extra hour or two. I would kick a guy to the curb who always expected me to clean up after him and act like his mommy, or his babysitter. (I’ve mildly lectured my friend for doing it too much. I’m okay with it once in a while, but it gets tedious when it’s all the time.) If she exists, I hope his girlfriend is smart enough to realize he’s taking her for granted and treating her like crap and she runs from him….fast.

Here’s one thing that gets me about these Red Pill assholes…what are their interests, besides whining about women and mistreating them? I made the mistake of peeking at the RP subreddit, and all I saw were posts and posts full of men who had no lives beyond hurting others and/or puffing up their own bloated egos. I saw more than a few where sexual consent was SEVERELY questionable, and a lot where they claimed victory because their S.O. was leaving (ergo, she ‘couldn’t take it’, I guess). It just seems like such a miserable existence.

Saphira
Saphira
8 years ago

I had a former boyfriend who had two paying jobs (when he only needed one to be comfortable) and volunteered on the side like ten hours a week. He constantly complained of never getting any sleep and working “like sixteen-hour days.” Just like Kyle here, anyone who didn’t have his rigorous schedule was looked down upon. I constantly got lectures about not applying myself enough, even though I was getting a professional degree at the time, working my butt off and getting good grades. I took time to relax once in a while because I would have ended up so wound up, someone would have eventually died by my hand.

Anyway, I dumped him because he got boring, never had time for me and his preachy, holier-than-thou attitude got old quickly. I heard from a mutual friend recently that he now has serious health problems concerning his heart and pancreas. Extreme amounts of hard work does pay off, now doesn’t it?

occasional reader
occasional reader
8 years ago

Hello.

Hmm, i wonder if he schedules every little bit of his day. I imagine it may look like that :
8H59 : “Ah, it is soon the time for the big job. Hu ? Darling ? Are you in here ? Get out, at 9o’clock, i have planned to… ”
9H00 : *Weird noise* “… oh shit, too late…”
Trying to control every aspect of your life can be problematic…

Have a nice day.

Lori
8 years ago

You guys are hilarious. Firstly, to the author who wrote the comedic meta-mock. Bravo. When I read what this guy and his douchie red pill swallowers said about women In the “girlfriend whore” article I was astounded that misogyny and rape culture had such a cozy home on this guy’s page. In all honesty, I think he anonymously plants some of his own commentary on his thread because the language/tone is too similar and narcissistically agrandizes the author….

But seriously this mock up made the world right again. And all of the hilarious comments, even the pancake food porn montage, is… Sigh. You guys are great. Just sayin’!

reimalebario
reimalebario
8 years ago

Man, my girlfriend and I really like pancakes. What we do when we want to have pancakes for breakfast is that she gets up early and makes the batter. (She usually wakes up an hour or two before I do). Then when I get up, the batter is ready and I fry us up some great pancakes. Mmm, pancakes.

Kyle sounds like a tedious, pancake-hating arsehole. And for all his talk about bettering himself, I can’t help but think he’s not doing a very good job because he sounds absolutely awful – better self-improve smarter, not harder, Kyle-bro!

reimalebario
reimalebario
8 years ago

Who the hell ARE these “most girls”, anyway?

They’re most of the girls that Kyle has ever imagined.

Ktoryx
Ktoryx
8 years ago

Yeeaah… I went to graduate school. This guy’s schedule doesn’t even raise an eyebrow.

By the time I’d written my thesis (while, I might mention, working to support myself and training in an intensive stage and screen combat choreography course) I just kind of went… wait, what?

I spent 3 years obsessing over being the smartest, hardest working person with the least life… and you know, I’m not sorry, I did learn a lot and gain a lot of skills. But seriously, fuck that. You can have a reasonable work-life balance, actually enjoy your life, and still learn a lot, move forward, and have a rewarding career.

Honestly, I’m kind of glad the hyper-competitive atmosphere of grad school finally broke me of my compulsive-straight-A-teacher’s-pet-Goody-Goody side.

Olive O'Sudden
Olive O'Sudden
8 years ago

We seriously need to put to rest the notion that the ability to get by on less sleep makes someone a morally or physically superior human.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

Good point, Olive. How about this:

Margaret Thatcher used to sleep only four hours a night. If you sleep so little, you too might end up being a villainous crone who steals milk from children and who shrivels into dust as soon as gay marriage becomes a thing.

richardbillericay
richardbillericay
8 years ago

Yeah, I hate when someone interferes with my obsessive spiral of self-flagellation. Did his gf lock him in a cupboard for an hour? Did she drag him to the pancake place at gunpoint? Did she follow him back to his apartment and force her way in? I guess not. For an alpha, he sure has a tough time saying ‘no’. If these guys are to be believed, a real alpha would have “made” his gf follow HIS schedule. So beta Kyle! BTW cutting down sleep is not a healthy path to getting more done. Pro athletes actually sleep more, as much as 12 hours a day in some cases.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
8 years ago

BTW cutting down sleep is not a healthy path to getting more done. Pro athletes actually sleep more, as much as 12 hours a day in some cases.

But if he doesn’t stay up late, how is he suppose to check Reddit while still exercising 7+ hours a day?

Kat
Kat
8 years ago

Memo to Kyle’s girlfriend:

I’m sorry that your new boyfriend not only doesn’t appreciate you but broadcasts that fact on the Internet. You don’t deserve that.

One of the best pieces of relationship advice I ever got (about an unappreciative, power-tripping boyfriend) was this: It’s only going to get worse.

And it did.

Kyle probably made some effort to impress/deceive you in the very beginning of the relationship. And he’s probably still making an effort. But as time goes on, his true self will be revealed more and more.

You don’t want to see his true self. Take it from me.

All best wishes to you, Kyle’s girlfriend. I hope that your life takes a turn for the better.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
8 years ago

If Kyle’s blog is any indication, his ‘girlfriend’ should dump him unless she likes being with a tool who refers to women as ‘plates’ and dumps them for not being interested in one-sided sexual activity or ‘period sex’.

At least his picture is readily available online, that way women who are looking for a non-pancake hating/committed relationship seeking/not destined-for-stroke-or-coronary type of guy know what he looks like and that he is none of those things.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

@ EJ

One of the interesting, perhaps surprising, things about Thatcher was that she was pretty cool with gay people. The gay/bi members of her cabinet were able to come out to her knowing that she wouldn’t care a jot.

Thatcher thought the only concerns of Government should be the economy and foreign policy/defence. She personally took no interest in matters beyond that and was reportedly quite sceptical about Clause 28, but she left such matters to others in the government.

There’s nothing to indicate she had any opinion on equal marriage, but she hated the Church of England hierarchy so anything that annoyed them/caused them trouble, may well have found favour with her.

Not saying she was a saint obviously, just that she was indifferent on this sort of issue.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
8 years ago

Margaret Thatcher used to sleep only four hours a night. If you sleep so little, you too might end up being a villainous crone who steals milk from children and who shrivels into dust as soon as gay marriage becomes a thing.

Can’t say I’m a fan of Thatcher (seriously, who is? =P), but isn’t the whole “Witchy old crone” meme surrounding her a bit gendered?

(No offense meant to EJ, and everybody else is free to poke me if I’m being too sensitive, but that meme’s bugged me for years. Sometimes it feels like she gets twice as much hate for her gender than she gets for her deeds or beliefs.)

Florkje
Florkje
8 years ago

Hmmm, this sounds more like

“I have a girlfriend I work out I am perfect worship me see I’m not a loser I have a girlfriend I work out I am perfect worship me see I’m not a loser I have a girlfriend I work out I am perfect worship me see I’m not a loser I have a girlfriend I work out I am perfect worship me see I’m not a loser I have a girlfriend I work out I am perfect worship me see I’m not a loser I have a girlfriend I work out I am perfect worship me see I’m not a loser.”

Packed in a whine (because that’s the only form of writing manospherians understand/enjoy.)