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Beware the Pancake-Eating Girlfriends of Doom, Red Pill Dude Warns

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Pancakes: Tool of the devil

On the This is Trouble blog, the Red Pill Lothario and former Return of Kings contributor known only as Kyle has issued a dire warning to contemporary men: women will “drag you towards mediocrity” if you let them.

The worst offenders? Pancake-eating women.

I mean, let’s just say you’re a super cool dude who’s maybe three months into a relationship with some hot pre-wall broad. Obviously, Kyle notes, she’s totally into you due to “various measures: your health, your wealth, and your overall drive motivation, etc.”

That’s cool. But then she starts doing crap that interferes with your ability to have, like, the best health, wealth and drive motivation. Like, the stuff that made her into you in the first place!

Instead of  “encourag[ing] you to wake up at 6am on a Saturday to hit the gym” and work your side-hustle selling juice or writing ebooks on how to get hot babes, or whatever, she JUST WANTS TO SLEEP IN.

[G]irls flat-out self sabotage the very thing they’re attracted to by trying to keep you in bed with them all day, sleeping in and just being a lazy slob in general.

Come back to bed, honey, these torpid Sirens cry.

They will literally hold you back in moving forward because women have no sense of needing to move forward, EVER.

And that’s where the pancakes come in.

Even the ones that are in shitty positions in life (no career, no skills, no goals) have this self entitlement complex that a man is going to save them – SOMEDAY. It’s why they sit around in the mornings and eat pancakes rather than get up and be productive.

The pancakes! The horror!

Now, if this thing about pancakes seems like a weirdly specific complaint about contemporary women, well, that’s because it’s really a complaint about one particular woman, that woman being Kyle’s current girlfriend, an admitted pancake eater who, on one recent occasion actually delayed his Saturday morning trip to the gym by an hour. 

You see, Kyle has got important shit to do. Not like you women.

Most girls simply go home from their 9-5 hellhole and turn on the TV, killing their brain cells and souls by watching shit involving the Kardashians. The smart girls go to the gym, and spend time preparing their own meals to better themselves in that sense. However, I’ve yet to meet a girl who does the gym, meal prep, and everything else I do on a day-to-day basis to keep moving forward on the self improvement and freedom path.

Preach it, brother!

That usually involves the 9-5 gig, a minimum of 2-3 hours a work on side work (10+ a day on weekends), an hour workout, and I still make time for friends, dates, etc. The trick is that I know how to get by on little sleep, I minimize my commute and I don’t waste any time.

Most women just cannot handle what I do on a day-to-day basis.

Hell, just hearing about all this makes me tired. No, not tired. What’s that other word that’s sort of like tired? Bored.

So anyway, Kyle was just going along living his impeccable life. And then came The Morning of the Pancakes.

Kyle recounts this terrible ordeal in graphic detail.

He and his girlfriend of one month are lying in bed on a Saturday afternoon.

I had wanted to go the gym at roughly 8am, and she said she wanted to join me. So of course we didn’t get there until about 9am.

I believe this is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. It should be, anyway.

At the gym, as I worked through a brutal superset workout…what did she do?

Walked on the treadmill.

Damn treadmill-walking lazy-ass woman!

Oh, and she did two whole sets of planks with me at the end.

Correction: Damn treadmill-walking, two-plank-set-doing lazy-ass woman!

Brace yourself, dear reader, because it gets worse.

After we got back from the gym, she really wanted to go and get pancakes.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!1!!

And steak and eggs sounded like a good post-workout meal to me. I relented and went, and in Los Angeles, $30 is about the minimum you can spend on any meal for two.

Somehow I’m guessing that Kyle here is not much of a tipper.

Finally, another hour and a half and $32.67 later, we were full and headed home.

Yeah, he’s definitely not a good tipper. I mean, given that he’s holding onto his resentment that the meal for two cost $2.67 more than the arbitrary amount he expected the meal to cost.

But she didn’t have work until 2pm – so of course she dicked around my apartment (of course, didn’t make herself useful and clean up my apartment or anything) until 1:15pm…and ended up being late to work anyway.

By the time she was gone and I settled into a working groove, it was 2pm and half the day was gone.

A moment of silence, please, for the half of Kyle’s Saturday so cruelly murdered by his girlfriend.

Rest in Peace, Half of Kyle’s Saturday. Rest in Peace.

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Snow Leopard
Snow Leopard
8 years ago

I want to find this douche and eat a huge stack of pancakes in front of him. If I had the choice of choosing him or a stack of pancakes, I’d choose pancakes! No contest.

Now I’m in the mood for pancakes, topped with warm maple syrup and butter with some bananas on top….

Thanks Kyle! You may be an ass, but you got me hankering for pancakes! I’m off to make some.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

Re: comfybus (love that word) animals

I’ve used the ‘Belgian shepherd is asleep on my legs’ excuse to stay in bed on many an occasion.

Bina
8 years ago

His “freedom path” sounds like locking himself in the same routine day after day after day after day.

It sounds to me like a…wait for it…TREADMILL.

It also sounds to me like he’s the one going nowhere, and rather than realizing that he’s on a shitty path, he blames her for diverting him from it. As though relaxing, sleeping in, and letting the Red Pillocks fend for their lonely selves weren’t a more constructive path.

Also, get him:

But she didn’t have work until 2pm – so of course she dicked around my apartment (of course, didn’t make herself useful and clean up my apartment or anything) until 1:15pm…and ended up being late to work anyway.

…probably because he tried to get her to clean up his shitty apartment, which is HIS responsibility to clean.

I’m sensing a pattern here, how ’bout you?

Sam McConnich
Sam McConnich
8 years ago

What is the “quote” , ” sounds like a first world problem to me”?

dhag85
8 years ago

Sorry but who the hell would wanna date someone who treats real life like a Harvest Moon game?

Schedule,

MONDAY
AM
6:00 – no breakfast
6:10 – talk to horse. pick up dog
6:20 – talk to/milk cows
6:30 – pick up chickens. collect eggs
6:40 – plant crops
7:20 – water crops
10:00 – talk to villagers
10:20 – give maximally preferred gift to future wife
10:40 – chop wood
11:00 – recover stamina in hot spring

PM
1:00 – practice fishing skills
2:30 – trigger romantic event with future wife
4:00 – more fishing
7:00 – eat black grass, recover stamina
7:10 – more fishing until face turns blue
10:00 – dip into hot spring
11:00 – RUN to bed

TUESDAY
– repeat

Yeah dude, you sound like a fucking catch.

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
8 years ago

However, I’ve yet to meet a girl who does the gym, meal prep, and everything else I do on a day-to-day basis to keep moving forward on the self improvement and freedom path.

That usually involves the 9-5 gig, a minimum of 2-3 hours a work on side work (10+ a day on weekends), an hour workout, and I still make time for friends, dates, etc. The trick is that I know how to get by on little sleep, I minimize my commute and I don’t waste any time.

Most women just cannot handle what I do on a day-to-day basis.

Nah, they can handle it – it’s just that they want to actually experience what life has to offer instead of blindly following a routine.

It’s also a little weird that all that “self-improvement” is wholly physical and social. There’s no intellectual or cultural component, at all.

That’s just sad. And boring. Like, really boring.

There’s a good reason I can’t fitness nuts and have felt completely unwelcome in every gym I’ve bothered to go to. It’s bad enough they fat-shame all the time…

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
8 years ago

I’m going to join in on the pancake train. I haven’t had pancakes in a while. (I make rather awesome pancakes from scratch.)

HeinzD
HeinzD
8 years ago

He’s one of those assholes who thinks more hours equals better worker. Do it right the first time, ya big waste of skin, and you won’t need to spend over ten hours of your weekend working.

That said, what it sounds like is this guy’s pissed that he’s the beta to his boss’s alpha at work.

Spindrift
Spindrift
8 years ago

Somehow I get the feeling that if his girlfriend was as devoted to brutal workouts as he seems to imply she should be, lifting and putting on muscle, he’d be complaining online about how she no longer looks “feminine”, or he’d be feeling really insecure about possibly not being physically stronger than her. Both, probably.

Pallas Athena
Pallas Athena
8 years ago

So he works and goes to the gym. And that’s it. He also can’t relax on a Saturday. Sounds like a really fun/fascinating person. /s

katz
8 years ago

He complains about the cost of a meal where his girlfriend ordered pancakes and he ordered steak.

Paradoxical Intention
8 years ago

They will literally hold you back in moving forward because women have no sense of needing to move forward, EVER.

All this because your girlfriend wanted to snuggle with you a bit more in bed?

Jeez, quit being over-dramatic. It’s so hard to reason with you men when you get so emotional over petty bullshit!

Whoa
Whoa
8 years ago

Thank goodness I only eat waffles.

Catalpa
Catalpa
8 years ago

…Don’t most of these guys shudder and cringe at the idea of a woman with any kind of defined muscle tone? I bet my bottom dollar that if this jagoff’s girlfriend had been pumping iron he’d whine about her ‘ruining her feminity’ or some shit. (Edit: ah, ninja’d by Spindrift)

I suspect that what the dude wishes is that his girlfriend unquestioningly followed every whim that entered his head, had perfectly coifed hair and make-up despite not being granted any time to apply said things (because women should just look perfect all the time without any aids), watched in awe and applauded his every manly grunt that he made at the gym, and then went immediately home to cook steak and eggs for him and clean his apartment.

What a tosser. I hope his girlfriend (assuming she does indeed exist) gets out of there ASAP.

brian
brian
8 years ago

wait, I thought this guy was supposed to be an “alpha” and in control of “his” women. but from what I’m gathering here, he “let” her come to the gym with him and then do an unapproved workout, SHE decided they should go out to eat after and ate unapproved food, then she wasted time rather than clean his home! and what does he do about it? he complains on the internet. how do RP types not see him as “a beta cuck,” to use their language?

History Nerd
8 years ago

I try to stay away from anyone who might drag me towards mediocrity, like people who post on the Red Pill subreddit.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his, she/her pronouns)
8 years ago

He complains about the cost of a meal where his girlfriend ordered pancakes and he ordered steak.

Yeah, but then it would have cost only $23 dollars! Imagine all the money he would save if his girlfriend wasn’t selfish and ate food!

newbie
newbie
8 years ago

She didn’t even clean his place before work…? Unconscionable.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
8 years ago

This makes me want to start making gingerbread pancakes again. I sort of stopped for a while, but now I want to again.

Like most young fools, this dude seems to think that because he can hold up this schedule short-term, he can do it indefinitely. Get back to me in five years, bruh, and tell me how you’re still working and working out constantly and running on no sleep. If you haven’t had a nervous breakdown by then, anyway.

He needs to dump this lady ASAP and let her get with someone else, someone who isn’t running himself into an epic burnout.

DaveL
DaveL
8 years ago

I think if I had spent years of my life pursuing a regimen of “self-improvement” that didn’t have enough wiggle room for so much as an occasional pancake brunch, and this guy was the result, I would weep. Openly.

sunnysombrera
8 years ago

I would also like to point out to Mr Alfalfa Male who thinks women just sit around eating bonbons when not working some silly feeeeeemale job like primary school teaching or nursing (9 to 5 jobs, amirite lads?): that I spent the last six months working 45 hours a week, sometimes 50, to get myself out of debt – no holidays. I did it by the end of 2015. The job itself is pretty physical but I also managed to fit in going to the gym and lose about 20 pounds while increasing fitness. AND I still had time to hang out with family, get counselling on the semi regular, and do my share of housework as well.

So fuck you with your “women don’t self improve” bullshit. I’ve done a darn sight better than you, since I’m not a resentful turd with an attitude problem that ragewanks on Reddit every day. And I also clean up after myself instead of expecting others to do it for me.

Petrovna
Petrovna
8 years ago

I hope this goes viral.
And… he is a good candidate for going his own way… Hopefully he goes.

Entropy Jukebox
Entropy Jukebox
8 years ago

Two things occurred to me upon reading this.

1) Every last one of these buffoons wouldn’t have the first clue if his “plate”/gf DID have any interests beyond her day job/tv – it’s not like they consider “listening” a value they themselves can bring to a relationship. So easy to denigrate what you willfully refuse to understand (what this asshole says about his stay-at-home-mom who “showered him with love” is kind of heartbreaking).

2) Is there some law which dictates that every single adherent to this boneheaded “ideology” must be completely devoid of a sense of humor? David says “boring;” I would add dull-witted, myopic and tragically unfunny to that.

His poor mom – devotes a good portion of her life to loving and raising children, only to have one of them turn out to be a narcissistic, egotistical bloviating schmuck.

LeftWingFox
LeftWingFox
8 years ago

The first two things I learned to cook were french toast and pancakes from scratch. Later in life, i realized it was the closest I’ve ever come to using a pickup line.

“Oh so what do you cook?”

“Breakfast. Come over some time and I’ll show you.”

I’m very proud of my pancakes, even though my brother’s flair for beer-batter pancakes leaves me a bit jealous. Mom got me a Waffle Iron for my birthday a year ago, and I’ve been on a waffle kick ever since: yeast based, buttermilk-based, and the egg-foam based waffles of my youth.