On the This is Trouble blog, the Red Pill Lothario and former Return of Kings contributor known only as Kyle has issued a dire warning to contemporary men: women will “drag you towards mediocrity” if you let them.
The worst offenders? Pancake-eating women.
I mean, let’s just say you’re a super cool dude who’s maybe three months into a relationship with some hot pre-wall broad. Obviously, Kyle notes, she’s totally into you due to “various measures: your health, your wealth, and your overall drive motivation, etc.”
That’s cool. But then she starts doing crap that interferes with your ability to have, like, the best health, wealth and drive motivation. Like, the stuff that made her into you in the first place!
Instead of “encourag[ing] you to wake up at 6am on a Saturday to hit the gym” and work your side-hustle selling juice or writing ebooks on how to get hot babes, or whatever, she JUST WANTS TO SLEEP IN.
[G]irls flat-out self sabotage the very thing they’re attracted to by trying to keep you in bed with them all day, sleeping in and just being a lazy slob in general.
Come back to bed, honey, these torpid Sirens cry.
They will literally hold you back in moving forward because women have no sense of needing to move forward, EVER.
And that’s where the pancakes come in.
Even the ones that are in shitty positions in life (no career, no skills, no goals) have this self entitlement complex that a man is going to save them – SOMEDAY. It’s why they sit around in the mornings and eat pancakes rather than get up and be productive.
The pancakes! The horror!
Now, if this thing about pancakes seems like a weirdly specific complaint about contemporary women, well, that’s because it’s really a complaint about one particular woman, that woman being Kyle’s current girlfriend, an admitted pancake eater who, on one recent occasion actually delayed his Saturday morning trip to the gym by an hour.
You see, Kyle has got important shit to do. Not like you women.
Most girls simply go home from their 9-5 hellhole and turn on the TV, killing their brain cells and souls by watching shit involving the Kardashians. The smart girls go to the gym, and spend time preparing their own meals to better themselves in that sense. However, I’ve yet to meet a girl who does the gym, meal prep, and everything else I do on a day-to-day basis to keep moving forward on the self improvement and freedom path.
Preach it, brother!
That usually involves the 9-5 gig, a minimum of 2-3 hours a work on side work (10+ a day on weekends), an hour workout, and I still make time for friends, dates, etc. The trick is that I know how to get by on little sleep, I minimize my commute and I don’t waste any time.
Most women just cannot handle what I do on a day-to-day basis.
Hell, just hearing about all this makes me tired. No, not tired. What’s that other word that’s sort of like tired? Bored.
So anyway, Kyle was just going along living his impeccable life. And then came The Morning of the Pancakes.
Kyle recounts this terrible ordeal in graphic detail.
He and his girlfriend of one month are lying in bed on a Saturday afternoon.
I had wanted to go the gym at roughly 8am, and she said she wanted to join me. So of course we didn’t get there until about 9am.
I believe this is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. It should be, anyway.
At the gym, as I worked through a brutal superset workout…what did she do?
Walked on the treadmill.
Damn treadmill-walking lazy-ass woman!
Oh, and she did two whole sets of planks with me at the end.
Correction: Damn treadmill-walking, two-plank-set-doing lazy-ass woman!
Brace yourself, dear reader, because it gets worse.
After we got back from the gym, she really wanted to go and get pancakes.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!1!!
And steak and eggs sounded like a good post-workout meal to me. I relented and went, and in Los Angeles, $30 is about the minimum you can spend on any meal for two.
Somehow I’m guessing that Kyle here is not much of a tipper.
Finally, another hour and a half and $32.67 later, we were full and headed home.
Yeah, he’s definitely not a good tipper. I mean, given that he’s holding onto his resentment that the meal for two cost $2.67 more than the arbitrary amount he expected the meal to cost.
But she didn’t have work until 2pm – so of course she dicked around my apartment (of course, didn’t make herself useful and clean up my apartment or anything) until 1:15pm…and ended up being late to work anyway.
By the time she was gone and I settled into a working groove, it was 2pm and half the day was gone.
A moment of silence, please, for the half of Kyle’s Saturday so cruelly murdered by his girlfriend.
Rest in Peace, Half of Kyle’s Saturday. Rest in Peace.
@Alan
I now declare Pancake Day to be Pancake And Male Tears Day!
“But she didn’t have work until 2pm – so of course she dicked around my apartment (of course, didn’t make herself useful and clean up my apartment or anything) until 1:15pm…and ended up being late to work anyway.
By the time she was gone and I settled into a working groove, it was 2pm and half the day was gone”
To quote Mr. Krabs: Ohh boo hoo! let me play a sad song for ya on the world’s smallest violin. Also how dare he insult the awesomness of pancakes!
Bruh, cardio is for women and beta cucks. All those male Olympic runners are just pansies, dude. Don’t even get me started on marathons.
My husband jokes that my two go-to solutions for problems are 1) drink more water, and 2) get more sleep.
Dudebro definitely needs more sleep. Possibly fictional girlfriend needs less dudebro; a homeopathic dose should be about right.
I’ve noticed a pattern among some of these beezers: as much as they claim to want a partner – excuse me, female companionship- actually dealing with a human being, with all the complexity and wonder that entails, seems to irk their gherkins something fierce. So they break up and try again, but New Girlfriend wants to be treated like a human being, too!
If they’d only GTOW already, the problem would be solved. For everyone.
@ sunnysombrera
Well, traditionally of course they’re with a squeeze of lemon, but ok. 🙂
Oh, please. Those are all basic tasks. Lots of adults also make meals for themselves, work, and do recreational activities, yet they manage not to turn it into a Busby Berkeley musical with dancing elephants and fireworks about how incredibly snowflake-special and awesome they are.
It reminds me of those Facebook posts where people turn daily background tasks into an exhausting litany of self-importance. “Soooo busy! Got up, showered, brushed teeth, got dressed, put on my left sock. Put on my right sock. Then I put on my left shoe. Then I put on my right shoe. Then I walked downstairs and got out cereal and milk and a bowl and a spoon and made myself breakfast and then I put the dishes in the sink. Full day, and it’s not even 9 am!”
He’s canny, you see. He’s not like all those other people who take the longest possible route to work.
Getting by on no sleep is going to come back and bite him in the ass, big time. Sleep deprivation is hard on the cardiovascular system, hard on the waistline, hard on the pancreas, depresses leptin production, and is generally bad news for reflexes and job performance. Every night he’s silently undoing whatever gains he’s achieving at the gym.
No, because spending 10 hours a day on Clickworker and Reddit is boring as shit. We’ve got better things to do. I suspect his girlfriend is also going to realize this fairly soon, and ditch him for a more interesting guy who knows how to have fun and doesn’t resent her.
He claims he doesn’t waste time…except for all that time he wasted on the computer writing and then posting this nonsense. This jackass sounds unbelievably shallow. If I wrote a character this shallow in one of my plays or screenplays, he wouldn’t come across as believable.
Well, looks like I know what I’ll be making for breakfast tomorrow!
It’s gonna suck for him once he finds out that my boyfriend is a pancake person along with me.
My boyfriend also said rather sarcastically, “Then again, what do I know? I don’t exercise, so I guess my opinion means nothing!”
Now then… *plays tiny violin*
Oh, boo-hoo! You were an hour late to the gym! How can we rectify this tragedy of epic proportions?!
Also, know what you can do if you want a clean apartment, bro? How ’bout you CLEAN IT UP YOURSELF instead of relying on her to do it??
I know! SHOCKING!
And dude, you need some more sleep if you’re sacrificing that to go to the gym. Yeesh.
May I say how much I enjoy the title “Beware the Pancake Eating Girlfriends of Doom’?
Certainly if she sees what he’s posting about her online she may be displeased with him- and rightly so
I like pizza better than breakfast /brunch foods. Can I be a pizza eating girlfriend of doom instead?
I thought girlfriends and wives were big nags who oppress their boyfriends and husbands with honey do lists instead of letting them watch sports or play video games all day? Isn’t that the usual misogyny talking point?
Really, this stuff isn’t gendered though. Some people hate down time and like to fill every second of the day. Some people like leisure time. If you’re a really type A personality and want to date someone who is the same way, that’s fine. Their are plenty of women out there who are gym rats who never eat carbs. Specify that on your dating profile. Look for someone with the same priorities. Don’t date someone you’re incompatible with, universalize their personality to their entire gender and then rage about it on the internet.
Of course, I expect a woman who is super busy and active all the time doesn’t have the time to clean his apartment, make him sandwiches on gluten free bread, constantly praise his biceps, and show up on demand for booty calls. Giving him a different excuse for a misogynistic rage wank.
I’m now wondering what Mr. Productive was doing during those painful hours of his girlfriend just ‘dicking around’? Angrily staring at her in between pushups?
sunnysombrera:
Okay, but I’d like my Male Tears on the side; I eat too much salt as it is.
Well Kyle, have you considered being single?
Second, how can “half the day be gone” by 2pm if he woke up at 8am? I thought he didn’t sleep? Wasn’t he bragging about that earlier? What, manly man needs *daylight* to get shit done? Afraid of the dark, Kyle?
The Boyfriend makes me awesome pancakes most days, usually with blueberries. I’m ridiculously lucky. So is it misandry if I eat them, or misandry if I refuse them? I mean, I don’t want The Boyfriend shouting “I HUNTED THE BLUEBERRIES FOR YOU” and weeping over the coffee pot. Although that would make every day Pancakes and Male Tears Day, it would still be a sorry sight. How should I proceed here?
I really enjoy working out — even, pushing my limits. When I’m injury-free, I work out every day.
I also make it a point to plan everything out, and spend as little time possible on working out and my post-recovery meal.
However, the reason I do this is because there are books I want to read, places I want to see, people I want to hang out with, places I want to volunteer, languages I want to learn, chess I want to play, music I want to listen to, etc. And the whole reason I work out in the first place is because I have depressive tendencies and working out is one way I try to avoid them — working out actually gives me more time to do the things that actually create, you know, memories.
(And if my significant other suggested I break my routine to, you know, make a f***ing memory, I would be okay with breaking my ******* routine. Holy ****.)
If I ever found myself working out just so that I could look down at other people and make more money, I think that would be it for me.
Sounds a lot like my Canadian compatriot, aka Kyle’s girlfriend, just wanted to spend time with her boyfriend. Apparently, he doesn’t like that at all, and in fact, doesn’t seem to have time for a relationship at all.
Two things come to mind.
First, if Kyle doesn’t have time for a relationship and resents the idea of investing time in one, why is he trying to pursue a relationship in the first place? (I know, he probably thinks women are trophies.)
Second, once my compatriot finds out what a self-absorbed, entitled manchild Kyle is (whining about being one hour late to the gym? About less than 3$? About his girlfriend of one month not acting like a housewife? Seriously?) and dumps him, how hard will he try to make it look like he dumped her?
And for the record, I also agree: dudebro needs a nap.
Not true. If something is more important to him than I am, I’ve never held a guy back, EVER. In fact, I got a very good sense of needing to move forward, and I DTMFA’d, if the ingrate in question hadn’t dumped me first.
One gets the feeling this dude has zero experience with women of any kind. He speaks from the void.
Wow, so does that make my waffle iron a symbol of misandry?
I think Kyle wants to be single again, the whole sharing space and making compromises doesn’t seem to be his thing.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm145jkJJB1qh5ge2o1_500.gif
I enjoy breakfast foods and I want to be the Cinnamon Toast Crunch eating girlfriend of doom.
I pancake. I pancake BIG, sometimes with chocolate chips.
I also french toast and waffle. And, since these things be MISANDRY, I can now count pancaking as multitasking. Thanks, dudebro! I got mad misandry skills! And here I thought I was just eating breakfast.
Any woman who chooses pancakes over Fren-… I mean FREEDOM toast is clearly unworthy.
My boyfriend and I call the-person-tempting-you-to-stay-in-bed-instead-of-getting-up-and-getting-shit-done a Comfybus. The difference is that when we accuse each other of being comfybi, we’re doing it as a form of tease-blaming – oh you horrible comfybus, tempting me with your comfies, mmm so comfy.
Animals can also be comfybi, without any implication of bestiality.
My kitty is a comfybus, or comfyba, rather, since she’s a girl. But yeah. She doesn’t like to let me get up when she’s snoozing on my legs. Maybe this guy has women confused with cats?
Okay, this makes no sense. She’s not self-sabotaging if it’s HIM she’s “sabotaging”. And he’s the one doing the self-sabotaging if he’d rather get up and do inane shit on a day off, instead of just relaxing, which is a normal, human thing to do. And if he doesn’t get up and do his inane shit, well, he’s got no one but himself to blame. But, typical MRA, he blames HER. Get a fuckin’ life, dude.