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Beware the Pancake-Eating Girlfriends of Doom, Red Pill Dude Warns

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Pancakes: Tool of the devil

On the This is Trouble blog, the Red Pill Lothario and former Return of Kings contributor known only as Kyle has issued a dire warning to contemporary men: women will “drag you towards mediocrity” if you let them.

The worst offenders? Pancake-eating women.

I mean, let’s just say you’re a super cool dude who’s maybe three months into a relationship with some hot pre-wall broad. Obviously, Kyle notes, she’s totally into you due to “various measures: your health, your wealth, and your overall drive motivation, etc.”

That’s cool. But then she starts doing crap that interferes with your ability to have, like, the best health, wealth and drive motivation. Like, the stuff that made her into you in the first place!

Instead of  “encourag[ing] you to wake up at 6am on a Saturday to hit the gym” and work your side-hustle selling juice or writing ebooks on how to get hot babes, or whatever, she JUST WANTS TO SLEEP IN.

[G]irls flat-out self sabotage the very thing they’re attracted to by trying to keep you in bed with them all day, sleeping in and just being a lazy slob in general.

Come back to bed, honey, these torpid Sirens cry.

They will literally hold you back in moving forward because women have no sense of needing to move forward, EVER.

And that’s where the pancakes come in.

Even the ones that are in shitty positions in life (no career, no skills, no goals) have this self entitlement complex that a man is going to save them – SOMEDAY. It’s why they sit around in the mornings and eat pancakes rather than get up and be productive.

The pancakes! The horror!

Now, if this thing about pancakes seems like a weirdly specific complaint about contemporary women, well, that’s because it’s really a complaint about one particular woman, that woman being Kyle’s current girlfriend, an admitted pancake eater who, on one recent occasion actually delayed his Saturday morning trip to the gym by an hour. 

You see, Kyle has got important shit to do. Not like you women.

Most girls simply go home from their 9-5 hellhole and turn on the TV, killing their brain cells and souls by watching shit involving the Kardashians. The smart girls go to the gym, and spend time preparing their own meals to better themselves in that sense. However, I’ve yet to meet a girl who does the gym, meal prep, and everything else I do on a day-to-day basis to keep moving forward on the self improvement and freedom path.

Preach it, brother!

That usually involves the 9-5 gig, a minimum of 2-3 hours a work on side work (10+ a day on weekends), an hour workout, and I still make time for friends, dates, etc. The trick is that I know how to get by on little sleep, I minimize my commute and I don’t waste any time.

Most women just cannot handle what I do on a day-to-day basis.

Hell, just hearing about all this makes me tired. No, not tired. What’s that other word that’s sort of like tired? Bored.

So anyway, Kyle was just going along living his impeccable life. And then came The Morning of the Pancakes.

Kyle recounts this terrible ordeal in graphic detail.

He and his girlfriend of one month are lying in bed on a Saturday afternoon.

I had wanted to go the gym at roughly 8am, and she said she wanted to join me. So of course we didn’t get there until about 9am.

I believe this is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. It should be, anyway.

At the gym, as I worked through a brutal superset workout…what did she do?

Walked on the treadmill.

Damn treadmill-walking lazy-ass woman!

Oh, and she did two whole sets of planks with me at the end.

Correction: Damn treadmill-walking, two-plank-set-doing lazy-ass woman!

Brace yourself, dear reader, because it gets worse.

After we got back from the gym, she really wanted to go and get pancakes.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!1!!

And steak and eggs sounded like a good post-workout meal to me. I relented and went, and in Los Angeles, $30 is about the minimum you can spend on any meal for two.

Somehow I’m guessing that Kyle here is not much of a tipper.

Finally, another hour and a half and $32.67 later, we were full and headed home.

Yeah, he’s definitely not a good tipper. I mean, given that he’s holding onto his resentment that the meal for two cost $2.67 more than the arbitrary amount he expected the meal to cost.

But she didn’t have work until 2pm – so of course she dicked around my apartment (of course, didn’t make herself useful and clean up my apartment or anything) until 1:15pm…and ended up being late to work anyway.

By the time she was gone and I settled into a working groove, it was 2pm and half the day was gone.

A moment of silence, please, for the half of Kyle’s Saturday so cruelly murdered by his girlfriend.

Rest in Peace, Half of Kyle’s Saturday. Rest in Peace.

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Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

@ lindsayirene & kupo

On shapes, class and gender politics

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatland

Kularanini
Kularanini
8 years ago

I can admit that my triangles are not very hot or sexy.

Hey Kupo. You didn’t choose your triangles, they chose you. And I have to say…from one red, geometry monster to another, you have some tiiiiight angles.

That’s a compliment baby, not harassment.

Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
Subtract Hominem, the Renegade Misandroid
8 years ago

What could be more attractive than a drum set made of cheese?

Kat
Kat
8 years ago

It Happened to Me

When I was younger, I didn’t appreciate being green. I wanted desperately to be sparkly, glittery, bling-bling. I wanted to appeal to the Kyles of this world.

Then I did find my very own “Kyle.” OMG — he was narrow-minded, sleep-deprived, rude, and a power monger.

I’m happy that I dumped Kyle. And now I love being green. I’m a leaf. I’m a blade of grass. I’m a forest.

Emmy Rae
Emmy Rae
8 years ago

That’s cool, David, but are you cheating? You should probably text your side chick at the same time to make sure.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

I’m male, so – is this a self portrait? I’m confused. How does this work? Kyle hasn’t told me and I can’t make decisions without his guidance.

The Kangaroo
The Kangaroo
8 years ago

Interesting anecdotal evidence here of the juxtaposition of advocacy for both male supremacy and workaholism, eh? Damn, I wonder if there’s been a research study done on that yet!

The Kangaroo
The Kangaroo
8 years ago

Oh, and a third factor, being a cheapskate. Now to word “workaholism” and “cheapskate” into clinical terms, now….

sunnysombrera
8 years ago

I’m a bunch of flowers that’s made of fire. 😀 But seeing as it’s a physical impossibility I maaaaay be just a hallucination instead.

kupo
kupo
8 years ago

@Alan
Wow. Now I feel the need to watch that movie just to see how they adapted it.

@Kularanini
Your triangles aren’t so bad, either. 😉

nparker
nparker
8 years ago

Kyle has uncovered my secret! I didn’t want to tell you all this but I am actually the Doctor! The Doctor. Just, The Doctor.

My avatar is The Doctor, so I must be him. Kyle has worked it out.

Well done Kyle. I didn’t want everyone to know because it would cause a time paradox. Honestly, you could have saved the universe by just… liking… pancakes! >sobs<

Trust me, because according to Kyle, I'm The Doctor.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

@ kupo

Flatland is a great tool for visualising higher dimensions, be an interesting movie though!

Dr. NicolaLuna
Dr. NicolaLuna
8 years ago

I don’t know what Kyle means, I clearly am a smokin’ hot tree frog that all the other tree frogs are jumping at the chance to get with.

This made me laugh so hard it hurt.

My pic is me and my sister dressed as pirates on my son’s birthday. We hired a canal boat and had a pirate party which was clearly a feeeeemale plot to waste 6 hours having fun.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
8 years ago

Hell yeah, there’s all kinds of hotties up in here! In any case, my looks are irrelevant on account of my zombie-making-mind-controlling-vagina goo. I could be a goat and still get hot men on the regular, that’s how awesome my goo is. Some might consider the fact that I permit only one (very attractive) man to share my bed unfair to the kyles and redpillians/mgtows/mras of the world, but they wouldn’t know what to do if they did have a snowball’s chance in hell with me. I prefer to eat when I’m hungry and choose whatever I want from the kitchen or menu anyway. Life is meant to be enjoyed – there’s no enjoyment in rigid schedules, air for dinner, or Kyle.

weirwoodtreehugger
8 years ago

For some reason Kyle’s appearance in this thread made me think of this song
https://youtu.be/pHH3brmhPyw
I can’t imagine why.

weirwoodtreehugger
8 years ago

Ugh. Embed Mammoth and the edit button isn’t showing up. Let me try again.
https://youtu.be/pHH3brmhPyw

If not, it’s Garfunkel & Oates and well worth clicking over, I assure.

mrex
mrex
8 years ago

@Buttercups

“I have a cupcake permanently stuck to my forehead. Total turnoff.”

Girl you’re dating the wrong people. Baked goods on the face increase SMV by at least a thousand around here.

Paradoxical Intention
8 years ago

comment image

Ire
Ire
8 years ago

I really don’t get it. They complain about the mediocrity of feeeeeemales and our lack of self-improvement but screech whenever we try anything for our benefit like college or antidepressants or getting a better job…

Catalpa
Catalpa
8 years ago

Triangles are among the sexiest of all geometric shapes, second only to the hypercube.

Though, I’ll admit, I do find myself drawn to a nice hyperbola every once in a while…

Paradoxical Intention
8 years ago

Ire | January 13, 2016 at 10:42 pm
I really don’t get it. They complain about the mediocrity of feeeeeemales and our lack of self-improvement but screech whenever we try anything for our benefit like college or antidepressants or getting a better job…

Welcome to one of the Hoola-Hoops of Hell that is Manospherian Lojik. There are a few, but this one I like to call the “Infinite Resource Fallacy”, and this usually involves a seemingly infinite resource, like rights, jobs, or space in a hobby like video games or comics.

> To push Women out of [thing], Manospherians insist that Women naturally suck at [thing] because evopsych/basic psychology or evolution fail, and/or have no right to be in [thing]/have [thing], because Men were there first/had [thing] first/are better at [thing] because evopsych/basic psychology or evolution fail.

> Therefore Men are superior at [thing]/deserve [thing] more, and women should just stay out of it or leave it alone.

> Women attempt to get into [thing], or point out women were already in [thing], and there just isn’t a lot of us, or that most of us were silent due to harassment, social structures that dissuaded us from doing [thing], general sexism, and/or male-oriented marketing.

> Manospherians whine that women are taking away [thing] from Men/forcing Men out of [thing], and Men need to take it back, because feeemales don’t deserve it.

> To push Women out of [thing], Manospherians insist that Women naturally suck at [thing] because evopsych/basic psychology or evolution fail, and/or have no right to be in [thing]/have [thing], because Men were there first/had [thing] first/are better at [thing] because evopsych/basic psychology or evolution fail.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago
katz
8 years ago

Though, I’ll admit, I do find myself drawn to a nice hyperbola every once in a while…

Do you want to be its integral so you can be the area under its curves?

FemmaNotZzz
FemmaNotZzz
8 years ago

EJ- that’s hilarious!

Paradoxical – great explanation of manospereing.

Ire- I’ve noticed the paradox myself. They condem women for sleeping with men but hate women for not sleeping with them. They hate women for not being as accomplished (they clearly haven’t kept up with the newest socio data) but feel threatened by accomplished women. My wager is that their theory is deeply flawed….