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Return of Kings: “Dogs provide most of the positive benefits of women except sex.”

The Red Piller's ideal woman?
The Red Piller’s ideal woman?

A new post at Return of Kings, Roosh V’s site for terrible, terrible men, has me wondering: Do Red Pillers all harbor a secret wish to have sex with their dogs?

In the post, regular RoK contributor Max Roscoe reports on “10 Things My Dog Taught Me About Women.” His conclusion? That aside from that whole sex thing, he prefers his dog. Man’s faithful canine companions, he explains

are incredibly loyal, protective, and offer unconditional love, and will in some ways be more consistent, reliable, and rewarding than a woman. It’s often said that sexbots will be the end of the modern feminist. Dogs provide most of the positive benefits of women except sex, and owning one can benefit a man greatly.

Roscoe apparently dreams of a glorious future in which women can be replaced with a more pliable combo of sexbots and dogs.

Until the sexbots arrive, though, heterosexual men — or at least those heterosexual men who are unwilling to have sex with their dogs — are stuck with women.

But all is not lost, as Roscoe offers a number of useful suggestions on how men can make their girlfriends or wives more like dogs. 

As Roscoe sees it, proper training is key for both women and dogs.

A well trained dog will know when it misbehaves, and will sense the disappointment or anger of its owner when it breaks the rules. Likewise, a woman should be trained to behave properly. Since Western civilization has abdicated its role in training members of both sexes how to behave politely and what proper roles are, men must take up this duty on our own.

Unfortunately, Roscoe notes, even well-trained dogs and women sometimes misbehave, making “slight corrections” necessary. All men need to do to get their women back in line is to become paranoid, controlling creeps.

Tell her to hit the gym when she’s gotten a bit out of shape, but don’t wait until she’s gained 20 pounds. Give her a limit on how much alcohol she can drink. Tell her she must inform you who she is going out with and where.

Women aren’t just like dogs; they’re also like children.

As we know, women are essentially large children, and like a teen who will gradually test the limits of his boundaries, a woman will push the rules to see how much she can get away with. Treat her like a father would his child, and let her know she is not to behave this way in the future. She will not only stop the harmful actions, but come to respect you even more.

So how can men tell if their wives or girlfriends are good dogs?

By their shiny coats. Dogs should have “well groomed hair” rather than “a matted, dirty, coat full of debris.” Same with women!

A “quality” woman, Roscoe proclaims, should

groom herself well, with long, feminine hair, trimmed and painted nails, and conservative clothing.

And she should have “clear, radiant skin,” rather than a “body mutilated with shrapnel and graffiti.”

She should also, Roscoe argues, know her place. Just as a dog is naturally “subservient to its owner,” so “a woman is naturally and normally the submissive partner to the man.”

This is the case, Roscoe explains, even if she has short hair.

No amount of short haircuts, business suits, you-go-girling or education can reverse the natural role than women play in the world.

But don’t bother to try to explain this to women. Hell, don’t bother to explain anything to them, because women, like dogs, don’t really understand human language. It’s all “blah blah blah Ginger” to them.

You can talk in a kind voice to a dog, and he will understand your loving happiness, and reciprocate, but beyond that, dogs are incapable of understanding you, interpreting your thoughts, empathizing, or using logic.

Likewise, it is a waste of time to get into deep discussions with women, expect them to rationalize or understand things, or even to truly empathize or love a man.  … While a dog or woman can respect and honor you, and make you feel good, they cannot truly understand you, or love you the way you love them.

I’m thinking that Roscoe should not only be kept away from women, but from dogs as well.

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Bina
5 years ago

Yeah, if game instantly turned “females” into hb10s who want nothing more than to be a domestic and sex slave, you’d think more of these guys would be out using their masterful operant conditioning skills rather than whining on the internet about how fat and hair dyed and feminist western women are.

…and how oppressed they, Teh Menz, are by all the fat and the hair dye and the feminism. WAAAAAAAAA!

Very alpha, much male, so wow.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@SFHC
I imagine so, but to the point where they don’t even expect us to say no to them?

Professor Snugglesworth
Professor Snugglesworth
5 years ago

We’re all missing the most important point about Cal’s post. Which is the word ‘mammalian’. It is an adjective. The noun form is ‘mammal’. He is talking about mammals. Not mammalians. I just can’t get past it. Mammalians… Mammalians…

cleverforagirl
cleverforagirl
5 years ago

Ok, I’ve used positive reinforcement to shape people’s behavior. I’ve used it on untidy people in my home and students I’ve taught, that shit works

*but*

You can’t punish adults, it doesn’t work on dogs, cats or people, it’s just fucking abusive. (Of course I don’t mean bdsm, fellow kinksters, kink on)

Now that I know that people use it for game I feel a little dirty.

There’s an experiment we used to do every semester in one of the counseling classes I did tech for, you’d partner up with someone and pick a behavior you want them to do, something random like flipping hair or scratching an ear.

Half the participants would say “bad” in a stern voice every time the subject didn’t do the behavior. The other half would say “good” when the behavior was done. This would continue for about 10 minutes.

People who were told “good” figured out the desired behavior. People who were told “bad” rarely figured out the behavior and started exhibiting signs of anxiety, anger and frustration, and this was only after 10 minutes.

Linux5
Linux5
5 years ago

”and conserative clothing” yeah because alll women who might wear a nice short dress or a summershorts are evil whores….lmao

Why do they care so much about the clothing? As if ist not common to show off a little somtimes. You can keep it sexy and classy and a woman can still be, believe it or not, a good person while showing more skin than you like.

I think they want women to cover up their legs in summer as well and NEVER show any cleavage at all. This is horrible.

Mikkay
Mikkay
5 years ago

Childless women are selfish harpies, who should be avoided because they reject their natural maternal instincts, which are actually completely fake because women are incapable of loving or protecting anyone. How do MRAs never work themselves into contradictory rage-strokes??

Cyberwulf
Cyberwulf
5 years ago

“A well trained dog will know when it misbehaves, and will sense the disappointment or anger of its owner when it breaks the rules.”

This dumbass doesn’t know anything about dogs. Dogs don’t know that they’re “misbehaving”. They don’t conceptualise the world the way we do. People misattribute fear reactions in dogs for guilt all the damn time. Fido doesn’t “know what he did”, he’s cowering because you’re screaming at him.

I do find Roscoe’s article ironic, because I’ve often fended off online creeps by telling them I already have a hairy, smelly creature who lies around all day and expects me to clean up after him, and if I wanted another I’d get another German Shepherd.

BritterSweet
5 years ago

Women are like koalas. They’re cute and spend most of their lives either sleeping or eating leaves that are poisonous to most other species. They also can drop down on you from the trees and maim you into a bloody pulp. They’re surprisingly violent.

Bina
5 years ago

Women are like cats. Never mistake our silence for submission or acquiescence…it could be indifference, it could even be disdain, and in some cases, it’s literally just the calm before we get fed up and swat you with our claws out.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

Women are like platypi. They lay eggs and have venomous claws, and most biologists originally believed them to be a ridiculous hoax.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
5 years ago

Has anyone else seen this? Mercifully they don’t seem to have any hostages.

http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2016/01/02/3735576/150-armed-militia-members-take-over-federal-building/

I don’t think they’re going to be happy until they’ve killed someone.

Saphira
Saphira
5 years ago

“. . . . a woman is naturally and normally the submissive partner to the man.”

I know quite a few dommes in the BDSM community. I wonder if knowing of their existence would make an MRA’s head explode? I can always hope so.

It’s also a community built on, above all else, consent. If someone (male or female) is going to be submissive to a dom/me and follow their rules, the couple agrees that’s what going to occur. The dom/me doesn’t take it upon his/herself to force another to submit. The whole assumption that being submissive and controlled is what all women want makes me want to throw up.

They wouldn’t to have a thing to do with me anyway. Not only am I extremely dominant and wouldn’t put up with their crap, I break the No Shrapnel Rule with my piercings. Oops.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

RosaDeLava | January 2, 2016 at 7:00 pm
Can we do more comparison of women and animals, though? I’m not sure if anyone would be down, but I think it could be funny:

“Women are like crows… they can bend metal wires into hooks with their beaks to use as tools, and they sit in tree branches staring at you ominously.”

Can I just say as a (kinda) woman witch whose Mirror Animal is the Crow (one of them at least. The other is deer.), this makes me SO happy? XD

“Women are like crows…they remember the faces of their friends, and those who have done them wrong.”

“Women are like crows…they recognize the benefits of teamwork.”

“Women are like crows…they like to play.”

“Women are like crows…they’re very intelligent, much more so than most people had previously given them credit for.”

Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
5 years ago

Sorry to change subject but I have a flying dog.

http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w35/Gaian87/dog%20fly_zpskjp3yksu.jpg

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

Has anyone else seen this? Mercifully they don’t seem to have any hostages.

http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2016/01/02/3735576/150-armed-militia-members-take-over-federal-building/

I don’t think they’re going to be happy until they’ve killed someone.

Holy shit.

This is probably a step too far for them. Their whiteness has protected them thus far, but I don’t know if it will protect them from this.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
5 years ago

I hope it won’t. They should have been hauled off to prison the first time.

And the lack of media coverage really makes my jaw drop. Seriously, this started three-and-a-half hours ago?

Tessa
Tessa
5 years ago

cleverforagirl

People who were told “good” figured out the desired behavior. People who were told “bad” rarely figured out the behavior and started exhibiting signs of anxiety, anger and frustration, and this was only after 10 minutes.

But, that’s because the “good” was for a “positive behavior.” It’d be just as confusing if you flipped it.

Let’s say flipping the hair was “bad”, so you had one group that said “good” for everything that person did that wasn’t flipping the hair. And another group that said “bad” when they did flip the hair. The “Bad” group would be much less confusing.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

I hope it won’t. They should have been hauled off to prison the first time.

I also hope it won’t, but I’m also realistic: they are white and from rural America. That means they receive preferential treatment.

This might be too much, but who knows. I hope they are all arrested as the domestic terrorists they are, but I won’t be shocked in the slightest if that does not happen.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his pronouns)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his pronouns)
5 years ago

her cuckolding black men on facebook

…How does one have sex on Facebook? Is this a new game?

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

I can’t wait to see the Cishet White Guy Defense Force media try to spin this as all 150 of them being “Mentally ill lone wolves.”

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Some of them are sons of Cliven Bundy. Because of course they are. The feds never should have turned tail and run when Bundy and his extremist buddies pulled guns on them. I get that the federal government is a little skittish after Ruby Ridge and Waco, but it’s ridiculous to just let right wing militia terrorist types do whatever the fuck they want.

BTW, is anyone else suddenly getting logged off when they leave the site? It didn’t used to be that way for me.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

Yeah, you PUAs know all about women and all about dogs. Really.

Just remember: There are laws against violence directed at women and laws against cruelty to animals.

And some judges are totally fine with throwing the book at offenders.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

SFHC,
They’re sure as fuck not going to call them terrorists. Even though that’s what they are.

I’m confused as to what they’re even protesting. Where in the constitution does it say Americans have the right to commit arson on federal land. It’s almost like they’re entitled asshats who think no rules should ever apply to them!

raysa
raysa
5 years ago

I live with dogs. Dogs live with me. I ask them for exactly 2 things, and those are do not fight, and do not poop/pee in my house.

I have always been skeeved out a little bit by people that “own” living, breathing, sentient beings. Mostly because those people are the ones that use “ownership” as a reason to abuse those that they “own.”

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
5 years ago

The arson (the first time) was to cover up their poaching. I suppose that’s a constitutional right, too.

The media seems to be dodging the issue altogether. There’s still no mention on Yahoo or CNN. HuffPost had a short article.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

@policy of madness

Holy shit.

This is probably a step too far for them. Their whiteness has protected them thus far, but I don’t know if it will protect them from this.

Whoa. You might be right.

And thanks for alerting us to this (truly awful) news.

These militia members are in Malheur, Oregon. Translation from the French: malheur = misfortune.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

@WWTH

Their thesis, such as it is, is that the federal government shouldn’t exist at all, or, if it has to exist, it should restrict itself to defending the country from external threats and not get involved in any domestic affairs in any fashion.

The “sovereign citizen” groups are not the first to think this! The first incarnation of the United States worked that way! And it was such a resounding success that we decided to fucking scrap the Articles of Confederation and start over with something fundamentally different, because it turns out that it’s impossible for the federal government to defend against external threats when it has no power over domestic affairs.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
5 years ago

Yahoo finally put something up, although it’s more about the poor, poor arsonists. Federal law says it’s a five year sentence, and they’re going to have to serve it.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

I’m seeing more coverage of it, actually.

Google brought up Raw Story, Oregon Live, and US News and World Report about half an hour ago. Now it also has CBS and New York Daily News.

ETA: the New York Daily News article seems pretty good:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/militia-takes-ore-fed-building-protest-article-1.2483723

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

We’re all missing the most important point about Cal’s post. Which is the word ‘mammalian’. It is an adjective. The noun form is ‘mammal’. He is talking about mammals. Not mammalians. I just can’t get past it. Mammalians… Mammalians…

That jumped out at me too. Whether or not he’s a poe, lately every post quoting one of these sillynits features misused words. Aurini had a bunch of them, and today’s featured sooper jeenyus misuses the word “rationalize.” I think I’m going to start keeping a list, just for lulz.

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

Women are like lions. They hunt zebra and gazelle, and have retractable claws. March goes out like them.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

They called them “radical” just wow.

I need brain bleach, may we continue with “women are like..” Game?

Women are like lemurs..we like to move it!
http://youtu.be/1okAt2sOmNg

Women are like elephants..
http://youtu.be/A276_8XeLgE
Nothing else to say

Women are like lionesses..
http://38.media.tumblr.com/ed749a8637eaea0f05cfa38fc60bc0cf/tumblr_inline_mid93zOts71qz4rgp.gif
Again enough said

cleverforagirl
cleverforagirl
5 years ago

Tessa,

What I find most interesting is that it took less than 10 minutes for people to start feeling some real resentment. I would actually love to see the experiment you proposed. I wonder how many people would engage in the bad behavior out of sheer contrariness. (I probably would.)

Dalillama
Dalillama
5 years ago

WWTH:

I’m confused as to what they’re even protesting. Where in the constitution does it say Americans have the right to commit arson on federal land. It’s almost like they’re entitled asshats who think no rules should ever apply to them!

One of the core tenets of right – libertarianism is that individual (white men’s) property rights are divinely gtanted and absolute; no government should be able to make any rules about use of private property. Since the poaching was on private land & the fire was set on private land (before spreading to Federal land), these assholes call doing something about it tyranny

Tessa
Tessa
5 years ago

Women are like the female blanket octopus, 40,000 larger than the male, and presented with one of the male’s ripped off tentacles filled with sperm before he swims off to his death.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
5 years ago

What I find most interesting about the case is that the two people going to prison are making it very clear this is none of their doing. What exactly is the militia’s position? “We’re gonna defend your non-existent rights whether you want us to or not!!!”

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Tessa
Women are like the female blanket octopus, 40,000 larger than the male, and presented with one of the male’s ripped off tentacles filled with sperm before he swims off to his death.

Um well then you learn something new everyday.

brian
brian
5 years ago

Hey, if anyone wants some dog-themed brain bleach:
-The twitter account https://twitter.com/dog_rates is one of the best things I’ve ever found. It’s made my twitter feed so much less depressing to read.
-This twitter account https://twitter.com/DogSolutions is almost as good! The pictures and captions are somewhat sillier… the main thing that gets them docked a few points is the infrequency of posting.
-If you’re a podcast listener, look up Can I Pet Your Dog? because it’s fucking delightful. It makes every tuesday a little brighter for me. http://www.maximumfun.org/shows/can-i-pet-your-dog

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Women are like SAR11 alphaproteobacteria because they’re common in the wild but are extremely difficult to grow in a laboratory, possibly due to their dislike of agar or their reluctance to fit inside a petri dish.

Women are also like oak trees, because you can shout at them all day to make you a sandwich but you’re not going to get any results from it. Frankly you’d be better off going into the kitchen and making your own sandwich.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Brian
♥️Awww♥️

Tessa
Tessa
5 years ago

Fruitloopsie

Um well then you learn something new everyday.

Younger females rip off tentacles from portuguese man-o-war jellyfish and use them as weapons against predators. (Males do that, too at all ages… cause they don’t grow to be 6 feet long like the females.)

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
5 years ago

@Leda

I wish *I* had a flying dog. Hrmph. Guess I’ll have to content myself by carrying her around and occasionally making airplane sounds while holding her ears out like the wings of a plane (don’t worry, I won’t be holding her entire body weight by the ears, I’ll sit down with her on my lap when doing the plane thing.)

And I just realized what my dog will be this next year for Howl-o-ween.

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

@Dalillama

One of the core tenets of right – libertarianism is that individual (white men’s) property rights are divinely gtanted and absolute; no government should be able to make any rules about use of private property

These folks are “sovereign citizens;” their philosophy, loosely so called, has some overlap with right-libertarianism but goes much further. They believe the government has no authority over them at all, and they have various wacky rationales for their beliefs.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sovereign_citizen_movement

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Tessa
Wow. Thank you for all that interesting info.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
5 years ago

Some of the sovereign citizens even show up here from time to time: https://wehuntedthemammoth.com/2015/07/06/mra-peter-nolan-killing-women-is-the-only-path-to-justice-for-men-now/

Or just search for “peter nolan”.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

Roosh consistently tells his readers how to mess up their relationships. Here he tells them that a woman has nothing to offer a man but sex. The credulous reader then treats his date as though she had nothing to offer him but sex. When he’s rejected, he has to return to Roosh for more (bad) advice.

Dalillama
Dalillama
5 years ago

@ Lady Mondegreen

Yeah, but they’re still basically right-libertarians. It’s kinda like the distinction between the KKK and the American Nazi Party; sure, they have loads of petty doctrinal differences that they argue about, but from an outside perspective the only meaningful difference is how violent they’re likely to be.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

Women are like — your mother. Your sisters. Your first-grade teacher. Your school crossing guard. Your Sunday school teacher. Your pediatrician. Remember them, PUAs?

***

I’m haunted by the Dr. Oz interview with Roosh. He asked Roosh if he had a mother or sisters. Roosh said he did. According to Roosh, “They love me for who I am, not for the words that come out of my mouth.” Hey, Roosh, why not try to make them proud?

***

I do believe that some trolls brag to their troll friends, “Ha, ha, I made the feminazis respond to me!” Like they’ve won a big prize. But when you’re excited because you’ve gotten negative attention, it’s time to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

Women are like horses. If they feel like it, they will jump the fence.

Women are like phoenixes, rising from the ashes of despair time and time and time again.

Women are like porcupines. Be careful how you treat them.

Monzach
Monzach
5 years ago

Women are like the Coelacanth: They were thought to be extinct until a fishing boat caught a live one off the Mascareigne Islands in 1938.

Though, of course, in actual fact women are human. Just like all other members of the species Homo Sapiens Sapiens. *sigh* Sometimes I wish humans were a lot more like bonobos.