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Will Star Wars: The Force Awakens Destroy the White Race With Its Mighty Cuck Staff?

White supremacists have cuck on the brain
White supremacists have cuck on the brain

Is Star Wars: The Force Awakens a fun space opera that’s made a crapload of money and revitalized a beloved franchise after three cringeworthy prequels?

Or is it insidious propaganda for racially mixed sexy times that may ultimately wipe out millions of hypothetical future white babies and, oh yeah, perhaps the entire white race?

Yep, even after the utter failure of their (admittedly half-assed) “boycott” of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, the cuck-obsessed white supremacists are still at it, trying to convince the world that the film is all about cuckolding the once-proud white man.

And, naturally, they’re making their case, such as it is, by passing around massively confusing and often barely readable “infographics.”

Take, for example, the one below, which may well be the greatest (by which I mean the terriblist) racist infographic I’ve seen all year. Consider it an early Christmas present from me to you, if you’re into that sort of thing. (Don’t worry if you can’t read it; we’ll get into the specific, er, arguments in a second.)

The SFW version
The SFW version

If you’re wondering about the white blocks, well, I censored several porn images from the original graphic, all involving white women and, well, a certain portion of the anatomy of their black male costars.

You’re welcome!

There’s a lot to take in here, from the censored porn to the kids’ toys to the Bella and the Bulldogs reference in the portion of the “infographic” I put at the start of this post. (If you don’t already know about the Bella and the Bulldogs nonsense, click here because it is amaze (cuck) balls.)

So let’s break down the basic, er, argument here.

The Cuck Ball: Because the leading man in the film is, gasp, black, the only character that white dudes can identify with in the film is the ball-shaped robot BB-8 — because he’s painted white!

Oh, and because the white heroine, Rey, seems to like Finn, the (shudder) black stormtrooper with the heart of gold, the two are basically cuckolding all the white men of this world — not to mention all those living a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

sstarwarscuckballenhanced
Note: I fiddled with the contrast to make this more readable.

Never mind that the film is full of other white characters, and that moviegoers are more than capable of identifying with characters who don’t share their skin color, or their gender, or even their species. Hell, the infographic maker admits they can identify with robots.

Not only that, but moviegoers who aren’t straight cis white men do this all the time when they watch films where the main characters (and often most of the rest of the cast) are straight cis white men. But when one film in a movie franchise that’s featured white dudes as the main characters in THE PREVIOUS SIX FILMS puts a black man in one of the leading roles, evidently it’s the end of the world or at least the white race.

And even the barest hint that this black character might at some point in the future lay a completely consensual kiss on the white female lead has the white supremacists shouting “cuck” from the rooftops. In this film, the “romance” (if it can even be called that) that the poor little cuck ball is forced to witness is entirely hypothetical; it never goes beyond flirting and a bit of handholding. (Who knew robots were so damn jealous?)

Don’t tell these guys about Netflix’s Jessica Jones and her sexy times with Luke Cage; their heads would explode.

And then there’s …

Rey’s mighty Cuck Staff. As the infographic-maker sees it, the phallic staff is basically a huge black dildo, which Disney has put into the film in order to program white girls to, well, want to have sex and babies with black men.(Why would Disney want to do this? I’m guessing these guys think it all has something to do with the Jews.)

Anyway, it’s all very … subliminal.

starwarssubliminal

Woah. I mean, it’s not like any of the white men in the Star Wars franchise ever carried around any large phallic objects of their own that have been made into toys that have been played with by probably half the people on planet earth.

Oh wait.

But apparently Rey’s Cuck Staff is more powerful than any mere light saber, and will insidiously work its way into the minds of impressionable girls the world around.

starwarsCuckstaffenhanced

Naturally, all this staff-grasping can only result in one thing:

THE TOTAL ANNIHILATION OF THE WHITE RACE! Literally MILLIONS of (hypothetical) WHITE BABIES WILL BE DESTROYED (by not existing in the first place)!

starwarswhitebabies

So, yeah, here we have white supremacists essentially arguing that their mythical all-powerful, civilization-building, world-dominating, Donald-Trump-loving white race is secretly so fragile it can be brought down by some white chick holding a stick in a movie.

Enjoy the rest of your night-before-Christmas (or, depending on your time zone, Christmas yourself), if you’re into that sort of thing.

H/T — @videodante, who pointed me to the, er, “infographic” on Reddit; it seems to have originated on 4chan shortly after the film’s premiere.

EDIT: A few minor fiddles with wording.

EDIT 2: Somehow one of the screenshots I meant to put in didn’t get put in (I blame my interns, who are also my cats). I put it in. It’s the last one, about the babies.

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Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
9 years ago

Rey’s mighty Cuck Staff. As the infographic-maker sees it, the phallic staff is basically a huge black dildo, which Disney has put into the film in order to program white girls to, well, want to have sex and babies with black men.

http://i.imgur.com/uuEukpJ.jpg

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his pronouns)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his pronouns)
9 years ago

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/lol.gif
Man, look at them, grasping at all those tiny white straws while clutching their tiny white pearls. What lengths white supremacists will jump to when trying to justify their views of black men.

Sweaty Examination Goblin
Sweaty Examination Goblin
9 years ago

Having just gotten back from the theatre, and having found this to be a wonderful movie (solid 8/10+ IMHO), this was good for a laugh. My family was actually remarking on how incredibly refreshing it was to have a big-budget film with a black main character who is, you know, like a real human being, not a fetishized or token character. Finn is totally believable and it’s wonderful.

As opposed to, you know, saying that “holding a staff” is the equivalent of “holding a big black dildo”. Nothing about that is demeaning or fetishizing, oh no.

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
9 years ago

Uh. Heroic ace resistance pilot Poe Dameron is, y’know, a white guy. They couldn’t even find a movie without a white male leading character to get upset about.

Finn and Rey just seem like friends to me. Poe and Finn were the most affectionate two characters. It would be interesting to see the reaction if Rey goes off and becomes a celibate monk Jedi (I’d love to see a movie where the female lead’s character arc doesn’t center on romance) and Poe and Finn end up having an interracial gay romance.

moviegoers are more than capable of identifying with characters who don’t share their skin color, or their gender, or even their species. Hell, the infographic maker admits they can identify with robots.

Not only that, but moviegoers who aren’t straight cis white men do this all the time when they watch films where the main character (and most of the rest of the cast) are straight cis white men.

YES. The sentiment “I can’t identify with characters that aren’t exactly like me” is pathetic, and negates one of the major functions of art.

zoon echon logon
zoon echon logon
9 years ago

Also. If you look at the new Star Wars and your first thought is “BIG BLACK DICKS,” there’s probably a reason that you think that, and it’s not “subliminal conditioning.”

DrHoveiny
DrHoveiny
9 years ago

I have to hope that some percentage of these guys have *actual* cuckold fetishes/fantasies, and this is just the sexy build up to it. Because seriously, c’mon, you’re going to cut your hands on all those straws yall are grasping at.

(First time commenter, thank you David and community for your hilarious takes on this garbage.)

Walter
Walter
9 years ago

You know, I had issues with The Force Awakens and its portrayals of minorites, but I give it up. I was seeing too much into it. This proves that if you want to hate something, you will find shit to hate.

MsMockingbird
MsMockingbird
9 years ago

Oscar Isaac is Guatemalan by the way. Not white enough for them I suspect.

abars01
abars01
9 years ago

That this graphic refers to to BB-8 as a “nebbish quiet White beta orbiter”, frankly, has gotten my Poe sense tingling. I, honestly, am feeling pretty dubious as to whether the makers of the graphic actually believe this stuff or whether they’re just trolling for the entertainment of their fanboys. Or, indeed, for the attention of anti-racist webgoers such as ourselves. I mean, come on, it’d be like a liberal referring to, say, Chris Kyle as a “fascist bourgeois patriarchal neocolonialist cis scum”, or something.

brian
brian
9 years ago

jeeeeezus. reading this stuff makes me nearly as sad and disgusted as I imagine the movie makes the white supremacists. just the idea there are people in the world who think this way… fuck. just… fuck. I don’t know. I just don’t.

Paradoxical Intention
9 years ago

I had heard that BB-8 is actually a gender-ambiguous little ball, and not necessarily a he. People working on the movie can’t even come to a consensus on it, so I think we should just split the difference and just refer to it as “they” or “it”, and just say it’s agender or even genderfluid due to people waffling on the pronouns.

I did mention that people were already fetishizing it on the previous thread because of the implications that it could be female too.

So, these assholes can try to claim the “cuck ball” all the want, but BB-8 isn’t even technically male.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
9 years ago

Who is the white male audience supposed to identify with?

Oh I don’t know how about every other white male character in the entire franchises, 83% of the whole freaking media including the news, movies, shows, video games, history books; White House, etc? So congrats you have experienced just a little tiny bit of what women, poc and other minorities have to put up with.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–lFjU0PaW–/18yce4qckn20jjpg.jpgBtw Merry Christmas everyone!

darkstatistic
darkstatistic
9 years ago

Counterpoint: BB8 is a chick magnet.

Dodom
Dodom
9 years ago

Of course that staff is subliminally determining what I’m sexually attracted to. I’ll never touch a cock less than eight feet long again.

Bina
9 years ago

They see a genderless robot that’s basically R2-D2’s head on a soccer ball as a “white beta male orbiter”?

I have run out of can’t to even.

PS: Shhhh, don’t anyone tell them that C-3PO didn’t get any either (because robot, and therefore no penis to get it with, although he sure was as full of neuroses as these dudes). And that Lando Calrissian, a VERY handsome black man, flirted (quite mutually) with Leia when she wasn’t cracking wise with Han.

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
9 years ago

Don’t tell these guys about Netflix’s Jessica Jones and her sexy times with Luke Cage; their heads would explode.

Hell, don’t even tell them about the comics – wherein they have a child together.

OH NOES, THE MIS-CUCK-GENATION!

Seriously, “cuck” has become as hated a phrase for me as the suffix “-gate”…

JMV Pyro
JMV Pyro
9 years ago

What is it with racists and black penises? This is just all kinds of sad.

Lkeke35
Lkeke35
9 years ago

Wow!
Just wow!
???????
These guys…

Scaly Llama
Scaly Llama
9 years ago

That’s it – I’m going back to see it a third time to check if these guys have a point. (By which I mean, I totally DGAF what they think, but I’ll take any excuse to see it again. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll be back to see it at least another two-three times!)

If they’re trying to drive down box office, their arguments are totes (not) working on me.

OT: I’ve been listening to the soundtrack, and if you’re into music at all, do yourself a favour and get it in your ears. I’m loving Rey’s Theme and The Starkiller in particular!

(Those aren’t spoilers btw – it was widely available info prior to release.)

Tessa
Tessa
9 years ago

NickNameNick:

Hell, don’t even tell them about the comics – wherein they have a child together.

And that child becomes Captain America when she’s an adult.
http://i.imgur.com/KyA8A6K.jpg

Seriously, “cuck” has become as hated a phrase for me as the suffix “-gate”…

I find it useful actually. I know not to take someone who uses it without a trace of irony seriously.

LindsayIrene
9 years ago

If anyone needs brain bleach after that, I give you Black Metal Cats on Twitter.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
9 years ago

There’s a cuckstaff and a cuckball? This sounds like apparatus for the least sanitary team sport ever…

Delphi_ote
Delphi_ote
9 years ago

A BLACK GUY PILOTED THE FALCON AND BLEW UP A DEATH STAR OVER 20 YEARS AGO!

Why are they losing their shit about this film?

Orion
9 years ago

It’s really weird that he refers to the “white male robot” as a nebbish. Does he somehow not know that a nebbish is … Jewish?

Mike
Mike
9 years ago

Cuck ball. Cuck ball!! CUCK BALL!!! That is just amazing. I’m tempted to say this must be a joke, but I know it’s probably not (or even if it is a joke, it probably hews close to beliefs actually held by actual white supremacists).

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