Last night Donald Trump, America’s favorite orange-faced semi-Fascist, risked alienating his many white supremacist fanboys by turning to Yiddish in an attempt to insult Hillary Clinton.
Referring to Clinton’s previous run for the presidency, Trump told a crowd in Michigan that
she was favored to win — and she got schlonged, she lost, I mean she lost.
In the same, er, speech, Trump also brought up Hilary’s now-famous bathroom break during the last Democratic debate — she was late returning to the podium, apparently because the women’s bathroom was so far away — by affecting great disgust at the very notion of women having a tinkle in the toilet.
I know where she went, it’s disgusting, I don’t want to talk about it. No, it’s too disgusting. Don’t say it, it’s disgusting, let’s not talk, we want to be very, very straight up.
This is not the first time that Trump has expressed his revulsion at a woman’s biological functions. Back in August, you may recall, Trump attacked Fox News host Megyn Kelly after she asked him about some of the misogynistic things he’s said in the past about women.
“You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes,” Trump declared in a CNN interview afterwards. “Blood coming out of her wherever.”
By “her wherever,” Trump was apparently referring to Kelly’s you-know-what.
As last night’s “schlong” comment reminded us, Trump also likes to talk about penises, though he somehow always manages to do so in a way that is much more demeaning to women than it is to men,
A case in point is the lovely remark he made to attorney Gloria Allred, who had criticized him for staying mum after Miss Universe Canada officials tossed (and later reinstated) a trans woman from the contest. (At the time, Trump owned a huge stake in the Miss Universe contest.) Allred observed that no one had demanded to know what was in his pants.
Trump told her anyway:
I think Gloria would be very, very impressed with [my penis]. I really do. I think she’d have a whole brand new image of Donald Trump… There’ll be no apology whatsoever.
Let’s take a brief stroll down memory lane, shall we, and look at some other appalling things The Donald has said about women.
Let’s start this list by returning to Hillary Clinton, because of course Trump’s “schlong” comment isn’t the only appalling thing he’s ever said about her. Here’s one infamous Tweet he posted and later deleted, either because he thought better of it or because his lawyers did.
As it turns out, Trump has many charming thoughts about powerful women. Here he is offering his highly sophisticated take on Arianna Huffington:
.@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man- he made a good decision.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 28, 2012
How much money is the extremely unattractive (both inside and out) Arianna Huffington paying her poor ex-hubby for the use of his name?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 7, 2015
Trump routinely responds to criticism from women journalists with schoolyard insults — sometimes delivered right to their door. New York Times columnist Gail Collins says he once responded to a less than flattering column she made about him by sending her
a copy of the column with my picture circled and “The Face of a Dog!” written over it.
He followed this up, years later, with this lovely Tweet:
Frumpy and very dumb Gail Collins, an editorial writer at The New York Times, is so lucky to even have a job. Check her out – incompetent!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 15, 2014
But he doesn’t only have it in for female journalists and politicians; he reacts to criticism from pretty much any famous woman by attacking their looks, among other things.
While @BetteMidler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 28, 2012
.@BetteMidler talks about my hair but I'm not allowed to talk about her ugly face or body — so I won't. Is this a double standard?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 28, 2012
And then of course there is Rosie O’Donnell, one of Trump’s favorite targets over the years.
Sorry, @Rosie is a mentally sick woman, a bully, a dummy and, above all, a loser. Other than that she is just wonderful!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 9, 2014
Trump has been lobbing crude insults like this at O’Donnell for years. In an Entertainment Tonight interview from nearly a decade ago, he declared that
Rosie O’Donnell is disgusting, both inside and out. If you take a look at her, she’s a slob. How does she even get on television? If I were running The View, I’d fire Rosie. I’d look her right in that fat, ugly face of hers and say, ‘Rosie, you’re fired.'”
“We’re all a little chubby but Rosie’s just worse than most of us. But it’s not the chubbiness — Rosie is a very unattractive person, both inside and out. …
Rosie’s a person who’s very lucky to have her girlfriend. And she better be careful or I’ll send one of my friends over to pick up her girlfriend, why would she stay with Rosie if she had another choice?
Trump’s a little obsessed with that “ugly both inside and out” line, huh? Presumably he uses it so that he can’t be accused of attacking only a woman’s looks.
Of course, not everything Trump has said about women has been insulting. Sometimes it’s just creepy as hell.
During one appearance on The View, he had this highly icky thing to say about his daughter Ivanka.
She does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.
Did I mention that she’s HIS DAUGHTER?
And then there were these perhaps inadvertantly revealing remarks he made about Paris Hilton on the Howard Stern Show back in 2003.
I’ve known Paris Hilton from the time she’s 12. Her parents are friends of mine, and, you know, the first time I saw her, she walked into the room and I said, ‘Who the hell is that?’ … Well, at 12, I wasn’t interested. I’ve never been into that. They’re sort of always stuck around that 25 category.
Dude, if the first thought you have every time a female human being walks into the room is “is she old enough to have sex with,” you need help.
Let’s make sure this guy doesn’t become our president, huh?
So on top of everything else, Donald Trump is also a pedophile .
Not terribly surprised
@Dan:
No, no, he’s definitely not a pedophile. He’s not into 12-year-olds.
The fact he feels he needs to specify that out is… telling, though. Especially since his way of saying it suggests he doesn’t see any problem if that’s your thing, it’s just not his.
@Pandapool
I love “Feel the Bern.”
It’s unfortunate that, due to this culture’s widespread objectification of the female body, I can’t imagine a female politician being able to adopt this type of breezy, casual, here’s-mud-in-your-eye-haters slogan.
“Feel the Hill”? I don’t think so. “Feel the Carly”? Nope, nope, nope.
Of course, if a person were to try to feel the Bern, Secret Service would be all over them.
@Kat
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/direwolf.gif
I know you’re joking but now all I can imagine is someone trying to feel up Bernie Sanders and everyone and I rather not.
Fun Fact: “Feel the Bern” was actually an internet meme made by college students and Bernie Sanders decided to adopt it. At least that’s what I heard. I’m 100% sure Bernie Sanders and his campaign wouldn’t have come up with that because he seems to be trying to take shit seriously.
I hate it when people try to talk like younger people, try to appeal to them. I haven’t seen Bernie Sanders do that, which is just another reason I like him. It’s gross and unprofessional. Just fucking do you job and don’t say you “rotflmao at ‘I can haz cheezburger'” thanks.
Things I’d be honestly giddy to never hear again: Sanders doesn’t stand a chance // isn’t electable. Because you know what makes someone stand a chance and be electable? People voting for them. This is a pet peeve, so nobody here take the following rant personally!
But fuck, that’s how the system works here! Or is supposed to anyways. We, the damned people, vote for the person we find best suited for the job. Not the “safe bet”, not the “least bad option”, the person we want to do the job. Not to go all FOUNDING FATHERS!!! But seriously, this country wouldn’t exist if they’d gone for the “safe bet”. And, even on the off chance the republicans somehow pull a non-clown out of the circus, is anyone helping Sander’s chances in the Primaries by saying “it’s too bad he isn’t electable”? Fuck, I’m 30, I get it, my generation has had to “play the numbers” to avoid a horrible republican, but they’ve got absolutely nothing, this is more pathetic than eleventh hour Romney!
So no, Clinton isn’t the safe bet, she’s people saying they won’t risk Sanders winning the primary… because what? What if he does? What’s Trump gonna do, call him old? By any poll this is an election between Clinton and Sanders, which makes voting for him in the primaries the safe bet.
Unless you actually do prefer Clinton, in which case please ignore me, you do your thing, that’s how this works 🙂 But Sanders fans? Can we please stop sabotaging his chances by saying shit like how it sucks he isn’t electable? Because we’re how he becomes electable!
That is all, please return to your regularly scheduled programming, this republican show is more a circus than the studio I train at, and we do circus stuff, mostly aerials! And now, I’m being summoned for Cards Against Humanity, so I’m off for now!
@Argenti Aertheri
I’ve practiced “defensive voting,” i.e., voting for the Democratic candidate instead of a third-party candidate ’cause I didn’t want the Republican candidate to win.
That said, you make an excellent point!
@Pandapool
Sorry about that.
And that jpeg of the dog — “What did you say?!” — is really cute.
We hear a lot about Trump because he’s a headline-grabber, but the serious election-watchers I’ve read say that it’s too early yet to take Trump’s poll numbers seriously. At this point they reflect name recognition more than anything else.
I don’t think either Trump or Cruz will get the nomination; the Republican Party establishment hate both of them. And for once, they’re right.
@Kat
It’s alright. I was mainly just joking myself. Although that would be a very interesting porn premise.
Argenti,
Hear, hear!
To quote my late, great senator
http://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-i-represent-the-democratic-wing-of-the-democratic-party-paul-wellstone-31-13-10.jpg
And BTW, if a tiny but feisty Jewish leftist from out of state can win the senate in stodgy, moderate Minnesota over two decades ago, Bernie Sanders can win now.
The left needs to stop quivering in terror at the success of Reagan in the 80s. It’s not the 80s anymore. It’s not even the 90s anymore! Every time Obama gets fiery and progressive his poll numbers go up. The US is a hell of a lot more receptive to left wing populism than people think it is IMO.
If Clinton wins the nom, I’ll vote for her. She’ll be competent and she’s way better than any Republican. The Supreme Court and Ruth Ginsburg’s advancing age is reason enough to make it vital that a Dem, any Dem takes the presidency. But I’m ready to leave the late 20th century triangulation tactic advanced by the Clintons behind.
And this is what Ted Cruz’s campaign is up to
http://gawker.com/win-a-cruz-engraved-shotgun-1749377488
Just in case anyone was contemplating taking him seriously.
I almost contemplated entering just because a Ted Cruz engraved gun would be a hilarious conversation piece. But then the Cruz campaign and by extension the whole right wing machine would have my info. No thanks. I get enough spam from my own side.
*shakes head in disgust*
The only difference between the products of Trump’s mouth and asshole, respectively, is that the product of one is consistent in its factual content and might have some minor redeeming value.
The other stuff comes out of his mouth.
(My vote is the only thing I know I have complete control over in this shitfest. If Bernie gets that far, imma voting for him. If not, I’ll hold my nose and go for Hillary, because a three day dead skunk on a road in August heat is a preferable candidate to Trump IMO.)
The Trumpster is awful on so many levels.
And about that bit with Hillary’s bathroom break; Does this guy actually assume that women are weird space aliens that don’t go to the bathroom?
It’s a pun of “Feel The Burn”.
@PinkiSyddyKitty
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/cbww.gif
Oh, thanks, I totally didn’t know that.
Obviously, some college students still had to change “burn” to “Bern”, and it trended around the internet for a while before Bernie Sanders’ campaign picked it up, but, like, whatever.
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/yok.gif
Probably should have looked up the etymology and wrote a mini essay on the history of the phrase “feel the burn” and how it progressed into “feel the Bern” but yeah. My mistake. Won’t happen again.
I am being overly sarcastic but I feel as though my intellegence was attacked so excuse me as I exit stage right with a dramatic flourish of my cape.
@Pandapool
Nah, I think that sometimes it’s just hard to interpret what people say on this great Interwebz of ours.
Both PinkiSyddyKitty and you are known (at least around my house) for your sharp, insightful comments.
WWTH – ah, Paul Wellstone. He was a thoroughly decent and honorable senator. We need more like him.
I’m wondering if Trump plans to run as an independent if he doesn’t get the nomination. That would be a gift for the Democrats. He hasn’t ruled out the possibility. He’s said that his front-runner status gives him “leverage” (meaning, he’ll probably try to extort some money from the RNC in exchange for not going the independent route).
The GOP establishment is afraid of him, and with good reason – they can’t control him. He’s the natural end result of Citizens United. They’d rather have Cruz, who is actually more terrifying because he’s utterly cold-blooded and he’s an actual politician, not a preening vulgarian in a hairpiece. Trump is a loose cannon. He has the bad taste to make the dog whistles audible to everyone. The Republican Party doesn’t want their candidates rippng aside the curtain on their ugly hatred and bigotry. As M Scott Peck observed in “People of the Lie”, they know their policies and beliefs aren’t in people’s best interests, which is why they have to constantly resort to deceit, distraction, and trickery. It’s also why they prefer empty suits who can put a pleasant, folksy face on inhumane policies (i.e., Ronald Reagan). They’re much more likely to attract the swing voters.
At least Trump’s got the distraction part down. Not many of his supporters seem to mind that he has zero policy experience. They just want him to keep insulting people.
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
They have met the enemy, and they have belatedly found out it is themselves.
Excuse me, I’ll be over here enjoying peppermint JoJos and schadenfreude.
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
No, they wouldn’t. Cruz is despised by all.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/dispatches/2015/12/03/why-everyone-who-knows-ted-cruz-hates-him/
The scary thing about Cruz as far as I’m concerned is that he appears to be a man of principle, in many ways. As far as I can tell, he really is all aboard the theocracy express. At least Trump is a cynical manipulator with no loyalty to whatever repellent policies he’s advocating this week. It’s horrifying that building a wall and deporting Muslims is what plays in Peoria, but I highly doubt President Trump would even try to do either of those things.
He’d still be a terrible president, mind you. Can you imagine him prosecuting a way, negotiating an international treaty, or pushing a budget deal through Congress? Dear god, that would be terrible. But he was a pro-choice liberal and friends with the Clintons just a few years ago, he’s doing business with Dubai today, and I can’t take his culture war rhetoric seriously.
I’d imagine Trumpers getting his undies in a knot over any little thing women do, even if men do it, too. God forbid women be human. He’s like a kid who thinks they’re full of cooties, though to be fair, even kids have more class than this stale wind bag.
Fuck him.
My money is on Marco Rubio winning the Republican nomination and Trump making a lot of noise but ultimately doing nothing.
Then again, I have a bet riding that George W. Bush will enter the history books as the last Republican president: they’ll continue to win local and senatorial elections but barring some drastic and permanent shift in political alignments or demographics, I believe that Republicans are only going to be seeing the inside of the Oval Office on television from now on. From now on, until another party arises as a credible challenger, the real election is the Democratic primary. I might be wrong.
Re Trump:
My father told me an interesting little conspiracy theory over the weekend. Neither of us believe it but it’s a fun idea to mull over, so I’m passing it to the hive mind.
– It is a matter of public record that Trump was a friend of the Clintons only a few years ago.
– It is also a matter of public record that Bill Clinton and Trump are still regular golfing companions.
– It is a commonly observed truth that Bill Clinton is very charismatic and extremely good at telling people what they need to hear in order to make them do what he wants them to do, even if what he tells them is not entirely the gospel, unvarnished truth.
– Likewise, it is a rule of thumb that Bill Clinton has some of the best political instincts in America.
– It is a very commonly observed truth that Trump’s ego is very large and very fragile, making him easy to be led around by it.
Hypothesis: Did Bill Clinton prod Trump into making the run, knowing that he would wreck the Republicans’ chances?
@EJ (The Other One)
Sounds plausible to me.
“Things I’d be honestly giddy to never hear again: Sanders doesn’t stand a chance // isn’t electable. Because you know what makes someone stand a chance and be electable? People voting for them. This is a pet peeve, so nobody here take the following rant personally!”
I agree with that. As a foreigner, Sanders look electable, just ignored by medias because they don’t find him attractives. But the very fact there is a primary mean Sanders have a good chance.