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Among his likes: Erotic wrestling, male authority, maroon berets. Among his dislikes: women and black guys playing prominent roles in Star Wars movies.
Over on FetLife, the kinky social networking site, a fellow called LordMichael lays out his objections to the upcoming Star Wars: The Force Awakens. There are three of them: The character Daisy Ridley, that black stormtrooper dude, and that black stormtrooper dude’s penis.
Oh, LordMichael insists he has no trouble “with having a diverse cast.” What bothers him, he says, is
the reason why they are there… the political “you go gurrrrl” message that’s being self flagellated everywhere.
For LordMichael, a self-described “Dominant Sadist,” the idea of a woman as a protagonist in Star Wars is
like taking a symbol of something from my childhood that I looked up to, that helped to shape the kind of person I am today, and smearing it up with menstrual blood marks.
Do you not remember a character by the name of Princess Leia? You know, who went around shooting people with blasters and stuff?
Well, never mind, because LordMichael has moved on to the black stormtrooper, who stirs up some, er, complicated feelings about race and, well, penis size.
This has a very big [Big Black Cock] Cuckold in your face feel to it as well… as the political insult to being male, and white (being black somehow excludes you from the whole being a male thing) continues to be an omnipresent smear throughout so much of the media lately.
LordMichael is especially concerned that by casting a black man as a stormtrooper, in a film that at no point will put anyone’s penis on display, director J.J. Abrams is somehow contributing to the popular perception that black men have bigger penises than their white counterparts. And this is a grave injustice to white dudes like LordMichael whose penises are actually plenty big, you better believe it.
No, this really is LordMichael’s main objection to the new Star Wars. Let’s let him explain;
I hear this statement said so often, any time I hear something regarding cock size “if his dick is big, it must mean he is black right?”
I’ve seen plenty of male penises, if only for the fact that I’ve been in sports teams, in the military, and I used to frequent the YMCA back when I could still run on a treadmill, and let me tell you, black people do not have any bigger cocks than white dudes.
In addition to conducting surreptitious penis size research in YMCA locker rooms, LordMichael apparently discusses the matter fairly regularly with men of color.
I’ve even had arguments against a couple particularly self absorbed young punks I could remember that said “I could get bitches better than you because my dick is bigger.” After asking them how big their dick is they said “9 inches bruh!” rolls eyes Please, mother fucker. It ain’t 9 inches. Realistically speaking, less than 1 in a hundred people have a cock larger than 7.5 inches, yet EVERYONE’S got a 9 in their pocket… I mean… come on??
In case you’re wondering, LordMichael’s dingle dangle is nothing to sneeze at:
My cock actually IS 7 inches, and people have a hard time believing me when I say that… which I don’t get. I’m white, which must mean I’ve got to have a 5 inch cock… and don’t tell me that cock size doesn’t matter.
Hell, penis-size-wise, LordMichael’s pink oboe is pretty much perfect, and by “perfect” he means it’s big enough to cause internal bruising, allegedly.
And besides, anything larger than 7 inches starts to become painful for the woman. Even my wife has difficulty with it at times, and starts to feel sick to her stomach from the internal bruising… and I’m not trying to brag by any means, I’m just trying to understand why this dialogue is even necessary.
Weird, because I’m also trying to understand why this dialogue is necessary, especially since we’re supposedly talking about Star Wars, a series of films that has at no point ever featured anyone’s penis.
This whole propagandizing and emasculating white men is just stupid as fuck. I’ve never been a particularly racist or sexist person… UP UNTIL women, and black men, started shoving this crap in my face on a regular basis, and now I’ve got “battered dog” conditioning starting to take place in my head.
Clearly, a white dude whose first reaction to seeing a black stormtrooper in a Star Wars trailer is DON’T CUCKOLD ME WITH YOUR BIG BLACK COCK AND BY THE WAY MY COCK IS PRETTY BIG REALLY IT’S PRETTY MUCH THE PERFECT SIZE was only driven to racism by having big black cocks shoved in his face, figuratively speaking.
So anyway… these punks are starting to believe that their cocks are larger than life because of the mind rot we see in the movies. They are basically selling out to the reverse racism because it suits them, which only lowers my sympathy for them, and then there’s the “little white girl” syndrome that has daddy issues so hard that she has to find the biggest, most belligerent black man she can find to feel as infantalized as she wants to be… without the consequences of having it happen with a “white man” (I mean, UGH! Right?) Because then she’s just feeding the enemy.
Oh, and by the way, LordMichael thinks it’s outrageous that feminist women (allegedly) persecute other women for shaving their legs.
I’ve talked to a few women who still shave their legs, and compliment them on it, and they nearly break down in tears because they get criticized from their feminazi friends for doing it, but then me, a man, comes along and says it’s a beautiful thing to do… it really kinda just breaks my heart sometimes, to see the state of things.
Truly heartbreaking, Now back to Star Wars.
So this Star Wars thing… The fact is, to me, what this whole thing comes off as… is NOT an attempt to be mature… to truly embrace an enlightened mind about diversity. Diversity should come from the creative mind, saying “let’s just add a ratio of different colored human beings into the mix, because it’s normal to do so, and it shows the variety of the culture.” What it comes off as is “patronizing” which to me, is just a subtle form of racism and sexism, but since it serves the little white girls “princess complex” and the black dudes “I got that big dick” complex, nobody gives a fuck.
Dude, you are literally the only person talking about giant black dicks here.
But I dunno, man… I’m tempted to not even watch the Star Wars movie because of it. It’s just getting too much for me sometimes.
Truly, it is the white man’s burden.
H/T — Ratgoddess
Bad Dragon – making dreams come true since, well, whenever they showed up.
The proliferation of gigantic dragon penises (and other zoological phenomena) has harshly changed my entire perspective about penises, as well.
I should clarify myself a little further – yes, I joke about my dick in context with people whom I am vaguely familiar with, like, for example, you guys.
I don’t stop people in the street and go, “EXCUSE ME, I JUST WANTED TO DISCUSS MY BIG, BLACK DICK WITH YOU.”
Apparently I should be doing this because it makes people like Mr. Fetlife Sadist very happy? I dunno – I prefer to be judged on the merit of my deeds and thoughts, rather than my penis.
I’d wager a dollar to a donut that the saturation of the adult entertainment industry with ‘big black dick’ category porn has influenced people like Mr. Fetlife Sadist, causing he – and people of his ilk – to think those nonsensical actors who like bellowing on screen about how they’re going to give that little white girl their big, black D are, in fact, really how ordinary black men behave when having sex.
Which…is complete bullshit, to say the least.
Hey, let’s set LordMichael up on a date with Walter! Could you imagine the conversations (cock-versations?) they’d have?
@LindsayIrene
I can see it in my head, now.
“So, who do you prefer? Mandingo or Lexington Steele?”
“Oh, I like Nat Turnher, personally.”
Heh, small world. I might be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure I and several others had an … intense conversation with this gentleman once due to him busting into a conversation about ace experiences with kink with a very specific idea of what ace people were like (celibate, sexphobic, and appalled at their own body*) and how his idea of ace people proved that ace people couldn’t be like ace people actually are in life, despite several ace people telling him otherwise.
Pretty much a prototypical cishet domly dom asshole. Full of himself, drunk on a particular flavor of toxic masculinity sold as dominant, absolutely certain he knows everything, mistreating of the poor femsubs in his life, and acts like the entire world’s women are his subs and should react accordingly.
The straight side of the kink scene is flooded with these creeps and they’re really a blight on the whole thing.
*Spoiler warning, very few ace people actually embody this description.
You know what bugs me about this shit? (Well, aside from everything and all of it, I mean.) It turns me into a geek gatekeeper, because it’s blindingly obvious that none these morons have actually seen Star Wars. I hate geek gatekeepers.
Mat… be afraid. Be very afraid.
“I wasn’t racist until the wimmens and teh blacks started realizing they were people like us decent white dudes who like hurting our wives during sex!”
Well, it is a fetish site, and he does label himself a “sadistic dom”, so that’s the kind of person I’d avoid like the plague.
Kind of like that one kid on a website that describes themselves as “dark and edgy” or “twisted and evil”.
You’re not “dark and evil”, Kevin, your mom still drives your ass to school in her bright blue minivan.
You hope that they’ll grow out of it, but then you see dudes like this and just go:
http://media3.giphy.com/media/p4cqQ0gUIMcU0/giphy.gif
A fair number of white people aren’t interested in seeing black people, or any non-white person, in movies or on TV. They might make an exception if the PoC is the sidekick or comedic relief but that’s it. In other words, a lot of white people are racist. Is that really a surprise?
I think it’s the white/black pairing, even though its probably not romantic, that gets them the most of all. A lot of white people are still stuck on that the interracial dating thing. They think it “taints” the woman or something. I have a friend who was recently verbally assaulted after revealing to a potential lover that she used to date black guys. It’s sad, but that’s the world we live in.
In terms of dicks, I doubt this guy has a big penis. It’s probably small.
You’d be surprised if you knew how many black people also object to it, Walt.
I am not one of them, but I am familiar with those who do. It’s a large, ugly point of contention in the Afro-American community.
You have the black women who attack black men who date out, so to speak, and then you have the black men who attack black women for dating out.
IMHO, the whole issue is a stupid thing to get hung up on, especially with much larger, pressing issues at our door, but it is what it is, as they say in the music-halls.
@Walter
That was alright until the last line. Are you gonna write out soft-feminist replies and then comment on dude’s dick size in every thread now or…?
Even my wife has difficulty with it at times, and starts to feel sick to her stomach from the internal bruising…
Michael, stop having sex until you and your wife can figure out how to do it without hurting her. If necessary, see a sex therapist. You’re awfully proud of your (self-described) 7 inches. But it’s not what you’ve got — it’s what you do with what you’ve got. Sex tip: Penis-in-vagina sex is only one way to orgasm.
I’ve talked to a few women who still shave their legs, and compliment them on it, and they nearly break down in tears because they get criticized from their feminazi friends for doing it, but then me, a man, comes along and says it’s a beautiful thing to do… it really kinda just breaks my heart sometimes, to see the state of things.
No, Michael, that never happened. Most feminists support a woman’s right to make choices about many things, even when it’s not the choice they would make. And a woman is highly unlikely to be grateful when a man compliments her on shaving her legs. She probably thinks you’re a creep.
Here’s something to confound you: Did you know that some women don’t shave (or wax or use any other hair removal method) but their legs seem to be hairless? Yes, it’s true! I did a survey of one woman — myself — and proved this.
Finally, Michael, your rant about your obsession with black men’s penises is dull. Find another hobby to expound on.
@Pandapool
We Hunted The Penis.
Uh… he knows that all the stormtroopers in the prequels were played by a Maori guy, right?
Links to that thread have been being passed around the feminist-kinkster grapevine for several days now. It’s screamingly funny and the comments are even better.
Earlier today, the original poster changed his name from LordMichael to M010N-L4BE, changed his picture from a posed image of himself to a still from the movie 300, and replaced his profile text with:
“You must be lost. There’s the door. Have a good life, and be well.”
It looks like internet fame does not suit the man.
I’m not going to pick on anyone for their kinks, so I shall merely note that he says he’s curious about “the sigma male personality type.” I didn’t even think that was a thing. Doesn’t it stop at zeta?
I don’t know why, but on that last one from Walter my brain saw his name and connected it to Walter White. I read that whole comment in Bryan Cranston’s voice, which made the last sentence amusing again instead of tedious. I hope his future comments will be just as amusing with Bryan Cranston’s voice. Or maybe I can start substituting other Walters. Anything to make Walt less of a broken penis record. (There’s got to be something about broken penises in the Guinness Book, right?)
I’m imagining it would go like this.
Okay, I can’t be the only one who thought about this:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjVatNQr-GM&w=560&h=315%5D
Edit: Okay, how do you embed in the new format?
I… I just cannot conceive of what goes on inside the heads of the people who watch a trailer for a Star Wars sequel and are somehow inspired to write things like this. Sometimes, I feel like there are two different species inhabiting the Western world – ordinary people, and right-wing internet tough guys.
People who are totally devoted to their ideology always have rather skewed views of reality, pal. To me, they aren’t much different from the Nazis who bitterly clung on to their delusions of being a Master Race, or the tiny cells of Muslims who think the United States is literally Satan, or the black people who think that white people who marry black people are secretly CIA agents who report back to headquarters on what the black community is doing.
I expect nothing less from them. They view reality through their tiny and specific filter of how they believe the world works, as dictated by their respective ideology.
Do I get a half point for being off by such a small margin that he was likely typing at the time I guessed?
*collapses on the thread* g’night
It’s interesting how often guys like this complain that an increase of people that aren’t straight white cis-men in the media is an attack on them. I’ve seen “emasculation” a few times.
I think Katz put it nicely with:
Sounds a lot like the classic “I’m don’t have a problem with gay people, but I hate how they always rub it in everybody’s face.”
Edit: (wow the quote within a quote is sad in the new look, Katz’s quote is the part that isn’t large black text.)
I am glad the trailer of the new Star Wars film looked like the movie has more story and character to it than the prequels.
Whenever someone goes “I was not racist/sexist/homophobe/whatever else until…” You know they are lying. If you do not already believe it is okay to judge people on a single characteristic they cannot help, then a movie or a few incidents with people in whatever category are not going to set you off.
Whenever people claim that a random trivial remark or compliment made a complete stranger cry, I am skeptical. Either it did not happen, it did not happen that way or something else was clearly bothering said people.
I couldn’t even count the number of times I’ve been told “We’d give you gays rights if you stopped [homophobic slurring] up the place with your damn parades.” Same wording every time.
(Of course, LGBT+ rights would still be stuck in the stone age if it weren’t for those parades getting people talking. Damned if we do, damned if we don’t – and that’s the point.)
While I understand that both the root causes of anti-black racism and the various expressions it metastatizes into are many and complex (and uniformly horrible), it always boggles my mind how much of it, if you barely scratch the surface, seems to be driven by white male fears of sexual inadequacy. You have pathetic, laughable examples like this guy’s rant, but then you also have far more chilling examples all the way to the most common pretext given for lynchings – which, while being at heart a systematic campaign of terror against black people, was so frequently rationalized as “he raped/sexually harassed a white woman.” (And from a lot of language from racists throughout the ages, it’s pretty clear that “they will rape our women!” was often just a thinly veiled “they will have sex with our women and our women might like it!” …which betrays some truly horrible misconceptions about rape, sex, and women, but then bigotry comes as a bundled pack so very often…)
I don’t have too much of a point with my own rant here, except for perhaps idly wondering just how much suffering and oppression may in the end be traced back to a bunch of dudes unable to stop worrying about their peens. Toxic masculinity, indeed.
@magnesium:
To be fair, I can imagine women being close to tears after this dude tries to talk to them about their shaved legs. Just for entirely different reasons than gratitude for his benevolent kindness after the meany mean feminists shamed them for their shaved-leg ways.
@Leda Atomica:
I would like to thank you for bestowing upon us the mental image of Gary Oldman cosplaying Princess Leia, because it is glorious.