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Among his likes: Erotic wrestling, male authority, maroon berets. Among his dislikes: women and black guys playing prominent roles in Star Wars movies.
Over on FetLife, the kinky social networking site, a fellow called LordMichael lays out his objections to the upcoming Star Wars: The Force Awakens. There are three of them: The character Daisy Ridley, that black stormtrooper dude, and that black stormtrooper dude’s penis.
Oh, LordMichael insists he has no trouble “with having a diverse cast.” What bothers him, he says, is
the reason why they are there… the political “you go gurrrrl” message that’s being self flagellated everywhere.
For LordMichael, a self-described “Dominant Sadist,” the idea of a woman as a protagonist in Star Wars is
like taking a symbol of something from my childhood that I looked up to, that helped to shape the kind of person I am today, and smearing it up with menstrual blood marks.
Do you not remember a character by the name of Princess Leia? You know, who went around shooting people with blasters and stuff?
Well, never mind, because LordMichael has moved on to the black stormtrooper, who stirs up some, er, complicated feelings about race and, well, penis size.
This has a very big [Big Black Cock] Cuckold in your face feel to it as well… as the political insult to being male, and white (being black somehow excludes you from the whole being a male thing) continues to be an omnipresent smear throughout so much of the media lately.
LordMichael is especially concerned that by casting a black man as a stormtrooper, in a film that at no point will put anyone’s penis on display, director J.J. Abrams is somehow contributing to the popular perception that black men have bigger penises than their white counterparts. And this is a grave injustice to white dudes like LordMichael whose penises are actually plenty big, you better believe it.
No, this really is LordMichael’s main objection to the new Star Wars. Let’s let him explain;
I hear this statement said so often, any time I hear something regarding cock size “if his dick is big, it must mean he is black right?”
I’ve seen plenty of male penises, if only for the fact that I’ve been in sports teams, in the military, and I used to frequent the YMCA back when I could still run on a treadmill, and let me tell you, black people do not have any bigger cocks than white dudes.
In addition to conducting surreptitious penis size research in YMCA locker rooms, LordMichael apparently discusses the matter fairly regularly with men of color.
I’ve even had arguments against a couple particularly self absorbed young punks I could remember that said “I could get bitches better than you because my dick is bigger.” After asking them how big their dick is they said “9 inches bruh!” rolls eyes Please, mother fucker. It ain’t 9 inches. Realistically speaking, less than 1 in a hundred people have a cock larger than 7.5 inches, yet EVERYONE’S got a 9 in their pocket… I mean… come on??
In case you’re wondering, LordMichael’s dingle dangle is nothing to sneeze at:
My cock actually IS 7 inches, and people have a hard time believing me when I say that… which I don’t get. I’m white, which must mean I’ve got to have a 5 inch cock… and don’t tell me that cock size doesn’t matter.
Hell, penis-size-wise, LordMichael’s pink oboe is pretty much perfect, and by “perfect” he means it’s big enough to cause internal bruising, allegedly.
And besides, anything larger than 7 inches starts to become painful for the woman. Even my wife has difficulty with it at times, and starts to feel sick to her stomach from the internal bruising… and I’m not trying to brag by any means, I’m just trying to understand why this dialogue is even necessary.
Weird, because I’m also trying to understand why this dialogue is necessary, especially since we’re supposedly talking about Star Wars, a series of films that has at no point ever featured anyone’s penis.
This whole propagandizing and emasculating white men is just stupid as fuck. I’ve never been a particularly racist or sexist person… UP UNTIL women, and black men, started shoving this crap in my face on a regular basis, and now I’ve got “battered dog” conditioning starting to take place in my head.
Clearly, a white dude whose first reaction to seeing a black stormtrooper in a Star Wars trailer is DON’T CUCKOLD ME WITH YOUR BIG BLACK COCK AND BY THE WAY MY COCK IS PRETTY BIG REALLY IT’S PRETTY MUCH THE PERFECT SIZE was only driven to racism by having big black cocks shoved in his face, figuratively speaking.
So anyway… these punks are starting to believe that their cocks are larger than life because of the mind rot we see in the movies. They are basically selling out to the reverse racism because it suits them, which only lowers my sympathy for them, and then there’s the “little white girl” syndrome that has daddy issues so hard that she has to find the biggest, most belligerent black man she can find to feel as infantalized as she wants to be… without the consequences of having it happen with a “white man” (I mean, UGH! Right?) Because then she’s just feeding the enemy.
Oh, and by the way, LordMichael thinks it’s outrageous that feminist women (allegedly) persecute other women for shaving their legs.
I’ve talked to a few women who still shave their legs, and compliment them on it, and they nearly break down in tears because they get criticized from their feminazi friends for doing it, but then me, a man, comes along and says it’s a beautiful thing to do… it really kinda just breaks my heart sometimes, to see the state of things.
Truly heartbreaking, Now back to Star Wars.
So this Star Wars thing… The fact is, to me, what this whole thing comes off as… is NOT an attempt to be mature… to truly embrace an enlightened mind about diversity. Diversity should come from the creative mind, saying “let’s just add a ratio of different colored human beings into the mix, because it’s normal to do so, and it shows the variety of the culture.” What it comes off as is “patronizing” which to me, is just a subtle form of racism and sexism, but since it serves the little white girls “princess complex” and the black dudes “I got that big dick” complex, nobody gives a fuck.
Dude, you are literally the only person talking about giant black dicks here.
But I dunno, man… I’m tempted to not even watch the Star Wars movie because of it. It’s just getting too much for me sometimes.
Truly, it is the white man’s burden.
H/T — Ratgoddess
So what you’re saying is: You’re a Super Sayan.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsk3v7b0MW1qdszzmo1_500.gif
Gadzooks! PI, are you saying that white people are Super Saiyans?
That…that actually kinda makes sense, I think. Weren’t they supposed to have blonde hair sometimes? I’m kinda fuzzy on my DB, having not seen it in many moons.
By the way, I did not misspell “Superhero” in my last post: I had adopted the term some black people use.
Like this guy: https://www.facebook.com/TheSuperHeru
With the body of Majin Buu!
…the rotund first version, not the later svelte ones.
@ Frank Torpedo
Love the serial voiceover; I’ll be tuning in next week. I’m a little confused by using the term white suicide bomber to describe white folks dating or marrying black folks. It seems a bit weird. Is the implication that they’re willingly destroying themselves by dating black people? How does that work?
Is…is melanin toxic to white people?
Did the large-headed black scientists design us that way?
As someone who has decided they can speak with some authority on this subject, allow me to speak with some authority on this subject.
In caucasian feemales, you see, sexual preference is directly related to hair pigment. The lighter the hair, the darker the preference. This is due to evolution, because women with darker hair had a more difficult time seeing in the dark because their hair would get in their eyes and they could not see through it as easily as their lighter haired sisters (no streetlights, remember), so they needed lighter males to help them see where they were going. It’s just hardwired into us.
Those of us (like me) born with light hair which then darkened experience, and thus can observe, this preference shift. Like, I can’t even eat rye bread anymore. [/trubiologee]
@ gaebolga
I hope not as we’re full of it (albino people excepted). Melanin is pretty interesting. There’s not just one type and it’s a mixture of compounds anyway. Apart from the skin colour/tanning aspects it plays a role in hair colour.
Isn’t that kinda the plot of Episode II: Attack of the Clones?
In fact, isn’t the whole original trilogy basically about a black guy leading a universal army of white guys (well, except for the ones who are a little short to be stormtroopers)?
Vader even has melanin superpowers.
I guess LordMichael’s analysis was basically correct, just a few decades late….
I’m not entirely sure how that works, myself. I assume that the person who made that image thinks that the absolute worst thing a white person could subject themselves to is dating a black person, or marrying them – and that appears to be supported by the MRAyguns who imply that once a White Woman has dated a Black Male, she is ruined for life!1!
Well, that’s another mystery. You see, Melatonin – which is not melanin, really – is bad for you, or so they say:
http://empoweredsustenance.com/melatonin-is-bad-for-you/
And, according to this delightful WoC, Melanin and Melatonin are related:
https://realmdeity.wordpress.com/2010/04/26/the-blessing-in-blackness-thoughts-on-melanin/
So I don’t know. However, you should know that there’s another conspiracy going around my people – apparently, all the black kids who are abducted yearly in America are actually being taken away by white people, who then drain the melanin from their bodies and inject it in their own bodies, so as to absorb the melanin superpowers we have.
Again, not making that up. It’s as real as Grandpa and the “White Suicide Bomber” theory.
@Tracy
It is truly good of you to enlighten us with these Biotroofs. I can see that you are an expert on the matter, since you are, of course, a White Woman, and are privy to these secrets.
These types think that it’s white genocide when white people have children with POC. I’m guessing that’s what white suicide bomber is addressing.
@WeirwoodTreehugger
Kinda sorta. While it does align with that ideology, inasmuch as implying that a white person dating/marrying a black person is the worst possible thing, it is actually a conspiracy theory in the black community.
As a black man, I spend a little time mingling in the famous Black Twitter/Black Facebook communities – perhaps you’ve heard of them – even though I am from an era that predates both (I have been using the Internet since the mid-1990’s and the 56kbps era). But it’s good to see what the kids are up to.
I’ll repost the meme so you can get up to speed. Remember that this meme was created by black people and was mostly shared by black people.
http://s22.postimg.org/ul8qhs8td/10422911_969111203133185_6533419771756340196_n.jpg
If you’re wondering why we’re all giggling about Melanin Superpowers, that’s related to another Black Conspiracy Theory regarding Melanin – apparently, it gives you superpowers.
http://s22.postimg.org/qnlgsdm01/12106701_10153252948099366_1018786555952473415_n.jpg
There are a lot of fun black conspiracy theories floating about. White people are secretly aliens, or were engineered in laboratories by a large headed scientist, according to the Five Percent Nation.
Or they all have tails.
http://s22.postimg.org/l1z1oblb5/12313872_1094495570594747_3964984814933507659_n.jpg
THIS IS A FACT. *snicker*
Does anyone remember the old World of Darkness roleplaying games?
I kinda want to launch a WoD-like roleplaying game ruleset, except, instead of vampires and werewolves, it will feature melanin-superpowered black people, and bio-engineered white people with tails and super-secret Life Draining abilities.
We could call it World of Five Percent.
To be honest, the ‘white people engage in relationships with black people in order to inform on them to the government ‘ thing isn’t (quite) as farfetched as it may seem. Obviously it’s ludicrous to think that all, or even most, white people who are involved in relationships with black people do so, but it is entirely plausible that black activist groups have been/are being infiltrated in such a fashion. It’s happened to a number of leftist groups to my certain knowledge, and I would be amazed if it hasn’t happened a lot more times that I don’t know about.
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/400x/60114268.jpg
I bet Jabba the Hutt is LordMichael’s favorite Star Wars character.
Fuck yes! And it’s been years, but I think you could pull off what you’re thinking using the Changeling system with only small amounts of tweaking.
Or just give Tremere tails. How solid is your Vampire knowledge? Enough that give Tremere tails and relocate Tzimisce a few countries south makes sense? (Aristocratic Tzimisce, not those sabbat shovel heads)
wat
That’s true, but the CIA and the FBI have black people in their ranks, who can infiltrate black activist groups just as cleanly, if not more so.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a white person, as in the case of the very real Richard Aoki, a Japanese-American who got in with the Black Panther Party and then informed the FBI about them.
So, yeah, it’s kinda odd that there aren’t also memes about Asian Suicide Bombers, or Hispanic Suicide Bombers, or Black Suicide Bombers.
@Argenti
It’s been a decade or so, but yeah, I think I follow you!
I honestly think he is confused and thinks the porno spoofs of star wars is cannon. I saw the new movie and at no point did anyone show genitalia.