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Worried about your penis size? Blame feminism, MGTOW explains

Not everyone has a giant wiener
Not everyone has a giant wiener

The Great Penis Size Freakout Debate continues. On the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, one of the regulars has dug up a Youtube video from a random woman who doesn’t like small dicks.

Never mind that men worry a lot more about the size of their dicks than women do — hell, one survey found that women tend to be far more concerned with proper pubic-hair grooming  than the length of their partner’s dingle dangles. Reddit’s MGTOW army saw this video as an example of rare female honesty on this perilous topic.

“[T]his is just proof if you’re not above average you are nothing,” one Reddit MGTOW moaned.

[I]f she complains and you aren’t small, next the bitch, she’s either got something wrong with her pussy or she got her head filled with some of her girl group bullshit, and it’s not worth the trouble.

Naturally, it didn’t take long for someone to blame feminism for the size queens of the world. ShitfacedBatman reassured his fellow MGTOWs that only sluts and feminists complain about small penises.

Date short and cute feminine women and you’ll never need to worry about your penis size. Date a woman prone to getting FAT, a woman close to your height, a woman with a big-ass ass, or a sex-industry woman who’s been cored out a few times and it’s “possible” size is a factor in those cases.

You know, women being “cored out” by large penises isn’t actually a thing. The sturdy vagina can recover from childbirth, and there aren’t really a lot of men out there whose penises are literally larger than a baby.

But, as ShitfacedBatman sees it, size queens are only lashing out because they are losers in the “tight vagina” contest that apparently all women are competing in.

Here’s the dealio tho: women that say size matters are saying they have sexual liabilities. To be submissive, pretty, and feminine is actually a competitive sport racing towards female smallness. Women by nature should be competing to be small, tight, and “innocent” – which means size should never matter and if it does it’s her problem. (Western feminism producing masculine women is incredibly likely to be at the root of the problem.)

Apparently the most “masculine women” are the ones with huge vaginas.

I think the whole “huge vagina” argument made a lot more sense when Larry David explained it on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

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Frank Torpedo
8 years ago

@EJ

To Walter, if you’re not packing a 12″ flesh-club, you’re small.

Me, personally, I consider anything under 24″ to be POSITIVELY MINISCULE!

WeirwoodTreeHugger
WeirwoodTreeHugger
8 years ago

If clothing is a conspiracy of the small dicked, why do those of us without peni wear clothes? And why do so many cultures place so much value on women dressing modestly, but nobody cares if men are modest?

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

If I had a big dick… Christ, I’ve dreamed of that so many times. All the things I’d do and fun I’d have. I sure as fuck wouldn’t complain about them and some fictional “downsides”. I would just be happy finally being able to say that my life has value and that I’m worthwhile human being.

Walter, you’ve got this relationship twisted around in your mind. You don’t have low self-esteem because of the length of your penis. You’re obsessed with penis length because… well, probably for a lot of reasons, but one of them is your low self-esteem. If you had a big dick, you would find some other superficial way to measure yourself up against other cis men and find yourself lacking. Height, maybe. And then you would assign all of your feelings of low self worth to that.

Lives inherently have value. You have value. You are worthwhile.

Bernardo Soares
Bernardo Soares
8 years ago

@EJ

that prevents you from belonging to either group. You are one of the dreaded midischlong people, doomed to roam the earth without clear hierarchical identity, and to have actual fun sex with other average people using whatever body parts feel right instead of, how nature intended, obsessing over some random protrusion.

@David
Counterweight, of course.

My theory: Walter played Robert Young’s “Cobra Club” a LOT and kinda missed the point of that game.

Bernardo Soares
Bernardo Soares
8 years ago

Also, Walter, I don’t know how to tell you this, as you’re superstraight obvs, but the only example of men staring at each other’s junks in public urinals I can recall is Hubert Fichte’s (and many others’) descriptions of the “Klappe”, one of the standard gay meeting places in big German cities when homosexuality was outlawed. You basically went to certain public urinals in parks to meet other gay men to either have sex on the spot or go somewhere else.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

@Bernardo Soares:
So is Walter trying to stir up animosity between the midischlonged and the maxischlonged? I will have none of it. I stand for #SchlongUnity.

We need a banner. I suggest a horizontal bicolour of green and red, representing the large-schlonged and small-schlonged respectively; with a black triangle based on the hoist with a white circle within it, to represent the unity of all races of schlonged peoples. Over the partition there will be a white pall edged in black to represent the midischlonged.

The one slight downside of this flag is that it almost exactly resembles that of Vanuatu, but then I’m South African and making flags which resemble the Vanuatu flag is sort of our national sport.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
8 years ago

I’d like to conduct a quick survey. Open to all urinal users.

You walk into a public lavatory. There are 5 urinals. Not partitioned. Position number 4 is already occupied (see illustration). Which of the remaining urinals do you use?

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
…………..X…….

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

Use number one.

Bernardo Soares
Bernardo Soares
8 years ago

Use number one, then tell Walter to for chrissakes stay at his original urinal No. 4 instead of trying to catch a glimpse of your dingdong and getting the wall all dirty.

@EJ:
love it. Schlongs of all sizes, unite!

LindsayIrene
LindsayIrene
8 years ago

Have you ever thought about obtaining your own Giant Weiner?

Hmmmm. On the one hand, it would ruin the fit of my yoga pants. On the other hand
http://x.fap.to/images/thumb/45/147/1479020267.gif

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

Here’s a crude mockup in MS Paint.

http://i.imgur.com/iCxMhOw.jpg

The red represents small schlonged peoples, the green represents large (taken from the flags of Japan and Nigeria, countries with different genetic input in the matter) with the white in the middle representing midischlonged people. The white circle on the black triangle represents the unity of all races of schlonged people. The Y shape shows that it stands for schlonged people of both genders, nonbinary and none.

Bernardo Soares
Bernardo Soares
8 years ago

Stand up, damned of the Earth
Stand up, prisoners of the schlong
Dingdongs thunder like volcanoes
This is the eruption of the end.
Showers, swish it to make a clean slate
Enslaved growers, stand up, stand up.
The world is about to change its measurements
We are nothing, let us be huge.

|:This is the final struggle
Let us wee together, and tomorrow
The Urinalinale
Will be the human race.:|

I am so sorry.

edit: “Nkosi Sikelel’ iSchlong” might also be an option…

Newt
Newt
8 years ago

Walter:

Yesterday, while I was at the urinal, the guy next to me complimented me on my hair. And that was only after he’d preemptively apologised for it being the least appropriate place to do so. Not only do we keep our eyes up, we’re reluctant to even acknowledge each other. Obviously, to you that’s just another “wrong urinal”, but it was the only one in the venue.

Alan:

1, normally. Then when 4 leaves, the next two pissers can take 5 and 3, in that order, and nobody stands next to each other.
However, if the door’s at the right/high end (past 5), and the spaces are reasonably far apart, I might only walk as far as 2.

mockingbird
mockingbird
8 years ago

*walks into thread*

Life is meaningless without a big dick. Without them the world is a dark and scary place.They give us meaning and purpose. They are the source of moral authority in this world.

*sloooowly backs out*

Moocow
Moocow
8 years ago

@EJ

Hah, somehow I read that backwards. Tis what I get from trying to reply at 2 in the morning.

Also, all of Walter’s theories make zero sense considering ‘penis size’ only counts when erect. Growers vs showers are a thing. Seeing a flaccid penis doesn’t really tell you anything about their size.

mockingbird
mockingbird
8 years ago

@Moocow – I actually asked him about that awhile back (in this thread? In another? I don’t know.)

He said that only erect penis size counts but also still insisted that he (and all other men, though perhaps clandestinely) are able to observe this in locker rooms, at the beach, at urinals, etc.

He never responded to my query about the difficulty of pissing with a woody.

nparker
nparker
8 years ago

I love how Walter thinks he’s having such fun, trolling here. He thinks he’s getting all the laughs, when in reality everyone else is having far more fun than him.

He’s probably sitting with a few friends, with a few drinks, laughing along to his trolling here, thinking they’re really funny. In reality though, if that’s what he has to do to have fun, he’s even more pathetic than he is tedious.

@ Alan Robertshaw
Either 1 or 2 I think, but none of them if 4 was occupied by Walter. In fact, I’d probably feel compelled to find a time machine and go back to erase all previous instances of my going to any of those urinals.

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
8 years ago

@Walter

Three things:

1) No. That is not how critical reading works. As I always like to say to everyone who uses the “you’re just overthinking it” line: Just because the writer has not intended to bring a certain message across does not mean the story has magically emerged from a vacuum without being affected by the worldview and values of the writer. Whether they intend to or not, writers do insert their various ideas and views into their work (seriously, how else would the story even come about otherwise?). It actually takes more effort not to insert some sort of at least implicit statement into a story than it takes to do so.

Indeed the Superman comic is bad. But what makes this one especially bad? Let me expand on what I wrote in my previous post: The intended message of the comic is that guns are bad. We know this much because in the end, a gang member expresses regret that a gun was ultimately responsible for killing Superman, and throws his gun away as a result. This is a very explicit, stated message. However, it is undermined by the resolution to the conflict earlier: Superman used a gun to kill the bad guys.

So the explicit message (guns are bad) clashes with the implicit message (the genocidal villain was defeated with a gun), creating a contradiction. It is poor writing, pure and simple, and it shows that the writer put about as much thought into the comic as you took out of it. It is a stupid story, but part of the stupidity is that the writer didn’t think about the implications of his very ’90s writing style. Violent superheroes with guns were all the rage back then, and ultimately, this lazy adherence to what was popular at the time leads to a comic that contradicts itself in a big way.

Same with, say, the writers of Pokémon trying to deliver an anti-violence message. It rings very hollow, considering that the whole franchise is based on violence.

Of course, the fact that the art in the Superman story is terrible and that it pretends to be a huge conclusion to a dystopian epic while pitting Supes-in-name-only against the frickin’ twin clones of Hitler probably don’t work in the story’s favor either.

2) While I admitted that I deliberately misrepresented the wording in the panel in order to achieve a more humorous effect, the point still stands: Superman uses extreme violence to solve a debate. Resorting to violence when you don’t get your way is an aspect of toxic masculinity. The childish yell that can easily be read as Superman desperately attemping to reaffirm his masculinity while punching his opponent is just an added bonus.

Toxic masculine values are hammered into us from an early age, and it takes a lot of time and effort to unlearn them. As I explained earlier, a message is there even when it is not stated outright. In fact, it’s more effective when the reader doesn’t realize it; this is, after all, how manipulative propaganda works: through subtle messages that the victim does not stop to think about. Did the writer intend for the panel to celebrate toxic masculine values? Probably not. But that doesn’t mean the ideas and the language are not there.

3) A comic from 1995 is not old, dammit! Go back to your Reader’s Digimon or whatever you kids read these days. *Shakes cane*

Sheesh. Am I seriously debating basic literature criticism to someone who coined the phrase “anti-big dick conspiracy?”

@David Futrelle

I’m going with “artistic license.” I’m just surprised Superman isn’t covered in various pouches.

@Scented Fucking Hard Chairs

Yes. Excellent.

@Alan Robertshaw

Same as the others, I’d just use number one. I will also try not to draw any hasty conclusions about why someone would pick the second-to-last urinal instead of the last one. That just seems like an awkward choice, but I suppose they have their reasons.

Walter
Walter
8 years ago

WeirwoodTreeHugger

Clothes are only partially an anti-big dick conspiracy. They do have other purposes.

Also, notive in most cultures the penis is always covered. This is because the rest of the male form has no value. All male worth is in the penis.

Bernardo Soares

For such a progressive board you guys are having a lot of fun trying to subtlely call me gay.

Moocow

Flaccid size matters if it reveals a big dick. But the most important is BPEL. Although, non-BPEL is also useful.

nparker

I’m noy trolling, but if we’re all having fun, what’s the problem?

nparker
nparker
8 years ago

@ Walter, I pleasantly invite you to noy troll somewhere else.

Walter
Walter
8 years ago

Anarchonist

I’m not going to argue that stupid Superman comic. I haven’t read it in years and don’t remember much about it.

I will say that you’re being much too hard on Pokemon. Pokemon is built around friendly competition and self improvement. Not violence. At worst it’s violent in the same way a sport like boxing is violent. They’re doing violent acts, but it’s controlled, consensual and in a safe environment. It’s sport.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Walter is like the living embodiment of the penis game played by junior high students, wherein you and your friends say the word “penis” at one another, each time louder than the last, until one of either gets in trouble or becomes too embarrassed to continue. I read his comments and all I see is “penis. penis. pENIS. PENIS! PENIS!!!

Paradoxical Intention
8 years ago

Contrapangloss | December 10, 2015 at 2:48 am
The world is a dark and scary place without a big dick?

Walter, if your thing glows in the dark, you might want to get checked out by a doc.

And suddenly, the ghoul companions in Fallout 4 have jumped a few notches on my interest meter.

Anarchonist | December 10, 2015 at 1:54 pm
@David Futrelle

I’m going with “artistic license.” I’m just surprised Superman isn’t covered in various pouches.

OH GOD ROB LIEFELD. So many snakewomen. And the usual sympathies to Captain America’s ribcage.

http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2i7emdyOv1qb0wnho1_500.jpg

http://media0.giphy.com/media/tjwzClJM6fyEw/giphy.gif

Though, the only thing he (co)created that I’m truly thankful for is Deadpool. And he’s evolved beyond Liefeld because of other writers and artists. 😛

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
8 years ago

Oh, jeez; Rob Liefeld.

I was working in a comic book store when he came on the scene, and based on his “art,” my co-workers and I decided that he had created a brand new comic book element (alongside vibranium, adamantium, and such): liefeldium. It could change size, shape, and location at random.

(There was a particularly egregious set of three panels in one of the New Mutants books that had Cable punch some bad guy with his bionic left arm, follow up with a punch from his bionic right arm, and follow that up with another punch from his bionic left arm. Not even Deadpool could earn him a shred of respect from me.)