“Women REALLY don’t understand dick size,” Red Pill dudes complain

Ohhh, you’re supposed to use that head! I thought they meant the other one!

(Warning, this comment contains sarcasm)

Whomever is wielding Walter, thank you. I woke up from a bad dream and decided to read some interweb to get back to sleep, and now I’m shaking with laughter. I really hope that Walter stays: I can only imagine what’ll happen if a genuine MRA troll comes along.

Troll: “Feminism is wharblgarbl!”
Moocow: “I disagree.”
Troll: “You’re just a mangina!”
Walter: “Gentlemen, let’s settle this in a civilised fashion. Drop trou, if you please. Now, Mr Troll, how long is yours?”
Troll: “Nine inches if we include the obligatory +2 convention.”
Walter: “Then I’m afraid Moocow is a superior man, and by extension he’s right and feminism is not in fact wharblgarbl.”
Troll: “WTF?”

M, that Dr Seuss-esque picture is hilarious.

We use vagina mind control zombie goo, and she whose vagina goo controls the largest group of individuals is the most dominant. ‘Natch.

I have a small army of persons who are under the control of my vagina zombie mind control goo with its high grade copulin content. How many individuals does *your* vagina goo control the minds of?

I don’t even have to stand around without panties on with legs shoulder width apart to control my vagina goo army, and my copulins do not take additional time to work because I’ve got my vagina covered by clothing!

Still working on getting my minions to start training the raccoon special force unit though, but they definitely don’t think about golf – they don’t even know what golf is! And my house has never been more immaculately clean, or my grapes more neatly peeled. (Those raccoons better not do anything to my grapes though, vagina goo works on humans, it’s not effective on wild animals or domestic pets. Probably for the best.)

😉

Oh, my giddy aunt. This thread is wonderful. The best.

David started it pretty well. But it was really like a striking match compared to the New Year’s Eve fireworks display that ensued.

Thank you to everyone for the laughs. I haven’t got hiccups but it was a near run thing.

Now that I’ve had some sleep and have stopped chuckling over the jokes that various people have made in the meantime, I will try to process what I’ve read.

I can’t make heads or tails of what Walter’s actual position is. His posts started innocently enough, with him stating that measuring penis sizes is just something we men do as a sign of our competitive nature or something. After being told by several commenters how unhealthy and untrue such a position is, he launches into a weird rant about dominance and submission and how penis size subconsciously affects the male psyche or something. All the while being as transexclusionary as humanly possible, of course.

Walter, dude, if you’re reading this, I repeat: The size of a penis is a completely arbitrary standard with which to compare each other’s worth. There is no inherent value in the size of a penis, just as there is no inherent value in the size of a nose or a foot. About penis size defining your status between men? It’s a socially constructed, made-up idea. The penis is a real, tangible thing, yes, but the idea that its size affects a person’s value is a myth. A harmful, even dangerous myth. Why define your status compared to other people based on such a random thing?

In fact, why compare yourself to others at all? It is the necessity to compare themselves to other men that makes many men deeply entrenched in toxic masculine ideas so miserable (and MRAs of course blame women and feminism for this very tendency men have to be shitty towards each other). Why can’t everybody just be who they are, with no socially enforced standards of value? Nope, we must separate between the winners and the losers, even if it is by silly milestones like the size of an organ, something we can’t really affect. As contrapangloss wrote, if your friends are people who value you differently based on how long is your schlong, maybe it’s time to consider finding some new friends.

I mean, logically, if we considered sex mainly a pleasant activity, wouldn’t it make more sense to brag about your ability and willingness to please your partner? That has some actual bearing on the topic of genitals and their most useful purpose (and no, there is no scientific data to support the idea that a larger penis helps produce more viable offspring).

@Fruitloopsie

Thanks! Having been raised in a Christian family, I had the Bible verse just pop into my head when Walter started going over the deep end. I just imagined a very, very specific kind of cult preacher. Instead of love and compassion, he’d just rant and rave about girth and length. Instead of talking about circumcision, it’s all about circumference. That would be a strange sermon indeed.

“Peter said to them: Willy and I have measured it with the tools most sacred, and truly our Heavenly Father has the biggest peen of all. All hail the Father, the Son and the Holy Shaft.”

No, not that Shaft. Stop with the double entendres, guys, we’re talking about penises here.

@AnAndrejaPejicBlog (@A_Pejic_Blog)

Daren “Rap Critic” Jackson once critiqued a song made by a female rapper (can’t remember who or what song, I’m not that into rap) where he ran into the same problem: With our (rap and otherwise) culture so deeply entrenched in the idea of dominance and the outward signs of traditional patriarchal masculine ideals, how does a person with a vagina go about bragging about it in order to establish, to borrow Walter’s words, “a proper pecking order?” It is something to speculate, considering there are very few viable popular cultural ideas about how a matriarchy with all its possible power plays might work.

@mrex – sound point, but in some respects porn culture hasn’t exactly changed much other than the increased amount.

30 years ago when I was a young man, I knew fella’s with Walt’s mindset. I think the last 15 years gave given us screens to sit behind that allow us to amplify, in ways that we couldn’t do before hand.

in many respects I don’t feel much for Walt and his mixed up, angsty mindset. I sure the responses here allowed him to rapidly oscillate through many emotions. If he genuinely believes what he has written, then I will echo a concern for the deeper problems that he may be having with his perception of self.

I have to say that what I find interesting is the roots of things like this and how it can be detected early and managed later. Mainly as I see this as a growing and problematic trend, actually I’d go as far as saying that the trend has come to an end and us now normalising.

Anarchonist:

Daren “Rap Critic” Jackson once critiqued a song made by a female rapper (can’t remember who or what song, I’m not that into rap) where he ran into the same problem:

What about her song did he critique? And did you mean the song ran into the problem? Or his critique? without any information about the song, I’m not sure why even bring up the critic.

When you compare penis size with your friends (something that I’ve never done and have never been even the tiniest bit tempted to do), I assume you’re all doing this while in a state of arousal?

Because the size of a man’s flaccid penis usually offers very little indication of its size when erect. Sometimes it barely alters in actual dimensions at all and just becomes more rigid, while others change size to a really quite impressive degree.

So the term “big dicks” is much more ambiguous than you’re making out – but then again, it’s hardly a surprise that the world is more complex than you’d like to pretend.

Incidentally, because of my total lack of curiosity about the size of my male friends’ and colleagues’ equipment, I have absolutely no idea how I stand relative to them, and therefore can’t possibly “submit to” them (or vice versa) on those grounds. In fact, I suspect were I to guess their genital dimensions, I’d most likely be wildly wrong.

@Tessa:
The piece in question was Gucci Gucci by Kreayshawn, an otherwise forgettable piece of by-the-numbers luxury rap in which the rapper boasts about having large amounts of money with which to purchase large amounts of valuable designer goods. Jackson remarked that the piece was notable because the rapper in question was female but declined to conform to traditional female archetypes, instead attempting to take the role of a boastful and dominant figure in the same way that a male rapper would.

Jackson’s a music critic rather than a social commentator so his analysis is primarily from a musical standpoint; if I remember correctly he quite liked it as a competently executed piece of by-the-numbers rap with the female lyrics providing a novel slant.

@Anarchonist:
Are you a Rap Critic fan as well? If so, high five and have you heard his new album?

@Tessa

Truly sorry about that. I originally planned on linking said review, but I couldn’t find it, so the thought remained half-assed.

The gist of it was that in the song, the female rapper bragged about the measurements of her vagina in roughly the same manner that male rappers would brag about their penis size. This led to the critic pondering on the inherent masculine-centric language of rap and, by extension, the masculine-centric language of society. Basically, when a cis woman uses the same kind of aggressive language as cis men do when talking about their genitals, what does it translate into? What properties exactly make an impressive vagina compared to what a man like our Walter here would say make an impressive penis?

Yeah, I recall the critic really liked the song and how its thought-provoking lyrics exposed the inherently gendered language of rap. I just couldn’t find the word “analyze” in my vocabulary at the time I wrote it. Maybe that would have been more appropriate than “critique”.

Again, sorry a bunch.

@Walter

Dude, you don’t need to clarify your beliefs. We know what you believe. You have made it extensively clear in this thread. It’s not that we don’t understand, it’s just that we think your beliefs are both silly and harmful.

For instance, again speaking as a cis man, I have never had any interest in other men’s genitals. I have never even thought about measuring my own dick, and never been interested in how my penis measures up in comparison to other men. I have never gone into a public shower, locker room or sauna to pay attention to other cis men’s dicks. In the rare case I have seen another man’s penis, my disposition towards them has not changed*. At all. It’s not whether or not you have a huge dick, it’s whether or not you are a huge dick.

I have also never wished to submit to, nor dominate anyone. Honestly, I think power games of this sort are childish as hell, sort of like playground pissing contests most guys stop engaging in when they’re around six years old. How do you expect equality in society if all you’re doing is try to prove that you’re better than someone else?

I don’t know if the two things are related, but my indifference to the measurements of other people’s penises might correlate with not caring for competing for other people’s approval in the first place. I look for cooperation and try to build bridges between people, not try to cause inequalities based on things beyond people’s control. See how that works?

*And again, how would this even work if you haven’t seen another cis man’s penis in the first place? How do you value him when you have only seen him fully clothed? Do you keep being wary around him until you can get into a situation where you can see his dick, at which point you make the ultimate judgement on your own disposition towards him? What a sad way to live.

@EJ

Yes, definitely call me a fan of Rap Critic (returns the high five*). I binge-watched all of his episodes when I discovered him in the Channel Awesome lineup about a year ago, and I have deliberately held off watching his latest episodes so I can binge-watch everything all over again, with a lot of new content. I don’t even particularly like rap music, he’s just that good. He’s very educated in the history and sociology of rap and, consequently, has made me more appreciative of rap music as an art form than I was before, even though the rap songs I genuinely like can still be counted with the fingers on one hand. He’s progressive, regularly bringing up gender, race and other social issues and how they shine through in rap music, pointing out problematic stuff and highlighting the good stuff. That alone makes his videos well-rounded and just so darn interesting. Plus, he’s just so goddamn funny. The timing of his jokes is nigh perfection.

No, I haven’t heard his album. Again, not that into rap. But considering rap is mainly a lyrical medium and I know for a fact that Jackson is a person with very meaningful things to say, I suspect I’ll pick it up one day regardless.

See, Walter? You can be appreciative of another cis man even though you have no clue what size his dick is. How’s that?

—————-

*Based on the conversation with Walter, I’m really, really, reeeeaaally tempted to make a “don’t leave me hanging” joke. But surely I’m above such silliness.

Wait.