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Zombifying Vagina Goo Part Two: All Your Questions Answered!

Copulins in full effect!
Copulins in full effect!

Yesterday, I introduced you to the mysterious vaginal goo that enables those with vaginas to transform nearby men (and possibly even some women) into helpless zombie vagina slaves. According to some totally legit scientific studies summarized on the blog WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION, the hormone-ish lady chemicals called “copulins” act a bit like the magical midi-chlorians from Star Wars, turning ordinary women into Jedi masters of the vagina.

Also, they smell like butter.

If you haven’t read my original post on the subject, go read it now. Trust me, ladies, you won’t regret it.

Since writing yesterday’s post, I have done some additional research on the subject. So let me answer some lingering questions you gals might have.

I have had sex with my boyfriend many times, but I have not yet seized complete control of his mind, and he frequently exhibits annoying amounts of free will. What am I doing wrong?

Are you moving around at all during sex? While most sex-havers exhibit a strong preference for movement during intercourse, the most effective way to transmit your copulins into his brain is if both of you remain motionless. As WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION notes,

Through the process of coupling a female and male will lay relatively still without having sex with the penis inside of the vagina. The process may take up to 15 minutes and works faster and more efficiently when the female is on top of the male.

You may wish to distract your fella with some sports talk radio so that he doesn’t notice that you’ve stopped having sex with him and instead are lying atop him stock still with a slightly maniacal look on your face.

During this period the vagina injects up to 1/2 cup (100 ml) of the copulin fluid into the urethral opening at the tip of the penis, which is chemically attracted to semen, and will follow the semen down the shaft directly into the testicles.

Yep. Not half a teaspoon, half a cup. Apparently, penises are a bit like the Tardis, a lot bigger on the inside than they appear on the outside.

After 15 minutes of coupling the copulins will have entered the blood stream and traveled from his testicles up into the hypothalamus (a section of the brain that controls hormones) causing the male to become completely influenced by the needs and suggestions of the female.

And there you go, ladies!

In your last post, you said that copulins can also be transmitted in the form of a butter-scented gas, in order to ensnare nearby males. Yet none of the men I stood next to today started spontaneously doing my bidding. What’s up with that?

Be patient! Proper copulin transmission can take up to 15 minutes! As this totally legit real science website explains:

When a woman breathes, the movement causes minute amounts of copulins to become airborne. If she is stationary for an extended period of time, the copulins will eventually exist in the air around her; however, it appears to take some time for copulins to escape clothing fabric and actually become airborne.

But if you wait long enough, all the males in your vicinity will ultimately surrender to your Jedi vagina juice. WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION elaborates on this point:

Fifteen minutes is all it takes for copulins to take over a majority of the hypothalamus gland. … If you are within 3 feet of an ovulating woman or group of them YOUR polypeptides are being replaced at a rate of 5% a minute with THEIR copulins.

What if I don’t want any dudes sticking their icky man penises inside me? Can I turn a dude into a vagina zombie just by having him perform oral sex on me?

Yes! Just be sure to slather your basement area with baby powder before he starts heading downstairs. According to our totally legit science expert,

the use of talc (baby powder) on the vagina may facilitate copulins to becoming airborne. The copulins attach to the powder particles and are inhaled by the male, or enter the bloodstream via the eyes (which would explain why it works faster).

Gosh, David, I would love to transform every man around me into my helpless vagina slave, but how can I be sure this will work?

You don’t have to take my word for it! Listen instead to the totally real females who wrote in to this totally legit science page about copulins with their testimonials

Female: My husband is very happy now, and very helpful. … our marriage has become even better.

Female: He does all the housework, everything, and he is so happy about it! Its a miracle! …

Female: I use “power” words like the lady commenting here. I find it works wonders at keeping my boyfriend happy even long after we are “together”. Because with a word I can make him feel pleasure or pain, he sees me like a magic power, and has a…lot of respect for me always.

Wow. Can my vagina goo really give me that much power over men?

Yes, and more! According to this totally legit copulin expert, women can even command men who’ve been under their vaginal control for some time to stop thinking about things they don’t want them to — even GOLF!

If the female stated that he won’t think about golf anymore, and will instead think of her, the male will find himself incapable of thinking of golf while the copulins are present.

In the final stage of “copulin dominance,” the man will stop thinking these terrible golf thoughts altogether, even if his vaginal commander isn’t there to remind him not to think about golf.

Past communication has already established that the female doesn’t want him to play golf, and so the copulins allow only those thoughts that promote non-golf activities to reach the conscious level. 

Ultimately, the vagina slave will turn into something resembling a zombie, sans rotting flesh and the overpowering urge to eat brains,

Females report that males at this stage, as copulins are transmitting, steadily become “dumber”, repeating themselves or the female’s words, slurring, or mixing words up. Late in the coupling, females state that the male will typically become incoherent and finally go silent.

Vagina zombification, complete!

Once a hypothalamus is flooded with copulins, the male brain is just sitting on idle, with only the bare minimum of thought process. In this state, the male is probably not thinking of anything at all, but any input from the female will become the male’s singular focus. 

And she doesn’t even have to be there!

The female can plant ideas during coupling (later stages of the session) and the male will act upon them at a later date, completely convinced they are his own ideas … .

Boy, I’m really glad I decided to write this post!

 

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Snowberry
Snowberry
8 years ago

The dreams which I really hate are the ones which I wake up, get ready for work, then notice something is wrong – the kettle is glowing and radiating cold, the living room clock is in the wrong place and has only 9 hours, the bathroom sink is missing, whatever. I wake up. I get ready again only to notice something else wrong. This repeats a few more times. I eventually become aware enough to say something like, “Oh my god, knock it off! Wake up for real already!” And then I wake up for real and have to scramble because I’m late for work.

…If only. What actually happens is that once I try to leave for work, I find that my house is 200 years in the future or out in the jungle or floating along the clouds or the neighborhood is being demolished by construction vehicles, or something. Then I wake up again. And again. And again. I know it’s a dream, but can’t stop my dream-self from trying to scramble ever more frantically because it’s later and later with each cycle, nor can I stop feeling angry at the endless loop. I can’t change anything – I’ve tried. When I finally wake up absolutely definitely for real this time, I find I’ve only slept for a few hours. Fortunately these are very rare, once every few years.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
8 years ago

But in this case, fuck it, I’ll just come out and say it: The fucking asshole doxed himself, if there ever was a doxing in the first place. Their treatment of this whole situation makes it too obvious. They’re salivating too openly.

Yep. It’s the MRA Projection Rule: The more often MRAs accuse feminists of doing something, the more likely it is that they’ve done it themselves, and no feminist has ever been doxxed without MRAs immediately screaming “FALSE FLAG! MADE UP! PROFESSIONAL VICTIM!” before she’s even had a chance to respond. Hell, that’s a good 95% of #GamerGate’s “Arguments” right there.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
8 years ago

*Without the MRAs immediately screaming. Pre-coffee grammar.

The only question, IMO, is whether this is random, part of a murder-suicide setup or part of a show they’re putting on for The Sarkeesian Effect 2: This Time We Paid Off A Shill Who Knows How Cameras Work.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Fuck, if a post reminding us to read the damned comments policy and that threats of violence aren’t okay (if that isn’t in there, it should’ve been even before this) will shut them all up, do it. Not like we haven’t had a run of ableist comments that would already prompt this.

Except, you know, it wouldn’t.

I am also wary of saying the source of this was a feminist, but I don’t want to pull a them and claim false flag without solid evidence. But if someone seriously dox’ed a six year old, that’s just shitty, I don’t care who you are, that’s NEVER okay.

As for “I would hate for something to happen to her”, among decent people, having just heard she was threatened, that means exactly what it says! I do not want any harm to come to his kid, or any kid for that matter. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar MRAs, no deep hidden meaning, just want it says on the tin!

Snowberry — if you “wake up” from a dream and realize you’re still dreaming, fuck trying to wake up for real, decide “hey, it’s a dream, I can fly!” I’m not be snarky, lucid dream flying is perhaps the best thing ever (this from someone who has tried a great variety of illicit substances!)

Orion
8 years ago

Snowberry,

I get those, sans surrealism. The ones that really frustrate me are the dreams where I check my bank account online, or RSVP to an invitation, or move objects around my room, and wake up thinking that stuff actually happened.

Then again, I have narcolepsy, so weird dreams come with the territory.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
8 years ago

I often have dreams where I realise that I’m dreaming. As soon as I realise that, I remember that I always wake up as soon as I realise I’m dreaming, which means I’m about to wake up. Then I wake up.

A good 20% of mornings, I wake up like that.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
8 years ago

I just realised that not only have I been mixing up Esmay and Forney in my head, I’ve been mixing up Barnes with them too. They’re all completely interchangeable.

Snowberry
Snowberry
8 years ago

@Argenti: Except, as I mentioned, that doesn’t work. I’ve tried reminding myself that waking up doesn’t work and just do whatever, except I still have zero control over anything beyond making comments or trying to convince my subconscious to stop (it won’t). Even the waking up is involuntary. That’s the most frustrating part – being aware, yet still forced to go along with the ride. Feeling the frustration and desperation of being really late even though I know I’m really not. Feeling angry at being trapped in a loop because I can’t do anything. Now that I think of it, maybe I’m not actually aware that I’m dreaming but only dreaming that I am aware that I’m dreaming…

GardenGallivant
GardenGallivant
8 years ago

Looked up an article on the movie about Zoe Quinn’s experiences with cyberharassing to find one of the commenters say this —
Travis • on Nov 6, 2015 3:51 pm

Everything about this project points to even more obscuring of the reality. Not being sexist or anything, but I’ve read Zoe Quinn’s book and it skews the entire situation… If the movie is made, I hope that they seek to make the film impartial to any side, be neutral. But, sadly, that isn’t interesting to the public. 🙁

ZQ only just got the book deal yet Travis has read it and found it biased about the harassing. Just don’t take him as sexist, but he thinks it best if the biopic gives the harassers a falsely equivalent image.

http://deadline.com/2015/11/zoe-quinn-crash-override-gamergate-memoir-amy-pascal-1201611420/

Orion
8 years ago

I can realize I’m dreaming and stay asleep. Some people say they can control their dreams. I can’t, but I can watch them play out as long as I don’t move, speak, or open my eyes. I’ll remember them in detail, too, well enough to transcribe dialogue if I do it quickly. I’ve been known to give speeches and lectures in my sleep that hold up when I’m awake, though they’re always quite pompous and long-winded.

While completely unconscious, I can apparently answer questions addressed to me without waking up, and have no memory of this when I awaken. Sadly, my answers are limited to “yes, I’m awake,” or just nonsense (my brother asked me if I knew where his book was, and I said, “I don’t know, look in New York”)

On a darker note, I apparently also shout “leave me alone” and “get away from me” while sleeping, for no apparent reason.

sunnysombrera
8 years ago

Paul’s frequent referral to David’s “shit stirring” is making me think that WHTM is really starting to bother them. I think they’re trying to silence David through what they’re known for: harassing and accusing someone of something they didn’t do. Wasn’t it just recently that Paul claimed David was threatening violence against MRAs on this site (by documenting what they do and say)? That David’s piece on Cassie’s “Cannes” award was an attack on her no less? Doesn’t anyone else think that this Twitter business is just them upping the ante on THEIR OWN shit stirring?

LG.
LG.
8 years ago

The fact that Barnes replied to the alleged doxing with creepy shit about prepping a funeral for his kid makes me feel pretty certain this is fake. Normal people respond to threats to their family with fear and with genuine efforts to keep them SAFE. Bringing up funerals is something lying drama kings do. It’s a melodramatic, hand -to-the-forehead “Oh, don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here prepping for the funeral of my six-year-old because we all know that once the feminazi establishment has targeted you, it’s over. *sniff*”

sunnysombrera
8 years ago

Good point LG. Not to mention that this is probably the most hypocritical thing Paulie has done. The man behind Register Her, the man who frequently names and doxxes people he doesn’t like with “Here is their details but make sure you don’t do anything bad to them huehuehuehue!” and he’s making up out of whole cloth that David is doing the same. With no evidence and pure bullshit. But of course he’s only trying to appeal to his followers, as usual, who never question anything Dear Paul says. It’s all Red Pill Troof and ManLogik! Reality is just a feminist conspiracy!

weirwoodtreehugger
8 years ago

So, Elam is not going to be satisfied until David admits to doing something he hasn’t done? Lovely.

What’s with the accusation that he pushed that Canadian MRA to starve himself? The only ones doing that were other MRAs! We all expressed disgust at anyone egging him on.

sunnysombrera
8 years ago

@wwth
Well you know how in MRA-land words don’t mean what they actually mean…I imagine that the translation of Paul’s words is: “Futrelle and other feminists didn’t bend over backwards to give us what we want when one of our own was on a hunger strike.”

LG.
LG.
8 years ago

“So, Elam is not going to be satisfied until David admits to doing something he hasn’t done? Lovely.”

When you put it that way…pretty standard abuser tactic, no?

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
8 years ago

Wait, wait…Paul Elam is complaining that someone got doxxed?

Paul fucking Elam?

I feel a deep need to point to his extremely credible moral outrage and utter a Nelsonesque “ha-ha!”

…please note that I am in no way supporting or condoning doxxing. But the scale of Paul Elam’s hypocrisy demands relentless exposure and mockery.

Vanir (@Vanir85)
8 years ago

David. They are reduced to straight out lying. You’re doing it. You’re scaring them. Keep going. Keep showing the world what they are like.

You are awesome. Thank you for what you do. Sincerely!

Hambeast, Social Justice Road Warrior
Hambeast, Social Justice Road Warrior
8 years ago

Anyone can come to this blog, pick a post/comment thread at random and never find any intent/incitement to dox anyone, anywhere, at any time. This is purely MRA fucking-shit-up-by-MAKING-shit-up projection.

It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that Barnes’s daughter doesn’t even have any Legos for these scoundrels to step on!

On dreams: I have the late-for-work one that Snowberry described, except my problem is generally either that I cannot work the phone to let anyone know that I’ll be late, or else I need a USAF uniform (for some unknown reason) and can’t find enough pieces that fit and/or go together.

More often, though, I have dreams that are perfectly ordinary (mostly) except certain people I know look completely different than irl or else the buildings have all sorts of secret rooms and passages. But oddly, never both at the same time. Hmm.

Eilis
Eilis
8 years ago

Why does the woman in the picture only have a stump where one of her feet should be?

autosoma
8 years ago

what on earth do these mra specimens thing they are playing at? If just looks to me that they want to invent an outrage, just so they can spin up an outrage party, to enjoy being outraged and then justify their own poor behaviours in the future.

it looks to me like gas lighting on a grand scale and what does it acheive – nothing but pain, hurt and suffering. It’s not good, its not something to be proud of, but as my grandmother would say, David has got under their skin, and they are thinking about what he is saying about them. It may be horrible for David to be on the receiving end and I feel for him, but in documenting their behaviours its making the mra-ers think about what they are doing and hopefully the outliers and men on the edge of MRA will think twice and step back from the brink. I laud David for his work and it must be do tough wading through this mire, I can’t even imagine some of the excesses he comes across and never writes about. I think he’s the bravest of the brave.

Antisocialite
Antisocialite
8 years ago

That is really fucking creepy. My POS abusive father used to use those tactics when things weren’t going his way. It has always amazed me how abusers often have the same mental processes, especially when they excel at the made-up drama they attribute to women.

I feel really bad for Barnes’ daughter. I lived that life.

Hang in there, David. You’re making a difference; things must really suck in AvFM land.

dhag85
8 years ago

What Vanir said.

Also, I will add that the AVFM commenters have ALL bought into this made up drama. There’s not a single comment that doesn’t accept everything about this story, as told by Paulie and Jack. Interestingly, out of the 73 comments on the “Leave my family out of this” article, there are at the most 2 or 3 expressing any form of genuine concern. The rest is all arglebargle outrage and conspiracy theorists. They all know this is made up.

entropy jukebox
8 years ago

David, have you seen this? Thought you might enjoy!
http://the-toast.net/2015/11/10/the-red-pill/

teabug
teabug
8 years ago

Clearly someone is in need of some biology classes. And serious, long term psychiatric help.

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