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Zombifying Vagina Goo Part Two: All Your Questions Answered!

Copulins in full effect!
Copulins in full effect!

Yesterday, I introduced you to the mysterious vaginal goo that enables those with vaginas to transform nearby men (and possibly even some women) into helpless zombie vagina slaves. According to some totally legit scientific studies summarized on the blog WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION, the hormone-ish lady chemicals called “copulins” act a bit like the magical midi-chlorians from Star Wars, turning ordinary women into Jedi masters of the vagina.

Also, they smell like butter.

If you haven’t read my original post on the subject, go read it now. Trust me, ladies, you won’t regret it.

Since writing yesterday’s post, I have done some additional research on the subject. So let me answer some lingering questions you gals might have.

I have had sex with my boyfriend many times, but I have not yet seized complete control of his mind, and he frequently exhibits annoying amounts of free will. What am I doing wrong?

Are you moving around at all during sex? While most sex-havers exhibit a strong preference for movement during intercourse, the most effective way to transmit your copulins into his brain is if both of you remain motionless. As WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION notes,

Through the process of coupling a female and male will lay relatively still without having sex with the penis inside of the vagina. The process may take up to 15 minutes and works faster and more efficiently when the female is on top of the male.

You may wish to distract your fella with some sports talk radio so that he doesn’t notice that you’ve stopped having sex with him and instead are lying atop him stock still with a slightly maniacal look on your face.

During this period the vagina injects up to 1/2 cup (100 ml) of the copulin fluid into the urethral opening at the tip of the penis, which is chemically attracted to semen, and will follow the semen down the shaft directly into the testicles.

Yep. Not half a teaspoon, half a cup. Apparently, penises are a bit like the Tardis, a lot bigger on the inside than they appear on the outside.

After 15 minutes of coupling the copulins will have entered the blood stream and traveled from his testicles up into the hypothalamus (a section of the brain that controls hormones) causing the male to become completely influenced by the needs and suggestions of the female.

And there you go, ladies!

In your last post, you said that copulins can also be transmitted in the form of a butter-scented gas, in order to ensnare nearby males. Yet none of the men I stood next to today started spontaneously doing my bidding. What’s up with that?

Be patient! Proper copulin transmission can take up to 15 minutes! As this totally legit real science website explains:

When a woman breathes, the movement causes minute amounts of copulins to become airborne. If she is stationary for an extended period of time, the copulins will eventually exist in the air around her; however, it appears to take some time for copulins to escape clothing fabric and actually become airborne.

But if you wait long enough, all the males in your vicinity will ultimately surrender to your Jedi vagina juice. WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION elaborates on this point:

Fifteen minutes is all it takes for copulins to take over a majority of the hypothalamus gland. … If you are within 3 feet of an ovulating woman or group of them YOUR polypeptides are being replaced at a rate of 5% a minute with THEIR copulins.

What if I don’t want any dudes sticking their icky man penises inside me? Can I turn a dude into a vagina zombie just by having him perform oral sex on me?

Yes! Just be sure to slather your basement area with baby powder before he starts heading downstairs. According to our totally legit science expert,

the use of talc (baby powder) on the vagina may facilitate copulins to becoming airborne. The copulins attach to the powder particles and are inhaled by the male, or enter the bloodstream via the eyes (which would explain why it works faster).

Gosh, David, I would love to transform every man around me into my helpless vagina slave, but how can I be sure this will work?

You don’t have to take my word for it! Listen instead to the totally real females who wrote in to this totally legit science page about copulins with their testimonials

Female: My husband is very happy now, and very helpful. … our marriage has become even better.

Female: He does all the housework, everything, and he is so happy about it! Its a miracle! …

Female: I use “power” words like the lady commenting here. I find it works wonders at keeping my boyfriend happy even long after we are “together”. Because with a word I can make him feel pleasure or pain, he sees me like a magic power, and has a…lot of respect for me always.

Wow. Can my vagina goo really give me that much power over men?

Yes, and more! According to this totally legit copulin expert, women can even command men who’ve been under their vaginal control for some time to stop thinking about things they don’t want them to — even GOLF!

If the female stated that he won’t think about golf anymore, and will instead think of her, the male will find himself incapable of thinking of golf while the copulins are present.

In the final stage of “copulin dominance,” the man will stop thinking these terrible golf thoughts altogether, even if his vaginal commander isn’t there to remind him not to think about golf.

Past communication has already established that the female doesn’t want him to play golf, and so the copulins allow only those thoughts that promote non-golf activities to reach the conscious level. 

Ultimately, the vagina slave will turn into something resembling a zombie, sans rotting flesh and the overpowering urge to eat brains,

Females report that males at this stage, as copulins are transmitting, steadily become “dumber”, repeating themselves or the female’s words, slurring, or mixing words up. Late in the coupling, females state that the male will typically become incoherent and finally go silent.

Vagina zombification, complete!

Once a hypothalamus is flooded with copulins, the male brain is just sitting on idle, with only the bare minimum of thought process. In this state, the male is probably not thinking of anything at all, but any input from the female will become the male’s singular focus. 

And she doesn’t even have to be there!

The female can plant ideas during coupling (later stages of the session) and the male will act upon them at a later date, completely convinced they are his own ideas … .

Boy, I’m really glad I decided to write this post!

 

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misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

I am very confused by all this. If men are as superior as MRAs and their ilk think they are, how come are they so easily controlled by vagina goo? And where is my man slave?!

dhag85
5 years ago

Men are slaves to women and women are slaves to cats. But are men also by extension slaves to cats? I’m having a dispute with Fingie, thankful for input.

Asesuarl
Asesuarl
5 years ago

I WANT MY COPULINS! why is my wife denying me my dose? I want to do the housework and be happy about it, right now i’m doing it and feeling miserable. And I’m tired of thinking abouto golf, I don’t even play!

Tonight I’m going to have a very serious talk with her and tell her “If you don’t inject 200ml of copulins into my penis right now I’m going to sniff all the women who smell like butter until my hypothalamus is fried.”

raysa
raysa
5 years ago

What is with Jack Barnes? Am I supposed to know who that is?

I don’t twitter, but I followed dhag’s link, and ended up looking at barney’s twitter, where he had tweeted that David had “followed through with his threat”, and then linked to the story about Cassie Jayes “cannes” award being a scam.

Ok, so, reporting that Jaye was playing fast and lose with that “award” is a threat? Reporting the truth is a threat? Can someone tell me what the threat in that article was?

Maybe jack is infested with vagina goo, it’s making him invent wild stories about threats that no one but him can see. Wrong use of vagina goo, obviously, or maybe goo gone awry, hard to tell.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

David, I want to second dhag85’s comment re Jack Barnes’s harassment.

Stay strong. Stay safe.

Kat
Kat
5 years ago

Ick, I’ve just read Jack Barnes’s message to David (on Twitter).

Barnes is lying. David never encouraged his readers to dox Barnes’s child. Anyone who reads David’s website knows that.

Ick!

eyesopen
eyesopen
5 years ago

If Jack Barnes has been doxed it is not clear who has done it – Jack Barnes could have done it himself.

occasional reader
occasional reader
5 years ago

Hello.

Hmm, indeed, that sounds like station porn cartoon old scenarii…
But if some persons really believe this ludicrous “scientific fact”, this may be harmful, because they are just at one step to say something like “I have not rape this woman. She just use her copuline-scent to tease me into have sex with her so that she can false-rape accuse me !”. Just another terrible argument to try to justify the unjustifiable.
Sorry to miss the funny part of the scenario.

Have a nice day.

occasional reader
occasional reader
5 years ago

Oh, and good luck, Mr Futrelle. Swashbuckling against so mala fida persons is certainly strainous and tiring. I hope you will be safe. Is there anything like a “main courante” (sorry, i do not know the equivalent term in your country) in your state ? If not already done, maybe you should fill one at the policestation, just in case of ?

Frank Torpedo
Frank Torpedo
5 years ago

@Snowberry

Sounds like an accurate description of Roosh’s life, recently.

The time when he expressed his wish to create a Neo-Nazi Paramilitary Battalion? It was the equivalent of him writing “GNARF GNARF GNARF”, or complete nonsense.

Alan RobertshawA
5 years ago

@ occasional reader

There’s not an official equivalent as such in the US. If you lay a complaint which the police it’s generally as a prelude to them taking some action. Of course, if they decide not to arrest or refer for prosecution then the record of the original allegations still exists and may have some legal significance (c.f. the OJ Simpson trial for an example)

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
5 years ago

Yeah, “creep shaming” is not really a valid concern. Unlike slut shaming (shaming those who like having lots of consensual sex with different people) and virgin shaming (shaming people for not having sex), which are about policing people whose actions don’t affect others in a negative way outside of their possible wish to control others, “creep shaming” is about shaming someone for behavior that does affect others in a negative way. They’re not equivalent, no matter how creepy MRAs try to frame the issue.

@fruitloopsie

I’m not sure if guys like this have porn fantasies or they seriously try so hard to find more reasons to control feeemales.

Thank you for pointing out what made me reeaally concerned amidst all the head-shaking. History shows that assigning mysterious supernatural powers and/or elaborate conspiracies to marginalized groups has always been an effective way of justifying their persecution. “To an ignorant outsider, it may seem that we have all the power in society and that it’s really shitty of us to treat group x like this, but actually, they possess power y and have infiltrated our decision-making body*, so we have to fight back by controlling them even harder! Otherwise they’ll do the same to us, and that’s terrible!”

Also why I find the mutants in X-Men to be a really, really bad analogy for marginalized groups.

*Especially fitting in the case of these so-called copulins. I’d really like to see where this dude gets his science.

Actually, scratch that, I don’t. It’s a “surprise goatse” joke, I get it now.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ occasional reader

There’s not an official equivalent in the US. generally if you lay a compliant with the police it’s a prelude to them taking some action. Of course if they then decide not to arrest or refer for prosecution the record of the original allegation can have some legal weight in subsequent proceedings (c.f. the OJ Simpson trial for an example)

occasional reader
occasional reader
5 years ago

Hello.

@Alan Robertshaw
Oh, ok, thank you for the explanation. I was assuming there was equivalent in other justice systems. Do you have no possibility to legaly inform the police that you fear something happen to you (orally excluded) ? Is this necessarily a complaint ?

And to going back on the topic :

Have a nice day.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Bon courage et bon chance, David. Let us know if there’s anything we can do.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ occasional reader

The “logbook” system isn’t really something tat caught on in common law jurisdictions; it’s more of a civil law thing. I’m guessing you’re from somewhere with a French heritage?

Interestingly, there’s been an attempt to introduce something similar in the military for sexual assault cases. The theory being that people who don’t want to bring charges (for multiple reasons) can at least highlight an issue. However, because a person cannot be subjected to any sort of detriment without being given a chance to defend themselves; it’s all a bit pointless. There’s a note made but no action can be taken against the alleged perpetrator so victim may well find themselves still working with that person.

As to informing the police, people do that of course but if they don’t want the police to take action it’s pretty much the equivalent of leaving an “If anything happens to me, it was probably x that did it” note.

thedxman
5 years ago

Re: “GNARF GNARF GNARF”
Actually that’s one of the few full-proof ways to tell one is dreaming. Just pick up a book and read a sentence, look away and it will have changed. Same with writing and mirrors (they never show anything like a proper reflection). If you’re lucky, realising you’re dreaming should allow you to control your dream and spend you dreamtime more pleasantly by flying and breathing under water and creating rainbow castles or smashing rocks with your mind. Also running really, really fast, listening to PSB. GNARF.

Andrewould
Andrewould
5 years ago

Thanks for the great post. Obviously as a man I don’t make my own but I have managed to source some high grade air release butter scented copulins from a reputable seller. I plan to release them into the air at my next meeting with the male bosses. I will implant a strong desire for them to double my wages and halve my working hours. I will disguise the butter smell by giving everyone some pieces of buttered toast beforehand. Will let you know how it goes.

occasional reader
occasional reader
5 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw

Yes, French.

Exact, it can be see as this kind of “accusation” : if something happens to me, that may be because of yada yada”.
Except that it is also a way to motivate police to intervene in some cases. Let say as an example you fill the “main courante” because each saturday, someone in the street puts the volume so loud your walls are shaking (this is an exaggeration, of course), at midnight. The next saturday, if you call the police and provide them the reference of the “main courante”, they are more likely to come and see. And even more, if more than one person fills a “main courante” with the same problem in it. Well, that does not imply that it is always followed by legal action, as you point it out, but it may have a good “prevention” effect.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ occasional reader

You raise a point that’s quite contentious over here in England. Our law has always been that the police don’t owe a duty of care to victims or potential victims of crime. So you can’t sue the police for inefficiency resulting in harm or even for failing to act when you’ve reported a threat.

That’s been modified lately with a couple of cases. Whilst the general rule applies, it seems the case now that if the police specifically give you advice that gets you injured or killed (e.g. stay in your home) then you have a cause of action.

More controversially there’s now a case where a victim had alerted the police that someone was trying to kill them and the police failed to act (resulting in the person’s death) that is going to the European Court of Human Rights to argue that the police should be liable. Be interesting to see the result of that one.

occasional reader
occasional reader
5 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw
Hmm, this is a difficult case, indeed. If the police is made to be forced to intervene, then there is the risk of false alerts to decoy from specific points, as an example. If not, you have the risk, like in your case, that the alert and the risk are reals, and damages result. As protection of persons should always prevail, how can the other problem should be managed, especially when government (at least here) tend to cut the number of officials in the administrations ?

reimalebario
reimalebario
5 years ago

My girlfriend is A Real Scientist and as a molecular biologist it should be within the scope of her field. I think I’ll ask her if this is legit! (Unless she makes me decide not to do that, of course ..)

mockingbird
5 years ago

Men are slaves to women and women are slaves to cats. But are men also by extension slaves to cats?

Yes.
The situation’s similar to the view that some particularly paternalist of a woman’s relationship to God being mediated through her husband.

The Feline shall make its will known to the Masculine through the will and actions of the Feminine.

Let it be known.

maghavan
maghavan
5 years ago

How can I take the red pill if some woman is controlling the colors I see?????

I’m so mixed up right now.

Miss Andry
5 years ago

Zombifying Vaginal Goo Part II: Electric Boogaloo

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

It’s striking that Barnes accused me of “remaining silent” about the doxing — in a post in which he cited a post of mine in which I explcitly condemned the doxing. Then McCarley claimed I hadn’t condemned it — while quoting a Tweet in which I condemned it. Agt this poit I don’t think i can assume this is carelessness on their part; I have to assume a degree of malice and outright deceit.

Willful stupidity is a dangerous drug. And these people are coked to the gills on it. I’ve never seen anyone so determinedly through the Looking Glass. Hope none of them are using this projection as an excuse to dox and menace you.

Also, re: Gnarfy dreams — I have reached the point where I realize in dreams that I am dreaming, usually when something stupid happens and I go “hmph, I don’t like this dream”, and then promptly wake up, shift position, go back to sleep and soon start dreaming something else. I haven’t yet figured out how to stay in the same dream and change the parts I don’t like, though. Frustrating!

Orion
5 years ago

Ooh, are we doing dreams now?

A couple weeks ago, I dreamed that I was a high school boy on the train to a distant city where I had signed up for PUA lessons. I was going to stay with a friend from online gaming I had never met. I got up to look for the dining car and somehow ended up in an enormous private car lined with bookshelves, and home to a goth girl and her enormous collection of bird cages. We talked for a long time and then suddenly she was on top of my kissing me and and then she was gone somehow and I was looking for the dining car and reflecting on how that was not really how PUAs say the world works.

When I got the city my host had left their apartment unlocked with a note that they’d gone out for the night but I should make myself at home. I looked around and realized that the apartment was full of birdcages, and when I found some pictures on the walls I realized that my gamer friend was actually the girl from the train. At that point I kinda lost interest in the PUA worldview but she was gone for the night and I needed something to do so I decided to go anyway.

So I met up with this PUA guru at some bar and I was about to go up and “open” this group of girls when BRAD FUCKING PITT walked in and started talking to them. And I was like “what are you even doing Brad Pitt, aren’t you married?” And he was like “gross, dude, what are you talking about? We’re just hanging out and having a good time.” And my PUA told me to just move on to another group but I didn’t feel like it so I went and waited out in the hall listening to Brad Pitt’s group’s uproarious laughter through the door while the PUA chatted up some other girls. Then he announced we were moving to a new bar, but the music there was loud and I had gotten tired of the whole thing, so I waited in the hall again mumbling angrily to myself.

Then the people inside started chanting “Karl! Karl! Karl!” and I got freaked out because Karl was a friend of mine from back home who I didn’t expect to be in this city, and who I had though was as clueless as I was. I really didn’t want him to see me here but I was kinda frozen with fear and when he came through the door I tried to scurry into a dark corner and hide, but it was too late, we made eye contact, and I woke up.

Professor fate
Professor fate
5 years ago

I must say that I feel some what slighted here. Not a single one of the women I’ve been involved with have seen fit to attempt to control my mind. Why is that? Wasn’t I good enough to enslave with buttery whatevers? This apparently a world full of mindless drones and here I am cognitive facilities completely unimpaired. It’s not right.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

@Professor Fate:
You only think you’re free. In actual fact you’re controlled by a woman somewhere who is choosing for you to fool yourself in this manner and remain unaware of it. You’re a sleeper agent.

All the other women, naturally, are too well-mannered to intrude upon her dominion of you; meaning that nobody else’s copulin has entered your brain to contest it.

/s

Professor fate
Professor fate
5 years ago

Well than that’s okay – as long as I’m not being left out here.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
5 years ago

Ha! It works! And Professor fate only thinks the cessation of his whining was his own idea…!

raidend
5 years ago

and what about gay? what effect if any does copulin have on them?

TheLulzWatch
TheLulzWatch
5 years ago

I am honestly surprised he is that f***Ing stupid.

dhag85
5 years ago

This fucking creep Jack Barnes uploaded a youtube video about a month ago, firing some sort of weapon at a shooting range while holding his 5 year old daughter, “teaching her about gun safety”. And he put @JessicaValenti in the video title. What the fuck is wrong with this dude?

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
5 years ago

A man who hasn’t died (because inferior specimens do that when given the vagina-goo-zombie-mind control chemical) should just be grateful he’s not dead. And clean the kitchen, then the bathrooms. Make sure to pay special attention to that messy over-spray nonsense behind and next to the toilet, that’s nasty and needs to be cleaned up.

hugs!
Katie.

Saffi Eriksdotter (@SaffiEriksdottr)

Wait, I’m confused. I thought women’s natural position in life, biologically speaking, was submissive to men, happily popping out litters of babies and cooking and cleaning and generally making the man happy all day. If that’s the case, why would we also be biologically designed to make men our slaves? MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MINDS, MRAs.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

This fucking creep Jack Barnes uploaded a youtube video about a month ago, firing some sort of weapon at a shooting range while holding his 5 year old daughter, “teaching her about gun safety”. And he put @JessicaValenti in the video title. What the fuck is wrong with this dude?

OMG, that motherfucker has a daughter? Poor little thing. If she’s not terrorized out of her wits, I hope she gets the fuck out of Dodge as soon as she’s old enough to make a run for it.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

So I found this. A biased, blatantly pro-MRA puff piece about Cassie Jaye’s film on a reasonably mainstream media site. Ugh.

http://www.konbini.com/en/lifestyle/feminist-documentary-mens-rights/

dhag85
5 years ago

https://twitter.com/Jackbarnesmra/status/663744488674893824

This creepy fuck is starting to sound more and more dangerous to himself and others.

contrapangloss
5 years ago

Sorry, I know this was a little while back in the thread, but…

Actually that’s one of the few full-proof ways to tell one is dreaming. Just pick up a book and read a sentence, look away and it will have changed.

Au contraire!

That doesn’t work for me. I once pulled an all nighter working on a paper for a US history course, and then was editing it at the dining room table when I thought to myself, “Self, why the heck did I just write a paper on Queen Elizabeth I for US history? Also, why am I quoting Mercedes Lackey?” I double checked the book I had referenced. The quote was still there. Word for word.

Then I woke up. Worst dream ever. It sucks to dream about pulling an all nighter because it stupidly felt like pulling an all nighter.

Shockingly, the citation for the quote was accurate to the word and to the page of the awake checking, too.

Somehow I can’t do that while awake.

TL;DR, book method isn’t always foolproof. Also, my dreams sometimes suck and you alls sounded much more fun.

dhag85
5 years ago

You people have weird dreams. :p

I always dream that I have pet hamsters and mice, and they multiplying, changing their appearance, and escaping their cages. I wake up super stressed and exhausted.

dhag85
5 years ago

they *keep* multiplying

dhag85
5 years ago

@contrapangloss

I have to say writing a paper for a US history course might be difficult to top for most boring dream ever. Haha.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Jack Barnes went up to a level 10 on the Creepy Pr*ck O Meter.

Some dreams are amazing (I once dreamed of cyborg dinosaurs) and then some are absolute messed up nightmares. I had one nightmare.. Well that’s what I get for playing Silent hill 3.

dhag85
“I always dream that I have pet hamsters and mice, and they multiplying, changing their appearance, and escaping their cages. I wake up super stressed and exhausted.”

And we are the ones who have the wierd dreams?

katz
katz
5 years ago

I always dream that I have pet hamsters and mice, and they multiplying, changing their appearance, and escaping their cages. I wake up super stressed and exhausted.

I constantly have that exact same dream!

dhag85
5 years ago

@katz

Seriously? It’s been haunting me for 25 years.

ljy2008
5 years ago

Is there any greater example of how they don’t actually see women as human? They see us as a completely different species?