Attention, class! Today we will be discussing some important new discoveries in the field of vagina science, as reported by the Youtuber and Man Going His Own Way known as Sandman.
In a new video, Sandman alerts his readers to a terrible danger: How women can use their vagina powers to turn men into “walking talking zombie[s].” As he explains:
Inside every single woman are hormones called copulins that are used to drug a man and control his mind. This isn’t a conspiracy theory. And when I first heard about this it reminded me of the original film invasion of the body snatchers where aliens come down and take humans and turn us into pod people. When I first heard about how copulin hormones I felt the same fear.
So what do these evil copulins do? Well, according to a post Sandman found on the important, peer-reviewed scientific blog called “WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION,”
The vagina produces a thick fluid known as copulin that has actual mind control effects on a male’s brain. If a man is exposed to a woman’s copulins, over time she will be able to number one: change, remove, or insert memories in a man’s mind. Number two: Tell the male what he sees, hears, feels, smells, tastes. Number three: Insert subconscious thoughts that will surface as “his own ideas” or behavior later. and finally number four Plant trigger words or actions that can cause thoughts, actions, or sensations in the male at later dates (days, weeks, even months).
Now, I’m no scientist but that all seems totally legit.
The most effective way women can get control of men, Sandman explains, is to literally squirt copulins into his penis.
Apparently the female genitals squirt fluid into the male member and that’s how you get STDs. But that’s also how the copulins get inside of you as a man and how the female version of the Jedi mind trick works.
One way men can try to protect themselves from this diabolical zombifying vagina goo is to wear a condom — which, as Sandman explains, should keep the copulins from “enter[ing] your penis and start[ing] to influence you fully.”
But, Sandman warns, condoms can’t protect you from the butter-scented cloud of copulins that women release into the air around them. And yes, Sandman does specify that it smells like butter.
[S]imply by being around women they are releasing these hormones into the air. Apparently they smell like butter which is the smell I notice when I’m in any place where I notice girls walking around in their mid to late teenage years. I’m guessing those are the years when they they release the most of these hormones when they are approaching peak fertility.
And this vagina-zombie-butter-lady-gas is, Sandman suggests, the reason that some men actually seem to like and respect women. Well, he doesn’t quite phrase it that way:
I believe that it’s quite likely that most white knights and manginas have sniffed and been exposed to so many copulin hormones that they can’t control the way they behave. They could be under a form of feminine mind control and completely unaware of it.
Even Sandman sometimes finds himself falling under the spell of the voodoo vagina goo.
I would look into this more but I suddenly feel a strange urge to go assist some random woman with her packages.
EDIT: For more on the totally legit science of zombifying vagina goo, see my followup post: Zombifying Vagina Goo Part Two: All Your Questions Answered!
Could we use this for long-distance signalling?
Suppose mrex finds herself the perfect zombie mind controlled mr mrex (mr ex?). She fills his brain with copulin to a high level of control, then sends him off on a spacecraft. During the journey, the copulin in his brain will make him obey her desires. By changing her desires, mrex can make mr mrex behave differently without any signal passing between the two of them.
GUYZ. GUYZ. WE’VE DISCOVERED TELEPATHY.
Do we know where this guy was born and where he lives now? I ask because I’m hung up on the butter thing.
People’s scents are strongly influenced by diet, but people with a shared diet don’t tend to notice. It wouldn’t shock me to learn that Americans and Britons smelled buttery to, idk, Asians and Central Americans. This guy might think it’s a young woman thing because young women are the only people he spends a lot of time sniffing.
@mrex
Those are some interesting questions. I didn’t actually read the whole thing, but found it interesting that I was able to pull out that contradiction by just skimming the info.
I also enjoy the fact that he wants to do a “controlled “study on this at some point. I’d love to see the methodology for that. Are there copulin deficient women he can use as his control group? Is he going to geneticially engineer copulin deficient women?
Oh, well, that got into scary scifi territory pretty quickly. The idea of genetically engineering people always makes me squirm.
I am pretty sure that they confuse copulin with chocolate.
EJ,
so you’re saying that romantic entanglement is a leading cause of QUANTUM entanglement?
The spice must flow, I guess.
:gag: ugh I have to leave I think I’m going to be sick. People who add their “juices” in anything deserve to be locked up from the rest of society.
I am overwhelmed by the volume of quality science in this peer-reviewed science blog.
” If you are within 3 feet of an ovulating woman or group of them YOUR polypeptides are being replaced at a rate of 5% a minute with THEIR copulins. ”
Proteins (which are made of long-chain polypeptide) are roughly 20% of your body mass. That means women are literally digesting and replacing 1% of your body every minute. Also, according to a legitimate, peer-reviewed science journal, copulins are short chain organic acids, with acetic acid (vinegar) being predominate. So, not only are tissue and enzymes being replaced, they’re being replaced by a completely different type of molecule. Are women the alien from John Carpenter’s “The Thing”? I think we know the answer.
Sources:
http://www.psyneuen-journal.com/article/0306-4530(75)90007-4/abstract
http://www.foresight.org/Nanomedicine/Ch03_1.html
Spies could use it to transport secrets…
@Orion:
Yes, absolutely. We need to do science on this.
Zoe Quinn had a studio option her book and rumors suggest Scarlet Johansen is attached. Clearly this is good news for GamerGate.
The Hairpin did a rather funny piece on this, and it sounds almost as if Sandman was reading the same dubious source: http://thehairpin.com/2013/09/one-weird-trick-to-control-your-boyfriends-mind/
So if women have this power, if a woman owned a company and gave all the male employees this “juice”, could she in theory have all the men in the company not act stupid and actually increase productivity and reduce delays?
I think the video game industry could use more women in its workforce!
Knowing the MRAsshole set a little too well, they’ll find yet another way to make this be about how trans women need to be exterminated. And, well, since this is the MRAKKK, they’ll d then start claiming Black women have different magic vagina goo, so Black women *handwaving* and *Jack Barne$ says something racist*.
Wow.
I mean.
I’ve read a lot of shit on this blog, but…
Wow.
@opium4themasses:
Good news: It’s being produced by Amy Pascal, who did the Spider-Man remakes, meaning that it might be big.
Bad news: It’s being produced by Amy Pascal, who did the Spider-Man remakes, meaning that it might be terrible.
Clearly this is a rationalization for not lasting very long when having sex.
…And wouldn’t this ‘scientific theory’ support the idea of foreplay men can perform upon women? “Foreplay, it prevents feeeeeeeeemales from transferring their vagina goo mind controlling chemicals to mens’ penises as long as condoms are used during the actual sex. Oh, you won’t have to worry about lasting the customary ‘not very long’ duration if they’re already happy.”
This IS hilarious, and yes, it DOES ensure that this young (?) man uses a condom if he ever has sexual intercourse with a woman, BUT spare a thought for that woman – what a hollow, inhibited and unsatisfying 3 minutes she would experience.
So I only made it to stage four in that ridiculous screed, but I have a theory that is either way less disgusting’ or way more disturbing — emotional manipulation and abuse.
Stage 1 — sex occurs. This is kinda a standard thing in most relationships, no point questioning that.
Stage 2 — sex occurs and he finds it pleasurable and wants more. Again, nobody is questioning that good sex makes for a repeat performance.
Stage 3 — he says he wants to golf, or whatever, she says no, he’s not going golfing, her sexy chemicals make he not want to golf… or his fear of her reaction does.
Stage 4 — he no longer even considers his previously enjoyed activities (that she disapproves of) as a way to spend time, finding himself only doing the things she wants him to.
Stage 5 — I gave up reading.
That’s not a side effect of a healthy sex filled relationship, and his magical chemical makes no sense, but that does sound rather like the results of being emotional manipulated. No chemical needed, though I guess “I couldn’t help being manipulated, she has chemicals!” might be easier to swallow than the victim blaming abuse victims usually face.
I now feel extra dirty, I preferred thinking he just really REALLY liked popcorn.
…Wow.
MY COOTER HAS ULTIMATE POWER, YAY
That was my first thought.
My second thought was to bash my head into a wall.
My third was torn on sobbing or giggling hysterically. Maybe both at once.
Well, I’m sure that beard beer (heh) would be a hit with teh menzers, but I think I’ll pass.
I think I’ll also pass on these cheeses:
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/news/these-are-human-cheeses-made-from-armpit-bacteria-and-feet-so-would-you-eat-yourself-8956653.html
@Bina
*runs screaming from her computer…..runs back still screaming*
Gah! Why did you have to post these links that I simply couldn’t resist going to because I hate myself thus will go read even as I know I am likely to encounter both the gross and scary. I’m going to go look at pictures of puppies, kittens, and maybe some goats, possibly marmosets as well.
In order to divert from the nasty af conversation we are currently having, have some cute pigeons from the other thread:
I know, I know. I couldn’t read far down in that myself.
And if anyone else would like some brain bleach, it looks like Maru has finally caught the Terrible Feather Monster. And now he’s so happy, he has to pad his paws on his pillow: