Attention, class! Today we will be discussing some important new discoveries in the field of vagina science, as reported by the Youtuber and Man Going His Own Way known as Sandman.
In a new video, Sandman alerts his readers to a terrible danger: How women can use their vagina powers to turn men into “walking talking zombie[s].” As he explains:
Inside every single woman are hormones called copulins that are used to drug a man and control his mind. This isn’t a conspiracy theory. And when I first heard about this it reminded me of the original film invasion of the body snatchers where aliens come down and take humans and turn us into pod people. When I first heard about how copulin hormones I felt the same fear.
So what do these evil copulins do? Well, according to a post Sandman found on the important, peer-reviewed scientific blog called “WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION,”
The vagina produces a thick fluid known as copulin that has actual mind control effects on a male’s brain. If a man is exposed to a woman’s copulins, over time she will be able to number one: change, remove, or insert memories in a man’s mind. Number two: Tell the male what he sees, hears, feels, smells, tastes. Number three: Insert subconscious thoughts that will surface as “his own ideas” or behavior later. and finally number four Plant trigger words or actions that can cause thoughts, actions, or sensations in the male at later dates (days, weeks, even months).
Now, I’m no scientist but that all seems totally legit.
The most effective way women can get control of men, Sandman explains, is to literally squirt copulins into his penis.
Apparently the female genitals squirt fluid into the male member and that’s how you get STDs. But that’s also how the copulins get inside of you as a man and how the female version of the Jedi mind trick works.
One way men can try to protect themselves from this diabolical zombifying vagina goo is to wear a condom — which, as Sandman explains, should keep the copulins from “enter[ing] your penis and start[ing] to influence you fully.”
But, Sandman warns, condoms can’t protect you from the butter-scented cloud of copulins that women release into the air around them. And yes, Sandman does specify that it smells like butter.
[S]imply by being around women they are releasing these hormones into the air. Apparently they smell like butter which is the smell I notice when I’m in any place where I notice girls walking around in their mid to late teenage years. I’m guessing those are the years when they they release the most of these hormones when they are approaching peak fertility.
And this vagina-zombie-butter-lady-gas is, Sandman suggests, the reason that some men actually seem to like and respect women. Well, he doesn’t quite phrase it that way:
I believe that it’s quite likely that most white knights and manginas have sniffed and been exposed to so many copulin hormones that they can’t control the way they behave. They could be under a form of feminine mind control and completely unaware of it.
Even Sandman sometimes finds himself falling under the spell of the voodoo vagina goo.
I would look into this more but I suddenly feel a strange urge to go assist some random woman with her packages.
EDIT: For more on the totally legit science of zombifying vagina goo, see my followup post: Zombifying Vagina Goo Part Two: All Your Questions Answered!
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/ert.gif
I’m just trying to wrap my head around, like, collecting it.
Jackie, you don’t want to know. You really don’t want to know.
@Paradoxical
IDK, seems like since there’s recipes to cook with cum, you might as well have a vaginal version, too.
As long as it’s eaten with consent…hehe…eaten…
It’s a pity it is dairy butter and not coconut butter,
Mr. Futrelle. Are you sure this isn’t from a parody site? Because, if not…
BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp* HAHA-HAHA-HAHA-HAHA *sputter* HA… HA… HA… HA… *dies*
I’m concerned about my cholesterol level. Is it advisable to wear a sugical mask when I’m around women, for my cardiovascular health?
I’m not sure there isn’t something to this. I’ve long felt that exposure to semen makes me stupid and certainly more tolerant of behaviour that I wouldn’t otherwise put up with. Good lovin’ will certainly make me overlook a multitude of sins and I’ve seen behaviour from men which certainly indicates there’s something going on the other way, too. Love is a drug.
ARGH! Another one that made me Google! I tried Googling “Copulins” because A) I’m not a biologist & B) I was curious if this actually existed and what it actually did.
The first three results were posts very similar to this “women mind controlling men with their hormones” (though I think those all were from the same person, they were all on http://www.copulins.freeservers.com) the fourth was a perfume company selling artificial copulins.
I’m fairly sure copulins exist, but I’m equally sure that no woman has ever inserted memories in me, no matter how many of their hormones I’ve been exposed to.
Copulins = Cooties
Sometimes there isn’t enough laughter in all the world.
Also: I write this from the bed of a very intelligent young lady. She is currently out sourcing us breakfast. Surely if her BUTTERY MIND CONTROL COOTIES worked, I would be sourcing breakfast for her?
Outsourcing breakfast?
So this is why they shut shame? So that we can’t build ourselves and army of cootie-controlled zombie-men? Well, IN YOUR FACE MRAs, your tactics have never worked on me and as soon as I figure out how to control these magical copulins I shall have 47 drones to do my bidding. You set the bar so low with your “6 men in the harem” theory, I have 8 times the power you believe I have.
Now I need to go and ask Katie (all hail) how to master the control techniques.
Copulins sounds like what they could have called Nilin’s memory altering techniques in Remember Me
@Moggie, it’s butter flavored, not made of butter. Jeeeesh! No fat, no cholesterol. Low sodium and rich in Vitamins K, A, B-12, and C (no D, sorry). it is a certified heart healthy food source.
[Preens] What’s YOUR superpower?
Anima beat me to it, then.
I was going to say that a great strategy for women to take over workplaces would be to take turns bringing in mind-controlling baked goods.
Try the brownies, they’re the best.
MWA HA HA HA HA!!!
But I already have a secret-ingredient mind-controlling recipe for brownies…
Funny how it’s only teenage girls Sandman is referring too. Very revealing about him. Also, I think we just found the reincarnated Ed Wood.
Oops!! Referring to, not TOO. 🙂
rugbyyogi – the real “drug” when it comes to love and sex is oxytocin. It makes you more receptive and empathetic and happy to be so, but it also makes you more uninhibited, like intoxication.
The internet; the modern man’s version of a sopabox, a street corner, and his cardboard sign scrawled illegibly in black marker.
If I’d known about the powers of butter when I was a teenage wallflower, I’d have dapped some behind my ears.
Love my typo. “Soup” box? Even better than “soap” box lol.
Much like ‘I’m not a racist, but…’ you you know something’s solid when the second sentence is ‘This is not a conspiracy theory.’
I’ve been told on occasion that my feet smell like butter. Maybe I have extra copulin glands there. Worship my feet!