Attention, class! Today we will be discussing some important new discoveries in the field of vagina science, as reported by the Youtuber and Man Going His Own Way known as Sandman.
In a new video, Sandman alerts his readers to a terrible danger: How women can use their vagina powers toĀ turn men into “walking talking zombie[s].” As he explains:
Inside every single woman are hormones called copulins that are used to drug a man and control his mind. This isn’t a conspiracy theory. And when I first heard about this it reminded me of the original film invasion of the body snatchers where aliens come down and take humans and turn us into pod people. When I first heard about how copulin hormones I felt the same fear.
So what do these evil copulins do? Well, according to a post Sandman found on the important, peer-reviewed scientific blog called “WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION,”
The vagina produces a thick fluid known as copulin that has actual mind control effects on a maleās brain. If a man is exposed to a womanās copulins, over time she will be able to number one: change, remove, or insert memories in a man’s mind. Number two: Tell the male what he sees, hears, feels, smells, tastes. Number three: Insert subconscious thoughts that will surface as āhis own ideasā or behavior later. and finally number four Plant trigger words or actions that can cause thoughts, actions, or sensations in the male at later dates (days, weeks, even months).
Now, I’m no scientist but that all seems totally legit.
The most effective way women can get control of men, Sandman explains, is to literally squirt copulins into his penis.
Apparently the female genitals squirt fluid into the male member and that’s how you get STDs. But that’s also how the copulins get inside of you as a man and how the female version of the Jedi mind trick works.
One way men can try toĀ protect themselves from this diabolical zombifying vagina gooĀ is toĀ wear a condomĀ — which, as Sandman explains, shouldĀ keep the copulins fromĀ “enter[ing] your penis and start[ing] to influence you fully.”
But, Sandman warns, condoms can’t protect you from the butter-scented cloud of copulins that women release into the air around them. And yes, Sandman does specify that it smells like butter.
[S]imply by being around women they are releasing these hormones into the air. Apparently they smell like butter which is the smell I notice when I’m in any place where I notice girls walking around in their mid to late teenage years. I’m guessing those are the years when they they release the most of these hormones when they are approaching peak fertility.
And this vagina-zombie-butter-lady-gas is, Sandman suggests, the reason that some men actually seem to like and respect women. Well, he doesn’t quite phrase it that way:
I believe that it’s quite likely that most white knights and manginas have sniffed and been exposed to so many copulin hormones that they can’t control the way they behave. They could be under a form of feminine mind control and completely unaware of it.
Even Sandman sometimes finds himself falling under the spell of the voodoo vagina goo.
I would look into this more but I suddenly feel a strange urge to go assist some random woman with her packages.
EDIT: For more on the totally legit science of zombifying vagina goo, see my followup post:Ā Zombifying Vagina Goo Part Two: All Your Questions Answered!
ChildOfMedia
“Okay, so, the first like 7 hits on Copulins on my browser are just this dudeās nutty paranoia”
Read the comment policy no ableist words like “n*tty”
SuperWrong!Science aside, let’s not jump into ableism guys. That’s shitty.
I thought those of us who aren’t HB10s or white, cisgendered, straight, middle class dudes didn’t exist to them?
This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in forever. Thank you, David, for bringing this to our attention.
In this thread: PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS!
@katz
I was really thrown by the *coupling is motionless for up to 15 mins* part. I’VE BEEN DOING SEX WRONG ALL THIS TIME. NO WONDER MEN DON’T OBEY ME.
My interest was piqued by these pheromones I never heard of before, so I checked the scientific literature. Nope, copulins have been mentioned there, but no follow ups after an insignificant number of publications that never went anywhere. So it’s pseudoscientific nonsense.
Are you sure that you didn’t find any follow ups? Or is it possible that a suggestion that no follow ups exist was planted in your mind months or years ago by a conniving woman, causing your eyes to slide right past the evidence? #teachthevaginaversy
Thank you! I was having trouble finding more than one even slightly credible source so I was starting to assume that was true. Good to have a confirmation.
Copulins gonna copulate.
I’m no Alfred Kinsey, but I’d think you’d lose your boner and slide out after lying still for 15 minutes.
I read this in the voice of Linda Richman from “Coffee Talk”, which made it 10000 times better.
“Vaginas make me verklempt. Discuss.”
Um, maybe because teenagers tend to congregate at movie theaters, amusement parks, mall food courts, and fast food joints? Which tend to smell like butter and fried things?
“Iām no Alfred Kinsey, but Iād think youād lose your boner and slide out after lying still for 15 minutes.”
Clearly everyone doing tantric sex has long since been infected and their minds converted to female jelly. They even got Sting!
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/sy.gif
Medically sound, I know, my sister is a nurse.
Ew, ew, ewitty ew EW.
Also, that butter smell? Is POPCORN. Dude, you’re hungry. And possibly hangry. Go eat a Snickers.
@pandapool
Totally. My mom is a nurse and I studied biology and the mechanics in that passage are AIRTIGHT.
@ChildOfMedia
It’s the biology the lamestream media won’t tell you.
nah! dying disappeared up his own fundament way before he discovered a tantric willy and the copulins got to him
totally medically sound and I watch greys anatomy (grudgingly)
The way that guy talks about sex strongly implies that he’s a virgin, while the talk about teenage girls suggests he’s either still in high school himself, or an older creeper who should be on a police watch list.
I just cracked MGTOW and MRA mythology.
During a 1950’s class on sex ed some prankster switched out the tape they were supposed to watch with a B Horror Movie.
It explains everything.
Woah, pump the brakes. Did this jackanapes just tacitly concede that alleged “beta males” and Skeletal Joust Warriors have such copious amounts of horizontal baby-making that their minds have been rotted by vaginal secretions? Because I mean…presumably all these big burly men with their very important MRA YouTube campaigns to run must get laid* since they consider themselves the experts on all things PUA, seductive, and drop dead manly smexiness, right?
So if MRAs are better at giving women “what they really want” in relationships etc. etc., then how come it’s SJWs whose minds are awash in she-nectar and not MRAs? Just saying, this guy sort of painted himself into a corner where he must either concede that he is just jealous that cis-straight-male SJWs are more socially-adjusted than cis-straight-male MRAs are and therefore date, marry, sleep with, etc. more cis-straight-females than MRAs do, OR he must abandon logic. Can you guess which one I suspect he’ll do if pressed? :)))))))))))))
*Note: I don’t actually consider the amount of sexual conquests a person has (male or female having sex with male or female, cis or trans, etc. etc.) as a gauge of their value or “total radical awesome bro-hamliness, but I am going with the hypothetical situation where we assume that the MRA/PUA/Scumbag Steve crowd do. Hope this didn’t trigger anybody. Please don’t ever allow little ol’ me to ruin your day/night/weekend. I’m just some dude happily married to the coolest gal on Earth, and my opinions are precisely that: opinions š <3
Well, I suppose the jig is up, ladies! Our vaginas have long been thought to control men everywhere, and now it’s been proven true!!!!
We have been found out, it’s all over for us now. Whatever will we do?
Also holy actual crap, a 1/2 cup of fluid!?!?!? As a male who has been peeing basically every day of his 33 year life, I can tell you that when there is fluid transiting my urethra, I *definitely* feel it. If a vagina attempted to pour 1/2 a cup of *anything* down my urethra, my immediate response would be, and I quote, “NO! NNNNO! That is a BAD vagina! You go to your room and think about what you’ve done! And no TV for a WEEK, young lady!” š š š š
@raysa
We shall fight on the beaches
We shall fight on the landing grounds
We shall fight in the fields and in the streets
We shall fight in the hills
Our Vaginas shall never surrender
We figured out the solution to that problem years ago.
http://prod-cdn.thekrazycouponlady.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/I-Cant-Believe-Its-Not-Butter-.jpg