Attention, class! Today we will be discussing some important new discoveries in the field of vagina science, as reported by the Youtuber and Man Going His Own Way known as Sandman.
In a new video, Sandman alerts his readers to a terrible danger: How women can use their vagina powers to turn men into “walking talking zombie[s].” As he explains:
Inside every single woman are hormones called copulins that are used to drug a man and control his mind. This isn’t a conspiracy theory. And when I first heard about this it reminded me of the original film invasion of the body snatchers where aliens come down and take humans and turn us into pod people. When I first heard about how copulin hormones I felt the same fear.
So what do these evil copulins do? Well, according to a post Sandman found on the important, peer-reviewed scientific blog called “WOMEN NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION,”
The vagina produces a thick fluid known as copulin that has actual mind control effects on a male’s brain. If a man is exposed to a woman’s copulins, over time she will be able to number one: change, remove, or insert memories in a man’s mind. Number two: Tell the male what he sees, hears, feels, smells, tastes. Number three: Insert subconscious thoughts that will surface as “his own ideas” or behavior later. and finally number four Plant trigger words or actions that can cause thoughts, actions, or sensations in the male at later dates (days, weeks, even months).
Now, I’m no scientist but that all seems totally legit.
The most effective way women can get control of men, Sandman explains, is to literally squirt copulins into his penis.
Apparently the female genitals squirt fluid into the male member and that’s how you get STDs. But that’s also how the copulins get inside of you as a man and how the female version of the Jedi mind trick works.
One way men can try to protect themselves from this diabolical zombifying vagina goo is to wear a condom — which, as Sandman explains, should keep the copulins from “enter[ing] your penis and start[ing] to influence you fully.”
But, Sandman warns, condoms can’t protect you from the butter-scented cloud of copulins that women release into the air around them. And yes, Sandman does specify that it smells like butter.
[S]imply by being around women they are releasing these hormones into the air. Apparently they smell like butter which is the smell I notice when I’m in any place where I notice girls walking around in their mid to late teenage years. I’m guessing those are the years when they they release the most of these hormones when they are approaching peak fertility.
And this vagina-zombie-butter-lady-gas is, Sandman suggests, the reason that some men actually seem to like and respect women. Well, he doesn’t quite phrase it that way:
I believe that it’s quite likely that most white knights and manginas have sniffed and been exposed to so many copulin hormones that they can’t control the way they behave. They could be under a form of feminine mind control and completely unaware of it.
Even Sandman sometimes finds himself falling under the spell of the voodoo vagina goo.
I would look into this more but I suddenly feel a strange urge to go assist some random woman with her packages.
EDIT: For more on the totally legit science of zombifying vagina goo, see my followup post: Zombifying Vagina Goo Part Two: All Your Questions Answered!
Wait, wait, wait. I thought whiteknights and their ilk were hanging around hoping to get laid. Are these hormones addictive? If so, how are PUAs evidently immune? Wouldn’t this theory seem to imply that folks like our David Futrelle here are mega-studs? Meanwhile, I thought betas were generally pathetic virgins, so how did they get exposed to sufficient amounts of buttery goo to get hypnotized/hooked in the first place?
So many questions.
I believe I’ve heard of real ones being produced by insects, but a search reveals a deal of pseudoscientific woo signifying nothing.
His blog, wow.
He provides a lot of intriguing male shaming options obviously, but these are my favorites:
“Wow! You guys need to get a grip!”
“Stop generalizing!”
“You are insensitive to the plight of women.”
“You want to roll back the rights of women!!”
[Note: Two exclamation points double the overall shame.]
“Do you love your mother?”
“You are mean-spirited.”
@eyesopen
You’re thinking small. I’m going to collect and store my copulin, until I have gallons of it. Then I’m going to volunteer at my uni’s cafeteria, and slip a bit of it into every meal. With my army of man-slaves, I’ll force every institution to have a cafeteria (which the people who benefit from will be forced to eat from), and I’ll obviously control the food that is served – thus I’ll be able to expand my army and… world domination complete!
“Ever think it’s weird that girls smell like butter?” Said no-one ever. Until now.
oh my cheeze, I just listened to it, its that banal, smug, mid Atlantic MOR vapid and contrived US accent, that says to my English ear “you an American fuckwit who knows fuck all”
if you want an idea of my accent listen to Arthur Mulkard interview Prof AHAyer on YouTube
https://youtu.be/YGRQxB1CnEM
thats a real way to talk, a real Londoner, a Londoners, Londoner
if there is one thing I unequivocally detest in this world it is pseudo-science and the promotion thereof, all the more so because of its common association with bigotry
@leftwingfox L O FUCKING L at the first thing I saw at that site: “the worlds largest pheromone community” Do they mean ant colonies? Are they ants?
I like how “biological determinists” always just brush aside that little human consciousness problem. You know, that thing going on in (some) of our brains that allows us to self-evaluate our perceptions, and which no other species appears to quite be capable of?
@Tabby Lavalamp
Excellent question! More fake science awaits you.
And quick peek at how copulins shaped human history in a sexy way.
OK, I kind of love this. This guy is all in.
@megpie71
Are they even having sex?
Ok, couldn’t resist, sorry 😉 But I agree – looking on the bright side, at least this guys is telling others to wear condoms.
@brooked
He’s for real?!
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/430/877/271.gif
And you gotta love how he thinks telling people (or maybe jsut him) not to generalize is an attempt to shame him. I can see how he can twist the other points to support his narrative, but saying that “this argument is not valid, and here is why” is an attempt to shame someone… wow, just wow.
::Rushes to Gamerghazi::
@RosaDeLava
I like your thinking – Stepford husbands
@wordsp1nner A friend of mine calls them napogens. Totally a real thing. Generated when a cat absorbs sunlight.
What is it with these guys and their need to turn every interaction into a debate? Not that couples can’t debate issues sometimes, but they do know that’s not the main purpose of a romantic relationship, right?
Wait, my vagina mucus grants me the ability to literally control people’s minds? Why is it that dude’s sperm is the stuff that’s considered LIQUID FUCKING GOLD, then?
@C.S.Strowbridge and @davidknewton
Stop that.
We don’t use that kind of language here because it is flat out incorrect. Mental illnesses do not cause people to become incredibly misogynistic asshats who are unable to comprehend that the world does not revolve around them. They don’t need mental health treatment, they need to be shown how scummy and pathetic they are.
I that was solely a super-secret Kunoichi jitsu!
http://io9.com/5642030/q-whats-the-worst-ninja-magic-ever-a-the-evil-vagina-bubble-from-hell-nsfw
It was in a ninja movie so it has to be true!!
@eyesopen
Thanks! I’m really nice, so I’ll totally share my army with my fellow women (womyn? xD) so they can have their harems as well!
I’m going to leave this here, words from a Real Fucking Scientist(tm) that have served me well in life, and I hope they might for others as well:
@brooked
The best bit of the whole thing. I, too, experience the same fear when I consider both of these made up not real things.
@all
What. WHAT.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzt9rtupsq1r5jtugo1_400.png
http://new2.fjcdn.com/comments/You+guys+keep+calling+it+quot+ice+realm+quot+it+was++_df0977faf91a1c0a01e90f75e233bef8.jpg
Saying this guy must be a kid is ableist/ageist and apologies to people who are on drugs/drink but is this guy on or drank something? Did he take the red pill along with acid? If men and boys can’t control themselves because of our power shouldn’t we be in charge? Shouldn’t we train guys to control themselves? My brain hurts.
Okay, so, the first like 7 hits on Copulins on my browser are just this dude’s nutty paranoia
Then this website http://pherolibrary.com/copulins/426 has this:
Human pheromones – Copulins
Copulins are an exclusively female group of pheromones. There are secreted into the vagina at the optimum ratios during ovulation with the aim of encouraging men to desire to copulate. This group of pheromones primarily consists of fatty acids that would serve little to no function on there own, but in combination they have been shown to increase testosterone levels in men by 150% (Astrid Jutte study). This increase in testosterone may cause feelings of arousal in men if a woman is present. It is said that once a man smells Copulins on a woman she is deemed to be more attractive.
Which seems sorta okay….I guess
OOh! This is from the Woman Need Constant Supervision website. It’s AMMMMM-AAAAZZZING.
“Through the process of coupling a female and male will lay relatively still without having sex with the penis inside of the vagina. The process may take up to 15 minutes and works faster and more efficiently when the female is on top of the male. During this period the vagina injects up to 1/2 cup (100 ml) of the copulin fluid into the urethral opening at the tip of the penis, which is chemically attracted to semen, and will follow the semen down the shaft directly into the testicles. After 15 minutes of coupling the copulins will have entered the blood stream and traveled from his testicles up into the hypothalamus (a section of the brain that controls hormones) causing the male to become completely influenced by the needs and suggestions of the female.”
There’s SO MUCH biologically wrong here it’s THE BEST
I know there’s so much else that’s wrong here, but…half a cup?
Some sort of username
“@C.S.Strowbridge and @davidknewton
Stop that.
We don’t use that kind of language here because it is flat out incorrect. Mental illnesses do not cause people to become incredibly misogynistic asshats who are unable to comprehend that the world does not revolve around them. They don’t need mental health treatment, they need to be shown how scummy and pathetic they are.”
Seconding Some sort of username. There are a lot of mentally ill people including me who don’t think like this so don’t throw us under the bus. And I would like it if we all don’t call people like these children, babies, teens because they are not fully developed (some mentally ill people are similar to babies, teens, children) plus it totally excuses their behavior (boys will be boys, etc), it degrades their discrimination/bigotry/etc making it out to be nothing and shouldn’t be taken seriously and age has absolutely nothing to do with people’s behavior anyone young or old can be stupid and/or evil. It’s extremely ableist and ageist. Just freaking stop it already.
@ChildOfMedia
As I suspected, he’s mistaking pheromones for hormones. This might be nitpicking on my part, but it really bothered me – it shows this guy shouldn’t speak about biology.
Now, how someone goes from “pheromones that cause men to feel more aroused” to “BRAAAAAAIN-WAAAAAASHIIIIIIING!!1!!eleven!”, I have no idea.