Mia Matsumiya, an L.A. musician, is also a human female on the internet, and in the latter capacity has been getting — and saving — creepy messages from creepy dudes for a decade, more than a thousand in total.
Now she’s posting them on Instagram, supplemented by some of the especially creepy ones her friends have gotten as well. Along with a wide assortment of extremely weird sexual come-ons, she’s gotten racist abuse, death threats, and, she told DAZED magazine, “pages and pages of fantasy stories about coming to my concerts and then raping me in the bathroom” from a lovely fellow who “ended up getting arrested for stalking another Asian woman.”
Here are a few of the more charming ones I found on her Instagram, though for the full effect you should probably just go there. (CONTENT WARNING: Graphic and horrifying language, rape threats, you name it.)
As Matsumiya notes, she’s “never seen a well-intentioned question that contains the phrase ‘virgin flesh.'”
But hey, it gets worse!
Wat.
Some people spend Sunday morning eating a late breakfast and doing the New York Times crossword. Pradeep here sends bitter, hostile messages to women he doesn’t know.
Brace yourself for this next one.
Are there really a lot of child RAPPERS in Japan?
You may feel the need to take a shower after this next one.
PRO TIP to all the men of the world: Never refer to yourself as “Papsy.” Ever.
This next one is perhaps the weirdest backhanded compliment ever conceived.
And speaking of weird, here’s one that some creeper sent a redheaded friend of hers.
Uh, dude, has this, er, approach ever worked in the history of ever?
Hello.
Well, i do not know for white supremacists, but ultra-nationalists of many countries often pat their foreigner counterparts in the back.
For example, in this old article, it is said that various european far-right movement leaders pay a visit to japanese far-right movement leaders in Japan. They understand themselves, among sharks.
Hmm, too bad that instagram and tumblr are forbidden at my job place, i can not see the pictures and the comments on the linked sites. But indeed, as far as i can see with the examples provided by the article, that is terrifying. And when you think that there still are men who think that women are craving for “attention”… Who can humanly want this kind of “attention”, come on ?
Have a nice day.
My real name (that is, the name that EJ is an abbreviation for) is an archaic name in a non-English language. As such, I am incredibly sensitive to people nicknaming me using English-language nicknaming conventions because it comes out sounding weird. If you use Afrikaans-language nicknaming conventions then that’s fine, but that’s quite a niche thing to ask.
This is why I try not to nickname people, because sauce for goose and sauce for gander are indistinguishable.
@EJ
I’ve been thinking it’s “Elton John” :p
Great. Good for you, I’m genuinely glad that works for you. I’m not saying that you should stop doing that, especially not when it works for you.
What I am saying is that YOUR particular method isn’t a viable option for everyone. Your experiences aren’t the same as everyone else’s. It’s not a one-size-fits all solution; if it was, we would have solved harassment a long time ago. And acting like it’s the responsibility of the people being harassed to stop the harassment is INCREDIBLY unhelpful.
Especially when there’s very real danger involved. VOoT mentions doing this in a workplace, but I work in a male-dominant field and being direct in this manner could at the very least get me pegged as a troublemaker trying to play the gender card.
I must getting a little too old to be Papsied, as when I was on OKC a few years ago, all I got most of the time were Trans-Phillipinas. Although they were friendly and non-agressive, it is time consuming to message them all back and politely state that you are not interested.
Yup.
The obvious answer to “Why are you single?” is “Because I’m not married, duh!” Shockingly, not all single women are leftovers! And if you find one who is lovely in every way, don’t ask her why she’s single — count yourself lucky you met her, even if she ultimately decides you’re not for her!
(This is obviously addressed to stupid guys like “Beastingwhatsisface”, who DID throw in a generic come-on, even though he claimed to be trying so hard not to. Try harder, tryhard.)
As for why people are selling things on Craigslist — well, why not? It’s a cheap way to unload something that you’d rather not have to pack up when you move. What more does anyone need to know?
In commercial transactions, as opposed to relationships of course, it’s always a good idea to as why someone is selling.
Whilst there’s no obligation on sellers to volunteer information about faults etc they cannot mislead a purchaser if asked.
So if a someone is getting rid of a car because they know the cambelt is about to go and you ask them why they’re selling they can either refuse to answer (which might set off Alarm bells), tell the truth (which again might influence your decision, or at least the price) or lie
If they choose the latter and you can then show they knew about the fault you have certain legal recourses.
@Catalpa “Also, It ain’t my fucking job to figure out how to say “no” to the guy in a way that massages his ego just right and makes him go “oh so she really does mean NO”. Guys will whine about how a girl (always a girl) wasn’t upfront about saying no. Guys will whine about girls who are too blunt in saying no. (Asshole) guys will whine about anything that isn’t a goddamn ‘yes’, because yes is what they want to hear.”
^^^THIS SO MUCH THIS!!!!!
I used to get a LOT of those comments, Catalpa, before I met Dr. Alpine. “Well I’m sure he’s just awkward socially…why dont you go out with him if he wants to? It’s just a date!”
…because i’m not attracted to him, and feel no need to use myself to reward men for basic decency or a veneer thereof?
Dr. Alpine asked me out by praising my knot tying skills at a training session for rescue…and asked if I’d like to come rock climbing…obviously he’s a keeper :-p
Re: “why are you single?”
Whenever someone’s asked me this its always been an older man (you can see where this is going) who is trying to flirt with me (told you). Ick. So I hold bad connotations with that phrase. I don’t mind being asked “why have you ALWAYS been single?” because it usually comes with a surprised look when I say I’ve never had a boyfriend, or even a fling, and I guess it helps me feel that there isn’t something wrong with me that’s putting men off.
Oh God I sound like an incel. Least I’m not planning to mass murder a bunch of guys out of my own bitter entitlement. Incels are the fucking worst.
See, that’s something I wish I could get through to more guys:
Do NOT go out to meet women! Do NOT just ask a woman out on a date!
Go DO SHIT. Things you enjoy! Things that are fun and interesting! If you meet a woman there talk to her! If you meet a woman elsewhere ask if she wants to come along!
In other words, be an interesting person who does things, and there will eventually be a woman you find attractive who wants to do those things with you.
Like, seriously, guys need it to be this big complicated thing, with all these rules and guidelines, because otherwise they might have to face the reality that the only reason they can’t get a date is because they’re boring.
You’re not an incel because you haven’t decided to join a club predicated on hating the gender to which you’re attracted. Instead, you’re self-aware, which is basically the first step in getting what you want. Regardless, there’s nothing wrong with not dating or having a fling or whatever. I’m saying this as a gigantic slut: There’s nothing wrong with not having sex.
Shit, if you want to date or whatever it can be hard for a lot of people, especially if you have a lot of barriers like a shitty location or whatever. There’s nothing wrong with you, no matter what the old creepers say.
Alpine: Truth. I’m a guy and I’ve experienced this with other guys to a point where self defense (e.g. running the fuck away) was necessary. I’ve also experienced at least two women acting AFRAID when they’ve told me they weren’t feeling it after a couple of dates, as if it was some grave insult to a man to just not be into him. Both were dumbfounded when I said it was ok, whatever. Like it’s ok to reject someone. You don’t even need to qualify it. You shouldn’t expect a fucking tantrum.
ftge
Sunnysombrera,
I think an even better version of that question, which I have been known to use, is “why do you want to stop being single?” / “why don’t you want to be single now?” Like, understanding what someone is looking for and how they see their life shaping up is valuable. Their history, less so.
Fuuuuucking hell. Earlier today, a school in Trollhättan, Sweden (40 minutes from where I live), was attacked by a 21 year old man carrying some kind of sword. He killed a teacher and an 11 year old boy, and injured a few more kids and I think one more adult. He was shot by the police and later died in the hospital. Not sure if this has been mentioned or noticed by anyone here yet.
Now I’m reading the updates to the story. Turns out the guy seems to have been an online Nazi sympathizer, and the school he targeted was overwhelmingly attended by immigrants and children of color. SIGH
@Binjabreel
^^YES
100% of the truth
@dhag85:
I’ve been following the story. I didn’t know you were Swedish; my fellow-feeling goes out to you and all your fellow Swedes. Thank goodness the death toll was only in the melee-weapon level.
I’m sorry to hear that the attacker died; not just because I abhor all violent death, but also because it prevents him from standing trial.
I would be really interested in hearing what the Swedish domestic response is to this. Could you please keep us posted?
@EJ
I will do my best. I know the King has made a public statement and the Prime Minister visited the city/school in the afternoon. I’ll check for more updates in the morning, I suppose. Terrible situation. :/
dhag, that’s awful.
I don’t have words for how awful.
I’m so sorry.
But women have no interests!
/s
Two of my very closest friends started out as dates who didn’t work out. We were honest very early on about how romantic sparks weren’t flying, decided we liked each other enough to keep in touch, and it’s been great ever since. I didn’t even see it as a “rejection” – I think (in both cases) we both knew that we felt the same way before we said anything.
@dhag85
That’s awful! I saw the headlines but haven’t yet read the news. I didn’t know you lived so close. ;__; I hope everyone dear to you is fine? This is just… why do people – how can anyone just kill indiscriminately?
I’m dreadfully sorry that this sounds so callous, but I would like to see how the media handles this and compare it to the simultaneous coverage in my country. Are there any relatively objective Swedish newspapers you would recommend? Or any local papers (as opposed to national) in the area? Language is not an issue.
@Verily Baroque
I don’t have any family or friends in Trollhättan, so I’m not personally affected.
As for news sources, I won’t claim our papers are unbiased, but they’re not like Fox News. Any of the nationwide papers I’m sure will have basically factually correct coverage. For example:
aftonbladet.se
dn.se
expressen.se
svd.se
Local Gothenburg paper: gp.se
Local Trollhättan paper: ttela.se
Swedish news in English: thelocal.se
Full name and picture of the “suspect” are already out there.
@dhag85
I’m glad to hear everyone close to you is safe.
A warm thank you for the links. While you are right that very few (if any) newspapers are truly unbiased, it’s challenging to get a realistic perspective of the credibility of various newspapers from over here, so I really appreciate your help.