Mia Matsumiya, an L.A. musician, is also a human female on the internet, and in the latter capacity has been getting — and saving — creepy messages from creepy dudes for a decade, more than a thousand in total.
Now she’s posting them on Instagram, supplemented by some of the especially creepy ones her friends have gotten as well. Along with a wide assortment of extremely weird sexual come-ons, she’s gotten racist abuse, death threats, and, she told DAZED magazine, “pages and pages of fantasy stories about coming to my concerts and then raping me in the bathroom” from a lovely fellow who “ended up getting arrested for stalking another Asian woman.”
Here are a few of the more charming ones I found on her Instagram, though for the full effect you should probably just go there. (CONTENT WARNING: Graphic and horrifying language, rape threats, you name it.)
As Matsumiya notes, she’s “never seen a well-intentioned question that contains the phrase ‘virgin flesh.'”
But hey, it gets worse!
Wat.
Some people spend Sunday morning eating a late breakfast and doing the New York Times crossword. Pradeep here sends bitter, hostile messages to women he doesn’t know.
Brace yourself for this next one.
Are there really a lot of child RAPPERS in Japan?
You may feel the need to take a shower after this next one.
PRO TIP to all the men of the world: Never refer to yourself as “Papsy.” Ever.
This next one is perhaps the weirdest backhanded compliment ever conceived.
And speaking of weird, here’s one that some creeper sent a redheaded friend of hers.
Uh, dude, has this, er, approach ever worked in the history of ever?
I didn’t really catch on that he was following us until I thought about it later, and fortunately for him security got there first.
yeeeesss, but, it would be nice if my half brothers, in particular my youngest half brother could stop doing this to multiple women, I think he misinterprets being a pest with “assertive” behaviour and any response other than bugger off is seen as positive.
interestingly, on some other sites where I;ve been hyper critical of the behaviours above, I’ve had my gender mistaken. Funnily, I had an angry entitled text yesterday from Jack, because I have a gender neutral firstname saying
“Hi J…. still nothing I guess you like seeing me suffer.”
Perhaps this piss poor behaviour is now so endemic, its the only way some men know how to communicate.
Now this isn’t intended to be a “me to”-ism, rather an illustration of my point about it being endemic behaviour.
He might very well have been a well-meaning but culturally unsavvy guy. But he gave off creep vibes to me, especially the parts where he said he called me, and that he sensed I was reluctant but decided “fuck it I want to get to know her so to hell with her comfort level!”. So, no. I trust my gut on things like this.
Also, It ain’t my fucking job to figure out how to say “no” to the guy in a way that massages his ego just right and makes him go “oh so she really does mean NO”. Guys will whine about how a girl (always a girl) wasn’t upfront about saying no. Guys will whine about girls who are too blunt in saying no. (Asshole) guys will whine about anything that isn’t a goddamn ‘yes’, because yes is what they want to hear. Humans are completely capable of hearing unsaid/soft ‘”no”s when it comes to non-sexual situations. https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/
We NEED to be firm? No. We don’t need to do anything. They’re responsible for their own damn behavior and it’s THEIR responsibility to shape up, not mine.
Also, dude was old enough to be my dad. Just in case you really need me to have a reason to reject this guy beyond “he makes me feel creeped out”.
VoaT, I really don’t think his being an immigrant is relevant. It’s a pretty common behavior pattern for US-born Americans, and I’m guessing for mainstream Canadians as well.
‘We need to be firm and straightforward, whether we are attracted or not, interested or not, and let them know very clearly.’
I wish I were actually able to do that, but I’ve found it to be very risky behaviour. I’ve learned that responding to an approach by being firm and straightforward about not being interested/not finding someone attractive will lead to at minimum verbal harrassment and more likely threats of or actual physical violence.
A good step in stopping these kinds of harassers would be maintaining a culture where the dude isn’t given excuses for his inappropriate behavior, and women aren’t constantly told “oh you just should have done this and then you never would have brought that unpleasant experience upon yourself in the first place =D Just being helpful!”
Also, Virtually, please don’t keyboard diagnose. “Asshole” is not a mental illness.
I think I just vomited some in my mouth.
Ugh! But hey, it’s on topic, so could someone PLEASE make “I need red knees” make sense? This was a message that included asking it a bow like a good whore, so yes, it was definitely sexual.
My “favorite” creep? The kind who literally just saw my pic and messaged asking me to meet them for a quickie, scroll down fuckers, somewhere between the pic and the “looking for” that does not include “casual sex”, you’ll see that I gave a nice long list of “you should go fuck yourself if”‘s (unsurprisingly, I’ve also gotten messages about nobody likes a lady that swears [again, did you make it past the pic? Cuz nobody calls me a lady!])
/rant
Kitty porn:
?w=840
@bina
“Why are you single?”
Ew. That reminds me of responses to ads I’ve posted on Craigslist where someone asks, “why are you selling it?”
More women = things and dating = sales
Okay, I don’t think I should have read this so late at night. All those messages are either really disturbing or really confusing. Mostly both at once.
Argenti,
one would get red (raw, scraped) knees by kneeling for a prolonged period of time, I should think. Particularly if one were being pushed down, dragged about, or otherwise mishandled.
Just trying to help!
Autosoma asked, “does anyone know, how it can be got across that these behaviours are unacceptable and should be changed”… so I gave my 2 cents.
“He might have might very well have been a well-meaning but culturally unsavvy guy. But he gave off creep vibes to me…So, no. I trust my gut on things like this.”
– Fair enough. You were there, I wasn’t. Always trust your gut.
“Also, It ain’t my fucking job to figure out how to say “no” to the guy in a way that massages his ego”
– Never said it was. In fact, just the opposite. I said I enjoyed smashing the ego of these creepy guys. My point was, going by what you wrote here originally, and only that, I thought he may not have been that creepy but just a culturally unaware immigrant. I’ve had experience with creepy Indian dudes and also with great Indian dudes, and they acted similar, both culturally unaware, but the intentions were miles apart.
“We NEED to be firm? No. We don’t need to do anything. They’re responsible for their own damn behavior and it’s THEIR responsibility to shape up, not mine.”
– Well I’ve had to be firm at work. And I enjoyed the reaction I got out of these creeps when I was. Total ego smash and they crawled away with tail between legs.
“Also, dude was old enough to be my dad.”
– Depending on the country, he may be under the impression that his way was the right way of going about a relationship attempt “in the west”. Sometimes they watch movies and take them literally, even porn.
”Just in case you really need me to have a reason to reject this guy beyond “he makes me feel creeped out”.
– No you don’t need any reason other than you don’t want him. And I would have made that clear to him verbally. But that’s just my approach.
“VoaT, I really don’t think his being an immigrant is relevant. It’s a pretty common behavior pattern for US-born Americans, and I’m guessing for mainstream Canadians as well.”
– Yeah. I’ve had immigrant experiences go both ways (bad and good) but if I wouldn’t have given the good guys a chance to explain themselves I would’ve written them off as creeps and missed out on some great dating experiences. Sometimes they really are clueless, especially when they come from countries where there is no dating culture.
‘We need to be firm and straightforward, whether we are attracted or not, interested or not, and let them know very clearly.’
“I wish I were actually able to do that, but I’ve found it to be very risky behaviour. I’ve learned that responding to an approach by being firm and straightforward about not being interested/not finding someone attractive will lead to at minimum verbal harrassment and more likely threats of or actual physical violence.”
– I know. It took me a few years before I was able to do it. Now I walk around in an arrogant manner at work which I think intimidates the old married creeps there. I only put on my soft sweet smiley face to the young hot dudes.
“A good step in stopping these kinds of harassers would be maintaining a culture where the dude isn’t given excuses for his inappropriate behavior”
– Exactly. And that means dealing with it as its happening. Telling them clearly, “NO this is not appropriate and I am not interested. Shove off!”
“and women aren’t constantly told “oh you just should have done this and then you never would have brought that unpleasant experience upon yourself in the first place =D Just being helpful!”
– The unpleasant experiences may come. The point is how to react? These dudes are used to women NOT reacting but just remaining silent and then blogging about it which those guys don’t read. I say, react in the moment and react HARD.
The point of my post was that the behavior needs to be CULTURALLY condemned. As in, widely. You know, by bystanders and friends and people not being immediately harassed by assholes. By everyone.
Not that the victims of harassment are the ones on whom the onus is placed to get these assholes to stop.
ESPECIALLY not when, you know, women have been assaulted and murdered for saying ‘no’ firmly.
Orion — aahhh, rug burn, rope burn’s close cousin. Idk about the front of my knees, but the backs are immune to most things short of landing hard on the trapeze!
Thank you!
While on the subject of ‘papsies’ and their behaviour, what do people think about pet names for friends or acquaintances – joke names that could be considered infantilizing – always creepy?
^naw, pet names aren’t automatically creepy. It depends on the people involved. If you know each other and your boundaries, and that everyone else comfortable with the situation, it’s fine.
If it’s some random person who you don’t know at all, it’s a pretty safe bet that pet names are a bad idea. Of course, it depends on the context. I’ll sometimes call an internet stranger “darling” or something like that, but that’s usually when I get a nice question or comment on my blog and I want to convey that I feel warmly about the person who complimented me. But that’s in response to people contacting me first. And I would stop if asked to do so.
I’d say it depends on how close you are, how they feel about it, where you are, etc. If I called my brother the nickname 5 year old me had for him in public, he’d be livid, at home he just groans, calling me Argenti in person is a thing that happens, calling me particular derivatives of my legal name can range from “fuck, shorten it” to “fuck off”
So yeah, context matters, if they like the name, but it’s really “baby talk”, don’t do it in public? In private, call people whatever the fuck works!
Catalpa | October 22, 2015 at 12:05 am
A good step in stopping these kinds of harassers would be maintaining a culture where the dude isn’t given excuses for his inappropriate behavior
Exactly. And that means dealing with it as its happening. Telling them clearly, “NO this is not appropriate and I am not interested. Shove off!”
The point of my post was that the behavior needs to be CULTURALLY condemned. As in, widely. You know, by bystanders and friends and people not being immediately harassed by assholes. By everyone.
Not that the victims of harassment are the ones on whom the onus is placed to get these assholes to stop.
ESPECIALLY not when, you know, women have been assaulted and murdered for saying ‘no’ firmly.
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Well I’ll be damned if I let some old creeper at work get away with flirting with me without giving a snotty retort to cut him down.
Hate to sound ageist (but I am! in this regard at least). Now, if an old man politely says I look “purdy”, I’ll politely accept the compliment. Old men also call people “honey”, and I’m not bothered it. Its grandfatherly. But sometimes they say inappropriate things and I’ll be damned if I pass on a comeback just because a bystander isn’t around or is and doesn’t say something.
More power to this woman, more power.
Re: creepy friend nicknames
Coming from Australia as I do, a place where it’s considered a term of endearment (by some) to call your best friend a “dumb cunt”, I don’t actually feel qualified to make ANY judgement on this subject AT ALL.
Thank you so much! I visited the website and I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. She’s a very intelligent (and thick skinned) woman.
Is there any context behind Papsy? Like did he contact her before, or did he legit try to approach her using telemarketer/random sex site tactics with the whole “As your friend” opening gambit?