Mia Matsumiya, an L.A. musician, is also a human female on the internet, and in the latter capacity has been getting — and saving — creepy messages from creepy dudes for a decade, more than a thousand in total.
Now she’s posting them on Instagram, supplemented by some of the especially creepy ones her friends have gotten as well. Along with a wide assortment of extremely weird sexual come-ons, she’s gotten racist abuse, death threats, and, she told DAZED magazine, “pages and pages of fantasy stories about coming to my concerts and then raping me in the bathroom” from a lovely fellow who “ended up getting arrested for stalking another Asian woman.”
Here are a few of the more charming ones I found on her Instagram, though for the full effect you should probably just go there. (CONTENT WARNING: Graphic and horrifying language, rape threats, you name it.)
As Matsumiya notes, she’s “never seen a well-intentioned question that contains the phrase ‘virgin flesh.'”
But hey, it gets worse!
Wat.
Some people spend Sunday morning eating a late breakfast and doing the New York Times crossword. Pradeep here sends bitter, hostile messages to women he doesn’t know.
Brace yourself for this next one.
Are there really a lot of child RAPPERS in Japan?
You may feel the need to take a shower after this next one.
PRO TIP to all the men of the world: Never refer to yourself as “Papsy.” Ever.
This next one is perhaps the weirdest backhanded compliment ever conceived.
And speaking of weird, here’s one that some creeper sent a redheaded friend of hers.
Uh, dude, has this, er, approach ever worked in the history of ever?
I can see how the Papsy message doesn’t set off the alarm bells for people who haven’t encountered the type irl before.
The message seems a little off, but not aggressively so, unless you have lived through these guys being the ones to slip up behind you with shoulder rubs, or hands on legs, or “friendly” kisses, or hugs that last too long, or, or, or…
In my experience the Papsy types make sure that other men don’t have to recognize the pattern by doing things through messages, or in person but out of sight of other guys, or in such a way that the woman doesn’t have a chance to react without destroying the social contract on some small matter (that would often seem like a “trivial” over-reaction to the one incident occurring at the time, but no reaction at the time can read as “everything’s fine, I mean she’s not objecting right?”).
So ya, that guy twigs my social predator buttons, because he’s a part of a long pattern of creepy guys I’ve encountered who try hard to keep within the limits of plausible deniability “what, I just wanted to be her friend, nothing creepy! wouldn’t you want to be her friend!?”
When are we gonna shut down the internet?
If you guys would like to laugh (if only to keep from crying) at more creepy shit like this, boy do I have some tumblrs for you (And, obviously, trigger warnings apply for gross male entitlement and rapey behavior):
hell-is-okcupid
trollokcupid
guysmessagingonokcupid
doms-of-okcupid
shit-collarme-says
toodomforyou
nokay-stupid.tumblr.com
There’s literally hundreds, if not thousands of blogs dedicated to this kind of shit. So, pardon me if I’m a bit desensitized to it.
Also, because this is always relevant when this comes up: okcthrowaway22221.
Ugh. it’s the people who seem “not too bad” who turn into raging asshats when a woman who has spoken to them in a polite context informs them that they are not going to be awarded sex/relationship/physical contact of some kind…no dude, just because you can manage to not set off ALL the red flags in a 5 minute neutral-subject conversation does NOT entitle you to sex…that’s just basic freaking human decency! NO POINTS NEED TO BE AWARDED!
That’s like being shocked that a restaurant doesn’t give you free desert for NOT throwing your food across the dining room :-p
@catmara
I’d pay to see this in action.
The papsy one actually gives me more red flags for someone who might try something violent than any of the more overtly aggressive messages do. He just seems like he’s deluded himself into thinking there’s an actual relationship. That type can get violent when they eventually turn on their object of fixation after discovering she doesn’t fit into the box he’s decided she should.
Ninja’d by Alpine!
The Papsy message is something that would be acceptable for a 8-12 year old whose a little to obsessed with a X musician but will grow out of it, to write. But no that shits just fucking creepy.
The fetishization and stereotyping of Asian women for being “submissive” on the internet is incredibly creepy. I used to hang around alot of anime forums were this type of shit abounded especially when it came to musicians.
The thing that weirds me out a little bit about the Papsy is it almost reminds me of some of the “Jesus loves you!!!!” posts I had seen/received in the past. It is definitely overall creepy, especially the whole ‘now you owe back just as much adoration/fixation/obsession as you are receiving’ implication.
I sent you this link on Facebook, looks like I did it a couple hours too late. :p
Completely unrelated, just don´t want you to miss out.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/01/01/245E422D00000578-2893737-image-a-22_1420154618736.jpg
@catmara
I worked with a bunch of Thai women at a restaurant this summer. My s.o. is Thai. There aren’t enough laughs in the world to adequately deride the notion that they’re “submissive.” Seriously, my boss is on the top of my list of people never to piss off.
My s.o. gets a ton of weird, unwanted attention from creepy white dudes in ways that seem different (more condescending? she once was a little drunk and talking to me on the phone while outside a casino at 2 am and had some guy that wasn’t even going to the casino pull up and ask her to get in the car; stuff like this happens a lot) than white women I’ve known getting hit on.
yeah weirwood, it’s seriously creepy…I get messages like that from time to time because I help out in a few reenactment groups. Gives some very sketchy characters this idea that because I spent 5 minutes assisting them on a point of historical accuracy, that now they have the right to expect me to live out their geek girl fantasies. I’m ashamed to say that when they get REALLY obnoxious I usually let the ManFriend handle it…they listen to HIM, cause, yanno, MANLY MANLY MAN :-p I know…i’ve failed Katie, and will be reported to the Secret Feminist Reeducation Camps
I’m a thin young bisexual man on the internet, so I’ve been messaged by enough older men to recognize “papsy”‘s game. In fairness, I also get weird over-friendly messages from old women who live far away from me, in comparable numbers. (smaller, but comparable). The women’s messages are different though. A lot less entitled, a lot more anxious. A lot less annoying.
I somehow managed to be both Asian and redheaded. (Well, half Asian and other half is white and genetics are weird.) I am not looking forward to trying out online dating with all the crap I see redheads and Asian women receive. It’s one reason I’m content remaining single for now
“pervert jerking kitty porn web search”? Anyone got any idea what that means?
Back in the 1980s in San Francisco, a friend of mine (young, conventionally attractive, lived a sketchy life*) dropped out of sight for a week or so. When I caught up with him, he explained that he’d been at a bar, had a drink, and the next thing he knew he was waking up in Long Beach next to a papsy.
He never explained how he got back to SF, but his life had taught him great resourcefulness.
*Not in a bad way. He had had a challenging adolescence, few marketable skills, and an upbeat personality.
I just chalked that up to sheer fucking racism stemming from the “all Japanese people watch weird porn” stereotype.
To quote Edmund Blackadder when the Prince of Wales was telling him he was going to be radished at the Hellfire club for non payment of debts and then started to explain just what being radished meant: “NO! NO!”
Dear sweet merciful sky creatures what a horror show – I’m feeling a sort of contact shame reading this – creepy doesn’t begin to describe this . . I just want to go take a shower and then retreat into something like The Wind in the Willows until I feel strong enough to come out.
@WWTH
Like “Boxing Helena”??
Re: All the Creepy Mc-Creepsters
It’s not as easy to spot the Ted Bundy’s, Green River Killers, or the guy who plans to wear our skin as part of his lady suit, from everyone else around. Nobody expects to go out on a date and never return home because a murderer has chopped us up with an axe.
And ringing the mother of any of these creeps to have a discussion about their son’s behavior is probably two decades late to actually do something about these issues.
Hi David Futrelle!
I am reader of your blog for quite a while now, and i really love it!
But in the last two articles i read on your page you used the word ‘idiot’. And tbh i can understand you using it, because it is a very strong word, and you certainly need strong words to describe the jerks you are writing about.
But it is also an ableist term, afaik. You seem pretty aware of SJ-stuff, which words to choose etc.
I also tried to search for alternatives, but didn’t find any “good” ones. So i feel somehow naggy writing you because i myself don’t have alternatives and i hope you are not too annoyed by this mail.
Anyway, keep on doing your awesome writing, i am always looking forward to the laughs and the ‘omg, how can they even… ‘ whenever i click on your links.
Greetings from Vienna, Austria
Matthias
P.S.: You don’t have to enable this comment in the comment section, i just thought it was the quickest way to contact you…
@Orion
(snorks coca-cola all over the keyboard)
Do papsys follow a similar script of “you’re so wonderful and special, I just want to take care of you and take you shopping, no ulterior motives like making you feel obligated to have sex because I spent a ton of money on you.” (Papsy doesn’t say out loud that if the lady doesn’t go along with it he’ll simply drug her)…with young men?
As for the women,,,
…Probably not many non-requested pictures of labia/vulva sent in those messages either.
You’re not over-reacting. These guys really do like ’em small…as in, easily subdued.
(Or so they think. Clearly, they’ve never met Lisbeth Salander.)
This is my standard for judging whether someone has just badly phrased something or if it’s a reflection of their prejudices/character. And, generally, if it’s not something they would ever expect a male person to put up with, and the individual actually typed it out and hit “send”, they harbour deep sexist assumptions(though they are not necessarily misogynist, just irritatingly confused).
This is completely off-topic for this thread, so apologies in advance, but it’s very much on-topic for a lot of others – and I suspect it will strike a chord.