On Saturday, esteemed Breitbart “journalist” and Gamergate panderer Milo Yiannopoulos took aim at the matriarchy in which we all apparently live by inventing a new fake holiday (and Twitter hashtag) he called #WorldPatriarchyDay.
In a labored, gratingly unfunny Breitbart post announcing the new fake holiday, he explained that
World Patriarchy Day is the day on which you should feel free to express your masculinity in the most odiously toxic manner imaginable.
He encouraged his male readers to (among other things):
- Cat-call at least five women.
- Leave the seat up.
- “This isn’t going to suck itself.”
- Commit #CyberViolence.
- Find a successful female scientist and explain basic algebra to her slowly and carefully.
And, for those men in his audience who’ve somehow convinced some poor woman to live with them, he suggested that they
leave a sandwich knife, a spread, and a loaf of bread in plain sight in the kitchen. Let her work the rest out.
He rehashed this last joke in a Tweet:
"Well, bitch? I'm waiting." #WorldPatriarchyDay pic.twitter.com/xnDJLiS2Tt
— Milo Yiannopoulos (@Nero) October 18, 2015
But the photo of his unmade sandwich left a number of Twitterers a bit puzzled. Why did his “sandwich knife” have a handle like a toothbrush? Was that really bread? Were the things at the bottom of the photo his feet? What the hell kind of sandwich was he making, anyway!?
One Twitterer did the best he could to label all Milo’s sandwich fixins.
https://twitter.com/theshrillest/status/655939206015946752
Soon others were posting their potential sandwich ingredients, awaiting only the arrival of a “bitch” to make them into actual sandwiches.
https://twitter.com/NyaKlondyke/status/655953981647245312
https://twitter.com/NoraReed/status/655964046785515520
@theshrillest I'm expecting the best sandwich I ever had pic.twitter.com/OwDjQWkv3A
— Jim Avery (@TheSoundDefense) October 19, 2015
@theshrillest pic.twitter.com/Khu7x2QXM0
— Dr. Janet D. Stemwedel, PhD 🏳️🌈 (@docfreeride) October 19, 2015
https://twitter.com/kara_woo/status/655957585980338176
@theshrillest pic.twitter.com/ljUtbtg0YV
— Furloaf (@ruppelsive) October 19, 2015
@theshrillest pic.twitter.com/oc8ZdJUvah
— cal50 (@cal50) October 19, 2015
@theshrillest pic.twitter.com/KaVRQxRByA
— haunted tweet (@zandywithaz) October 19, 2015
https://twitter.com/orbsonb/status/655957904772734976
https://twitter.com/khrismonegenege/status/655956290221375489
https://twitter.com/Voodoo_Ben/status/655955200121917440
@theshrillest pic.twitter.com/12fpCFH1aM
— Jonathan Blanks (@BlanksSlate) October 19, 2015
https://twitter.com/OhHeyMare/status/655954473366482944
https://twitter.com/MatthewTimmons/status/655953429135687681
@theshrillest well bitch, I'm waiting… pic.twitter.com/AZey44T3m5
— chuck 🏔 (@crowcialist) October 19, 2015
@theshrillest still waiting on that sandwich pic.twitter.com/PGZFf0h6pe
— Andy (@LotionDolphin) October 19, 2015
Joe Walsh, perhaps the most underappreciated sandwich fixin of all time.
Add your own! Extra points if your photo contains your feet.
I’ve posted a photo of my own potential sandwich above. I’ve been waiting about half an hour, but alas it remains unmade.
Also, apropos hamsters, this was popular here in Canadaland when I was a kid:
And who can forget this little hammy earworm?
@Bina I’ll have you know I have not one, but TWO hamsters.
Yeah, but if we did that, then we’d be the Most Horrible People on the Planet because how dare we make fun of men crying while they go and be “ironic” by harassing women and being bags of poo.
You and me both, but I’m a weenie when it comes to spicy food. I’d more likely just hock a massive loogie in theirs. Or mix some laxatives in the sauce.
http://i.imgur.com/m8IpFXi.png
Were they bitter?
As a gourmet cook, their calls for mere sandwiches always bemuses me. I wonder if any of them ever had even a small 3 course meal in their lives.
I can pretty conclusively say no.
If one thinks their lemon tastes bitter, they’re probably eating three limes in a lemon suit.
Is there a UK equivalent to Worst Cooks in America? Because someone needs to sign Milo up for it.
Snowberry,
You must have missed a recent post in which a manospherian, I can’t even remember which one was calling women bitter like lemons or something along those lines. It was a callback to previous mockery of misogyny.
Here it is. It was Roosh https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2015/09/23/roosh-v-women-must-have-their-behavior-and-decisions-controlled-by-men/comment-page-1/
I did see that. I was trying to make up for having missed an opportunity for a joke with another one, but apparently that failed.
Sorry! It comes down to tone being hard to discern on the internet, I guess.
First time commenter, skipping the comments so I can say: If I saw that setup on my counter (assuming it contained actual sandwich ingredients) I’d think ‘How nice! My partner set everything up so I could make Myself a sandwich!…. Maybe I should see if he wants one, too?’ I might even go ask him.
Also, this blog is great, and I love so many of the people who comment here! You have no idea how many times you’ve made me laugh, or spit out something i was trying to eat. As a reward, and because of the post (and if I can) have some pictures that relate to kittens and sandwiches! And hoping they work!
http://blog.baringvet.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/p1040540.jpg
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/508062401683115221/
http://cdn.inquisitr.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Bacon-Sandwich.png
And, as a bonus, a link to an article about literal cat burglars:
http://www.inquisitr.com/1544229/these-adorable-pictures-of-thieving-cats-will-help-you-finally-understand-the-term-cat-burglar/
Welcome, Ace!
Cute cat pics always appreciated. Maybe some day I’ll catch my Dracarys thieving food. She’s usually too quick though. A real expert.
I had a cat once that could literally steal the food from your mouth. He got a whole hamburger from a friend once, as they were taking a bite! Also, hi! I know there used to be a welcome package, and being myself, I couldn’t click it until I posted my first comment (Woo! Commented on a blog I love! New experiences!) and now I can’t seem to find it. Any help?
OOOOOoooooo, a purrito!
Ahem. Welcome, Ace!
speaking of Canada, CBC projects a Liberal win. I know that outside America, Liberals are usually bad news, but at least it’s not Harper. Plus, the bullet points version of their platform sounded okay? Any Canadians here who can tell me how to feel about this?
@Snowberry
FWIW, I got the limes in a lemon suit line, and giggled 🙂
I’m sure there’s a kaipirinha joke in there somewhere but I couldn’t find it… Yet?
I loved all the alternate sandwich, I’ll send my own tomorrow since this doesn’t seem to be getting old any time soon xD
“…Won’t suck itself…”
Well that’s unfortunate, try the vacuum, or another household appliance such as a blender or maybe a toaster.
I meant legos, all the legos in the world.
Hi, Ace! Here is your welcome package!
msexceptiontotherule — it doesn’t seem ideal, but is the vacuum really a bad idea on par with a blender? Or have I just never had a decent vacuum? (My last attempt resulted in the old dusty bag ejecting its contents and me getting a broom)
Ace — was it a bengal? Cuz the only cat who’s ever pulled that off around me was a bengal!
katz! Cats question! We’ve accidentally adopted a stray, but we don’t think she’s been a stray long — she’s not having any catching, and acts like she must eat everything or she’ll starve, but she’ll rub against you and even occasionally allow a belly rub! Mom and I figure she either ran away or was abandoned, and the only way to catch her would probably be to call animal control and, uh, you don’t want to know the details of what got the last guy fired from that job, let’s just say we’re opting to wash the dog when he annoys the skunk rather than having them deal with the skunk. (Oh, yeah, we’ve also adopted a skunk it seems >.< ) — so any idea involving catching her is out, I'd be more than happy to slowly coax her inside, but see previous about stupid dog. My brother would happily buy a heated dog house, but she already rejected a kitty house he made her. Any ideas how to keep our outdoor kitty warm and dry for the winter would be fucking brilliant.
If you say "get rid of the dumb dog and bring her in", you'll be in the camp of everyone except my father! (Not actually possible, but fuck)
@Argenti Aertheri
I have a Dyson, because of all chores that need to be done to keep a home reasonably free of weird (source of uncertain origin or known) smells, & the inhabitants without rashes or sneezing uncontrollably – vacuuming is one I *like* to do, even the potential-death-trap-stairs. But my Dyson is easier to use and has less risk of leading to my riding it down the stairs and breaking bones/snapping neck than the Hoover it replaced – clearly a blender should be properly set for pureed damage, but a vacuum that doesn’t experience a loss of suction even with years of usage would seem to cause a type of damage unique to the appliance and whether one is using the attachments or just in the standard upright vacuum manner involving rolling it over the floor. Blender, toaster, or vacuum – the new version of Russian Roulette? 😉
@Argenti Aertheri
Why not coax the cat inside? Would the dog bother the cat?
My boyfriend — a cat person — says to sit next to the cat while you feed her. After a while, the cat will come to trust you. Then you can pick her up — and maybe take her inside? This will require patience.
Or maybe check with the Humane Society or Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. They might have info on their website. Or give them a call or stop by. They’ll have ideas about what you should do.
Not a Canadian but . . .
Trudeau won!
Congratulations, Canada. Your decade-long nightmare is over. And he will govern with a Liberal majority. This is a surprise.
Here’s what he tweeted about feminism:
I’m a feminist. I’m proud to be a feminist.
Here’s what he said an hour ago:
We beat fear with hope.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2015/oct/19/canada-election-justin-trudeau-stephen-harper
My boyfriend says that the US Republicans are busy right now, s–tting their pants.
Woot-woot!
Argenti: Oh boy. Alas, I’m not one of the feral experts at my rescue. I could pass the question on to someone who knows more than me, or put you in touch, if you like. I’ll tell you what I know but it may not be brilliantly helpful.
Obviously, you can bring a cat to a cat house but you can’t make her sleep, so if you’re sure you can’t get her inside, all you can really do shelter-wise is have the space available and trust that she’ll use it if she needs it. Do you have a garage? That might be an easier place to coax her into than the house, and away from dog.
But at my rescue our strategy with an outdoor cat is to get them indoors ASAP. We are big fans of trapping. You don’t need to involve animal control; you can rent or borrow traps from rescues and shelters, and if there are trappers in your area they can help you. Or possibly coax her inside sometime when the dog’s out on a walk and then keep them separated until they can be properly introduced. (Sorry I’m kinda useless without knowing all the details.)
Do you know if she’s spayed? If not, getting her spayed/verifying that she’s already spayed should be the #1 priority for her wellbeing as long as she’s outdoors.
Kat — took a couple months of that to get her to let us pet her, at this point the only picking up she’ll go for is a super quick 6″ into a seated lap, and her claws are fucking razor sharp. And yeah, dummy still considers her an intruder in his yard, being a cat she’s figured out what the range on his leash is and sits like 2′ clear of it! I’m also not sure how our indoor cat would feel about her, but that’s more manageable than 80lbs of dumber than bricks dog, what’s super annoying is his reaction to the indoor kitty is to look forlorn while she eats from his dish… but from his stupid view, she showed up in his yard and keeps coming back (this is a dog who has the same reaction to the skunk living under the shed, despite having been full on sprayed at least twice, with plenty of warning sprays as well)
SPCA and humane society I checked about spaying, cuz I’m not sure whether she’s intact or not, and they seemed to class cats as pets, or unhandable strays — she lets us pet her, ergo she’s a pet. And the best advice on building a kitty shelter was what my brother followed, and she rejected >.< If we can work out some sort of enclosure she'll use, we've both got experience with reptiles and can prolly handle the heating element part, but so far all attempts have failed, which really fucking sucks because he's got the money, he'd buy her whatever if he thought she'd go for it.
Hmm, I wonder if we could get permission to install a cat flap on the garage door. It's an absolute clusterfuck in there, but it's enclosed and she's a cat, they are known for their ninja skills. Thanks for (unintentionally) causing an idea!
katzi think we were typing at the same time! Is there any way to conclusively tell if she’ sheen sprayed?
As for getting her inside while the dog’s out for a walk, his walk is an outdoor run, cuz while not remotely aggressive when “get out of my yard” isn’t on the table, only my brother can actually control him, and him not dealing with my father’s stupid dog is some feud thing from before I moved back.
Now that the garage should be less spidery, I’m gonna see if I can get her in there, and plead with the powers that be (aka the parents) to make that cat flap idea work. (The spider issue is my absurd arachnophobia, not a cat issue per se!)