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#gamergate antifeminism entitled babies gender policing mansplaining matriarchy men who should not ever be with men ever men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny patriarchy that's not funny!

Enjoy These Delicious Patriarchy Sandwiches, With All the Fixins

All the ingredients for a delicious sandwich, rich in fiber and carefully formulated to help you reduce hairballs
All the ingredients for a delicious sandwich, rich in fiber and formulated to help reduce hairballs

On Saturday, esteemed Breitbart “journalist” and Gamergate panderer Milo Yiannopoulos took aim at the matriarchy in which we all apparently live by inventing a new fake holiday (and Twitter hashtag) he called #WorldPatriarchyDay.

In a labored, gratingly unfunny Breitbart post announcing the new fake holiday, he explained that

World Patriarchy Day is the day on which you should feel free to express your masculinity in the most odiously toxic manner imaginable.

He encouraged his male readers to (among other things):

  • Cat-call at least five women.
  • Leave the seat up. 
  • “This isn’t going to suck itself.”
  • Commit #CyberViolence.
  • Find a successful female scientist and explain basic algebra to her slowly and carefully.

And, for those men in his audience who’ve somehow convinced some poor woman to live with them, he suggested that they

leave a sandwich knife, a spread, and a loaf of bread in plain sight in the kitchen. Let her work the rest out.

He rehashed this last joke in a Tweet:

But the photo of his unmade sandwich left a number of Twitterers a bit puzzled. Why did his “sandwich knife” have a handle like a toothbrush? Was that really bread? Were the things at the bottom of the photo his feet? What the hell kind of sandwich was he making, anyway!?

One Twitterer did the best he could to label all Milo’s sandwich fixins.

https://twitter.com/theshrillest/status/655939206015946752

Soon others were posting their potential sandwich ingredients, awaiting only the arrival of a “bitch” to make them into actual sandwiches.

https://twitter.com/NyaKlondyke/status/655953981647245312

https://twitter.com/NoraReed/status/655964046785515520

https://twitter.com/kara_woo/status/655957585980338176

https://twitter.com/orbsonb/status/655957904772734976

https://twitter.com/khrismonegenege/status/655956290221375489

https://twitter.com/Voodoo_Ben/status/655955200121917440

https://twitter.com/OhHeyMare/status/655954473366482944

https://twitter.com/MatthewTimmons/status/655953429135687681

Joe Walsh, perhaps the most underappreciated sandwich fixin of all time.

Add your own! Extra points if your photo contains your feet.

I’ve posted a photo of my own potential sandwich above. I’ve been waiting about half an hour, but alas it remains unmade.

 

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ColeYote
ColeYote
9 years ago

I have an ingredient idea, but I’m not sure what the policy on NSFW images is.

Harmonia LaLonde
9 years ago

Thought this might be thematically relevant.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1H2bRd91sZw&w=560&h=315%5D

Nequam
Nequam
9 years ago

@Crilia: that is one chubby hamster. (Or is it a pet rat? I don’t see the tail)

Sunny
Sunny
9 years ago

Nequam, you could try making a Scooby Snack, it’s a toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich that you make like a grilled cheese sandwich (only with peanut butter and jelly obv.) The peanut butter gets all warm and gooey and it’s amazing.

serrana
serrana
9 years ago

I’m not manly enough to get my feet in the picture, but I did find some phallic bread.
http://i.imgur.com/1e5QXI0.jpg

katz
katz
9 years ago

I have an ingredient idea, but I’m not sure what the policy on NSFW images is.

Just link it instead of embedding.

Paradoxical Intention
9 years ago

@Harmonia: I have a Sand de Panda! It’s sooooooooo cute, and great for stuff like tuna salad and cucumber and cream cheese! (The trick is to microwave the bread for like 30 seconds before you close up the sandwich, and to put your weight into closing it. This makes a good seal.)

And then I take all the spare crusts and put them in a Ziplock bag to make bread pudding with them at the end of the month!

Paradoxical Intention
9 years ago

Some more Sand de Panda tips: Press the panda face into the bread BEFORE making your sandwich, and do it on the inside of one of the slices too, so you have a guide on where to put your filling, and a guide on where to place the sandwich in the seal maker (the bigger square thing).

Also: Either use thick bread, or don’t put in a lot of filling, or else your panda’s face will ‘splode, and that’s not good.

These are pretty good in bento boxes/small lunch boxes/for kids too!

Oh, and one time I filled my Sand de Panda with tuna salad and shredded cheese, and lightly fried them with butter in a frying pan, and *droooooool*.

Oooey, gooey goodness.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
9 years ago

Crillia — your little white fuzzball seems to think you already made a sammich! Too cute!

Lorcan Nagle
Lorcan Nagle
9 years ago

I don’t have the social media, so I leave this here for everyone’s delectation.

I’m waiting, Decepticon:

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g267/lorcan_nagle/20151019_215407_zpsio5ilrtl.jpg

2Karl
9 years ago

Thought I’d get in on the action: https://twitter.com/2Karl/status/656222962278862848

gosuamakenatek
gosuamakenatek
9 years ago

Well?? It ain’t gonna make itself!

http://i.imgur.com/1iYSP58.jpg

Chop chop, imaginary woman I don’t live with.

pkayden
9 years ago

Rightwing “humor” always goes over my head but love the response tweets. Those are actually hilarious — especially the one with the cat.

anon
anon
9 years ago

Milo should be careful. If anyone takes his advice on how to be a bigger douchebag seriously then they might start writing and put the professional troll out of a “job.”

mildlymagnificent
9 years ago

David. I can’t answer for SFHC but I always, always, have Vegemite in the house.

Because it’s delicious on toast, especially wholegrain with gigantic lumpy bits of pumpkin seed and similar items still in it. I realise that you have to have been raised as a skippy (that’s an Australian with no recent immigrants in the family tree) to fully appreciate the wonders of a Vegemite based lifestyle, but it’s no bad thing. Just don’t eat it every day, or acquire a taste for soy sauce as well, or you’ll have so much salt in your diet a cardiologist would faint in your presence.

A couple of teaspoons of Vegemite is also a quick solution when you’re making gravy or finishing off a casserole and the mix seems to need salt and to lack a bit of umami or other dark-rich-heavy flavour.

justlikeheaven
justlikeheaven
9 years ago

I was going to post photo of my ipod and iphone as the sandwich with keychains and a gameboy on the side. Realize that I cant take a photo cause my iphone is the bread. Had it all set up before this occurred to me.

Fruitloopsie
9 years ago

Thank you all for making me laugh.

freemage
9 years ago

I’m assuming, for the record, that Milo actually just went hunting for a photo online, because he’s too much of a lazy shit to lay stuff out and take his own photo (this would also explain the feet, of course). That he found a photo with so many flaws, AND failed to credit the source, would in turn suggest that he is both incompetent and an entitled douchebag, on top of being lazy.

The only reason I’m not 100% certain about this deduction is that I cannot find a match on Google Image Search.

justlikeheaven
justlikeheaven
9 years ago

@Taffer

Thats hilarious.

Snowberry
Snowberry
9 years ago

Well, in the extremely unlikely that someone unironically demanded “make me a sandwich” and I had some ghost peppers on hand… I’d be sorely tempted to make it extra-extra-extra hot and then eat that same sandwich in front of them while they were suffering. I doubt very much I’d really do that, but I’d be sorely tempted.

I’m a food masochist. I also eat raw lemons, for example.

Crillia Slayer (@CrilliaSlayer)

@Nequam When we first got her she pretended to be pregnant to get more food, Now she’s a big tough lady hamster.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
9 years ago

justlikeheaven — I did that with my Harley Quinn case!

I’d take a photo, but the boiler is out and the only heat in the house is my fish tank heaters. No way in hell am I getting up to get things to photograph! (It’s supposed to be fixed tomorrow, until then, my room is the only one over 70°)

skiriki
9 years ago

@AltoFronto — well the so-called “open-face sandwich” is the default of “sandwich” in my corner of the world, so I like it just fine. 😀

Virtually Out of Touch
Virtually Out of Touch
9 years ago

Um, pink socks, Milo? You know that’s totally not manly, right? And they’re argyle to boot. SMH.

Bina
Bina
9 years ago

Okay, that Sand de Panda video cracked me up. I really loved the karate kiai he did when he pressed the sammies.

Also, huzzah! Finally, one manosphere tenet does, kinda sorta, come true. A feminist woman came out as having a hamster! (Okay, so not the little kind that runs on a nonexistent wheel in her brain rationalizing everything, but a literal pet one. But still! A HAMSTER!)