Highlights from the #MasculinitySoFragile hashtag that’s blowing up on Twitter

Moocow:

Like, that absurdly deep bellowing voice they use to sell ‘manly’ products?

Like this, you mean?

The fragility of masculinity is the major point of toxic masculinity. It’s how toxic masculinity gets people to sink more and more of themselves in trying to maintain itself and enforce it in others and it builds itself very easily.

Masculinity is defined as being that which is not feminine. And so the enforcement in toxic masculinity goes: you are a man, being a man is defined by being masculine, the more masculine you are, the more worthy and safe and socially supported you are, said masculinity is derived from not being feminine, so therefore anything feminine is a proof against your masculinity. So if you are seen doing something that toxic masculinity sees as a girl thing or using a feminine project, then you lose masculinity points and thus become less safe and more looked down upon by other men in the system.

Which leads to bizarre gendered products like this and bizarre linguistic statements that find a need to take feminine habits or actions and masculinize them with random bravado. Because to do otherwise would be to allow femininity and therefore womanliness by their weird definitions to exist on you.

And this gets brutally enforced in men’s communities. Feminine men get intensely harassed, bullied, and even threatened with gendered violence. And weird networks of rules end up being put in place to discourage not continuously worrying about being gay or feminine (these are often seen as synonymous in these communities). And it harms mean as things like emotions of vulnerability, genuine romantic connections with women romantic partners, caring about one’s girlfriend or wife, taking care of basic health or hygiene needs, and various hobbies that aren’t centered on physical activity or infused with an aura of violence and misogyny are deemed “girly” and thus dangerous to enjoy without enduring a regular barrage of blow-back by other people invested in the system.

And this fear is what also leads to a lot of gendered violence. Fear that having women enjoy something makes it feminine leads to a lot of men who enjoy geek pursuits or masculinized hobbies to brutally pushback against women trying to enjoy the same hobbies. Fear that respecting a woman or valuing consent will make you seem “weak” and feminine (also things that are seen as synonymous) drives a lot of toxic cultures like the PUAs or rape culture. Fear that admitting to be liking men seems like something a (straight) girl would do leads to a lot of homophobia. And sadly fear of emotions that aren’t anger or hate and fear of actions that aren’t violence, leads to a culture of violence that is encouraged in men who suffer a setback or a tough situation which often reduces access to help for men in need, promotes ideas of using violence to solve problems of feeling “hurt”, and blaming women in particular for bruising their masculinity or feelings in ways that must be responded to in violence. Trans women can also see how this fear of even the slightest hint of what a fragile toxic straight person might imagine to be “gay” can literally be a matter or life or death.

If masculinity wasn’t fragile. If it couldn’t be taken away by the group consensus at the first light beer or the first respectful deferment to what a girlfriend wants to do, then there’d be little incentive to keep ruining one’s life in service of toxic masculinity and keep badgering others about their “transgressions”. So instead it must be blown over by a strong breeze and everyone must exist as one step away from being determined to be a (slur for gay person). This way others are encouraged to enforce lest the judgmental eye of masculinity turn on them for not stepping up.

And so the whole thing becomes a paper edifice that is more and more ludicrous from an outside perspective and I’m so glad to be out now* and not have odious True Believers keep trying to assume I’m a fellow traveler in that sick game anymore.

*The whole trying to reclaim masculinity by aggressively gendered products thing was something my mom tried to push hard when I was in high school. Probably because there were probably signs that I was really fucking trans. So, yeah, I got bought a lot of those aggressively masculinized cleaning products for a period of time. I was mostly just baffled at the time and so it got filed into a general “bathrooms are dysphoric” feeling.

Wouldn’t the tactical grips wear off the soap after 8-10 washings? Then you’d be left vulnerable, and surrounded by bath-enemies.

WWTH – wow, that pink camoflauge AR-15 is something else. I’m trying to think of situations where a person would need to blend into a pink background. Maybe if they were stalking their quarry in a Hello Kitty factory?

Tessa,
I once bravely defied gender roles to drink a Dr Pepper 10. I can assure you it’s exactly the same as Diet Dr Pepper.

Reminds me of when Parker Brothers started releasing “female-targeted” editions of various board games.
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Pink Scrabble. Enough said.

(Seriously, does Talbotfish’s post make anybody else feel really uncomfortable? Or am I just being too wary after that transphobe yesterday?)

Brb, need to pick up wrapping paper so I can properly present maghavan with One (1) Internet. And I might throw in a Travel-Sized Internet as a bonus.

@Vanir-

Yeah, feel free.

@maghavan

Shower ninjas. A threat to MAN-showerers everywhere!

@SFHC
Nope, not just you. It’s got TERF smell all over it. I’m honestly somewhat exhausted by the continued deliberate ignorance of transphobes who try and pretend that the socially enforced and constructed ideas of masculinity and femininity and the overall system of gendered expression was in anyway the same thing as gender identity.

I mean, we’re supposed to believe that these people have never met a butch woman or a femme guy in their life, that they just close their eyes and put their fingers in their ears whenever Abby Wambach is playing for the US Soccer Team or Men’s Figure Skating gets its primetime spotlight every 4 years for the Winter Olympics? Of course not. But somehow it is convenient for them to pretend when it comes to dismissing the identities of trans people as if butch trans women or femme trans guys have never existed.

Cerberus: Brilliant breakdown of how “masculinity” works in society.

Maghavan: The sad thing is, I can see this being a commercial for the product. I really can.

Olive O’Sudden | September 24, 2015 at 2:49 am

That AXE shower-pouffe is labelled as a ‘Detailer Shower Tool’ with both soft lathering side and scrubby side for manly rough skin. Because washing yourself is only manly if you imagine that you work in a garage and your body is a car.

I have one of them. The rough side is basically… a plastic pumice stone. It works pretty well. But yes, Axe’s marketing is some of the most blatantly sexist shit on the planet.

Kat | September 24, 2015 at 3:07 am

@guest

I’ve just been rereading Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size, and it starts out with a discussion of ‘the male ego’. Something along the lines of ‘every woman knows about the Male Ego. It is a fragile and delicate thing, and it’s the responsibility of every woman to protect it at all costs. Women, it seems, don’t have egos.’

When I was 12 or so, my mother informed me that the male ego was a very fragile thing. I was incredulous. Men, it seemed to me, had egos that were waaay too large. At that time I didn’t understand that too large and fragile are not mutually exclusive.

Guest: Women have egos; they just are far sturdier, because they’ve been tempered by our society.

kat: The male ego, on the other hand, is much like an over-inflated balloon, far too easily punctured and prone to making a whiny hiss when it happens.

Finally, yes, talbotfish’s comment was very much a bit of blatant transphobia-bait.

Brilliant, Maghaven.

As for Talbot’s comment. I couldn’t figure out the point so I just ignored it hoping someone else could parse it.

@mockingbird:

I’m still waiting for Pebble to come out with something that won’t make me look like a child trying on Daddy’s accessories.

They did just announce the ‘Pebble Time Round’ yesterday: https://blog.getpebble.com/2015/09/23/timeround/

It’s hard to tell from the pictures if it’s smaller across (not sure that it is) but it is lighter, thinner, and has the option of a 14mm strap instead of a 20mm strap.

Dudes,

If Odin can wear a dress to learn women’s magic,
and Thor can impersonate Freya to get his hammer back,
and Loki can give birth as part of a bet,
and the manly manly vikings can respect them,
I think you’re safe using a pink iphone.

@Jenora – Even if it’s the same across, the shape will make a difference, if for no other reason than that it won’t be A BIG BLOCK OF WATCHFACE.