So a couple of coffeeshop owners from Asheville, North Carolina just got outed as the two creepy, rapey, misogynistic assholes behind a skeezy pickup podcast, and, it turns out that a lot of their customers aren’t terribly happy about that.
The two have posted apologies (of sorts) and tried to buy forgiveness by donating to a local rape crisis center — which has refused to accept their money.
Given what the two have said — and allegedly done — that reaction is more than understandable. Read on for the details.
Jared Rutledge and Jacob Owens are the owners of a formerly popular coffeeshop called Waking Life Espresso; they were also, until recently, the two anonymous dudes behind the Holistic Game podcast, on which they shared their alleged dating experiences and showcased their contemptuous and contemptible views of women.
Oh, and during one of their podcast episodes, Owens seems to have confessed to raping a drugged-up woman in the hospital. Here’s the relevant portion of the transcript, as reported on Jezebel. (Content Warning, obviously.)
“It was still really fun because we had sex in the shower. Hospital sex is weird, when she’s drugged, it’s strange, but it’s really cool.”
“Could she give consent?” Rutledge asks. “Could she give consent, Jay?”
“Uh oh,” Owens laughs. “That’s my bad. That is my bad.”
“You might’ve violated some California laws. Good thing we don’t live in California.”
Lovely. And there are people who think rape culture isn’t real?
In addition to doing the podcast, Rutledge also kept himself busy on Twitter, spewing forth hateful and retrograde nonsense about women, liberally sprinkled with racism, homophobia, and a lot of “red pill” lingo. Some examples:
I didn’t even notice until proofreading this post that two of those Tweets were replies to @heartiste.
You can find much, much more of his nonsense posted on the JaredAndJacobSaid blog set up by a critic of theirs, and which is where I found the screenshots above. (You will also see that he follows Roosh’s Twitter account as well. Because of course he does.)
Rutledge, that busy boy, also ran a blog, on which he detailed his various “conquests,” which ranged from an “sexy little mid-twenties brunette with a thigh gap [who] was … dumb as a fucking brick” to a “late thirties MILF that I fucked in her basement while her kids were asleep.”
Since being outed, the two have gone into damage control mode. Owens, the one who seemingly confessed to rape, posted a groveling apology that doesn’t seem to have won over many of his critics. He started off by saying that
I would like to fully admit to what I have done. I would also like to receive the shame and necessary consequences for my actions. I am not hiding nor do I want to deflect.
But then he seemed to offer excuses, declaring that
I would do the podcast with Jared while we were kicking back and drinking whiskey. I had a persona and an ego that would come out while I tried to tell other men who might be listening how to be “successful” with women.
He also denied that he had anything to do with the blog or the podcast’s Twitter account, but sort of took responsibility for it as well:
I would like to be very clear that I did not author any of the posts of the blog or twitter. But just as worse, I knew they existed. I did not keep up with them, or fully know what was on them. But by knowing that it was going on, and knowing that I was associated however, I am complicit.
Rutledge’s “apology,” meanwhile, was barely an apology at all.
I know I’ve said and posted a lot of things that are offensive. Most of my life I’ve struggled with insecurities around dating. I felt like, in the past couple years, that I’d finally gotten a handle on this and experienced more success. So I made a twitter, blog, and got Jacob to podcast with me. We didn’t always say nice things, and sometimes we were downright mean. Sometimes I just vented about frustrating experiences in an immature, hateful, and foolish way. It was in particular a breach of trust to post intimate details about lovers. I was naive enough to think it’d stay anonymous, and I was wrong.
So here we are. I grew up in West Asheville and have disappointed and brought shame to the community that raised me, and there’s not really anything I can do to make it right. There are no excuses to be made. The way I’ve phrased and framed my private conduct in a sad and tawdry public way is humiliating. There’s nothing to do but ask your forgiveness for any harm I’ve caused. I’m sorry folks.
Well, actually, dude, there is a lot more to do than asking for forgiveness. Taking real responsibility for what you’ve done rather than trying to excuse it as somehow being caused by your former “insecurities around dating” would be a good first step.
OurVoice, the rape crisis intervention and prevention agency that the two tried to donate to, noted the evident insincerity of Rutledge’s “apology” as one of the reasons they turned down the money.
We were disturbed and outraged by what was posted by Jared and Jacob regarding women. We will not be taking their money because it is not our place to forgive. Our VOICE is not in a position of absolving them for their misogyny as it perpetuates a culture of danger to all women and girls. Jared’s and Jacob’s actions not only objectified women but also perpetuated rape culture and violence against women.
While Jared and Jacob apologized, Jared’s apology infers that he believes his inability to date well contributed to his actions. How damaged must our society be that he can reason in this manner and it be thought as an apology. It is disturbing to think he can rationalize violence against all women because he struggled with insecurities around dating.
If you would like to make a donation to OurVoice, you can do so here.
H/T — A number of people alerted me to this story. Thanks to all of them.
I’m just going to say I am a really not okay with the idea that “you never get over rape” – some rape survivors actually do, and I think the idea that all rape victims are inherently broken just reinforces the rape culture idea that there is a right and wrong way to react to rape and if you react wrong then you weren’t really raped.
(Note: this is not a commentary on whether rape can be forgiven. I didn’t forgive my rapist, I simply put the event into the ‘things which no longer matter’ part of my life.)
I love the comments here. Especially Katz (combination lock) and kirbywarp (hide the bodies).
Personally, I think that these guys are the same woman hatey assholes today that they were last week. I think I might have a tad more respect if they had been honest, and said something like “yep, all women are fuck holes, existing only to please my boner. When they refuse, I get man baby angry and make misogynistic comments all over the Internet, because I am too cowardly to spew what I really think of women in my own name, and Internet anonymity always works. I can’t believe I got caught, but, since I did, please accept my apologies, they are very sincere, you can tell because I have truly learned to respect women. Seriously, it happened yesterday. I’m no longer a misogynistic asshole, can’t you see how sincere I am? What? My blowhard, totally false, manipulation of an apology not working? I’m shocked.”
Anyhoo, Ashville has a ton of coffee shops. Some are right next door to each other. Plenty of good ones.
Welp they have no one to blame but them self if their business fails because of how they acted 🙂
Couldn’t agree more with Kootiepatra’s and POM’s posts!!
You can’t unring a bell. We live in a 6 second sound-bite society that thinks everything can be fixed completely and immediately. But that isn’t true, not everything can be fixed and it’s time people stopped telling themselves that they can do and say whatever they want to people with no regard and just worry about the consequences if and when they happen. It’s called personal responsibility.
For those that need it spelled out to them, try not being an asshat to begin with and train your children to do the same. Every time a group of men, or a group of boys on the playground, for that matter, sit around and demean anything concerning women and girls, it’s yet another reinforcement that they are entitled to treat them however they want. The phrase “boys will be boys” has got to go, too. It’s got to start at the grassroots and whatever you can do to make that happen shows what kind of man you are.
@Catalpa
My suspicion here is that they have taken legal advice and don’t want to say anything that
“might be taken down and used against them”, so to speak. Or, you know, they could be
massive, massive douchebags without any real remorse whatsoever; they’re just unhappy
about being caught. Maybe I’m reading too much into it but this part of their statement
sounds odd to my ears:
“Receive” seems wrong here. To me, you don’t “receive” shame; you “feel” it. Shame comes from inside, not outside. Or maybe their trying to sound mature and grown-up which makes it sound forced and clumsy…
@raysa – Maybe Carrboro (adjoining Chapel Hill), especially now that it’s so gentrified.
Maybe.
@Dodohunter:
For what it’s worth, here’s my current favorite eye roll:
http://i.imgur.com/suhlfDr.gif
Some interesting comments from our new DPP
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/sep/23/sexual-consent-rape-prosecution-myth-consentis
@Alan
Huh, interesting read. Out of curiosity, that point about the prosecution needing to prove that consent was not given… How does one go about proving the nonexistence of something?
@catmara
The way that I think about ‘shame’ is that’s something that occurs because of negative reactions from other people to your actions, so in that way it’s external, but yeah, saying you ‘receive’ shame is really weird. Maybe I could understand receiving ‘dishonor’ or some such, but whatevs. Dude is repugnant either way
Don´t take a coffee from these two even if you are a dude, lol. Seriously, the content of their coffee should be analyzed by the police for anything weird.
I suspect they are lucky the locals doesn’t know as much about the “red pill” as you do, D.
“Men’s problem is finding attractive, valuable women who will submit,”
They are also really degrading men by projecting their own motivations upon them.
@nohoneymoon
It’s a thing of beauty to see, in black and white, the MRA/PUA world view is out of step with the values of the majority of people, to the point of delusion. It’s also instructive that, even before they were caught, some people report their cafe as being “meh” at best.
OTOH Yelp’s Tl;DR pop up about cleaning up comments after controversy is a bit annoying. How a business owner behaves in public should affect business, for better or worse. In this case, bring on the bankruptcy. Mind, on Facebook, they claim to be open
again:
https://www.facebook.com/wakinglifeespresso/timeline
“You’re like the thief who isn’t the least bit sorry he stole but he’s terribly, terribly sorry he’s going to jail.” –Rhett Butler
@Alan
“You wouldn’t force or pressure someone into having a cup of tea”
Someone needs to explain this to my in laws.
@bvh How long can they keep telling themselves it’s just teh feminazis who have a problem with the way they act, I wonder?
Sure, they can reopen the cafe, but will they get the custom? Interesting times indeed.
According to a deleted Craiglist post, there are more troubling businesses in the area.
Original url was: asheville.craigslist.org/mis/5231363264.html
Text archived at fb, but can’t find it now:
https://www.facebook.com/wakinglifeespresso/timeline
Deleted?
Can someone from the area can confirm this info?
Holistic PUA. Just when you thought it couldnt get any dumber.
Anyway these guys are despicable.
And now probably up for sale:
http://ashevilleblog.com/waking-life-espresso-for-sale/
And they’re on instagram: https://instagram.com/wakinglifecoffee/
I imagine some people would like to be removed from their group photos now…
https://instagram.com/p/6DZ8IMqhmq/?taken-by=wakinglifecoffee
bvh,
I’m not in the area so I don’t know. But this
does not sit right with me. It looks trollish to me. Telling somebody that they can’t be concerned with one thing unless they’re equally concerned with every other problem is not helpful. It comes across like this person is not a feminist, but rather a supporter of these guys who is trying to deflect attention off of them.
@weirwoodtreehugger
That seemed a little strident to me too. OTOH, one commenter in the now deleted thread confirmed Tiger Mt. as a problem:
“Tiger mountain has been on my shit list for other reason that seem trivial here. Mela I walk by everyday and had suspicions. I imagine many of us don’t know these stories and if we did would not go to these places. Perhaps this is an opportunity to shed light on a larger problem.” Yesterday 3:37pm Jeremy F.
[all mistakes, errors mine-transcribing form multiple screenies…it’s a pain when the machine you’re on can’t take a shot of the whole page…)
@WWTH
Agreed. Even if there are others who need to be called out – no idea, I’m not even from the same country, but I wouldn’t be surprised – there’s just no way to jump from this to “WHINY ENTLED
SJWSI mean KIDS” without some ulterior thought train.*ENTITLED, even. Nobody has been turned into Ents.
Cool story, bro.
“Nobody has been turned into Ents.”
Unfortunately. I wanted to be an Ent when I first read Tolkien. If I wanted to interact with people, I could, but the rest of the time I could pretend blissfully I was just a tree and couldn’t move, be made to do homework or housework, or pay attention to anything that bored me.