An Open Thread for Personal Stuff. As always, Open Threads are CLOSED to MRAs/trolls, etc.
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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Sept. 2015 “Kate, Meet Cat; Cat, Meet Kate” Edition
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
Mola, your friend sounds hurt and angry, but she can’t possibly get what she wants from this man.
It’s pointless to pursue a LTR with someone who doesn’t want to be in a LTR, and so she’s just setting herself up for frustration by chasing after him.
Besides which, now that she’s so angry with him, and he’s probably hurt that it wasn’t clear what they were getting into, what kind of relationship could they have that’s built on resentment?
She needs to throw all her attention and energy into literally anything that isn’t This Guy. Hang out with her, but set the condition that you must not talk about This Guy, and put the focus on sharing a fun activity.
It’ll take her mind away from revenge, and you can unclench your jaw for a bit while the subject is no longer up for discussion. He gets to fuck off and be no part of your lives forever. 🙂 Win-win-win.
If they have both been deceitful or withheld information from each other about what kind of relationship they wanted, then they are both as bad as each other.
There’s no moral judgement to be placed on either one of them for the how much sex they’ve had, with whom.
The only thing that makes sex unethical is denying your partner the ability to give informed consent. That goes for knowing your partner’s sexual health risk, number of partners, and whether your relationship is only casual, or more long-term.
But most importantly, this relationship is over, immediately. The best “revenge” she can have is to cut off all ties and go enjoy her life.
Halp. I’m running out of D&D Dragon Deities when it comes to naming my electronic devices. I still had two unused, but that kind of shows how many I’ve owned so far..! 😀
I went back to university, and also started doing volunteer work twice a week.
In other news, we opened up the shower room for cat access. They immediately found their new chill spots:
http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/4d670b20-0639-42c9-b005-f260cf17ba90_zps0lawbipg.jpg
http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/dadb4920-a713-4634-847b-e7213af44669_zpsgx3vlnrz.jpg
I also dyed my wife’s hair:
http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo188/dhag85/99fdd0e3-a8d7-447c-b6c2-26ff3e246288_zpszftuv3uw.jpg
(Picture shared with permission.)
So glad that the temperature finally got down low enough that I’m not blasted with an explosion of heat the moment I open the door, lol. The more I deal with Texas in my adult life the more I hate it, both the weather and the people…
On a light note, I finally found the music that I’ll be walking up the aisle to – a beautiful arrangement of Skyrim. I’m debating leaving out the names of musical selections in the wedding program I’m designing because of this, and it amuses me that there will be people there who will be like “wow this sounds familiar” before the really recognizable part comes on. And it was a hard decision – the other two choices were the Imperial March or Babylon 5 season 5 theme.
I’ve also discovered that while classical music is pretty, I really don’t connect with it. I actually like the symphonic movie and game music better. I’m getting married; I WANT it to be epic!
With that said, what should be happy planning is actually wearing me thin. My employer announced they were closing and I got shuttled from a position that I enjoyed to one that I absolutely loathe. I come home from work and I lack the ability to summon any enthusiasm for planning anything. I’m trying not to hate the world, but it’s really hard. If I stay until they let me go, I get a fairly decent severance package and we can really use the money, but that means I have to fight the urge every single day to go and find another job because I hate this one so very much. Part of me is angry because I don’t want my dignity to be for sale, but the other part of me really wants to be able to pay things off.
I really wish I had teleporter sometimes. Bonus if it’s got a time travel option. I could take a vacation in the 23rd century or something or possibly even on an island inhabited only by extinct species. Might be fun, even.
Mola – when I was younger I would have agreed with you that men have a lot of the advantages re the power of deciding how a relationship will be, but since my boys have grown up I am seeing things from a young man’s perspective more by contact with their friends. These are NOT men who come from a feminist, or non feminist perspective – they know about feminism, they understand the basics, they are not hostile.
I have seen the insecurities they have – about their bodies, about their attractiveness etc. In many ways like girls, but not as pervasive, and of course male privilege is a protective factor. So far I have not met any ‘players’, and I know that of course they would not share their shit attitude to women with me – middle aged feminist with a reputation for extreme outspokenness!
None of this excuses the behaviour of your friend’s ex, but I admit I am still thinking that your friend assumed what she wanted simply because she wanted to, and I don’t know if that is any better than assuming that something is casual. If looking for an ltr being clear about it from the start is vital, if it scares someone off then obviously they were not interested in an ltr so it is best to get that out of the way at the start.
I’m six shifts away from my more relaxing job ending for the season.
My other job will hopefully get back to being fun in seven or so weeks? It’s a mess of stress right now.
Office jobs should not be more stressful than CPR calls. That’s just screwed up.
But yeah. Off to shift ‘I can’t believe it’s over in six’!
Quit my horrible job with the nightmare boss in May. Have been working on creating my own graphic design business since. Waited on getting my retirement moment for a while, but now I’ve got it and am finally officially setting up!!! Now have a set of several greeting cards to print and sell at various events (I will be mostly online, but still have to start small with farmers’ markets, etc.) So exciting!!! For now, anyway 🙂
@Mola: I concur with all of the advice everyone has given so far. It is hard to be rejected, especially if she was beginning to have feelings for him. However, he is really only personally unethical if he knew of these feelings, manipulated them to get what he wanted, and then dumped her. Otherwise, if she was okay with the “casual” relationship, and then her okay-ness changed in the course of it, that’s more or less on her. Players, as unattractive to me as they are, aren’t necessarily unethical–as long as they make it abundantly clear that’s what they are, nothing more, nothing less.
She’s in a moment of heartache right now, so just because the fault of getting involved with a player may more or less be hers, I do have empathy. When my ex-husband left, I was hurt severely and I had fantasies of revenge, as much of a pacifist as I am. It doesn’t mean she’s going to act on those feelings. I do highly recommend you be there for her, but also help her get out of that dark space of negativity by getting her out to do things–not as a distraction, so much, but as a way to shine some light into that dark space where negativity feeds off of negativity.
After the waves of emotion have passed, she needs to take stock of herself. Why did she find this fellow attractive when she wants a long term relationship? What is it about her that attracts these sorts of guys? How can she learn from this and grow from? If she wants long term companionship, then what does she need to do to make that a reality?
@dhag85 — SQUEEE! Your kitties are so adorable! And that’s a spiffy color! My Significant Otter does my dye jobs if I bring the box of colors and squeak at him pleadingly. 😀
After all, it is like painting a live-size miniature. 😀
@skiriki
You can’t tell very well from that picture but it’s mostly green with blue up front, so we had to partition the hair first and we tried all kinds of creative solutions for not getting hair and dye everywhere. The whole thing took 4-5 hours, and then I had to scrub down the bathroom floor and walls for blue and green stains. It was a full day’s work, basically. Maybe next time will be easier.
I was very positively surprised by the result, because I have zero experience with this sort of thing. And the bathroom is way too small for this procedure. It was a mess trying to work around the chair and bath tub and litter boxes.
We’ve cut our hair-related expenses by maybe 80%. As an Otter myself, I’ve rarely felt more Significant. 😉
The yellow cat says hi. Black cat is probably in the sink.
@dhag85: Yeah, you’ll learn it by doing it; I also used to dye my Otter’s hair, so it definitely takes some time to get used to it. Protip: old newspapers on the floor, and a dog-torn old towels are your best friends when doing DIY dyejobs at home. Get proper latex/rubber gloves rather than using those that tend to come with the color; when the glove fits snugly, it is so much easier to see WTH you’re doing vs ‘is this my finger?’ feeling when you use those poorly-fitting approximations of gloves.
Pls pass snuggles all around!
Hey @EJ thanks for that.
@kat, yep I had the salubrious delight of rough sleeping because we’re pretty short of cash and I was let down by Airbnb and didn’t get the refund for over a week. It took me a fortnight to find a flat, then I had to ask a mate to be a guarantor and reference. But since all that thing have levelled out, DW, my wife and the kids have just come back from the beach and their happier here than in London.
I would have stayed longer at my younger brothers flat, but listening to the “misery me” about the entitlement of his boner was too much, kipping in carparks and doorways was a much better.
Anyway, got sorted. Got internet, got food and got flat, just need a better job and we can all be happy.
I was just wondering, because I’ve never done something like this before, so I’m just kinda worried that I’ll overcharge, and worried that I’ll undercharge.
Glad to hear it! I’m in the sketching stage right now with that one, and it’s the easier of the two designs. The Animal Crossing one is going to take a LOT of illustration, and while I’m alright with doing that much, it’ll take a lot longer.
Also, on a more personal note, I got summoned for Jury Duty next month. My first ever. : P
Nice pig and dog pics, Katz and wwth. Thank you.
I wanted to share something: last Sunday I walked 13,8 km. I know that doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment, but I enjoyed every step. The weather was nice, not too hot and not too cold, and I explored a park I had never visited before. I also saw around 1000+ wild geese in a field, a surprise herd of cows (?!) and two squirrels.
I also climbed a bird watching tower for a first time in 15 years but without binoculars, could only note that there was some kind of hawk flying in the sky. Based on the location I have a pretty good guess of what species it could be, but I couldn’t actually see it clearly enough to be sure. Still, the walk was splendid and definitely worth the time it took. I’ll have to walk that route again some day (with binoculars).
Hey guys! We (my partner&me) were joining the “Welcome” actions in The Hague today, delivering velcome packages for the Syrian refugees. There was also a solidarity march afterwards. It was really heartwarming to see all the people queueing to deliver boxes with goods for the refugees, it makes you not loose hope even in those shitty, shitty times that we live in. It really loaded me with good energy and made me forget, even if for a moment, all the vile crap that people are saying about the migrants from the middle east.
I know this post is a bit out of the time frame, but I really wanted to share this positive experience!
Kisses!
GosiaG: Good for you; what an awesome thing to do!
GosiaG: We need more people like you in the world. uvu
On a personal note though: I’ve ran out of this really awesome lotion I got a hold of in a hotel, and I found out I can purchase it online, but it’s only available wholesale for hotels and I’d be paying about 80 bucks before shipping for a box of 300 one ounce bottles (so, roughly 27 cents a bottle).
I’m debating if it’s worth it or not to pay 80 bucks plus shipping to most likely be set for lotion for the rest of my life. It’s really good lotion made with organic ingredients, and it smells amazing.
Of course, this would have to wait until I get an income, but I’m seriously debating this.
Oh, and I was considering purchasing the matching soaps and shampoo and conditioner as well, but I like my shampoo/conditioner, and I’d already be spending so much on lotion as it is. XD
Paradoxical – I do stuff like that all the time, but you cannot buy a life time supply because it will have a shelf life. The regular stuff will last about 10 years, and an organic one might not have parabens in it, making it as little as 2 years.
@ Paradoxy
I didn’t realise how expensive posh conditioner could be until I once used a bottle to clean the dog up after a particularly muddy walk. She wasn’t the only one in the doghouse that night (see what I did there!)
She was nice and fluffy afterwards though.
[She doesn’t actually live in a doghouse either]
Good point.
If that’s the case, I might just hand some out to people I know. >.>
Ellesar, I hope everything can get sorted out and that the surgery goes well.
And just a general shout-out for all you people in Europe who are welcoming refugees from Syria despite the nationalist/racist pushback. I’ve been following things on TV here. Canada hasn’t promised much refugee aid, unfortunately, though the government might be pushed to do more since there’s an election coming up (a cynical assessment, maybe, but there you).
As for me, I took a vacation last week at my aunt’s house – not a complete vacation, since I was helping her with an art show. I also had time to make some of my own, which brings to mind what Paradoxical Intention said about her art: “so I’m just kinda worried that I’ll overcharge, and worried that I’ll undercharge.”
…One of the things I made is a banner full of detailed snowflakes (the medium is batik – wax and dye on cloth, basically – and if I were to give it a price that reflected the work put into it, it’d come to over $100. Probably I’ll try selling it as a table runner for about half that.
“but there you” should be “but there you go.”
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the artisan show I’m getting ready for is around Halloween, but with a winter holiday theme. Thus the snowflakes.
I’m also starting a new job on Monday at a local tutoring company; but it’s not quite what I’d hoped for, since I’m doing a month of unpaid internship first (the tutoring still goes into my paycheque, but the admin things I’ll be doing for free for a month). But I’m excited to see how it turns out!