An Open Thread for Personal Stuff. As always, Open Threads are CLOSED to MRAs/trolls, etc.
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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Sept. 2015 “Kate, Meet Cat; Cat, Meet Kate” Edition
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
@Paradoxical Intention: LOL! Awwwww, that tablet-holder in the end is superdupercute 😀
Thanks, EJ (the other one). We’re glad to get it done, and our research showed some very exciting results that might help contribute to the knowledge base in our field.
Beauty part is, our program director, assistant director, and our co-chair all really won’t understand much of what we’re talking about, since our research was down to the cellular/biochemical level. At least our chair gets it, but she was there for the entire process, and she won’t ask too many pointed questions. She even helped us with her stats (love her for that!). In other words, we’ll be the “experts” on what we’re talking about–which means the questions the rest of the attendees will have will most likely not be too in depth. The usual stuff: can you explain to me again what you were talking about on slide 42 (cultural reference, there)? Why did you use ANOVA with a Tukey?
I hope my husband will have the day off so he can be there. He’s been so incredibly supportive during this “tour of duty.” I mean, doing my laundry for me, bringing me my dinner while my nose has been in a textbook, helping the kids with their homework even after he just got home from a full workday, even taking my car to top off the gas. And he’s listened to me pontificate on this research endlessly over the past year and a half. He’s my best friend. This is what a feminist relationship looks like. We have each others’ backs.
Okay, I guess my tolerance for alcohol has decreased since I went on a bit of diet. One glass of red wine and I’m getting all maudlin.
All things considered, this was a pretty fun summer for me. 🙂 We had a few great road trips, we went up to Lake Erie a bunch of times, I saw bald eagles for the first time!!! and the highlight was going to Chincoteague Island for a week. It was absolutely beautiful and I highly recommend going if you can. Assateague National Seashore is just across the channel with miles and miles of undeveloped beaches. The mosquitos were downright scary, though.
The downside of the summer was having to spend a few days in the hospital. (I have type 1 bipolar disorder). It sucked because I’ve been relatively stable for 2 years, but I guess I’m proud of myself for having the clarity of mind to just go before things got out of control. Yay progress. 🙂
So, I think I have maybe commented once before, but it was a long time ago and I really don’t remember the name I used. Also, I mostly just said hi, so I doubt anyone would remember.
I really wanted to say two things:
1) Hi everyone! Y’all are awesome! It always makes me feel better to “listen” to the comments here – people are kind and insightful and your voices can remind me that a shitty day isn’t representative of all the days. So, thank you! **waves!!**
2) @Monzach, I totally understand where you are coming from with the shyness and anxiety. It sucks, because I am happy generally like people. I’m just, you know, terrified of them. It’s a problem! But its nice to know I’m not the only one. (Shy people of the world unite! 😉 If only… )
Anyway, I just wanted to say hi from lurkerville!
-SillySongs
Flu solidarity! I had a bug over the holiday weekend and it kicked my ass. I was ill all of Labor Day weekend and got better just in time to go back to work. I’m looking forward to finally recovering this weekend.
I had a highly uncharacteristic melt down and had to leave work early yesterday. My energy levels were sapped, I just started my period so I was all hormonal, and I’ve had a terrible week at work. I just started crying and couldn’t get my shit together. Very embarrassing. I can usually hide my emotions pretty well.
I just wanted to say a “thanks” to all the posters here.
I have lurked for a while, and I have been posting a bit lately, and appreciate the kindness and patience while I figure out WordPress.
To everyone that posted in the “slut face” thread, THANKS. My father in law is a drug addict and we have had a rough 7 days. My husband heard me laughing at the comments on that thread, and he requested that I share it with him. I’m laughing just thinking about it. Any comment about chuck Norris just made him howl, especially the one about having sex with Chuck was like neo at the end of the matrix.
My favorite was “dude, do you even science.”
I didn’t realize that we haven’t laughed in a week. I love this place.
And thanks, David futrelle. And thanks to your cats.
And there should be more dog pics. And pigs.
http://www.lifewithdogs.tv/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/3.13.14-Puppies-Piglets0.jpg
Don’t know if you noticed this, but the suspect is 20 years old, frequented IRC and 8chan, and according to the article made at least one anti-SJW post under his real name:
‘Terrorist’ Troll Pretended to Be ISIS, White Supremacist, and Jewish Lawyer
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/09/11/terrorist-troll-pretended-to-be-isis-white-supremacist-and-jewish-lawyer.html
The criminal complaint is interesting too, but the Daily Beast article seems to have more about non-criminal online activity.
http://www.justice.gov/usao-mdfl/file/769491/download
Despite my Mother having passed away at the end of May, I’ve only just been battling depression since a month ago. Fatigue and erratic sleeping schedules abound, wherein I often find it very difficult to get out of bed, most days. My apologies if it’s inappropriate to leave this here but I’m desperate. Please give, if you can: http://www.gofundme.com/jti3w0
@sunnysombrera
Early congratulations on being able to pay off significant amount of your debt! Having no idea when your pay day is, I thought it better to offer the congratulations beforehand. It’s also great that you like the job, even if you are getting bored with it. 🙁 I wish I could offer some advise on how to un-bore the job, but alas, I can’t think of anything useful. Best of luck anyway, you’ll survive. 🙂
@Monzach
Wow, respect for your determination on going for a walk every day. That takes s lot of self-discipline! Your ability to maintain that habit for a longer period of time says a lot about your character and pretty much deserves an applause in my opinion.
@sunnysombrera
I know exactly how you feel! I was in the same situation as you about a year and a half ago when I moved to cali and had to make friends all over again. It’s discouraging when people flake or when when nobody is reaching out to you. :/
From my experience, what helped me get a genuine friend group was finding a hobby (for me it was Magic the gathering). Basically meet enough people and it will happen eventually. It’s tough though, especially when you invest in certain connections that just don’t work out (I had that happen :/) and it’s hard when you have no group to go back to. Hugs if you want them and I hope you find some good friends!
That’s a beautiful picture.
Thanks for the responses and advice/well wishes. Also, welcome Deon! Apologies for not noticing your comment sooner. I’m glad you found this site and others like it enlightening, and thanks for not brushing it off so readily like other MRAs/”egalitarians” do. Help yourself to the welcome package on the right (unless you’ve read it already lol).
The welcome package can be found here, and all new people should help themselves.
@Verily
Awww you’re so nice. The debt in question is really a £1250 overdraft, and I’ve just been paid yesterday so in four weeks time I’ll be out of that overdraft for good. Technically I’m out of it now, by about £100, but after monthly expenses I’ll be back in but then after next payday I’ll be far enough out so that monthly expenses don’t even scratch it. Yay!
@WWTH
I don’t wanna say I’m glad I’m not alone, but I’m glad someone is feeling me on this flu crap. Tuesday and Wednesday sucked hard.
And I’m sorry to hear about the hormonal fluctuations; they suck hard. As in ‘singularity’.
I’d have spin the wheel of fortune as to what shit would affect me on a particular month (bloating, aching, weirdass cravings, or massive mood swings or for REAL fun all at once!) and the actual period itself would be a relief. I remember having a hideous PMS-related meltdown one time years ago which fucked with my employability as a temp worker. I wish I didn’t.
Add depression into the mix and well… yeah. You feel like you lose your fucking MIND. I…yeah. I understand what it’s like to have the feeling of a small rational part of your mind knowing that something is wrong with how you’re seeing things, but you’re in a brain that’s doing it’s version ‘Wolf Creek Pass’ and it doesn’t give a shit about the rest of you.
Fucking hormones. Fucking neurotransmitters.
Thank god for Effexor; it’s helped so much with my dysthymic disorder, ability to focus, and my general anxiety disorder it’s not funny. It’s like night and day at work now compared to before.
I didn’t mean to ramble on like this or hijack your bad experience, but judging from what I’ve seen while lurking here it’s such a relief to know people care and don’t minimize the brain monsters.
I’m in need of some Feminist Advice and Support. Or rather, a friend is, and I’m having difficulties figuring out how to give it to her.
She got played by an unethical player dude. She fell hard for him and can’t seem to get over it.
We talked about it as it happened. I warned her about the practically nonexistent odds of a casual thing developing into the kind of relationship she wanted, especially if she wasn’t going to talk to the guy about it. She acknowledged this, but said she wanted to have at least the casual thing, regardless of where it would go from there. So she went on and had a casual thing without telling the guy she wanted more, and ended up not getting more.
Now she’s obsessed with the guy, and seems particularly hung on up the idea of revenge. I feel very uncomfortable about discussing the topic with her at this point. Because of the whole “I told you so” aspect I’m struggling to not perceive the situation simply in terms of her having done this to herself. I’m usually better about context, the unfairness of the environment in which women are making their choices, and the deliberately induced confusion and deliberately spread lies that normalise and uphold patriarchy. But right now I’m frustrated and not in a place to do my best thinking.
My friend’s not very feminist, and lacking feminist concepts to make sense of things, she mostly accepts patriarchy as the natural way things are, although she seems to have an instinctive feeling that something is wrong. That is probably where some of her anger is coming from.
I’ve told her there’s not really anything she can do to get back at him without crossing over to the kind of behavior she should want to avoid first and foremost for her own sake, and that she should let it go and move on. I haven’t gotten through to her, and I don’t blame her. This advice does lack any way for her to feel better about the situation, and therefore fails to address what to her is the central issue.
I’m having trouble even coming up with a clear question here, and hoping some of you can read between the lines and answer the question I can’t put into words. Basically, I don’t know what to tell her. The whole thing is fucked up.
Sending good wishes to everyone who is–temporarily–in a negative space.
And sending good wishes to those who have the world on a string.
Autosoma, you were sleeping in doorways at night? And working at your new job during the day? Wow. I’m sorry to hear that you hate your job and your new city. I hope that things improve. I see people sleeping in doorways all the time, and it seems really hard. So yay that you & your family have a roof over your heads.
I loved the cat who says, “Someone is stealing my poop.” We have a cat with three legs who sometimes misses the box. I guess it’s just harder to maneuver with one leg gone. She was nervous for a long time about her accidents. So we just tell her that we love her art–it’s bold! It’s daring! Yes, it’s outside the box! She seems to feel more secure now.
@mola the ocean sunfish
That’s good advice.
Also, why should she give him the ego boost of letting him know that she cares enough to take revenge on him? (I’m actually serious here.) The best revenge is ignoring this jerk.
Also, meeting new guys will take her mind off him. It doesn’t matter if none of them work out. It will give her something different–and possibly something hilarious–to think about.
mola – what you say about your friend not having a feminist framework to work this through with makes sense to me re her vengeful feelings – in my experience non feminist women can be the most negative about men when things go wrong.
But I think here really it is all about managing expectations. When we are young we are usually really crappy at this. It doesn’t sound like this man did anything wrong – you describe him as an unethical player, but unless he made a load of promises of a future together he doesn’t sound unethical. He may not be a NICE guy, but that is different.
I think all you can do is try to get her off the revenge idea. That could go very badly and if you want to be a good friend to her I think prioritising that is the best thing you can do. Beyond that she has to deal with this herself – I was in her situation a few times a LONG time ago, and it is very hard to let go even when the other person is no longer interested.
My personal stuff: funnily enough last personal thread I was going into hospital for major surgery, and this time I am doing exactly the same thing! Trouble is, it is for the same surgery as the last one was cancelled. This has happened twice. Last time I was in gown and stupid stockings before it was cancelled. THIS time it should happen. The surgeons and anaesthetist are fine, it is the aftercare that was buggered.
Also, darling firstborn came back from a months holiday 2 weeks early as a combination of incredibly long train journey’s, a bad cold, and running out of money were doing him in. The resultant debt on me is a months money for all 3 of us! So he has to get work asap or we are in severe financial straits. I will probably have to call on savings – my long dead grandparents are the ones to thanks there!
*pokes head over the parapet of the Lurktown city walls*
Hi again! And thanks for all the nice things. ^_^
And indeed, shy people of the world should unite…though maybe not too often, or too closely together? ô.Ô
@ Ellesar
I do think it’s a moral failure on his part to take advantage of the cultural atmosphere that privileges people (especially men) who want casual sex over people (especially women) who want a ltr. He should have communicated better and told her what he was looking for. He had a moral responsibility to make sure they were on the same page. Instead he was perfectly happy to let her assume whatever she would. These people know that not being forthright benefits them. They know starting the conversation is much harder for the person who wants more. They know once there’s feelings involved, it’s hard for the other person to not get carried away with hopeful thinking.
This isn’t among the worst things people do to each other, but I’d say it’s definitely unethical and worse than just not being nice.
I hope the talk of revenge is more of a fantasy than something she intends to go through with. But even if it is, obsessing over it doesn’t help her move on.
And thanks, I needed to be reminded that she is an adult and that this isn’t, strictly speaking, my problem. I have a tendency to be protective to the point of being patronizing sometimes.