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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Sept. 2015 “Kate, Meet Cat; Cat, Meet Kate” Edition

 

Kate Bush, Cat Bush
Kate Bush, Cat Bush

 

An Open Thread for Personal Stuff. As always, Open Threads are CLOSED to MRAs/trolls, etc.

 

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Katherine XII
Katherine XII
6 years ago

Fun fact: publishing a novel takes a long time. A looong time.

It was really exciting getting accepted by a publisher but… that was months ago… soo exhausted already… could be like another year or something…

Also really hungry, but that doesn’t have anything to do with publishing. Well, maybe a little. I could buy more food if my book was already out there, hypothetically? IDK, this whole adult thing is hard sometimes.

How’s y’all doing?

Johanna Roberts
6 years ago

My husband’s back home, yay! There’s some bad things but I’m so glad he’s home that I really don’t care about the bad crap and dealing with his mother. He’s home.

Deon Harvey
Deon Harvey
6 years ago

I’ve been reading from this website for quite a while and this probably the first time I’ve commented. I would like to thank you for helping me understand feminism as guy. Back when I was a “egalitarian” I kind of saw feminism as an extremist position due to my only listening to straw-arguments from others about it, but after actually reading things from sites like these on subjects like toxic masculinity, male privilege and sexism as whole I came to understand how ignorant I actually was about feminism. It really enrages me that we live a society where women are at the mercy of men rather than at equal standing with men and that’s supposed to be normal. Thank you for the enlightenment and I hope you keep doing what you do.

Moocow
Moocow
6 years ago

Best of luck Kathrine! Hope it (eventually) goes out on the market!

On my end we had a teacher bail on us without any sort of warning on the first day of school, so I got to step in and be a Kindergarden and First grade teacher for the past two weeks.

First grade was relatively easy to teach but Kindergarden was WAAAAAY harder than I anticipated (Apparently teachers often say “I’ll teach any grade except Kindergarden and now I see why). Yeah, all the rules like “Sit down” and “listen to the teacher” and “follow directions”? Turns out teaching those rules is reeeeeeeally hard. And of course, LOTS of injuries (scariest was when a girl started to choke on her food during lunch), LOTS of homesick kids who are scared on their very first day of school ever, etc..

It was exhausting but their adorableness made it worthwhile, and the experience taught me a lot for when I have kids of my own one day.

Sadly I had to neglect my youtube channel during this time, but I did manage to hit 100 subscribers last week! 😀

Paradoxical Intention
6 years ago

I applied for a graphic designer job at a local UPS store, so I’m waiting to see how that turns out. They at least sent me emails telling me that my application was being evaluated, so there’s that.

I just don’t want to spend the next week camping in my inbox. : P

I really should get to work on designing those tarot card decks I’ve been planning (One that’s a minimalist design featuring sigils for each card, and the other that’s based on Animal Crossing: New Leaf). Mostly because I found a place where I can actually get them printed with nice little tuck boxes and booklets explaining each of the cards as well, and it’d cost me about 18.25 USD a pack.

So, if I get a job, I can get the decks printed, and maybe sell them on etsy or something for like maybe 25 USD?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

Wow. Some creative folks round here. Fingers crossed for all.

autosoma
6 years ago

Well I’ve successfully moved my family and myself out of London to the south coast. The first month was really difficult as I’d taken a job here but had nowhere to live, so I spent the first fortnight alternating between sleeping rough in doorways sofasurfing with my MGTOW, manonazi, utter fuckwits of a brother (did he think I’d really be impressed with the stories if sending cockshots to young women…. Gah!!!). Found a flat, moved DW and the sproglets down here. It’s been stressful, difficult and downright horrible.

DW and the sproglets love the beach, love the flat, love the city. I hate it, I miss London soooo much. I don’t like my job, I work with a load of arrogant dipshitd and I’ve been bollocked and threatened with dismissal on three occasions. If it wasn’t for being so skint, I’d tell me to fuck right off and give their ball a squeeze.

DW is happy for the first time in a long time, the stress psoriasis has nearly gone, her hair has stopped thinking and she’s much more relaxed. I sort of resent that I come from that old school geezer mentality of suck it up get on with it and do the right thing for the family, but things will level out and sort out.

autosoma
6 years ago

Hmmm! My fingers seem to be working against me too, my keying was atroschouys in my previous post.

A.A. Wils
6 years ago

My research partner and I are about finished putting together our powerpoint presentation for our thesis defense, which we should be doing the first week of November–if we can get our chair and co-chair to synchronize their schedules–that’s been the hardest part. It will be nice to have that finally off our shoulders, and will take us that much closer to our graduation, which our entire class is more than ready for. It’s been a long haul, but it will be worth it in the end.

My husband will be back home from his job out of town next week. Probably I should pick up the place a bit so he doesn’t trip over my giant textbooks that are lying all over the place, and maybe I should shave my legs and brush my hair or something…not that he minds my “sloppy” sort of stuck in the 1990’s grunge movement look. I showed up on our first date like that, and he said it was love at first sight. He’s such a peach 🙂 But, at least I should mow down the cactus spikes that have formed on my legs…

Fibinachi
6 years ago

So, if I get a job, I can get the decks printed, and maybe sell them on etsy or something for like maybe 25 USD?

I don’t know, are you asking me? Sure? I guess? 25 seems a fairly average going price for Tarot Cards on Etsy and people like buying Tarot Cards. Go for it!

Luzbelitx
6 years ago

Hey! I thought I could drop an update here ????

I still have trouble getting a regular schedule with my therapist, we’re setting up dates as we go. Not the best system but I still get help, and it’s all covered in my health plan, so yay! (it’s a limited amount of sessions but still, all covered!).

I’m also having bronchitis for the second time in about a month, and I’m having a hard time staying in bed when I’m also in charge of my daughter. I already took a week off last time, and I’m taking a week and a half so far this time, and might be more if I don’t recover. The good thing is I only do it for a living so I’m not missing out much, and laws are strict against firing people for being sick too often, so I can take my time. I’m really hoping I don’t need more than antibiotics and a bit of rest.

As for the radio show, new admins cut off most of it, so it moved from daily to one weekly appearance. But I’ll still be featured there, albeit not just as often.

I keep feeling things are not going perfectly well, but it’s not that bad either, I’m just hanging in there.

I miss discussing stuff here but I also have a lot of fun lurking and reading, I might start providing kitty gifs more often, since they don’t get me caught up in a debate ????

So, I hope everyone is ok, and best of luck to all who are sharing their projects!!

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m39dd8swYK1rp26sto1_400.gif

http://www.netanimations.net/cute-cat-kitten-skiing-animated-gif-picture.gif

http://www.ohmagif.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/cat-dancing-on-bed.gif

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

Hi Lux

Hope all goes well for you.

Didn’t know about the radio show. Is there any way we can hear it?

sunnysombrera
6 years ago

The new job is going well although the novelty is starting to wear off and I’m beginning to feel bored already. Mind you I do have my favourite department that I’m a) good at and b) enjoy, so there’s that.

I am making big bucks from the hard work and by next paycheck I will have paid off one of the larger debts 😀 . Also, at the end of the month I will be off probation which means a pay rise!

I’ve started using the gym again for the first time in years, because scales have confirmed what I’ve been suspecting for a while – that I’m thirty pounds overweight. I’m emotionally content with the way I am at the minute, and have decided to take a slow but disciplined weight loss route so I don’t put it on again. At a loss of one pound a week I’ll be svelte again by next April. Good thing I like exercise as much as I do!

Perhaps my only gripe with my life at present is that I don’t really have any friends. My work schedule doesn’t help. What also doesn’t work is when I try to make plans with new-ish friends and they cancel on me for some reason. Frequently. 🙁 Plus I’m getting tired of being the one to ALWAYS make the arrangements, always. Would be nice if someone invited me out for a change.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
6 years ago

Such good news on this thread! I wish you all good luck for whatever it is you guys need/want.

Deon Harvey
Welcome!
http://artistryforfeminismandkittens.wordpress.com/
You will see at the top where it says welcome Package click on it!

RoscoeTCat
6 years ago

Hello, everyone. I’m thinking about buying a smartphone, but all the choices are overwhelming me. It doesn’t help that I’ve only ever owned a go-phone.
I live in a mountainous, rural area of the NE US. For the longest time, we couldn’t get a cellphone signal up here. Now, we’re getting a signal of fair strength.
I will be grateful for anyone’s advice/suggestions…

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

@ Roscoe

Are you likely to drop your phone in water?* If so the Sony Xperia Aqua might be a choice. Android OS, makes calls, probably does other stuff.

[* Oh, that’s just me then]

CCD
CCD
6 years ago

My doctor moved to a new clinic, very suddenly. That new clinic doesn’t answer their fucking phones, and I need to book an important appointment. Soooooo…. I’m pissed. I better not be charged for any transfer of records, over this. I shouldn’t be.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

Good to hear everybody’s good news.

Autosoma, I’m really glad to hear that it’s worked out. I was hella worried for you.

Paradoxy, if you do a nice minimalist Tarot then I’d definitely buy a copy. I enjoy playing with Tarot and am a big fan of clean, minimal design.

A. A. Wils: Best of luck for the thesis defence.

Sunnysombrera: Boredom at work can get harsh, but if you enjoy and feel in control of it then that really makes a huge difference. If you can make the job your own then that’s a huge victory.

Luz: Sorry to hear about the radio station and the therapist thing. It sounds totes awks and I hope everything gets worked out. You are very welcome to lurk all you like and I shall think of you whenever Argentina is mentioned.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

Autosoma, we were going to have a pint at some point, weren’t we?

Hambeast, Social Justice Road Warrior
Hambeast, Social Justice Road Warrior
6 years ago

RoscoeTCat – Do you know anyone with a smartphone that might let you noodle around on it for a bit? That way, you could give a salesperson an idea about what you’ve experienced and what you did/didn’t like about it. That’s how I graduated from my hubby’s hand-me-down phones to my current Samsung Galaxy S-3 (old, I know, but it still works great.)

FWIW, I have to deal with a lot of smartphones in my job as a cashier (finding/scanning coupons for people) and iPhones are my least favorite as well as the most ubiquitous. More than a few customers feel the same way!

Bananananana dakry
Bananananana dakry
6 years ago

Working tonight (part-time), finally gotten over a bug that I think nailed both spouse and I. Don’t remember much of Tuesday and Wednesday other than sleeping a lot, aching a lot, and feeling like shit, and he had the dizzies and no desire for food. By yesterday I was starting to feel human again.
Freakin’ hate the bugs that might *conceivably* allow you to do work, but you’d feel like hell the entire time. Hooray, passive-aggression in viriii, what I always wanted!
Really need to get back into painting… nothing major, just something shiny. But at least I read Pratchett last night so I was dong something other than MMOs and minding fish.

RoscoeTCat
6 years ago

@Alan – ha ha…maybe a toilet. I’m clumsy sometimes.

@Hambeast – I’ve played around with my sister’s phone. She’s got a Galaxy, only a more recent model, like the phone you mentioned.

The iPhone seems to have more than its fair share of detractors. I assume you’re a supermarket cashier, Hambeast? You’re expected to look up coupons for customers? Holy hell…

skiriki
6 years ago

Somehow, I acquired con crud on top of flu. I had no idea that’s possible (since con crud tends to be flu as well), but there you go.

Speaking of Samsung Galaxy S 3, I’m going to give mine away to a friend of mine who broke his phone. “Gotta” (read: SQUEE! SHINY!) head to the city to pick a new phone (SG 6 not-edge version) for myself on Saturday, and shackle myself to my operator for 36 months, but that’s okay, I can’t change my operator anyway, I live in a bizarro spot where they are the only one with any decent signal and they’ve been okay, with nationwide 4G access.

Downsides: approaching darkness is messing up my internal balance, including medication. Could someone post some weird-awesome-funny cats/other animals to cheer me up? Just animals being downright bizarre and funny.

Monzach
Monzach
6 years ago

I love these threads on WHTM. ^_^

It’s so nice to read about things other people are achieving and feeling a sort of second hand pride. I hope that doesn’t come off as too creepy, though now that I’ve said that, I’m sure it does. o.O

In personal news, I’ve noticed that my routine of going on a daily walk is doing good things to my mental and physical well-being. I think that my weight is, if not actually going down, at least staying stable. I’m by no means obese, just a little overweight, but seeing as I’m in my 30s already I want to keep careful tabs on these things. In slightly less positive news, I’m also noticing that my social life is pretty damn non-existent. It’s mainly to do with the fact that I’m painfully shy and have social anxiety issues out the wazoo, so I guess that might just come with the territory. I’ve also had to stop going to a couple of websites I used to frequent due to the fact that there were some problems with other users on there. Nothing too major, but I felt that it was best if I took some time off from them, and maybe go check how things are going in a couple of months’ time.

Anywho…that’s my situation pretty much covered. Now back to lurkity-lurking. 🙂

skiriki
6 years ago

@Paradoxical Intention: LOL! Awwwww, that tablet-holder in the end is superdupercute 😀

A.A. Wils
6 years ago

Thanks, EJ (the other one). We’re glad to get it done, and our research showed some very exciting results that might help contribute to the knowledge base in our field.

Beauty part is, our program director, assistant director, and our co-chair all really won’t understand much of what we’re talking about, since our research was down to the cellular/biochemical level. At least our chair gets it, but she was there for the entire process, and she won’t ask too many pointed questions. She even helped us with her stats (love her for that!). In other words, we’ll be the “experts” on what we’re talking about–which means the questions the rest of the attendees will have will most likely not be too in depth. The usual stuff: can you explain to me again what you were talking about on slide 42 (cultural reference, there)? Why did you use ANOVA with a Tukey?

I hope my husband will have the day off so he can be there. He’s been so incredibly supportive during this “tour of duty.” I mean, doing my laundry for me, bringing me my dinner while my nose has been in a textbook, helping the kids with their homework even after he just got home from a full workday, even taking my car to top off the gas. And he’s listened to me pontificate on this research endlessly over the past year and a half. He’s my best friend. This is what a feminist relationship looks like. We have each others’ backs.

Okay, I guess my tolerance for alcohol has decreased since I went on a bit of diet. One glass of red wine and I’m getting all maudlin.

LiliVonSchtup
LiliVonSchtup
6 years ago

All things considered, this was a pretty fun summer for me. 🙂 We had a few great road trips, we went up to Lake Erie a bunch of times, I saw bald eagles for the first time!!! and the highlight was going to Chincoteague Island for a week. It was absolutely beautiful and I highly recommend going if you can. Assateague National Seashore is just across the channel with miles and miles of undeveloped beaches. The mosquitos were downright scary, though.

The downside of the summer was having to spend a few days in the hospital. (I have type 1 bipolar disorder). It sucked because I’ve been relatively stable for 2 years, but I guess I’m proud of myself for having the clarity of mind to just go before things got out of control. Yay progress. 🙂

WeSingSillySongs
WeSingSillySongs
6 years ago

So, I think I have maybe commented once before, but it was a long time ago and I really don’t remember the name I used. Also, I mostly just said hi, so I doubt anyone would remember.

I really wanted to say two things:

1) Hi everyone! Y’all are awesome! It always makes me feel better to “listen” to the comments here – people are kind and insightful and your voices can remind me that a shitty day isn’t representative of all the days. So, thank you! **waves!!**

2) @Monzach, I totally understand where you are coming from with the shyness and anxiety. It sucks, because I am happy generally like people. I’m just, you know, terrified of them. It’s a problem! But its nice to know I’m not the only one. (Shy people of the world unite! 😉 If only… )

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi from lurkerville!

-SillySongs

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Flu solidarity! I had a bug over the holiday weekend and it kicked my ass. I was ill all of Labor Day weekend and got better just in time to go back to work. I’m looking forward to finally recovering this weekend.

I had a highly uncharacteristic melt down and had to leave work early yesterday. My energy levels were sapped, I just started my period so I was all hormonal, and I’ve had a terrible week at work. I just started crying and couldn’t get my shit together. Very embarrassing. I can usually hide my emotions pretty well.

raysa
raysa
6 years ago

I just wanted to say a “thanks” to all the posters here.

I have lurked for a while, and I have been posting a bit lately, and appreciate the kindness and patience while I figure out WordPress.

To everyone that posted in the “slut face” thread, THANKS. My father in law is a drug addict and we have had a rough 7 days. My husband heard me laughing at the comments on that thread, and he requested that I share it with him. I’m laughing just thinking about it. Any comment about chuck Norris just made him howl, especially the one about having sex with Chuck was like neo at the end of the matrix.

My favorite was “dude, do you even science.”

I didn’t realize that we haven’t laughed in a week. I love this place.

And thanks, David futrelle. And thanks to your cats.

And there should be more dog pics. And pigs.

Anon
Anon
6 years ago

Don’t know if you noticed this, but the suspect is 20 years old, frequented IRC and 8chan, and according to the article made at least one anti-SJW post under his real name:

‘Terrorist’ Troll Pretended to Be ISIS, White Supremacist, and Jewish Lawyer
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/09/11/terrorist-troll-pretended-to-be-isis-white-supremacist-and-jewish-lawyer.html

The criminal complaint is interesting too, but the Daily Beast article seems to have more about non-criminal online activity.
http://www.justice.gov/usao-mdfl/file/769491/download

John Pavlich (@johnpavlich)

Despite my Mother having passed away at the end of May, I’ve only just been battling depression since a month ago. Fatigue and erratic sleeping schedules abound, wherein I often find it very difficult to get out of bed, most days. My apologies if it’s inappropriate to leave this here but I’m desperate. Please give, if you can: http://www.gofundme.com/jti3w0

Verily Baroque
Verily Baroque
6 years ago

@sunnysombrera

Early congratulations on being able to pay off significant amount of your debt! Having no idea when your pay day is, I thought it better to offer the congratulations beforehand. It’s also great that you like the job, even if you are getting bored with it. 🙁 I wish I could offer some advise on how to un-bore the job, but alas, I can’t think of anything useful. Best of luck anyway, you’ll survive. 🙂

Verily Baroque
Verily Baroque
6 years ago

@Monzach

Wow, respect for your determination on going for a walk every day. That takes s lot of self-discipline! Your ability to maintain that habit for a longer period of time says a lot about your character and pretty much deserves an applause in my opinion.

Moocow
Moocow
6 years ago

@sunnysombrera

I know exactly how you feel! I was in the same situation as you about a year and a half ago when I moved to cali and had to make friends all over again. It’s discouraging when people flake or when when nobody is reaching out to you. :/

From my experience, what helped me get a genuine friend group was finding a hobby (for me it was Magic the gathering). Basically meet enough people and it will happen eventually. It’s tough though, especially when you invest in certain connections that just don’t work out (I had that happen :/) and it’s hard when you have no group to go back to. Hugs if you want them and I hope you find some good friends!

marinerachel
marinerachel
6 years ago

That’s a beautiful picture.

katz
katz
6 years ago

comment image

sunnysombrera
6 years ago

Thanks for the responses and advice/well wishes. Also, welcome Deon! Apologies for not noticing your comment sooner. I’m glad you found this site and others like it enlightening, and thanks for not brushing it off so readily like other MRAs/”egalitarians” do. Help yourself to the welcome package on the right (unless you’ve read it already lol).

katz
katz
6 years ago

The welcome package can be found here, and all new people should help themselves.

sunnysombrera
6 years ago

@Verily
Awww you’re so nice. The debt in question is really a £1250 overdraft, and I’ve just been paid yesterday so in four weeks time I’ll be out of that overdraft for good. Technically I’m out of it now, by about £100, but after monthly expenses I’ll be back in but then after next payday I’ll be far enough out so that monthly expenses don’t even scratch it. Yay!

Bananananana dakry
Bananananana dakry
6 years ago

@WWTH

I don’t wanna say I’m glad I’m not alone, but I’m glad someone is feeling me on this flu crap. Tuesday and Wednesday sucked hard.

And I’m sorry to hear about the hormonal fluctuations; they suck hard. As in ‘singularity’.

I’d have spin the wheel of fortune as to what shit would affect me on a particular month (bloating, aching, weirdass cravings, or massive mood swings or for REAL fun all at once!) and the actual period itself would be a relief. I remember having a hideous PMS-related meltdown one time years ago which fucked with my employability as a temp worker. I wish I didn’t.

Add depression into the mix and well… yeah. You feel like you lose your fucking MIND. I…yeah. I understand what it’s like to have the feeling of a small rational part of your mind knowing that something is wrong with how you’re seeing things, but you’re in a brain that’s doing it’s version ‘Wolf Creek Pass’ and it doesn’t give a shit about the rest of you.

Fucking hormones. Fucking neurotransmitters.

Thank god for Effexor; it’s helped so much with my dysthymic disorder, ability to focus, and my general anxiety disorder it’s not funny. It’s like night and day at work now compared to before.

I didn’t mean to ramble on like this or hijack your bad experience, but judging from what I’ve seen while lurking here it’s such a relief to know people care and don’t minimize the brain monsters.

mola the ocean sunfish
mola the ocean sunfish
6 years ago

I’m in need of some Feminist Advice and Support. Or rather, a friend is, and I’m having difficulties figuring out how to give it to her.

She got played by an unethical player dude. She fell hard for him and can’t seem to get over it.

We talked about it as it happened. I warned her about the practically nonexistent odds of a casual thing developing into the kind of relationship she wanted, especially if she wasn’t going to talk to the guy about it. She acknowledged this, but said she wanted to have at least the casual thing, regardless of where it would go from there. So she went on and had a casual thing without telling the guy she wanted more, and ended up not getting more.

Now she’s obsessed with the guy, and seems particularly hung on up the idea of revenge. I feel very uncomfortable about discussing the topic with her at this point. Because of the whole “I told you so” aspect I’m struggling to not perceive the situation simply in terms of her having done this to herself. I’m usually better about context, the unfairness of the environment in which women are making their choices, and the deliberately induced confusion and deliberately spread lies that normalise and uphold patriarchy. But right now I’m frustrated and not in a place to do my best thinking.

My friend’s not very feminist, and lacking feminist concepts to make sense of things, she mostly accepts patriarchy as the natural way things are, although she seems to have an instinctive feeling that something is wrong. That is probably where some of her anger is coming from.

I’ve told her there’s not really anything she can do to get back at him without crossing over to the kind of behavior she should want to avoid first and foremost for her own sake, and that she should let it go and move on. I haven’t gotten through to her, and I don’t blame her. This advice does lack any way for her to feel better about the situation, and therefore fails to address what to her is the central issue.

I’m having trouble even coming up with a clear question here, and hoping some of you can read between the lines and answer the question I can’t put into words. Basically, I don’t know what to tell her. The whole thing is fucked up.

Kat
Kat
6 years ago

Sending good wishes to everyone who is–temporarily–in a negative space.

And sending good wishes to those who have the world on a string.

Autosoma, you were sleeping in doorways at night? And working at your new job during the day? Wow. I’m sorry to hear that you hate your job and your new city. I hope that things improve. I see people sleeping in doorways all the time, and it seems really hard. So yay that you & your family have a roof over your heads.

I loved the cat who says, “Someone is stealing my poop.” We have a cat with three legs who sometimes misses the box. I guess it’s just harder to maneuver with one leg gone. She was nervous for a long time about her accidents. So we just tell her that we love her art–it’s bold! It’s daring! Yes, it’s outside the box! She seems to feel more secure now.

Kat
Kat
6 years ago

@mola the ocean sunfish

I’ve told her there’s not really anything she can do to get back at him without crossing over to the kind of behavior she should want to avoid first and foremost for her own sake, and that she should let it go and move on.

That’s good advice.

Also, why should she give him the ego boost of letting him know that she cares enough to take revenge on him? (I’m actually serious here.) The best revenge is ignoring this jerk.

Also, meeting new guys will take her mind off him. It doesn’t matter if none of them work out. It will give her something different–and possibly something hilarious–to think about.

Ellesar
Ellesar
6 years ago

mola – what you say about your friend not having a feminist framework to work this through with makes sense to me re her vengeful feelings – in my experience non feminist women can be the most negative about men when things go wrong.

But I think here really it is all about managing expectations. When we are young we are usually really crappy at this. It doesn’t sound like this man did anything wrong – you describe him as an unethical player, but unless he made a load of promises of a future together he doesn’t sound unethical. He may not be a NICE guy, but that is different.

I think all you can do is try to get her off the revenge idea. That could go very badly and if you want to be a good friend to her I think prioritising that is the best thing you can do. Beyond that she has to deal with this herself – I was in her situation a few times a LONG time ago, and it is very hard to let go even when the other person is no longer interested.

Ellesar
Ellesar
6 years ago

My personal stuff: funnily enough last personal thread I was going into hospital for major surgery, and this time I am doing exactly the same thing! Trouble is, it is for the same surgery as the last one was cancelled. This has happened twice. Last time I was in gown and stupid stockings before it was cancelled. THIS time it should happen. The surgeons and anaesthetist are fine, it is the aftercare that was buggered.

Also, darling firstborn came back from a months holiday 2 weeks early as a combination of incredibly long train journey’s, a bad cold, and running out of money were doing him in. The resultant debt on me is a months money for all 3 of us! So he has to get work asap or we are in severe financial straits. I will probably have to call on savings – my long dead grandparents are the ones to thanks there!

Monzach
Monzach
6 years ago

*pokes head over the parapet of the Lurktown city walls*

Hi again! And thanks for all the nice things. ^_^

And indeed, shy people of the world should unite…though maybe not too often, or too closely together? ô.Ô

mola the ocean sunfish
mola the ocean sunfish
6 years ago

@ Ellesar

I do think it’s a moral failure on his part to take advantage of the cultural atmosphere that privileges people (especially men) who want casual sex over people (especially women) who want a ltr. He should have communicated better and told her what he was looking for. He had a moral responsibility to make sure they were on the same page. Instead he was perfectly happy to let her assume whatever she would. These people know that not being forthright benefits them. They know starting the conversation is much harder for the person who wants more. They know once there’s feelings involved, it’s hard for the other person to not get carried away with hopeful thinking.

This isn’t among the worst things people do to each other, but I’d say it’s definitely unethical and worse than just not being nice.

I hope the talk of revenge is more of a fantasy than something she intends to go through with. But even if it is, obsessing over it doesn’t help her move on.

And thanks, I needed to be reminded that she is an adult and that this isn’t, strictly speaking, my problem. I have a tendency to be protective to the point of being patronizing sometimes.

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