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Why the Ask The Red Pill subreddit is such a pathetic parade of insecurity and awfullness

Seriously, guys, just stop.
Seriously, guys, just stop.

The Ask the Red Pill subreddit (r/AskTRP) is an odd little creature. While the main Red Pill subreddit is an arena filled to overflowing with comically swaggering self-proclaimed alpha dogs, all competing to out-alpha one another, AskTRP is an endless parade of insecurities.

Ostensibly a place where uncertain Red Pill newbies can turn for advice and worldly wisdom from experienced “alphas,” the subreddit is really an object lesson in the many ways “red pill” thinking can fuck up your life and your relationships. The questions being asked are cringeworthy; the answers only a little less so.

One hapless would-be alpha wonders what to do about his girlfriend … walking in front of him.

Still very knew to TRP. Im not exactly sure how to respond to this. If its a shit test or a symptom of failing many shit tests all together. Anyways, whenever we walk (which we do often, bring dog to park, around the hood, whatever) she tries to walk a half step in front of me.

The horror!

Last time we were walking back the 3 blocks from the market and I was in front she kept speeding up. So I would speed up, the pace got absolutely laughable. How would you deal with this, lets say walking through the park and she keeps jumping out front?

Instead of shaking this “knew” Red Piller and telling him to chill the fuck out because who fucking cares, you could just ask her to slow down a little jesus christ what the fuck is your fucking problem, the regulars offer an assortment of Red Pill clichés seemingly designed to heighten his insecurities and turn his girlfriend’s walking habits into some sort of contest.

Then you set the pace. Slow down and let her ass walk away.

To me this is a chance to play dumb games with her if that’s what she wants to do. Make stops when you want, change directions, go your own way and make her follow your lead.

When in doubt, act like a petulant teenager who’s never been in a relationship before.

Another newbie wonders what to do now that he’s no longer the buffest dude in his church group. No, really.

So long story short ive been going to church and most guys dont lift there or arent in very athletic shape, but today we got a new guy and when he went up to take the podium i felt sort of amogged (biceps wise).

AMOG= Alpha Male of the Group. The dude was out-alphaing him with his giant biceps.

Dude was in a shirt showing off his building like frame and it got to me. My pride took a hit because i could literally feel the temperature rising as the women and men stared in awe of his Sylvester stalone like stature. 

I dunno, ask him out, maybe?

How do i deal with no longer being the one with the most impressive biceps? Can i supplement it with other things? For example, im 3 years older than the dude and i have good game, more knowledge about women’s nature than he does, so do you think its not the end of the world no longer being the most ‘alpha’ looking of the group?

And a would-be alpha teeters on the edge of self-awareness.

I am starting my bulk next week because i realized im not as big as i could be.

… and plunges back into insecurity.

And no, im not insecure im just curious about how to stand out as alpha amongst someone twice your size. The girls were giving me the googly eyes before and id like to keep it that way. I must stay AMOG .

Dude, get a grip on yourself.

In this case, the advice is much less cringey than the question. Sure, there’s one guy who tells him he absolutely needs to get bigger and buffer than his new rival, and another who sniffs that “‘going to church’ is kinda beta in my books,” but a few others tell him to, you know, not get so fixated on the size of another dude’s biceps, because that way endless insecurity lies.

there’s always going to be somebody bigger and better at something than you are. you should work on not letting it effect you more than you should work on getting bigger than the bigger guy or smarter than the smarter guy.

Elsewhere in the subreddit, another would-be alpha is stunned to discover that, contrary to a lot of Red Pill “teachings,” acting like a serial killer doesn’t always inspire adoration from the ladies. After snapchatting flirtatiously with a new prospect, he reports,

she tells me I scare her. I ask how do I scare her and she says she gets dark vibes from me. One of my public snapchat stories was a demonic doodle for shits, gigs, and boredom. I tell her she’s not wrong (I told her in an earlier convo that I’m an asshole) and that she gives off soft sensual vibes.

That’s a first for me to be told I’m scary. I’m not overly concerned but I was surprised that the whole dark thing took a turn that made her stop engaging with me. I thought it was like catnip.

So, so close to self-awareness.

The regulars aren’t much help. “Amused mastery,” advises one. Take her for a ride on your motorcycle, advises another. Still another suggests what he apparently thinks is “humor.”

[Agree] & [Amplify] with a sexual twist. “Yeah I get that a lot cuz I make the ladies scream” gotta be witty man especially when texting / snapping sexual stuff.

Another notes that real serial killer types don’t actually try to come across as serial killer types.

Dark triad isn’t attractive as such imo; there’s an overlap between alpha traits and dark triad traits, sure, and that is what the girls want while the rest is a turn off. Actual psychopaths wear a facade and don’t show their true colors when they want to manipulate people; there’s a reason for that.

WWTBD: What Would Ted Bundy Do?

In another thread, an aspiring alpha wonders if it might be a good idea to read something other than The Red Pill subreddit or self-help books.

So I woke up today and I work through tasks for like 4 hours, rest, go to the gym, watch a movie (going through the IMBD top 100 so I catch up with pop culture so I can entertain a conversation with a boring girl sometimes),

Wat.

then right back to cleaning room / washing clothes. I was thinking about getting a fiction book from this list:

He links to a rather unimaginative list of old-school literary classics that he found on a forum devoted to fitness.

But then I thought… “What would Red pill do in my position”. I could be meditating or continuing to read through Book of Pook or these other books but I feel like I should also be giving myself time when I don’t work. How valid is that? Lastly… fiction, or no fiction?

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?

I’m not going to bother with the answers here; suffice it to say that they’re a bit less cringey than the questions.

But it’s striking how many of these would-be alphas sound like the most insecure dudes on planet earth.

I mean, sure, everyone deals with insecurity. And there are few people more insecure than those who, like a lot of these guys, are starting to date for the first time. But fucking hell, man,

The problem isn’t just that “Red Pill” wisdom is turning them into assholes. The Red Pill is quite obviously amplifying their anxieties as well. It’s hard enough to introduce yourself to someone you’re attracted to, but it’s a lot harder if you’re also obsessing about being the Alpha Male of the Group.

Seriously, guys. Chill out. Trying to banish your insecurities by becoming the buffest dude in the church group — or the smoothest Game-spitter at the club — isn’t going to work.

The Red Pill won’t get rid of your insecurities; it will only encourage you to overcompensate for them with misogynistic macho bluster. You won’t emerge from your Red Pill training a happy, secure man who’s a natural with women; you’ll end up an embittered asshole preening and posturing on The Red Pill subreddit. And that’s the BEST CASE SCENARIO.

Fuck that. Be who you are. Read whatever books you want. Stop freaking out that your girlfriend walks a couple of paces ahead of you. Banish the word “alpha” from your life. Move the fuck on.

 

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NickNameNick
NickNameNick
9 years ago

The guy obsessing over other guys’ biceps in a church group sounds like it could’ve easily been Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – it only needed homophobia and psychological projection…

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
9 years ago

To RedPill:
http://thegiflibrary.tumblr.com/post/17350086816

Re: Sins
It’s ok to be confident/high self-esteem but dont let it turn into narcissism, don’t try to compete with everyone or think you are so awesome that the world owes you and give you everything that’s called Pride. That’s the very first sin that came upon the world before Adam and Eve disobeyed God. Sloth is about not working or not improving yourself mentally or physically.

cupisnique
9 years ago

“Dear WHTM, my cat always walks in front of me, especially when I’m carrying an overflowing laundry basket or colander of boiling hot pasta. How can I maintain frame?”

This had me giggling hysterically

On the subject of walking, my ex bf used to drive me bananas when we walked together because I like charging through a crowd and if he’s in front of me he would walk slower because he’d be constantly checking over his shoulder to make sure I was still behind him. I get that the alternative is worse but maaaaaaaaan being stuck behind someone walking slower than you annoys me a lot and the fact that he didn’t need to be doing that just made me like akjhfaghfafgjfgkfjgf.

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
9 years ago

Unlike the guy who’s way too worried about people walking in front of him, I’m more worried about slowing other people down. ‘Cause, y’know, I try to be considerate human being and not make it all about me…

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
9 years ago

@bekabot:

You made my morning. Thanks very much.

leftwingfox
9 years ago

I am starting my bulk next week because i realized im not as big as i could be.

This guy needs Dave’s Insertable Carcinomash Protein Supplements.

leftwingfox
9 years ago

Update: Do not use Dave’s Insertable Protein Carcinomash Protein Supplements.

brian
brian
9 years ago

“The IMDB top 250 is somewhat middle-aged dude slanted, I doubt a lot of young women think Shawshank Redemption is the greatest movie of all time.” -brooked

Eh, I dunno. I only ever watched Shawshank because my girlfriend (at the time) insisted I see it. Granted that was like 10 years ago, but we were both in our early 20s at the time.

Which leads me into some related personal notes… hopefully this stuff isn’t TMI for comments on this blog. I haven’t had a romantic or sexual relationship since that one. for about the last half of that 10 years it’s been (at least partially) because I decided I shouldn’t even TRY to get into a relationship until I work more of my own shit out. And I am currently seeing a therapist and on prescription anti-depressants. Why is this related? Because even given all that, I feel pretty confident in saying that I’m leading a more personally fulfilling life than that guy who is seems to pursue no action or activity unless he thinks it will increase his chances of sticking his dick into some woman, regardless of whether he actually likes her. what a seriously SAD way to live your life.

Robjec
Robjec
9 years ago

Is it bad that my first thought when reading he was mad his gf walks in front of him is “well I guess someone isn’t a butt man” :p

Robjec
Robjec
9 years ago

@brian
it’s OK to share things here. And don’t worry about it, do what makes you happy. It is better to go slow then push yourself 🙂

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
9 years ago

@brian:

That’s a very smart and compassionate decision on your part and I commend you for it. In my experience if one dates while in a bad place emotionally, then the sort of people one meets and attracts are probably not going to be helpful in moving you on to a healthier place. Best of luck with the onward journey.

Kootiepatra
9 years ago

I have a new coping strategy for TRP nonsense. Every time I see someone unironically refer to being “alpha”, I simply mentally insert this gif of “Toopliss” going “alpa”. It helps.

http://38.media.tumblr.com/96e0dbd1750311743089503fb65c8ecc/tumblr_ne8cnwIlRO1sxdkkho2_500.gif

danieleharper
9 years ago

Ironically, David’s last paragraph above is probably the best summation of how to be truly “alpha” imaginable.

On the book thread listed above a commenter mentions Ursula K. LeGuin as one of his favorite authors. That level of cognitive dissonance is truly impressive.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
9 years ago

@Kootie

OH GOD THAT IS ADORABLE. *CUTESPLOSION*

CC
CC
9 years ago

I wonder if these Red Pillers even realize they emanate so much petty obsession and insecurity that it can be felt the moment they enter a room. Big muscles aren’t that attractive to young women as they think, and I have no idea where that myth came from and why it prevails in spite of pop culture consistently proving the theory wrong; i.e. Justin Bieber, PewDiePie, Robert Pattinson -in fact the whole Top 100 most popular men young women find attractive are not overly muscled at all. Besides, huge, bulging muscles don’t mean physical strength or stamina…and they can ask a doctor about that one or check out a rock climber sometime at the gym.

“I ask how do I scare her and she says she gets dark vibes from me,” says one Red Piller.

Yeah, because women are hard-wired to red flag people, especially men, who try to hide their deep insecurities beneath muscles, arrogance and insensitivity. Frankly, those three are a creepy combination. Women and men, by and large, perceive tguys like this as being a potential threat…because they are. The threat isn’t always physical but 9 times out of 10 these are the guys who will throw a temper tantrum if they don’t get their way, alienate everyone in a social situation for the smallest slight and most likely be the most needy, narcissistic friend and/or the most selfish partner you’ll ever have. Even their boss doesn’t like them. They are the epitome of “perpetual unhappiness” and “discontent”.

amavra
9 years ago

I know its probably “beta” but maybe what these guys really need is a cat. Cats love “game.”
http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2015/08/07/why_are_cats_attracted_to_people_who_don_t_like_them.html

“Once the cat has decided you are worthy, you can move to the next step: the full-stop pet. To do this, stroke the cat from the top of its head all the way off the tail. As you reach the end, gently cup your hand around the tail and continue the stroke as if the tail was 3 or 4 inches longer than it is. Do this just once. The cat will expect you to start another stroke at its head—but you don’t. This unmet anticipation gets into the cat, like a repeating song lyric, and it will all but demand you pet it again. After a few minutes, you can do so, maybe even two or three times. The goal is to interrupt the petting when the cat expects more. Dirty pool—but very effective.”

It is both highly amusing and disturbing the similarities between their “dating” advice and steps to neg your cat into liking you. And even cats aren’t all the same and will react to this advice the same way. Good grief.

Alan Robertshaw
9 years ago

@CC

Big muscles aren’t that attractive to young women as they think

One of the ‘men have it just as bad as women; but no-one cares’ argument that our MRA friends trot out is the steroid abuse vs eating disorder attempted comparison. The point you raise is of course the major rebuttal to that.

I do wonder where the pressure to ‘bulk up’ comes from. As you say, it doesn’t appear that it’s women who want this in men. Obviously this is just anecdotal, but I don’t know any women who fund ‘juiced up’ guys anything but a turn off. That’s not just the attitude thing, but physically.

This includes all the women I know who do care about physical fitness (ironically, a lot of them ‘lift’). They’re happy to concede that they prefer men who take some care of themselves, so flat stomachs over beer bellies; but they’re not even particularly into the ‘ripped abs’ thing. Possibly because they know enough about fitness to realise that’s pretty much just something you achieve through short term dieting and dehydration (Abs are 75% kitchen and 25% gym, as they put it).

It’s almost axiomatic that body builder types are in dreadful condition, especially during competition. They’re practically at death’s door at that stage. And whilst the ability to do a few reps at large weight is part of bulking up, such people lack almost any functional strength whatsoever.

So where does the pressure come from? Well, our church going example in the original post explains it; men do it to compete with, and gain the approval of, other men.

mrex
mrex
9 years ago

My mom always, always used to complain about my father and I walking in front of her. Thing is, she wasn’t just shorter than us, she had short legs for her height as well. Walking with her consisted of walking a third of my usual speed with her little legs practically running to keep up. I would end up forgetting myself and walking normally, only to stop and wait for her to catch up. By the end of her life we had had enough arguments that she let it go. We’ll that, and I got much better at a very slow, meandering walk.

Of course, knowing these guys, the girl may actually be making a power play. The result of making everything about power is that literally everything in the relationship, by necessity, becomes some stupid power struggle. If only these guys could realize that it’s possible to *share* power in a relationship, rather than having everything be a “power-over” situation. But sharing power with a woman? Now that’s crazy beta talk. 9_9

mrex
mrex
9 years ago

@amavra

“It is both highly amusing and disturbing the similarities between their “dating” advice and steps to neg your cat into liking you. And even cats aren’t all the same and will react to this advice the same way. Good grief.”

I’m absolutely certain that 90% of cats will respond to this advice by starting to lock themselves and then going on with their day. Seriously, I thought that anyone that has had any experience with cats realized that patting is something of a guilty pleasure for cats, and that any pause in patting, even for a second, results in desperate, desperate attempts to remove all the human cooties from the fur.

Of course, maybe that part seems familiar to TRPERS because woman constantly react to these men’s touches as if they were being infected with the cootie plague by their touch, and TRP believes that getting *any* reaction from a woman means “she likes me!” 9_9

mrex
mrex
9 years ago

* I’m absolutely certain that 90% of cats will respond to this advice by starting to lick themselves

&

* desperate, desperate attempts to remove all the human cooties from their fur.

Damn phone. 9_9

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
9 years ago

I’m absolutely certain that 90% of cats will respond to this advice by starting to lick themselves and then going on with their day.

As somebody who was just cuddling their cat then stopped for a few seconds to reply to the new post, I can confirm this 100%.

weirwoodtreehugger
9 years ago

Dracarys loves being petted, scratched, picked up, snuggled, and I kissed. But every time I do so, she has to bathe her entire body, even parts I didn’t touch afterwards. It’s hilarious. Sometimes, just to mess with her I pet a spot she just washed. Darrow doesn’t do that though. He mostly bathes after eating.

booburry
9 years ago

I feel dumber having thought about this walking scenario for more time than it took to read it. I’m curious where the couple is walking because sometimes I do speed up or slow down if I don’t think its appropriate for us to take up that much room walking side by side. Or it could just be a weird habit. I mean, damn, I have anxiety problems such that I was agoraphobic and did not leave my house for 4 years as a teen – and even I don’t have this level of worry about uneventful social interactions. If these guys weren’t huge misogynists I would feel quite bad for them and their massive insecurities.

katz
katz
9 years ago

Dracarys loves being petted, scratched, picked up, snuggled, and I kissed. But every time I do so, she has to bathe her entire body, even parts I didn’t touch afterwards.

I know a human who’s just like that: She loves to come over to pet and cuddle our kitties, but afterwards, she takes our lint roller and spends five minutes decontaminating herself like she’s going into a cleanroom.

Rivendellyan
Rivendellyan
9 years ago

The linguistics these groups develop is so interesting. This isn’t the only case, of course, any group sufficiently cohesive develops their own vocabulary over time, but I just find this one so full of… irony? Alphirony? Dunno. Point is, it’s fascinating as much as it is disturbing. There should be more studies about this.