So Men’s Rights creeper Sage Gerard (aka Victor Zen) has decided to fight against the alleged epidemic of false rape accusations by giving out and/or selling condoms with really stupid slogans on them.
He recently popped up in the Men’s Rights subreddit to publicize his campaign and to ask for advice on which of six stupid slogans he should use. You can see them all in the graphic above. Yes, those are his real slogans.
I sort of think that we here at WHTM can do better. Feel free to suggest improved slogans below. Or make your own graphics!
Here’s one I came up with:
H/T — r/againstmensrights
It may be devoid of meaning, but I actually like the way ‘read legal etchings below you knead kegel stretchings’ rolls off the tongue. It’s like a little gem of nonsense verse. A rose growing in a midden, if you will.
Reading these over, I’m reminded of this. Ideologues suck at being clever.
http://rationalwiki.org/w/images/b/b3/Mallard_Fillmore_parody.jpg
Oh, and here’s my contribution:
DANGER: PROTECT YOUR PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS
Oh man, Mallard Fillmore. Making the rest of the comic page look funny by comparison. And does anyone else remember Fox New’s hilariously inept attempt to rip off The Daily Show?
Red skies at night, sailor’s delight.
Read legal etchings, knead Kegel stretchings.
It sounds like folk wisdom from the Old Farmer’s Almanac.
Film her consent, OK to get bent.
Forget to record yes, Huge legal mess.
Liquid gold in her tank, Less cash in your bank.
Protect your schlong/From women’s wrongs. Burma Shave.
That last one sounds like he just took random words that sound like something have to do with sex and threw them together. WTF is a ‘kegel stretching’ and what exactly is involved in ‘kneading’ them?
Buttercup Q. Skullpants,
Thank you for the giggles. (I read your comment entirely in Helium’s voice. Buuurma Shaaaave…)
@Olive O’Sudden – I don’t know, but kneading stretchings sounds like something a cat would do.
Maybe Sage Gerard thinks you’re supposed to let women rise for a few hours in a warm place?
@katz – Ugh, Mallard Fillmore. Every strip followed the same formula:
Panel 1 – liberal strawman
Panel 2 – different liberal strawman
Panel 3 – unfunny Barbara Streisand joke
Panel 4 – (duck breaking fourth wall) “Fucking liberals!”
It was ironic that Bruce Tinsley got busted for public drunkenness and then again for DUI, considering how much mileage he got out of bashing Ted Kennedy for Chappaquiddick.
Brilliant.
Hee! “Who’s hot tonight? Strindberg’s hot tonight!”
That would be another good condom wrapper.
Also, regarding the WTFery of ‘kegel stretchings’ – it’s just so weird. I mean, I might be wrong, but as far as I know kegel exercises are kinda the opposite of stretching, in that they are meant to keep the pelvic muscles tighter.
And are ‘legal etchings’ an actual thing? Like, that you can read? Because ‘etchings’ makes me think of drawings. Maybe like those courtroom drawings from where you can’t take pictures of proceedings? Which you can’t exactly read, and won’t help you in… *sigh* kneading stuff, so yeah, makes no sense.
Read a rhyming dictionary / before making yourself look like an idiot.
(Shut up, it’s free verse!)
@Penny – I think he heard “exercise” and just assumed it was some sort of tantric yoga thing that women do to please men (although manospherians notoriously have a horror of loose ladybits, so that makes even less sense). Do you even Kegel lift, bro?
I believe legal etchings are contracts drawn up on an Etch-A-Sketch.
That would give ‘shake what your mama gave ya’ a whole new meaning.
…Actually, that’s kinda nonsensical too, sorry. I just got consumed by the idea of shaking Etch-a-Sketches.
ljy2008: I think the image embedder here doesn’t like the https protocol. Try changing the url to http: [whatever] and see if that works.
Bina:
So maybe this is about him trying to get rid of his big stock of expired condoms?
delphi_ote: “Mandrake, deny her your essence!”
“record consent”
Just wow, imagine that, some MRA or whatever is about to ask if they can bang some chick, but first, gotta pull out the camera and record it, that sounds like something out of movie.
I wonder if anyone actually did that?
@spacelawn – Even creepier, I wonder if they have the woman read from a prepared script first. “I-hereby- freely-give-consent-and- waive-any-liability-and- agree-to-hold- harmless….” I’m sure it would sound every bit as convincing as a videotaped hostage confession.
It seems to me these slogans in and of themselves are an incredibly effective form of birth control, with a success rate comparable to pepper spray. They might as well not have any condoms inside. Just save expenses and print up squares of paper saying “FINE, I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU ANYWAY.”
SHE IS IN YOUR POWER
BUT THOSE GRAPES ARE SO SOUR
Maybe “record consent” isn’t about audio or video recording. Maybe you just have to sign a document: “Form 27B/6, Consent to Sexytimes”, with a separate page for each act.
Hang on – are these the same guys who think that getting explicit consent is a reductio of feminism because obtaining it is such a moooooooood killllerrrrrr…? Did they run this idea past JudgyB (oh of course n ot, that would be misandry)?
I guess Gerard really wants to promote this stuff on social media, and the physical condom campaign, if it ever even happens, is more of an excuse for that.
Or maybe he really plans to set up a stand on campus and reach new audiences, preaching false rape awareness to freshmen dudes. Then the wrappers would supposedly serve a purpose of comic touch.
@gondwanarama
Ooh! I hadn’t thought of that one. We could come up with a whole box of condoms with a JD Ripper theme!
@delphi_ote
Oh, do let’s.
“Knead kegel stretchings” sounds like what my midwife was doing to me during the birth of my daughter. And “legal etchings”? Etchings??? Laws regarding consent are not found etched on glass, but maybe for these guys, they should have something like that hanging in the bedroom as a reminder.